This script sucks.
When he was a teenager, Max Landis, writer of Chronicle, decided to make a script treatment for a movie based on the Super Mario Bros. games. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be noteworthy, except that he decided to include every Mario character ever made at that point in time, including from the Donkey Kong Country, Super Mario RPG, and Paper Mario subseries, as well as characters not part of Mario canon such as Kirby.
The result, Max Landis' Super Mario World, was a 436-page 7-hour epic that had Chuck Quizmo and Funky Kong as major characters, Wario as the Big Bad, and a gritty feel that wouldn't be out-of-place in the Super Mario Bros. (1993) live-action movie mixed with series traditions of powerups, Goomba-stomping, and magic.
In 1980s New Jersey, three children mysteriously vanish and are never seen again. They land in a mysterious world of mushrooms, giant bullets and more. Years later, Mario Cassavettes, a failed plumber and alcoholic, discovers the mysterious world and saves it from danger and evil. Now grown up, Craig and Patricia (Peach) Kline now rule over the land with peace and prosperity. However, Wario wishes to destroy the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario brings his brother, Luigi, to the Mushroom Kingdom where they engage in a war against Wario that will change the Mushroom Kingdom forever.
The script can be found here
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This script contains examples of:
- Adaptation Name Change: E. Gadd's first name was changed from Elvin to Edward, and Candy Kong was apparently renamed Daisy Kong.
- Aliens Speaking English: This is just one of the many odd quirks of the Mushroom Kingdom that Mario assumes has no real explanation. It's most likely due to Shy Guys being humans who arrived well before the others.
- All Is Well That Ends Well: Despite the massive amount of damage and death Wario wreaks, by the end of things almost everyone is happy, moved on, and back to normal.
- Ascended Extra: Chuck Quizmo was just a character who gave quizzes for Star Pieces in Paper Mario, but is a major character here.
- Audience Surrogate: The reader learns about the Mushroom World through Luigi's eyes.
- Big Good: Kirby acts as a guardian fairy of sorts, can only appear in times of great crises, points Luigi in the right direction several times, and returns in the finale to drag Wario to Nightmare Land.
- Bloodless Carnage: Mushroom Kingdom inhabitants turn into different things when they die, with Kremlings turning into bubbles, Mushroomers to spores, and Ninjis to ash.
- Bystander Syndrome: Queen Bean refuses to get involved in the war, seeing it as a Mushroom Kingdom problem.
- The Cameo: Several non-Mario characters make minor appearances, like Conker, Banjo and Kazooie, and the Duck Hunt dog.
- Canon Foreigner: Craig, Peach's brother, doesn't have a canon counterpart.
- Curse Cut Short: Mario says "Aw, motherfu-" after slipping while trying to grab a mushroom.
- Darker and Edgier: There's a lot of blood on the humans' end, as well as death, mental illness, and warfare on an epic scale.
- Death by Adaptation: Several characters die that haven't in the games, including Frogfucius, Cranky Kong and King K. Rool.
- Do Not Call Me "Paul": After seeing Luigi for the first time in years, Wario says he prefers to not be referred to by his birth name, Wallace.
- Doorstopper: It's 436 pages and would be 7 hours long if it was ever made. Which would have made it longer than Napoléon (1927), which clocks in at 5 hours and 32 minutes.
- Enemy Mine: Many of the Mushroom Kingdom's assorted nasties join forces with the heroes to fight Wario.
- The Epic: It's 7 hours long and has detailed descriptions of just about everything and everyone, with war on a multi-realm scale and and requiring aid from nearly every heroic and villainous faction.
- Evil Versus Oblivion: A big reason why other villains are willing to team up to stop Wario is that while they want to conquer, Wario wants to destroy everything.
- Giant Space Flea from Nowhere: Belome comes out of nowhere towards the very end of the script, mainly existing to give Luigi a foe to prove himself against.
- Giving Up on Logic: This is essentially a requirement for life in the Mushroom Kingdom, as Mario points out how many things don't make sense using human-world logic. Luigi comes to agree with him after seeing several fantastic feats firsthand, such as the 30-foot jumps, floating blocks with power-ups inside, and the inhabitants all knowing English.
- Gun Porn: Every military apparatus Wario uses is designated properly and described in a good amount of detail.
- Healing Factor: Thanks to Mushrooms, especially 1-Ups, Wario is able to constantly heal himself during the final battle. It takes dragging him to the real world to inflict damage that sticks.
- Humanity Is Superior: The Mushroom Kingdom's physics greatly favor humans, which is why Mario and Luigi are able to perform impossible feats. This is also why Wario is so dangerous, as his enhanced abilities and real-world military tech wreaks havoc on the kingdoms.
- Info Dump: The first fifth or so of the script is solely devoted to Mario explaining the Mushroom Kingdom and its logistics to Luigi, who's completely new to its world.
- The Load: When the various countries' representatives meet to discuss how to deal with Wario, Monty Mole, who's representing the Molemites, farts and acts impolite in general during the meeting.
- Locked Out of the Loop: Daisy spends a majority of the story investigating Mario, searching to find information the reader is already very familiar with.
- Manchild: Wario frequently throws tantrums when things don't go his way, and his impulsiveness and wanton destruction is also disturbingly childlike.
- Medal of Dishonor: Club Sugar is stated to be the worst club in Crampton, New Jersey, due to being the only one there.
- Mr. Exposition: A good portion of Mario's dialogue is explaining the very weird world of the Mushroom Kingdom and its inhabitants to Luigi.
- My Greatest Failure: Funky Kong exiled himself from his family in shame after running away from a Kremling attack. Luigi eventually convinces him to make things right by joining the fight against Wario.
- Mythology Gag:
- Mario lines his pills up by color, referencing Dr. Mario.
- When Mario mentions finding various items from the brothers' childhood while cleaning Luigi's room, a paper Mario made in grade school is one of them.
- Just like in the Nintendo Comics System, Big Bertha has a crush on Mario, which he uses to his advantage.
- Omnicidal Maniac: Unlike K. Rool or Bowser, who want to conquer things, Wario wants to destroy everything.
- Only Known by Their Nickname: Patricia mainly goes by Peach, and the Kongs tend to go by their nicknames instead of their real names.
- Pardon My Klingon: "Schmeck", "flomp", "dorn", and "gorflab" are high-level profanity unique to the Mushroom Kingdom, while "gehfleck" is a term for being an idiot.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Billboards reading "WELCOM LEUGEE" welcome Luigi to the Mushroom Kingdom.
- Signs of Disrepair: Over time, Crampton's sign falls apart and becomes "Crap on."
- Speech Impediment: Kamek speaks with a lisp.
- Sssssnake Talk: Croco hisses his "S"es in addition to talking like a 1930s gangster.
- That Man Is Dead: Funky Kong says that "Funky Kong" is the only name he goes by nowadays, and Etro Kong (his original name) is dead.
- Training from Hell: Wario's time in the Darklands greatly enhanced his strength and speed, and gave him access to rare items like 1-Ups and Stars.
- Weaker in the Real World: Humans have extraordinary strength and durability in the Mushroom World and other dimensions, but are ordinary in the human world. The climax of the script involves Wario being dragged to the real world, as it's the only way to inflict damage that sticks.
- Wham Shot: Late in the story, it's revealed Shy Guys are transformed humans from a leper colony in the 1600s.
