Corrupt-a-wish.

Tzetze makes good music by running a five-second mile (it's rhythmic stuff), but this causes him and also colin to catch on fire, making unlikely causes of being fire a meme in not just this, but EVERY thread.

I wish...for true love. *tear*

edited 29th Jul '09 9:34:47 PM by Haven

Your true love dies in a fire.

I wish I had another cat

You get a Mega Neko.
I wish to cool down.

edited 29th Jul '09 9:36:59 PM by CoyoticEvil

You get a home in Antartica. You are promptly eaten by some sea animal there.

I wish I had a blanket.

You get a blanket. Ir overheats and catches fire.
I wish more hard drive space.

You go to jail for stealing a hard drive.

I wish for world peace.

You get world peace, but not universal peace. Aliens come from around the universe and begin warring with our new one world nation.

I wish my hamster hadn't died.

Everyone is frozen in ice. (It's also great, and will suffice.)

EDIT: Stupid ninjas. Fine, enjoy your zombie hamster. It tunnels into your skull while you sleep and starts gnawing on your brain. Happy now?

I wish I was in Dixie! Hooray! Hooray!

edited 29th Jul '09 9:53:24 PM by Scrounge

It is nothing at all like you expect it to be.

I wish to live forever, and not have this wish be corupted by any of the standard "living forever" tropes.

edited 29th Jul '09 9:56:13 PM by colin

You're on fire forever. It doesn't hurt you—it only tickles a little—but it does effectively stop you from touching anyone or anything ever again.

I wish I was a monkey.

You survive until the end of the universe. In fact, you survive past the end of the universe. In the lonely void that remains, you slowly go mad from sensory deprivation. You cannot eat, nor can you breathe, but you do not die.

Or you can ninja me. Fine. You're a monkey. You can't talk or operate technology, because monkeys are, compared to humans, not especially bright. Also, you freeze to death.

I wish for a quick and painless death.

edited 29th Jul '09 10:00:49 PM by Scrounge

Ninjas love me.

edited 29th Jul '09 9:59:27 PM by Aondeug

You turn into a monkey. You get a cat, which burrows into your spine, thus destroying your mind while leaving it with control of your body.

I wish that I had not assumed that I would be ninja'd, and so avoided wishing.

edited 29th Jul '09 10:00:22 PM by Tzetze

You wish to not be on fire. You are encased in ice and die. And you're a ninja monkey for some stupid reason.

I wish things didn't suck.

Stuff blows up.
I wish to reply quickly enough.

Things don't suck. However, as fuilds flowing from high presure to low presure areas, the physical mechanism of sucking, no longer exists, fuild dynamics, and much of physics is fundamentally altered, creating a universe in which you cannot live, and you, along with everyone else, die when your heart cannot pump blood.

I wish that last sentance isn't a run-on sentance.

You type so fast your fingers bleed. Constantly. You ruin more keyboards that way.

Also, all the English teachers die. The concept of a run-on sentence no longer exists.

I wish people were wittier.

edited 29th Jul '09 10:07:45 PM by Scrounge

They become wittier than you, and you are ostracized from society.

I wish what is this I don't even

You don't even. The hell?

I wish for the end.

It is an extremly tedious ending.

I wish I could spell well.

The only word you ever correctly spell, is "well".

I wish that a few more of my friends were with me.

edited 29th Jul '09 10:33:58 PM by Lucky Revenant

So many of your friends are with you that you are crushed under a stampede of friendliness.

I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa!

Your boobs on are fire.

I wish I were a Deep One, blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub...

Someone just punched out Cthulhu, and is gunning for you next.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer winner.

'Cuz if you were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with you!

They would love the taste of your flesh.

I wish I had some income this week.