- The old lady and her dogs, of course.
- Ken correctly pronounces "Cathcart Towers Hotel". The shocked, delighted look on his face after he says it is priceless.
- Minutes before, when Archie is trying to calmly encourage Ken to spit it out but, due to time being of the essence, is getting increasingly frustrated until he finally just screams "Oh, come on!" And then sheepishly apologises and starts again.
- Otto: "Hi. I'm Harvey. Manfred-jin-sin-jin."
- And even more when Wendy repeats it: "My father was in the Secret Service, Mr. Manfred St. John-Smithson."
- Archie's wife makes the mistake of calling Otto stupid, prompting this reaction:
Otto: Don't call me stupid.
Wendy: Why on Earth not?
: Oh, you English are so
superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know what you would be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what!
So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me!
Wendy: Well, thank you for popping in and protecting us!
Otto: If it wasn't for us, you'd all be speaking German! Singing "Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles!
- Archie being caught naked in the apartment by the renting family, prancing around reciting Russian poetry. There is an extremely long silence that follows. He digs himself deeper by covering his privates with a portrait of the lady of the house.
- George's trial:
- I Wendy...I Wanda..I wonder...
Archie: Your brother, good and... Y-your brother? Are you sure it was your brother?
Judge: Mr Leach I'm sure Ms Gershwitz can recognise her own brother, after all she's had a relationship with him her whole life.
- Wanda lands an epic double-cross on George
Wanda: Because I looked at the clock. I remember looking at the clock and thinking, where could George be going with that sawn off shotgun?
Judge: Mr Leach, "Darling"?
Archie: Yes, dear?
George: YOU BITCH!!! You fucking bitch! (jumps from his booth, possessed by a homicidal rage)
- Archie riding on the back of Ken's motorcycle, sitting perfectly upright, still prim and proper in his barrister's suit.
- Boy, they whooped yer hide REAL GOOD.
- Will you leave immediately, please?
- Don't call me stupid!
Wanda: I was dealing with something delicate, Otto. I'm setting up a guy who's incredibly important to us, who's going to tell me where the loot is and if they're going to come and arrest you. And you come loping in like Rambo without a jockstrap and you dangle him out a fifth-floor window. Now, was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid?
Otto: Don't call me stupid.
Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
- Otto attacking the "burglar"
- And then apologizing for it.
- During his simulated burglary, there's a small moment when Archie pauses from stuffing things into his sack to smash a porcelain figurine and briefly raises his fist in triumph. You just know he's hated that thing for years and never said a word about it.
- Archie quickly gobbling the locket when he realizes he can feign being a victim of burglary is funny on its own.
- "I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him! He's mine!"
- You're going to kill her!
- You're the vulgarian, you fuck.
- It's K-k-k-ken, coming to k-k-k-kill me! How you gonna c-c-c-catch me, K-k-k-ken?
- Oh, I'm so very very ssssssss- FUCK YOU!
Wanda: Shut up and think. Where's he taken it?
(Otto shoots the safe)
Wanda: What the hell are you doing?
Otto: I'm THINKING!
- May I kiss you, Ken?
Otto: C'mon, just a peck! No tongue!
- "Touch his dick, and he's dead!"
- The Brick Joke for that line is hilarious, as Otto is so jealous he actually sneaks into the house, and right where only Wanda can see him, points at his crotch and gives a "NO!" gesture. The look on Wanda's face really sells it.
- Archie's "apology" to Otto.
Archie: All right, all right, I apologize.
Otto: You're really sorry?
Archie: I'm really really sorry. I apologize unreservedly.
Otto: You take it back?
Archie: I do. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.
- All this while he's hanging upside-down out a window.
- Otto pretending to be using the toilet. He sits on the throne with his pants and suspenders on, and then flushes it when Ken comes to check the situation.
- The entire scene of Otto torturing Ken by eating his fish. It may go into Crosses the Line Twice territory, but it's still funny.
- Otto and Wanda's sex scene.
- The entire sequence where Wendy almost catches Wanda seducing Archie. Especially his panicked shriek when Wendy closes the drinks cabinet door Wanda had been hiding behind one second earlier.
- Archie visits George in his cell:
George: Tell them pigs to fuck off!
Archie: (Turns to the cops) Fuck off, pigs.