The Official Bad Puns Topic

I've been looking for some place to store my dvd's of The Get Along Gang, but whatever I put them in, they just won't fit... it seems that the container is always wrong.

What do you get when you cross a Mafia Don and Jacques Derrida?

An offer you can't understand.

edited 19th Feb '11 8:25:52 PM by Noaqiyeum

Got this from a band that was playing last night:

Why couldn't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the p was silent.

Dammit, I can't remember that word for that thing - you know, comes from Australia, looks like a bent stick...

It'll come back to me in a second...

Boomer-Aang!

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I've got a pair of The Nanny boxer shorts... They're my Drescher drawers.

"Please order all of your faculty to surrender immediately."

"HA! The joke's on you! We never had all of our faculties to begin with!"

edited 1st Mar '11 4:06:44 PM by Noaqiyeum

In America, you saw no Hitler.
In Soviet Russia, Hitler did Nazi you!

What did the German wearing a winter overcoat in summer have to do?

He had to Dresden.

What's this troper doing? Haven a good time.

What do you say to a Philadelphia Nativist to stop him from smashing things?

Stop being so in a Pope riot.

OH GOD IT BURNS THIS IS THE WORST THING THE WORST THING the worst thing

So, I clicked on the "Classic books no-one else seems to have read" in the Literature sub-forum, but the weirdest thing happened. It said "no discussion with that id exists".

I soon realised my mistake, of course -

that thread is all ego.

EDIT:

What do you get when you cross a Mafia Don and Jacques Derrida? An offer you can't understand.

edited 2nd Mar '11 8:00:54 AM by mmysqueeant

What do you call a Russian sniper?

A Marx man.

Why don't mountain climbers like bitter tea?

It's too steep.

Back in High School I hung out with an... interesting group of people. Despite not really being one myself at the time, I spent most of my spare time hanging around with the rockers. Dudes with nicknames like Snake, Scorpion, Nightshade, you know what I mean. Anyway, one day we found this big gym bag filled with pakalolo  ^*

Now I told them the same thing I tell anyone who smokes that shit around me — I don't smoke it, but I don't care if you do. Just don't be stupid about it. Scorpion and Nightshade decided they wanted to sell it. They made some sales around the school and then one of 'em decided what they really needed to do was make one or two big bulk sales and really rake it in, you know?

They got their first big sale lined up, and got busted in a sting operation right out of the gate. It turns out one of them was a plant.

What do you a group of Orc musicians?

An ORC-hestra!

Legislative Joint Committee on Marijuana

...AKA: Peach and Per... (facepalm)

edited 25th Mar '11 12:10:58 PM by Fuzy2K

Q: "So, how did it go organizing a party for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"

A: "It was a pizza cake!"

^ Is that how "pizza" is pronounced in English? "Piece-a"?

"PEET zah"

Also, how can you tell the Medic from a Spy pretending to be the Medic?

The real Medic says "Dentalmen...?"

Goes excellent with Salmon de Beauvoir *

^{which actually exists}

edited 26th Mar '11 1:44:46 AM by newtonthenewt

"How are we supposed to do a news report on the maiden voyage of this new cruise ship when our anchor's aweigh?"

Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind."
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little — when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!
"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'
The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills — I mean, I was loaded!
"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"

The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head."

edited 26th Mar '11 3:53:14 PM by Noaqiyeum

Explanation plz

No pun to explain.