Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. They regain their sanity and realize you were the one making the wish so they beat you up for it.

I wish everyone else had similar interests to me.

"My swimsuit fits me well, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. This causes wide scale, inescapble, toxic fan wars to erupt in literally everything you're interested, resulting in you never enjoying something in piece ever again.

I wish I had $500 more in my bank account.

Granted, it's deemed suspicious so your account is frozen

I wish to beat people up without repercussions

Granted. Now everybody else can beat others up without consequences, too. As a result, society descends into utter chaos as people kill each other over basic things like who gets the right of way and what's for dinner.

---

I wish for a pair of top end headphones.

Granted. They're accidentally broken during shipment.

I wish I wasn't allergic to anything.

"My swimsuit fits me well, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. Everyone in your family now has deathly allergies.

---

I wish that Blue Sky Studios was still in operation.

Currently Reading: N/A

Granted, but the whole cast of Ice Age gets Killed Off for Real in their next movie which ends the franchise.

---

I wish I could teleport on command

"FOR REAL?!?"

Granted. You can't take anything with you (note that this includes clothes), and, while you can teleport whenever you want, the only place you can teleport to is a median on a certain interstate on the outskirts of Dallas.

I wish that Dallas didn't suck so much.

Bigotry will NEVER be welcome on TV Tropes.

Granted, it sucks more

I wish I was 5 cm shorter, and the process was neither painful nor lethal

Granted. Everyone starts mocking you for shrinking.

I wish all whales, dolphins and porpoises were not endangered and instead very commonplace.

"My swimsuit fits me well, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. You drown and die in fish fucking. Gross but true.

---

I wish that the elections in every nation are free, all-encompassing and fair.

hi! i'm zycone. how are you then? is everything alright?

Granted. All elections are now determined by an arena deathmatch that's free for anyone to enter.

---

I wish I had an easier time staying focused.

Granted, you're focused on ending humanity, it's unwavering

I wish I could sleep more soundly, just slightly

Granted. You now sleep a second longer each night.

---

I wish I could make people do the chicken dance by pointing at them and saying "Gobbledygook."

Granted. The dance lasts infinitely, with no way to reverse the effect.

I wish that I could shapeshift voluntarily.

One thing I have learned in pledging my life to this quest is that I have been betrayed again and again. And again. And again.

Granted, it takes a lot of energy so you have to eat a lot

I wish I could never feel boredom or overstimulation again

Granted. Now you're brainwashed into finding everything fun, even dangerous things.

---

I wish my left hand didn't hurt so much when I woke up.

"My swimsuit fits me well, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. Now your right hand hurts when you wake up.

I wish that Draco in Leather Pants and Ron the Death Eater were no longer character-named.

Oh no! The DREADED AQUAE MORTIS! No, wait, it's just your imagination.