Romance

I'm 21 an still a virgin, due to my short stature and my ugly face. Any tips?

Whichever is enjoyed more by the subject(s) of the romancing.

We had cocktails at my wedding, because it’s what my wife and I enjoy drinking, that made it far more romantic than wine of champagne would have been (though we did also have both).

Sure.

• 1: Don’t get advise from strangers on the Internet. People who know you and your personal circumstances will be able to give far better and more specific advise than the internet ever could. Especially avoid advise from social media, people who are obsessively posting on social media aren’t often going to be good guides for interpersonal relationships.
• 2: Stop considering virginity a tick box to get rid of. That’s an unhealthy view of sex and is that one will drive away prospective partners who do have a healthy view. Sex isn’t an end goal in of itself, it’s a means of achieving mutual enjoyment (and possibly romantic connectivity) between one or more consenting adults.
• 3: Stop over focusing on your physical features. healthy romantic and/or sexual partners will not be so shallow, they can and will be drawn to you for any number of reasons, conforming to ‘traditional’ beauty standards does not have to be one of them.
• 4: Consider your perspective on yourself. You will always find to hard to convince another person to view you as physically and/or mentally attractive if you do not view yourself as physically and/or mentally attractive. People in search of healthy adult relationships want someone who is already functioning and somewhat confident, not a project person they need to convince to love themselves.

Edited by Silasw on Sep 11th 2021 at 9:07:32 AM

@Master Do not fret. Please do not. Think about what makes you the best person. Figure out how you want people to look at you. Do not think of losing your virginity. There is a good point to the 40 year old version: It's ok to get a late start on sex, as long as you are a good person throughout. Be yourself. There will be someone who would want to get with you, not for losing your virginity but something more. Like love for each other, its really sex is just a spice. Everyone feels lonely sometimes but that doesn't have to affect you if you put in effort to reaching out. Remember: Losing your virginity does not NEED to be your life goal. You are still young. You have a lot of time. Just figure out what YOU want. No one will judge you and, if they do, they can screw right off.

I alternated between being desperate and ignoring relationships until I was almost 30. Then someone who saw me when I wasn't trying to be seen decided "he's mine", and now we're married.

I like the sound of that. :)

I wouldn’t mind marrying someone I could just be Friends with Benefits with, maybe not ideal but it sounds a lot simpler at least.

Aego here.

@Silasw - Holy shit.

That's such a wholesome advice that it made me feel warm and fuzzy.

Just gonna say, I am a single virgin, and I have little to absolutely no intention to change that.

Edited by Delibirda on Sep 19th 2021 at 8:08:04 PM

My girlfriend wants us to take a break. We're not breaking up and neither of us have any plans to do so, they just need some time to themselves to take care of their mental health.

I'm terribly sorry to hear that all the same. :(

it's been a very very long time since i last posted in this thread, and iirc it wasn't a very happy note i left on

but, since then i've been doing a lot better, and finally met someone who actually thoroughly loves me and wants to date me just as much as i love her

today is four months since we started going out, and i really haven't been happier we've even moved in together just a few days ago

That’s excellent.

Thinking about trying online dating again, need some advice.

What advice do you need? Help getting started?

More or less, plus what actually to put in a dating profile.

Honestly, be honest with what you put on your profile picture. People do like honesty. Too many times, society thinks its ok to lie but there will be lies revealed. The best profiles are the ones who are confident in themselves and are looking for those who are the same way.

Well, yeah was planning on that. I have watched a lot of Catfish after all (mostly overseas when I was at Al Dhafra AFB)

That's good. Just know that you should not expect results right away. It takes time.

I can barely believe it, but I just went on my first ever date! And it went really well!

Details! Details!

(if you want)

Well, most of it would probably be considered pretty ordinary. We went to a local smoothie shop, I brought my Switch so we could play Smash Bros., I showed him one of my favorite songs and one of my favorite internet toons, we went for a short walk afterwards.

The interesting part is in the lead-up. If you visited YouTube a couple of weeks ago, they were doing a thing with tarot readings. I wouldn't consider myself into that sort of thing, but I tried it for a laugh. The reading was just a generic "your fortunes will take a turn for the better", which I found comically meaningless, but I wouldn't have even opened the dating app if I hadn't received that, so...

Stranger things have happened. But it comes in spades. Sometimes, for the best.

I have to be careful not to sound accusatory in this message, I know that some people just built like that and it’s fine. I don’t hold a grudge, at least I hope I don’t. But it’s just weird how often I fall for people who end up being asexual/aromantic, and before you make any clever remarks, I’ve only been directly told this once by the person in question, the rest I heard from casual conversation or from a third party. Rationally it’s probably just a coincidence, but I’m starting to think there’s something that subconsciously draws me to them.

Obviously I shouldn’t think of ace/aro people as being so similar that I can notice who one is before they tell me, and probably by happenstance I’m acquainted to a larger proportion of them than most people are (or at least, more than most people assume there are). That’s probably the big reason right there. And it’s not like it’s a universal trend. There were other crushes that were dead in the water for other reasons, like the person already being taken. It’s just something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.

Everyone has a certain type of person that DOES draw themselves to them. We don't know why it happens but it does. None of us know exactly why but its never on purpose.

You don't seem to bear any sort of grunge or anything but you are at least self aware at this point. You have a part of yourself that can't explain why you are attracted to a certain type. This is never a bad thing, no one knows exactly why they're attracted to a certain type of person. Maybe it's how they carry themselves, maybe it's that you can see something to them that you can't explain. Maybe it's because you can see something in them but you cannot explain. Perhaps, it's none of the above or all the above. But there is something there after all.

All I can tell you at the moment is that I've kind of been where you are but I can't explain why. Just know that you are not alone in this feeling.