Dumb things you used to believe as a kid

When I was really little, my dad told me that the reason you need to get a good night's sleep is so that the little workers in your body can do the maintenance on it.

For YEARS, I believed that my body was staffed by tiny gnomes, all of whom looked exactly like me, and wondered what THEIR bodies were staffed by.

I used to make a number of interesting associations between words. I tended to make connections between anything ending with -ire. Because of this, somehow vampires, umpires, and the Empire State Building became related and equally threatening, which explains why I always preferred the Chrysler Building, I guess. There was also this one particular "No Loitering" sign that always made me think of Kenny Loggins, if only by name. This whole word association thing didn't really last beyond kindergarten.

I also thought, during a bitter phase in elementary school when the initial frenzy over Pokemon was fading amongst my peers, that the newly-arrived Digimon franchise was a blatant and inferior American ripoff of Pokemon. I feel so stupid about this now, but I was angry at Digimon so I wasn't thinking straight, and I didn't really have access to the internet or anything.

At some point in late elementary school, I came under the false impression that "pimp" was just another world for "drug dealer". This derived entirely from a song my friends made up, possibly without knowing what the word meant either. This false belief didn't mean much for my life and never came up again, until I one day asked my mother what a pimp was, which rather horrified her but certainly gave me the right answer.

Otherwise, to be completely honest, I don't remember any other dumb things I believed at that age. I was largely a pretty smart and well-informed kid. I either got things right or didn't think/know about them at all.

edited 18th Oct '10 7:19:14 AM by frog753

WARNING: These may shatter your illusion of me being nearly 600 years old.

I had no idea what "money laundering" was except that according to the news it got people into a lot of trouble. I knew what money was though, and what laundry was, so I could only conclude that "money laundering" is what happened when you left money in your pockets when you washed your clothes. I didn't know why this was as serious as it was but I was very careful to not even leave any cash in my pocket when I threw something in the hamper.

I also believed that if I carefully saved up all of the sesame seeds from my hamburger bun, I could scatter them in the road, and they'd grow, and when I woke up I would live on Sesame Street.

Then there was the big red button that I thought the President had on his desk that would blow up the planet if he pressed it. I was so worried that he would accidentally lean on it.

Lastly, I used to think that there couldn't possibly be any dinosaur fossils in America, since I thought America didn't exist until Columbus discovered it in 1492 and I knew dinosaurs had gone extinct way before then.

I also believed that if I carefully saved up all of the sesame seeds from my hamburger bun, I could scatter them in the road, and they'd grow, and when I woke up I would live on Sesame Street.

...it's always interesting when things that don't make sense MAKE SENSE.

When I was in... 2nd grade, I think, I started encountering the word fiancé in books. I thought it was French for "financier". Since it was being used in the context of getting married, I thought a fiancé was what you had if you were going to marry someone much wealthier than you.

I used to think that if I concentrated hard enough and prayed often enough, I'd be able to develop superpowers and bring about world peace. I figured nobody else had tried hard enough yet.

I used to believe that after being an angel for a bit, dead people were reincarnated as birds.

I used to think babies came out of an opening between a woman's legs other than the vagina. When I was a bit older and I realised no such opening existed, I assumed all babies came out by caesarian. When I was a bit older still, I asked about this in class because this struck me as really inefficient. This was in my first year at high school. It was embarrassing.

There was a thread on this already I think, so I'm recycling at least some of my answers:

• Indecent Proposal was a movie about proposing marriage while naked. I heard the movie title mentioned somewhere once, and if I took too long getting dressed my mom would knock on the door and ask "are you decent?", so...
• Breathing was something you had to consciously do. I think I took a joke about someone being too dumb to remember to breathe literally or something. Whenever I was alone I'd let out a huge breath and figured doing that one or two times a day was enough to keep me from dying, and that everyone else must do it too.
• The first swear I ever picked up was "damn", and I didn't think it actually was a swear word, just a different way to say "darn".
• Being gay had something to do with being a really happy kleptomaniac. I ended up playing cops and robbers with some slightly older kid once, he was the cop, and I think once he caught me he decided to make fun of me while questioning me "in character", so there was an exchange that went something like this:
  • Him: I think you're gay, you know what that means?
    Me: Um, I'm happy?
    Him: Yeah, and you know what happens when you get too happy? You steal stuff!
    • Thus I had this whole mental image of someone becoming so deliriously happy that they ran around with a huge grin on their face while uncontrollably stealing things.

edited 18th Oct '10 11:17:28 AM by MikeK

I used to think that if I believed hard enough, my stuffed tiger would come to life when no one else was around and be my best friend.

Yeah, when I was a kid, I really wished I was Calvin. Sometimes I still do.

Although that WOULD be a bit less comfortable now that you're older. At least it would in my case.

I, for one, would not want to have Hobbes chilling in the corner making snarky commentary while I was in bed with someone.

Why not? I already have two roommates who do that.

when no one else was around

So it seems that would only be a problem if you were in bed with a sex doll or something.

I was very confused for a long time as to what people found so offensive about dams.

I did not know that cock meant something other than rooster. Rooster is my chinese zodiac sign.

Yes.

Did anybody here believe in things like Santa Claus and fairies?

I think I believed in Santa Claus once. Never fairies.

I believed in the Easter Bunny at one point, and Santa.

I don't think I ever believed in fairies.

Nope. Santa Claus is too western-European. I'm not sure why I didn't believe in ghosts and that, though.

Due to a vague answer to 'where do babies come from' I thought babies were removed from the mother via an opening not unlike the trunk of a car. I asked my mom if I could see. Awkward.

I had a mental image of 'mammal' as a giant reddish ape that looked not unlike Donkey Kong.

I convinced myself that unicorn fossils had been discovered.

I somehow mixed up the idea of 'dinosaurs evolved into birds' with 'dinosaurs reincarnated into birds' and was positive that that the crow sitting on top of a pole was a T Rex inside.

I was sort of curious but sceptical about ghosts. I firmly believed in Heaven, so ghosts seemed unlikely, but I was open to the possibility that some people refused to pass on.

I always thought that ghosts were people in Purgatory taking care of unfinished business so that they could pass on to Heaven. And that malicious ghosts were damned souls who somehow were able to escape Hell, but not enter Heaven. Thus, exorcisms and other religious countermeasures appropriately sent them back to Hell.

A Haunting, the show on Discovery Channel, is quite interesting, regardless of what you believe.

When I was about 5 or 6 I believed that there were only two religions, Christianity and Judaism, and everyone belonged to one of them. No other choices, and no atheism or agnosticism.

I thought the radius was the diameter, the diameter was the circumference and the circumference was the area.

edited 18th Oct '10 11:54:19 AM by A_H_R

^^ Oh, that reminds me, when I was little my parents told me that Catholics weren't Christian. I believed them.

edited 18th Oct '10 11:54:54 AM by Aoede

I believed that "rape" meant "beating someone up".

I used to think the internet existed on CD's, and that it wasn't the same internet.

Also, I thought I was God for a long time, so there's that.

Oh, and that I was dreaming, that too.