Bastard
is an Alternate Universe Harry Potter fanfic written in Russian by Nilladell.
Just before the second book, Gilderoy Lockhart gets replaced by an unwilling time traveler – his own illegitimate son Gilderoy "Gil" Alien who turned up in 1992 thanks to an almost-healed Lockhart's meddling in 2016.
It turns out that one of Lockhart's last Obliviates at his "heroic" deeds went very wrong as it was directed at one of Scandinavian totem witches who are immune to Memory Charms. The outraged witch cursed Lockhart in turn, dooming him to memory loss himself – which is what led to Ron's wand backfiring at him. When the witch died in 2016, Lockhart was immediately better and figured out how to restore his memory completely: for this he needed to sacrifice his firstborn son. But due to some other carelessness of Lockhart's Gil Alien didn't end up dead, replacing his father in 1992 instead.
Bastard has examples of:
- Abhorrent Admirer: Among Lockhart's fan mail, there's a nude photo of a rather ugly girl with the Floo network number written on the other side. Gil regularly discovers letters sprayed with love potions as well.
- Act of True Love: Jonathan Alien's decision to raise Gil and provide for him was made entirely for his wife's sake, and Gil genuinely respects his stepfather for that.
- All Witches Have Cats: Subverted. When the question arises of what to do with Mrs. Norris after the owner's death, every female professor announces she's not a cat person for some reason or other. The only witch who agrees to take the cat is Professor Trelawney, but everyone decides it would be too cruel for the cat.
- Ambiguously Gay: Gil strongly suspects his biological father of being more interested in men and sleeping with women only to fish out their secrets for his books or just for the occasional fun, but so far it hasn't been directly proven or contradicted.
- Annoying Younger Sibling: Felicia and Edmond for Gil. However, despite their bickering, he's fond of them.Gil: Stepsister and stepbrother. Both idiots, but my own dear idiots.
- Arranged Marriage: Jonathan Alien and Eliza Corrigan. That's what led to Eliza seeking solace in Lockhart's arms.
- Broken Pedestal: Downplayed. Gil greatly admired and still admires Snape's work in potions, but after working at Hogwarts with the real Snape he admits that, for all his ingenious research, the latter's a complete jerk.
- Canon Foreigner: The families Alien and Katilhöss, Diana Lockhart, Hadie Clark, Patrick Colwel.
- The Casanova: Both Gilderoy Lockhart and Gil Alien, although the latter is more like a Chivalrous Pervert as he always respects his girls, and leaves them because he is sure no one can put up with him for long.
- Chores Without Powers: When Gil blows up a cauldron at home, his stepfather orders him to clean up the mess without using magic or the house elves' help.
- Contrived Coincidence: The plot is kicked off because first Mayla and later Aina Katilhöss die in 2016. Had Aina predeceased her mother, Lockhart would have died in his vegetable state and nothing would have happened to Gil. If Mayla had died and Aina hadn't, Lockhart would have stayed alive and healed, and we can only guess what would have happened to Gil, but he would have certainly been in danger of being sacrificed.
- Deadpan Snarker:
- Gil and Severus Snape. Especially impressive when they are talking to each other.
- Felicia Alien as well.
- Death by Adaptation:
- In the timeline after Gil's appearance, Argus Filch had the misfortune to look straight into the basilisk's eyes.
- Gilderoy Lockhart can count, though he dies after the canon events end, and the fate of his 1992 self, replaced by Gil, is for now ambiguous.
- Kingsley Shacklebolt is killed in 2009 in an explosion prepared by the White Blood – the ultra-conservative party led by Lucius Malfoy.
- Disappeared Dad: Lockhart and Gil have only met twice in their life, if you don't count the conception. Both times Gil was visiting the ward at St. Mungo's.
- Divided into Disaster: While professors usually try not to put Harry and Draco in the same groups at practical lessons, Gil constantly pairs them with each other in Defense Against the Dark Arts, since both of them practice fighting with each other much better than with their friends.
- Dogged Nice Guy:
- Gender-flipped with Aurora Sinistra who's still hoping Gil would notice her.
- Maybe (see Ambiguously Gay above) Lockhart's friend Brian has now turned into this, now that Lockhart's replaced by 100% heterosexual Gil. Brian's still writing long and frequent letters to whom he believes to be Lockhart.
- Embarrassing First Name: Gil really, really hates the name Gilderoy.
- Entertainingly Wrong:
- When Gil hears that Gilderoy mysteriously and suddenly died very soon after his memory started to come back, Gil immediately begins to suspect that someone killed his father for He Knows Too Much reasons. In fact, the memory return began due to Mayla's death and the curse no longer being "fed", while Lockhart's death occurred due to the fact he had carelessly promised to live only as long as Aina's heart still beats, and Aina outlived her mother by less than a month.
- The basilisk attacks begin after Gil's arrival at Hogwarts, Snape finds Gil in the lower basements of the school just before the discovery of Mrs. Norris's petrification, and the DNA analysis reveals Gil is not Gilderoy Lockhart. Thanks to all this, Gil is Snape's prime suspect.
- Exact Words: Gilderoy Lockhart told Aina that he won't ever be able to live without her. As Aina is a mighty if naive totem witch, cue Gilderoy dying at the same time as her many years later.
- First-Person Smartass: Gil can't even tell the reader the names of his step-siblings without an offhand snarky comment.
- Follow in My Footsteps: Played with. Jonathan Alien is often irritated that the only child to be really interested in his research in alchemy is his stepson Gil, while his own kids Felicia and Edmond don't care for it at all.
- Genre Blindness: After meeting Aina Katilhöss who fell victim to Lockhart's charms Gil laments the fate of village girls who don't realize they are in a plot "simple village girl gets betrayed by a handsome guy from the city".
- Horrible Judge of Character: Aina, seduced and abandoned by Lockhart, still doesn't believe he's anything but Knight in Shining Armor.
- I Am Not My Father: Gil's really lost between having to pretend he's Lockhart and definitely not wanting to behave like the real one.
- The Law Firm of Pun, Pun, and Wordplay: The alchemist business of Jonathan Alien bears the name of Alien & Alien.Gil (narrating): How inventive, how original!
- Like Father, Like Son:
- Mayla says Gil might be more similar to Lockhart than he thinks. Gil is not amused at all.
- And then the Aliens' family friend (in 1992) tells Gil how much he resembles Jonathan Alien. Gil is even less amused.
- Magic Versus Science: It turns out that while magical tests show that Gil is Gilderoy Lockhart, son of Patrick and Diana Lockhart, Muggle DNA tests confirm that Gil is a relation of Patrick and Diana but not their son.
- Mama Bear: Mayla Katilhöss, the totem witch who destroys the Dark Sisterhood that sacrificed her younger daughter and plants a terrible curse on the guy who seduced and almost Obliviated her elder daughter.
- Meaningful Name: Gil Alien. Lampshaded by the author in the notes to the story.
- Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: Gil is at first afraid that Lockhart's mother will see through him in a moment. As it turns out, Lockhart, with his selfishness, hardly had any contact with his mother, so she recognized Gil as him without questions.
- Obfuscating Disability: Whether Dumbledore is shortsighted or longsighted is a source of endless debate, and in battles people think he’ll lose without his glasses. In reality the glasses allow him to see the traces of cast charms, but he never tells anyone.
- Odd Name, Normal Nickname: Gilderoy Alien hates his first name and insists on being called the more normal-sounding Gil.
- Offing the Offspring: Lockhart was quite ready to pay with Gil's life to get rid of Mayla's curse.
- Out of Character Is Serious Business: You can guess just how much everyone hates Lockhart when Friend to All Living Things Pomona Sprout greets him icily.
- Real Men Hate Affection: As he is stuck alone in the year 1992, Gil starts to realize that his bond with his stepfather was much stronger than either of them had ever admitted.
- Protagonist-Centered Morality: Subverted by Gil who deducts 180 points from the trio for theft, attacking Crabbe and Goyle and brewing illegal Polyjuice – despite Gil knows that Harry, Ron and Hermione are the future heroes of the Wizarding War.
- Purple Prose: Lockhart's writing style. Gil suspects Mrs. Lockhart gave her son cheap romance novels to read.
- Saying Too Much: Gil lectures Ron and Draco after stopping their fight and quotes The Codex of Nobles, a book on etiquette passed from father to son in pureblood families. The only problem? Gil has forgotten that while he was raised as a pureblood, Lockhart had a Muggle father and, considering his disdain for any books except his own, couldn’t possibly have learned about The Codex from anywhere. When Draco tells Snape about the incident, Snape grows even more suspicious of Gil.
- Suicide Mission: Discussed. Gil suspects his stepfather employed him at the control and security service of Alien & Alien because he hoped there Gil would get himself killed.
- Those Two Guys: As Snape grows suspicious of Gil and starts following him almost everywhere, Gil thinks to himself that in an observer's eyes they must fit the trope.
- Well-Trained, but Inexperienced: Lampshaded when Gil reflects on the countless brilliant duelists who lost their lives in wizarding wars: since wizard duels are practically a sport and have a very strict set of rules, most of the duelists weren't prepared for the real battlefields at all.
- Wicked Stepmother: A gender-flipped example, lampshaded and subverted by Gil. He says that it might seem that he's a male version of Cinderella oppressed by a cruel stepfather, but first, his stepfather did provide for his education and give him a job, second, he has the right to dislike Gil, third, Gil cheerfully admits to being the bane of "Papa Jon"'s existence, so all is quite fair.
- Woken Up at an Ungodly Hour: Gil is woken up by Lockhart's agent at eight in the morning to prepare for an interview and is very grumpy about it (especially considering he has to hurriedly tell his girlfriend to leave). At Hogwarts, he is also annoyed that thanks to the breakfast being at eight, he has to wake up at six to have enough time for his exercise routine.
