Reviews Anime / Pokemon Origins

So astonishingly bad it had me pining for the actual anime.

If the main Pokémon anime (not counting the classic series, because at least it actually had some charm, warmth, memorable characters, a sense of humour, colourful visuals and a great soundtrack) is a laughable travesty that makes the modern-day Simpsons resemble a goldmine of creativity in comparison, then Pokémon Origins is what happens when you drag something down so low that the simple act of looking at it is enough to want to curl up in bed and fall asleep instead.

How any fan of this franchise can actually sit down and watch this 80+ minute embarrassment of programme and then class it as good entertainment is a concept that I cannot even begin to fathom. To get a rough idea of what it's like sit through this catastrophic mess, imagine that you're watching a sped-up YouTube video of someone playing and badly narrating Pokémon Red or Blue for over 80 minutes with large chunks cut out to the point where it becomes almost incomprehensible. That's what this is.

My expectations were low going in but it's substantially worse than I could have ever imagined. It's practically humourless, thinner than paper and written and paced so incompetently that it's baffling. Almost every line of dialogue is a tired cliché spoken by voice actors who you can tell are barely making an effort (and who can blame them?) and following this dork of a main character through his rushed, mindless quest is like watching a kid learn to spell. With the actual Pokémon games, you can ignore the typically bland story and take in the simple, addictive joys of catching, raising and training, and when watch Pokémon Let's Play videos, you can enjoy the commentary and perhaps learn something new from the video maker. There is nothing to be learned from watching Pokémon Origins. It's a bunch of glorified cutscenes, lame battle sequences and aimless side story ingredients smashed together into a failure. If it were released as a movie, it would be a good candidate for a Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Picture.

If this is what the people behind Pokémon think fans want for a show, then at this point I'm going have to give up and use my own imagination. There will never be a decent Pokémon television series. There are no companies out there willing to craft actual, meaningful original Pokémon stories that feature mature, complex writing, strong, developed adult characters and intense, varied Pokémon battles that are actually gripping. The only good thing about Pokémon Origins is that it made me appreciate that good old classic series (the first episode up to the end of the Orange Islands) more than ever. Say what you want about Ash's bizarre and occasionally controversial early adventures - at least the writers knew how to make them fun. Hell, even the Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh series are better than this. And maybe the rest of the main anime too, but I wouldn't know, as I haven't watched (and wouldn't want to watch) anything from the Unova series onwards.