Fanfic / Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles
Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles
is an attempt at rewriting the Harry Potter
books from an American evangelical Christian standpoint. It was written in 2014 by Grace Ann, also known by her username, "proudhousewife."
In this version of the story, Harry, an orphan, is raised by his non-Christian aunt and uncle, or rather the babysitters they hired to look after him while they both worked, until one day when he is found by a Christian missionary named Hagrid. After Harry prays the Sinner's Prayer and rejects Evolutionism and birthdays, he is whisked off to Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles to learn how to be a Christian.
At Hogwarts, the students are divided up into four Sorting Hats, each of which believes differently about the Bible. The greatest threat to Hogwarts is Voldemort, who has been plotting with Congress to destroy freedom of religion.
Due to the very over-the-top writing, it has been long suspected to be a parody. The last chapter may be read as confirmation of this, but is open to interpretation.
The author claims to have ended the fanfic after fourteen chapters because her husband felt her writing was "not good for their family", and has never confirmed the suspicions on the story being a parody.
This story contains examples of:
- And That's Terrible: Draco's views on women, which cause both Harry and the author to start ranting about what a horrible person he is whenever they are brought up.
- Artistic License – Religion: Even many Christians have criticized certain aspects of the story's portrayal of Christian doctrine and the faith's character, the scope of prayer and miracles, etc. Many Catholics have furthermore stated that it misrepresents their faith (allegorized as Slytherin).
- As the Good Book Says...: In a variation, characters actually cite Biblical verses in their dialogue.
"You tried to corrupt me; but it did not work. But I forgive you, Aunt Petunia; because of Luke 23:34."
- Author Avatar: Voldemort. Maybe.
- Beauty Equals Goodness: Emphasized by the narration regarding Hermione.
A woman taking pride in her appearance is honoring the Lord; because after all, it is the Lord who gave her a pretty face and nice hair. Taking care of that is important! Harry got the feeling that Hermione was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.
- Easy Evangelism: Harry instantly converts Draco from a Ravenclaw Hat to a Gryffindor Hat by out-praying him.
- Harry himself, too. Within two minutes of meeting Hagrid, he's devoted his entire life to Christianity despite never even having heard of God or Jesus beforehand.
- Enemy Mine: Dumbledore explains that there aren't enough Gryffindor Hats to defeat Voldemort and that's why they need to ally with the other Hats. The author apparently considers this a very iffy proposition that threatens to compromise Gryffindor Hat values.
- Every Episode Ending: Almost every chapter ends with the line, "Author's Note: Blessings!" This is sometimes followed by a selection of Bible verses.
- Female Misogynist: Every "good" female character and, if it's not a Troll Fic, the author. What else would you expect from someone using the username, "proudhousewife"?
- Flat-Earth Atheist: God answers prayers all the time in this story, doing stuff that very clearly can't have been done by humans, like teleporting people around, conjuring up food on a table or altering someone's entire personality. Taking this into account, the atheists in this story end up being this, as the existence of God is self-evident.
- Hollywood Atheist: Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, who believe God is dead from reading "the Dawkins."
- Voldemort also claims to be using his Reddit account to parody this trope, but the "good guys" don't believe him...
- I Do Not Own: The author's note to the fifth chapter disclaims ownership of the "original books" in these exact words.
- In-Name-Only: Basically every single character, but the Dursleys and Voldemort are some of the most glaringly obvious examples. The Dursleys are a nice, loving family, Petunia is a career-woman, and Voldemort is an internet-troll mocking atheist stereotypes by deliberately posting exaggerated versions of them on his Reddit-account.
- Instant Expert: Harry somehow knows the Bible inside-out from the moment he converts to Christianity, referencing a specific passage as the reason why he won't hold the Dursleys' treatment of him against them despite the fact that the narrative leaves absolutely no time in which he could have read it. He is also shown time and time again to be a far better Christian than anyone else in the story and clearly understanding the will of God perfectly, as demonstrated in Harry and Draco's "pray-off".
- Kid Has a Point: Sometimes, the child characters will raise points that the author clearly agrees with, but which the "good" adults are apparently too tactful to put so starkly. This is typically followed by the narration ruminating about the innocent wisdom of "little ones" (for some reason, the author refuses to say the word "children").
- The Moral Substitute: Invoked as the author's stated reason for writing:
Do you want your little ones to read books; and they want to read the Harry Potter Books; but you do not want them to turn into witches? Well-this is the story for you! This story has all the adventure of JKR's books; but will not lead your children astray.
- Mundane Utility: Harry uses prayer to open the door to his dormitory, after reflecting how he should not make Hermione open said door when he was easily capable of doing it himself.
- Our Angels Are Different: They're "beautiful people" with wings, yellow halos and white robes. And they deliver mail to Hogwarts.
- Pink Means Feminine: Hermione, being a model of Christian femininity, always wears fetching pink dresses and skirts.
- Positive Discrimination: The portrayal of Dean Thomas. It's subtle at first. The adverb "articulately" is often attached to his speaking, but it's easy to miss any meaning here because the story is so overloaded with Said Bookisms. It finally becomes blatant when the narration mentions that "not a single word was mispronounced" when he said, "that's right."
- Religion Is Magic: Dumbledore frequently uses prayer to do miracles, including preparing elaborate meals for Harry and his friends. In fact, "prayer" is basically used as a stand-in for magic in this story, which anyone could tell you is not the case. This is another reason it is often suspected to be a Troll Fic.
- Said Bookism: Nearly every line of dialogue gets its own verb and adverb.
- Setting Update: Rowling's original setting was very much British. This adaptation is clearly set in America-characters go on about the First Amendment and Hogwarts has lessons on constitutional history.
- Straw Misogynist: Draco loudly and repeatedly declares his opinion that women are worse than men. Like many other Straw Misogynist characters, his purpose in the story isn't to make misogynists look bad, but to make the other characters, who are more realistic misogynists, look good in comparison.
- Vagueness Is Coming: "Dark days are coming," both Hagrid and Dumbledore say without much explanation.
- Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma: The author seems to have mistaken semicolons for commas. A dramatic reading mocked this fact by specifically reading all the semicolons as "Inappropriately placed semicolon".