Yahtzee Croshaw (Zero Punctuation, Fully Ramblomatic)

Indeed: wearing a bikini is quite a bit more dignified than wearing shit.

Personally, I'd rather Netherrealm went full on the other direction and made the entire cast compromised of a borderline nudist colony: men wearing nothing but speedos; villains with kinky BDSM gear; gratuitous, drown-out crotch, ass and abs shots before a fight; everyone having an inexplicable thin layer of swat that makes all their chiseled muscles pop; and every dialogue between men dripping with homossexual tension and subtext.

I'm not joking, I'd play the shit out of a game like that.

Mortal Kombat has always been utterly absurd and stupid, why not own it?

Yeah, but there are other fighting games that do that sort of thing already. MK has pretensions to be more serious. It's more about the violence than the titties.

Edited by Fighteer on May 17th 2019 at 3:33:26 PM

Doesn’t really fit the style anyway.

MK never had a Voldo I believe.

Even Outworld’s skimpier attire is more Conan than anything.

Maybe that's their mistake.

I'm just saying: I doubt the camera giving Liu's ass a bit of focus before a brawl would hurt the sales much.

Ehhh. It might offend the defiantly heterosexual members of the audience and make them question their masculinity. MK is a manly man's game for men who don't stare at other men's asses. Or something like that.

Honestly they don’t even need to do that.

Their facial models have improved to such a level that only looking at their faces gives me feelings.

Especially their woman. Early Netherrealm games were criticized for having poor faces on their female characters. Now all chicks are drop dead gorgeous & with good variety in their faces too.

Scorpion & Sub-Zero are some handsome motherfuckers too. Which is very noticeable since they never wore masks in story mode.

Edited by slimcoder on May 17th 2019 at 12:39:13 PM

x2 Great! The world would be better off if all of those were spontaneously imolated, anyway.

That's a Double Standard in and of itself, in fact: women can drone on as much as they wish about how they find each other beautiful without people screaming "Ha! Gayyyyyyy" (Because that:s clearly such a horrible thing to be), why can't we guys be the same?

Edited by HailMuffins on May 18th 2019 at 10:50:04 AM

I'm just saying. Netherrealm knows their target audience.

It's not quite as prevalent as it used to be, but culture dictates that you can't be a Real Man (TM) unless you avoid any hint of being homosexual. It's just the flipside of harmful gender sterotypes.

Not really a flipside, just an extension of gender stereotypes. Feminists tend to focus most on those relating to women, but men have their fair share as well.

So I just finished Katana ZERO, and while I agree the story has no payoff whatsoever (it ends on a damn cliffhanger), I have to disagree with Yathzee: the story is suberbly presented and really damn good besides, though I agree that an infinite challenge mode is warranted.

It's nice to see a an indie game make such a good use of its premise and also have good gameplay, thus proving all those pretentious twats who think their own oh so glorious pieces of art are too good for it.

So yeah, I really recommend it.

Edited by HailMuffins on May 19th 2019 at 6:15:30 AM

Days Gone (Zero Punctuation)

"Days Gone is painfully generic. Well, that's the week's review done."

Edited by Fighteer on May 22nd 2019 at 12:14:40 PM

And yet somehow it apparently sold like gangbusters.

So they must have done something right.

Edited by slimcoder on May 22nd 2019 at 9:18:43 AM

Painfully generic is in these days, you see. Heck, all I heard is "another zombie survival sandbox" and my eyes glazed over so hard you could use them to decorate a cake. Apparently it has the most irritating protagonist in history as well.

Edit: The comments section on YT is full of people preemptively nominating this for the Top Five Blandest Games of 2019 list.

Yep. The sales strategy for AAA these days is to rope 'em in with the marketing and take their money before they realize how generic and bland the game is, wait until the microtransaction revenue drops off, then repeat.

Edited by Fighteer on May 22nd 2019 at 12:32:09 PM

AAA games tend to be front loaded: a game selling a lot on launch is more of a testament that the Marketing did its job rather than the actual quality.

Awwww i thought it looked fun too

Meanwhile, in the present, Yahtzee reviews an indie title by the name of Too close to the Sun, a game that doesn't even attempt to hide the fact that they are ripping off Bioshock and still manages to do so poorly.

Honestly, the funniest bit is where he finds the time to throw just a bit more shade towards Days Gone.

It is fun. Somewhat. But it also isn't anything you've never had before, which makes one wonder why they just spent 60 bucks on something they probably have in their library three times over already.

Edited by Kayeka on May 22nd 2019 at 6:47:34 PM

Funny that a game that clearly an inferior version of Bioshock is now being sold on an inferior version of Steam.

Also i never got the appeal of zombie media(film, comic, game). Like zombie is the least imaginative thing when compare to pirate and monkey.

Edited by BattleRaizer on May 23rd 2019 at 12:40:10 AM

I don't know; zombies can work if the horror aspect is properly done. This means that you can't just throw zombies into a bunch of ruined buildings and dead cars and call it a day. Resident Evil got that right out of the gate, the other issues with that series aside.

When you're alone in cramped, poorly-lit hallways with limited ammunition, a single bite can spell the difference between moving on and reloading, and the suckers just won't stay down... yeah. When you're trying to line up a headshot and a zombie you didn't notice comes through a doorway behind you and grabs you, a change of underwear may be called for. When you make a loud noise and suddenly a bunch of groans arise from way too close as the dinner bell is rung, Oh, Crap! doesn't begin to cover it.

The problem with copycats in this sort of scenario is that they ape the surface features without understanding what makes the games truly intense and worth playing. When they're just an excuse to spawn a bunch of tough melee enemies with crap AI...

Edited by Fighteer on May 22nd 2019 at 2:10:25 PM

I watched the post-zp stream of Days Gone. I can't remember the last game Yahtzee was so bored by.

Or a main character he hated more.

x3 They are, but the point of Zombie fiction, particularly Zombie Apocalypse fiction, isn't the zombies, but to put human characters in a situation that is both familiar but also extremely tense and seeing how the stress slowly drives everyone to the edge.

That's how the father of modern Zombie Apocalypses, George Romero, did it, and the best have followed in his footsteps.

Mind you, Romero's movie also had subtle but important social commentary: in his very first movie, for instance, not only is the black protagonist far more in control of the situation than all of the other white people surrounding him (likely because it's the Deep South (during the 50's, I think?) and he is therefore used to the violence now all around him), he's the only one who survives but is killed right at the end by whites chasing the zombies, because in their eyes, his life is worth as much as the undead.

I hear Katana Zero is the first chapter in a series, hence the inconclusive ending. Seems worth keeping an eye out for.

So the next game will be Katana One, and so on? Sounds about right, although I'm reminded of Yahtzee's old rant about video games being made with the expectation that a sequel will happen.

I say go the other direction. Everyone does sequential increment increases. BE UNIQUE!

Katana Negative One. And so on.