Dr. Donna Burke: Just what the hell are you guys running here, a goddamn zoo? I'm in the middle of a fundraiser breakfast when I'm informed that your school psychologist has flipped out in the middle of your goddamn office. And, then I get here and find out that there has been a stabbing, and if that's not enough, one of your kids tries to eat one of your goddamn teachers. Mr. Rubell, what the hell do you call that?
Roger Rubell: Monday.
Teachers is a 1984 satirical dramedy film directed by Arthur Hiller.
It's a typical day at John F. Kennedy High School in Columbus, Ohio: Fights in the hallways, a stabbing, 10% of teachers failing to even show up, and lawyers in the office champing at the bit with depositions.
After the school psychologist experiences a mental breakdown, Alex Jurel (Nick Nolte) is handed the job and his first task is helping delinquent Eddie Pilikian (Ralph Macchio).
Among the supporting cast are Crispin Glover as Eddie's bullied best friend, Laura Dern as one of the popular students, Judd Hirsch as the assistant principal, Richard Mulligan as a psychiatric hospital inmate turned history teacher, Royal Dano as an English teacher who dozes through his own classes, Allen Garfield as a highly-strung teacher who is targeted for harassment by his students, Lee Grant as the school's superintendent, JoBeth Williams as an attorney representing a recent graduate who is suing the school for giving him a diploma even though he can't read, and Morgan Freeman (in an early film role) as a lawyer for the school.
Tropes seen in the film:
- Abusive Parents: Eddie Pilikian's father hits him.
- Actor Allusion: Gower dresses up as General George Custer for his lesson on the Battle of the Little Bighorn. Richard Mulligan had played Custer years earlier in Little Big Man.
- Adults Are Useless: Played for Drama: The ineptitude of the teachers in even keeping the kids safe, let alone imparting knowledge to them, is indicative of how terrible things are. It is school policy to let inept students pass, whether or not they can even read or write.
- Apathetic Teacher: "Ditto" most obviously, but nearly all the teachers at JFK High are this: even the ones who (sometimes) try, like Jurel and Rosenberg, are pushed around by the system. It is telling that when Gower points out to one of Eddie's teachers that she could easily tutor him, the woman defensively storms away from him.
- Axes at School:
- A kid gets stabbed, and nobody in the administration really bats an eye or offers the kid comfort and support.
- Danny brought a gun to school and points it at a police officer doing a drug bust. This ends with him getting blown away.
- Big Brother Instinct: Eddie Pilikian Towards Daniel Reese. Could be read as Eddie towards Diane, the student that was impregnated by a teacher.
- Blatant Lies: Jurel told the woman he slept with the previous night that he was an airline pilot. She discovers that Jurel is in fact a schoolteacher when he gets a call from the principal's office asking why he's once again failed to show up for work. Jurel pathetically tries to save face by saying that the class he teaches is on maintaining aircraft cabin pressure.
- Book Dumb: Eddie is behind on school, but he's actually crafty and good with cars.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: In spite of being an escaped psychiatric hospital inmate, Gower's unusual teaching style proves to be effective. He's one of the only teachers in the school whose students are engaged in learning. In Gower's final scene in the film, the students ask him questions about the Battle of the Little Bighorn and are genuinely dismayed when staff from the psychiatric hospital take him away.
- Butt-Monkey: Rosenberg is bitten by one of his students (Danny Reese) who later steals his car, has his teaching supplies pilfered, is treated with nothing but contempt by the school's administration, and is ostracized from his fellow teachers for telling the truth during the law suit hearings.
- Danny Reese himself qualifies – although he's a juvenile delinquent who likes to torment Rosenberg, he's mercilessly ridiculed and often beaten up by his classmates.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Gower is an escapee from an insane asylum (described as having "reality issues" by his psychiatrist) who lies about his identity and credentials to become one of the more well-liked and successful teachers in the school.
- Cool Teacher:
- Jurel is generally seen as one of the better teachers in the school.
- Gower knocks it out of the park by dressing up as numerous historical figures.
- Creepy Gym Coach: The high school gym teacher who has locker room sex with Diane and several other students, getting three of them pregnant.
- Crusading Lawyer: Lisa doesn't just want to help her client, but use the suit to reform the school after seeing how bad the kids have it. She's crushed when the student is willing to drop the suit in favor of a cash settlement.
- Deadpan Snarker: Alex Jurel's response to most people and situations is a sarcastic remark.
- Dean Bitterman: Vice Principal Rubell, who is resigned to the crappiness of his school and is happy to let his students slide through school rather than actually help them, while punishing anybody who tries to speak up or make things better.
- Death by Irony: One of the teacher's boasts about his class is the most orderly (read: because he doesn't actually teach, just sits quietly and makes his students do work books). The man dies because he is already so inert, none of his students notice him suffering a heart attack since he's already asleep.
- Disproportionate Retribution: The school psychologist throws a huge tantrum and squirts ink at a professor because she didn't get to use the mimeograph first.
- Distracted from Death: One of the teachers (nicknamed "Ditto" because the photocopier does most of the teaching for him) has such a structured and hands-off approach to his teaching that he dies seemingly reading a newspaper and at least 2 periods of classes come and go before anyone notices.
- Dramedy: The movie swings back and forth between a serious exploration of the school's ineptitude and oddly hilarious moments like a the school therapist throwing a fit or a mental patient being a teacher.
- Dr. Psych Patient: A delusional patient wanders into the school and is mistaken for the new American history instructor. He embraces the role and winds up teaching for most of the year, winning students' approval with his over-the-top costumed portrayals of historical figures.
- Extreme Doormat: Rosenberg is treated with utter contempt and disregard not only by his students but by the school administration, and usually does nothing about it. He does stand up to them a little at the end by refusing to tell lies to protect the administration, but this causes all the teachers (except Jurel) to avoid him.
- Fanservice:
- Alex is in bed with a woman when he's first called into the school. After he gets up we get a glimpse of her topless.
- Toward the end, Lisa goes out into the hall and strips naked while trying to convince Alex not to resign. It Makes Sense in Context.
- Felony Misdemeanor: The school would rather fire Jurel for bringing a girl to get an abortion rather than fire the teacher who got her pregnant in the first place.
- Gallows Humor: Many instances of this, especially the scenes of Ditto's death going unnoticed.
- It's All About Me: Rubell has this bad, caring more about his own image and selfish interests than actually ensuring his kids can succeed in life. When admonishing the gym teacher for sleeping with some of the girls, he's mainly upset about how this makes him look.
- Karma Houdini: Aside from being admonished by Rubell, the gym teacher isn't punished or fired for sleeping with (and impregnating) several of his students.
- Knight in Sour Armor: Jurel is a jaded, disinterested, and incredibly burnt out man. But unlike the other teachers, he still tries to help his students.
- Mood Whiplash: As a Dramedy, the film switches back and forth between satirical farce and scenes of personal tragedy.
- No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Rosenberg finally loses it and admits to Lisa that the school has a policy of forcing kids through the system, whether or not they actually can even read. This leads him to being ostracized and railroaded by the staff and administration.
- Only in It for the Money: Lisa is dismayed by the fact that her client, the kid who was given a diploma despite being illiterate, is willing to drop the suit for a cash payment.
- Psycho Psychologist: The school psychologist throws a huge tantrum because she didn't get to use the mimeograph first. She also carries a revolver in her briefcase.
- Rage Breaking Point: After all the abuse he'd endured, Rosenberg finally snaps at the subpoena and admits that he forcibly passed a bad student.
- Sucky School: A school full of juvenile delinquents and incompetent/corrupt teachers and staff. Among the highlights are students getting stabbed or shot, teachers fighting one another or refusing to work, teachers having sex with students, a student suing the school after he graduated despite being illiterate, and an escaped insane asylum inmate as a substitute teacher. It speaks volumes that the mental patient is actually the best choice possible.
- Technician Versus Performer: Gower becomes the performer to everyone else's technician. He is a mental patient with zero teaching background or experience, and yet he does a far better job at teaching history than any of the trained instructors since he actually engages with his students and makes the history fun and interactive with his impersonations of historical figures.
- Teacher/Student Romance: A pretty messed-up version of this considering we learn the gym teacher impregnated a teenager and it is swept under the rug to try to save face for the school.
- The Cynic: Alex Jurel, subverted when he has a moment of awesome in saving the school.
- Token Good Teammate: Jurel and (to a lesser) extent Rosenberg are the only teachers who give a damn about the well-being of the students.
- Trailers Always Spoil: The last 12 seconds of trailer footage feature Alex Jurel standing up against Vice Principal Roger Rubell and Dr. Donna Burke, which serves as the finale of the film.
- Troubled, but Cute: Eddie Pilikian.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Played for Drama: The fact that Rubell doesn't bat an eye over his school's psychologist throwing a childish fit and one of his other students being stabbed shows how awful of a place it truly is.
