Kyon: Big Damn Hero

Pretender (part one)

"Why do I have to be the lead? That's totally unfair!" Taniguchi complained loudly between munches, bringing down his fists on the laminate tabletop for added emphasis. More than a few patrons in the family restaurant stole covert and not-so-covert glances at the him and the other two high school students sat with him at their table by the corner.

"Now, now, Taniguchi," Kunikida said in a placating tone, uncomfortably aware of the attention they were gathering. "Everyone here was pressured into joining the cast. You're far from the only one who will have to perform in front of an audience."

"Well, sure, but the lead?" Taniguchi grumbled, more sullen than angry this time, and took a big bite of his personalized hamburger, most likely to give himself an excuse to remain quiet.

"It's not so bad, really," Kyon shrugged, apparently unconcerned as he stirred his coffee. "It's just a school play for the Cultural Festival, a parody at that, and our dear 'ultra stage director' promised us reduced manual labor for our troubles."

Kyon sipped from his cup and made a small grimace of disgust, then proceeded to drink in long draughts as if to try to finish it as soon as possible. "My point is, let's just make some memories to laugh at ourselves in the future. Perhaps even fondly, someday."

The two other boys at the other side of the table shared an incredulous look. Kunikida finished his morsel first—salmon with roasted asparagus—and asked the question the both had, "Kyon, you seem to be surprisingly cavalier about this."

"Yeah, how come you're not wise-cracking and being as unhelpful as possible. You know, whining, Kyon-style."

Kyon frowned and opened his mouth to protest, but his retort became a thoughtful silence before it could leave his lips. "I don't know," he mussed aloud. "It just doesn't seem like such a big deal, I suppose."

"Must be a matter of perspective," Kunikida posited. "As a soon-to-be married man, probably it's difficult for you to get worked up over things of little importance in the long run."

"It's amazing how fast they grow up, isn't it, Kunikida-dono?" Taniguchi crossed his arms and nodded sagely, trying and failing to hide his smirk behind his best old-man voice impersonation.

"Indeed, they do, Taniguchi-san," the shorter guy mirrored his gestures and intonation in a vaguely paternal manner as well. "It seems like it was just yesterday when our boy was sneaking out of the classroom for who-knows-what with who-knows-whom."

"Ah, to be young again and in love!"

Kyon snorted at his friends antics and took another swig of coffee.

"By the way," Kunikida begun. "You actually did a disappearing act yesterday. Missing class is a bad habit to fall into, of course, but I must admit that I'm somewhat impressed by how you managed to sneak past both world history and math teachers without either of them noticing a thing."

"Guy must be a disciple of the Suzumiya's secret school of truancy and mayhem," Taniguchi commented. "If middle school taught me anything about life, it's that there's people who can and likely will get away with crazy stuff without getting caught."

"Haruhi isn't nearly as bad as you're making her out to be," Kyon protested lightly.

"She isn't, now. Before Kitago and especially before you, that's entirely a different story, dude."

Kyon raised an eyebrow at him. "Nah," he waved a hand dismissively. "If anything, I was just the guy who kept talking to her. Change must come from within and all that Zen."

Taniguchi blinked at him several times and took a forkful of his french fries and chewed slowly.

"Kyon, if you don't mind telling us," Kunikida prompted after Taniguchi remained silent for a minute, "can I ask you why did you leave class yesterday? That's not something you would do without a good reason."

"Not at all," he said amiably and finished his coffee. "I got a call from my part-time job. A situation came up and we had a conference call to work on the problem."

"Sound serious," Kunikida remarked.

Kyon made a so-so gesture. "Urgent maybe, but nothing too unusual. One of… my sempais volunteered to deal with it and that was it. In hindsight, I probably should have simply told the teacher that I needed a bathroom break instead of sneaking around. However…" he trailed off and suddenly took a furtive and efficient peek at his surroundings.

Apparently satisfied with the results, he reached into an inner pocket of his coat and pulled out a stainless steel thermos. Without saying a word, Kyon opened flask and poured some of its still steaming hot content into his empty cup. "… as with everything else in life," he continued and sipped slowly, savoring the taste, "sneaky-ness has its place and time."

Taniguchi chuckled. "Suzumiya's virus definitively got you. What's that?" he asked.

"Coffee."

"Seriously? For a moment I thought it was, I don't know, Irish coffee."

Kyon raised a questioning eyebrow.

"It's a cocktail," Kunikida explained. "A mix of hot coffee, Irish whiskey and brown sugar."

Kyon shook his head. "Just black coffee. The real stuff, though." He looked at his friends' still unfinished plates. "Probably it won't go too well with what you guys ordered for lunch, but do you want some?"

Kunikida declined politely with a wave of his hand. Taniguchi, feeling more curious than his classmate nodded and said, "Sure, I'd like a sip."

Kyon put the cup down on its saucer and pushed both across the table. "Err, don't you happen to carry another cup in that duster of yours," Taniguchi asked.

"The flask does come with two small mugs, but–"

"A small mug is fine, long live the small mug," Taniguchi cut in.

Kunikida snorted. "Let me guess, 'Bros do not share dessert'?" he quoted.

"Applies to coffee and popcorn, too."

Kyon looked a little confused at the interplay, but he simply shrugged and poured some coffee into the stainless steel mug and handed it over to Taniguchi, taking care to avoid the attention of any waitresses in the process.

"Sugar?" he asked, holding an unopened tubular packet between his middle and index fingers.

"Nah, I'm good," Taniguchi assured him and took a small sip. He blinked and looked at the mug, surprised. Then he took another sip, slow and deliberate, immediately followed by a longer draught. The cycle repeated itself with small variations a few times more until he muttered, "What the–?"

"Something bothering you?" Kyon chimed in, suppressing a grin.

"Yeah, just wondering what kind of muddy water I've been drinking all my life," he said admiringly.

"That good?" Kunikida asked.

"Better." Taniguchi turned to Kyon. "Where did you–?"

"Kanae-chan brews coffee for the SOS Brigade during meetings after half-days every other Saturday," Kyon explained. "Today, I was supposed to miss the chance because of work, but Asahina-san thought ahead and let me borrow her spare thermos."

Taniguchi finished his coffee and handed the mug back to Kyon.

"Damn, little girl knows her stuff. Dude, if you guys ever want to attract new members for your club, you just have to offer a little of elixir to the new meat on the recruitment week and collect the applications," he praised. "Say, can I…?"

"Sure," Kyon agreed and poured more coffee for Taniguchi and himself. Then he produced a second mug and turned to the other person at the table. "Do you–?"

"I appreciate it, but I think I'll pass," Kunikida declined. He made a thoughtful expression and observed, "Did you say something about work?" He looked at the table and took notice of the fact that Kyon just ordered coffee unlike Taniguchi and himself. "Do you have an appointment soon?"

"Yes. Someone is supposed to meet me here in"—he glanced at his wristwatch—"eleven minutes from now. Which reminds me…" Kyon pulled out his wallet and a few purple notes and place them on the center of the table. "Don't worry about the bill. It's my treat today."

Taniguchi practically glowed. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

For his part, Kunikida looked visibly troubled. "Er, Kyon, I don't think you should pay for my lunch. I hardly eat out and that's why today I indulged myself and–"

"I said you don't have to worry about it," Kyon insisted.

"Still, my order is probably too expens–"

"It's not a problem, really."

"No need to be so shy, dude." Taniguchi offered. "We're among friends. What's the big deal?"

"But–"

"Kunikida," Kyon pressed on in softer voice. "If I made you feel uncomfortable, I apologize." He bowed his head at a small angle, enough for his friends to notice but almost imperceptibly for anyone else at the restaurant.

Kunikida winced. According to his upbringing, forcing someone, especially a friend, to behave more politely than necessary is likely more of a faux pas than simply accepting his generosity.

Taniguchi pretended to ignore his friends and picked a menu card and skimmed through the pages.

"If an invitation for lunch is unacceptable, how about an exchange? A meal for knowledge?" Kyon proposed.

"Sorry, it was rude of me," Kunikida apologized and returned the bow. "I'm thankful for your invitation and if there's something you want to ask, please do so without reservation."

"I'll do so, thank you."

"Dammit, guys. If you two spurt any more formalities, this is going to look like a marriage interview and I don't want to play matchmaker," Taniguchi complained.

Kyon and Kunikida snorted.

"And Kunikida would be the bride-to-be," Taniguchi added.

"Hey!"

"It's for the best, bro. Just try to picture Kyon in a dress. Long story short: buff drag."

Kyon made a face. "I really think it's against my best interest to comment on that, but I don't think I qualify for 'buff'," he air-quoted.

"I think Taniguchi has a point," Kunikida threw in his opinion. "If I'm not mistaken, you have a background in martial arts. Is that correct?"

"Well, a little," Kyon confirmed. Taniguchi rolled his eyes and decided to focus on his food before it got too cold.

"Weight training? Abundant, protein-rich diet?"

Kyon thought for a moment. "Not particularly."

Kunikida nodded to himself. "It's only a hypothesis, but I think that your training regimen is designed to produce, let's call it, 'efficient' muscle instead of simply 'strong' muscle. That's it, your physique is closer to one of a swimmer or a long-distance runner than a weightlifter or a heavyweight boxer."

"I think I got what you're saying, but I'm not sure if I agree."

"You've got Bruce Lee's body type," Taniguchi summed up. "While wearing normal clothes, you look like everyone else. Shirtless, you're probably the worst wingman ever. In a drag, you're either funny as hell or a very good reason why Brain Bleach should be a thing."

"Then, let's all be thankful that Haruhi withdrew her original plan of a cross-dressing pageant for our class' official activity," Kyon confided.

The other two boys widened their eyes in identical shocked expressions and cried out in impeccable unison, ""What!?""

Kyon sipped his coffee again and calmly elaborated, "Just like it says on the tin. We got lucky that an anonymous playwright"—he unconsciously nodded to his left shoulder for reasons unknown to Taniguchi and Kunikida—"presented an original script called Pretending to know Hamlet to her and now the rest is history… Feeling like we dodged a bullet, don't you think so, too? Hamlet? Laertes?"

""Yeah…"" they breathed out at the same time.

Kunikida shook his head. "Let's forget about that. Kyon, what did you want to ask me before the… digression?"

"Oh, right, I almost forgot. In layman's terms, what can you tell me about Fermat's theorem?" Kyon asked.

Taniguchi frowned. "That sounds like homework. Please tell me we won't talk about homework."

"… It depends. Which one of them?"

Kyon blinked. "Is there more than one?"

"A few. I recently looked into the subject and, as far as I can remember, there is Fermat's little theorem, Fermat's Last theorem, Fermat's theorem on sums of two squares,–"

"My God, it isn't just homework. It's math homework," Taniguchi muttered to himself disgusted, but his words remained unnoticed.

"–Fermat's theorem of the stationary points of differentiable functions and I think there is a Fermat's principle related to the law of refraction."

"Worse. It's extra credit stuff on top of that…"

"I see," Kyon nodded thoughtfully to himself. "Which one of them would you say is the most famous?" he asked after a moment.

"…… That's, err." Kunikida coughed once into his napkin. "That would be, without a doubt, Fermat's Last theorem."

Kyon raised an eyebrow. "What's so special about it?"

"For one, despite its simple formulation, it remained just a conjecture for more than 350 years. Many, many mathematicians across the centuries tried to either prove it or find a counterexample–"

Taniguchi waved his hands to get his friends' attention. "Wait, guys. Can we change the subject? Please?"

"What's wrong?" Kyon asked.

"Well, err–"

"If I had to guess, I'd say he's still upset with his almost failing score on last math text…" Kunikida trailed off.

"Something like that, yes."

"… or rather, Yanagimoto-san is."

"Coughjerkcough," Taniguchi snarked back, actually vocalizing the word 'cough'.

"Seriously? Even I got a score above my average on that one. What happened?" Kyon said.

Taniguchi sighed. "Remember two weeks ago when I got my scooter license?"

"At your first try, I remember."

"That's right. The thing is I got carried away with the preparation for that test that I…" He made a vague gesture.

"And now Yanagimoto-san is mad at you because she's the one tutoring you," Kyon guessed.

"Yeah," Taniguchi sighed again.

Kyon seemed to consider something for a short while. "Tell me something. Why did you give priority to the driving test? As far as I know, you can take it whenever you want, what was the rush?"

Taniguchi scowled at Kyon, set his mouth in a flat line and then… blushed.

Both Kyon and Kunikida raised two eyebrows at that. The former politely gestured him to elaborate.

"… Let's say, hypothetically, that there's this guy who got an old scooter for free from a relative who moved to overseas for work. Would you blame him for rushing to get his license to invite his g-girlfriend for a ride?"

"… Of course not, but… isn't, er, against the law for two people–?"

"–to ride a scooter at the same time on a public street? Yes, it is. That was question number 49 of 50, by the way," Taniguchi grumbled.

"So, does Ya–, I mean, does the girlfriend in this hypothetical scenario know exactly why the guy got a low score on his math test?" Kyon formulated.

"…………… No."

"I think you should tell her."

"No! That's–, I don't think the guy wants to make a bigger fool of himself."

"In my opinion, a well-meaning fool is easier to forgive than an ungrateful idiot, but…"

"But?"

Kyon sighed. "Let's say, still hypothetically, that there's a meddlesome person who knows a few friends of that girlfriend and might, just might, mention the whole story to them. In turn, these friends or hers may decide tell her about it. That way, she can get a better idea of what's going on and possibly become more receptive to her boyfriend's explanations."

Taniguchi blinked at him owlishly.

"In that scenario, would the guy get upset with that?" Kyon asked, putting annoyed emphasis on the roundabout manner of speech.

"I don't think he would," 'the guy' said with a sigh of his own.

"You sure?"

"Yes. Thanks, man."

"Not a problem. Now, let's go back a bit. Kunikida, what else can you tell me about–?"

"E-Excuse me, sir," a new voice stammered. "Are you 'K-Kyon'?"

The three boys turned to the newcomer, surprised. They quickly recognized her as one of waitresses working the tables, but not the one who took and later brought their orders.

The young woman, probably not older than twenty-two with short black hair and glasses, was dressed in a white blouse, simple black pants and a long patterned apron with a nametag reading 'Yukari'.

Yukari's face was pale, she was obviously trembling with fear and her eyes were bright with unshed tears. In one hand she carried a cellphone and a large manila envelope in the other.

Kyon narrowed his eyes. "Yes. How can I help you?" He pointed at the phone and mouthed the word 'speaker' to the waitress. She nodded.

"There's a g-group of–, of g-gentlemen outside who instruct me to h-hand over this folder to you without bringing anyone else's attention to m-myself," Yukari said in a soft voice, but loud enough for Taniguchi, Kunikida and whoever it was at the other end of the line to hear. "Here."

Without further ado, Kyon accepted the envelope and browsed through contents without removing any pages from the folder. For the briefest of moments, Kyon's face twisted in an angry visage like his friends at the other side of the table never saw before. Yukari almost jumped in fright at the sight of it.

Kyon took the phone from the waitress' hands with a slow and deliberate manner as if to not scare her further, pushed a button and said to the receiver without preamble, "How do you want to do this?"

A minute that felt like an eternity went by while Kyon held a phone conversation using mostly monosyllables. Then he raised from his chair, pressed the same button again and turned to Taniguchi and Kunikida.

"Sorry, guys," Kyon said apologetically, something like shame tainting his voice. "Stay here for another half a hour and then go home. You'll be fine." He turned to the young woman expectantly. She nodded shakily and begun to walk towards the back of the store.

Kyon followed after her and a few seconds later he disappeared through a set of double doors.

Sixty seconds later, Taniguchi and Kunikida still remained on their seats in astonished paralysis.

Nobody else noticed a thing.

Nobody reached for their phones to call the police. No patron broke up their conversation to glance at them and wonder what was wrong with them. Not even the staff seemed to notice the absence of one of their own.

A little while later a waitress, the one in charge of attending their table, approached the two boys in school uniform and asked whether they wanted dessert. She thought nothing of the empty chair in front of them but she did remark on the small pile of 5,000 yen bills on the center of the table.

A generous tip, she calculated, unless they ordered something else.

For some reason, this snapped Taniguchi out of his stupefaction.

"Fuck!" he snarled, unconsciously grabbed his school bag and jumped out of his chair.

People sitting at the nearby tables stared at the high school student with disapproving eyes.

"Yeah, you heard me," he snapped at them and went for the double doors.

"Wait! Sir, that area is off-limits for costumers," the waitress complained a few steps behind him.

After the threshold, Taniguchi found another set of double doors leading to the kitchen and a corridor to his right with a couple of doors to one side and an emergency exit swinging ajar at the end.

Taniguchi ran through the hallway without any clear idea of what to do after leaving the building. He pushed the heavy-duty steel door with his shoulder and arrived to a small parking area at the end of an alley.

Yukari stood on her knees next to a row of parked bicycles, her glasses forgotten on the ground. She was crying in earnest, uncontrollable sobs interrupted by hiccups and whimpers.

"Yukari!" the other waitress cried out and immediately kneeled down next to her. "What happened to you? Are you hurt?"

Yukari recognized her coworker and hugged her without thinking. "They took him. They wanted to–," she sniffed, "–to h-hurt me, but he didn't let t-them. I-I couldn't… a thing. I couldn't do…"

Kunikida arrived at some point carrying a school bag under each arm and stopped in his tracks at the sight of both women.

"Where?!" Taniguchi half asked, half demanded, with as much authority as he could manage.

Yukari looked at him, seemingly in recognition, and said, "Car. Black s-sedan. Big."

He sprinted towards the street. "Don't go!" Yukari cried out. "G-Guns, they have guns!"

The shorter boy blanched. "Taniguchi, wait! It's too dangerous. We have to call the police!"

Taniguchi faltered for a second, but then immediately hurried his steps and shouted back, "You call them! At least we need to know which way they took him!"

As he feared, once he stepped into the street, he looked at both sides and saw no black sedan in either direction. A curse died in his throat when the sound of numerous car alarms went off at the same time from some point to the north.

Lacking better clues, Taniguchi tracked down the source of the noises and traveled west after a corner. Halfway to the next intersection he located it. The lights of every vehicle in a rental car lot flickered in tandem with their sirens, creating a deafening cacophony.

Taniguchi put a wrist through the handle loop of his school bag and covered both of his ears with his palms. Soon he realized that nobody was trying to turn off the alarms, no personnel of the rental car company seemed to be present to get the situation under control.

Following his hunch, he walked through a missing section of the tall, removable security fence surrounding the street side of the lot. Stealth wasn't an issue with so much noise drowning his own, but he made sure to keep his head down to avoid being spotted just in case.

There wasn't any need to sneak around.

After a short patch covered by gravel, Taniguchi found a foreign car matching the description given by Yukari, hidden from sight from the street by the front row of parked cars. Its four doors were completely open and around the sedan...

Taniguchi gulped. Around the sedan found the unconscious bodies of six men. Three dressed in black suits, two in cheaper-looking suits sporting big round pins with the logo of the rental car company and the last one had a dirty and oil-stained set of blue overalls.

All of them carried silenced weapons, either pistols in holsters peaking beneath their jackets, a few discarded guns a few feet away from the closer body and an assault rifle with a large suppressor attached to the barrel and hanging by a nylon strap over one shoulder for the one guy without a suit.

A sudden need to feel himself armed and safer pressed Taniguchi to grab one of the pistols, but he reasoned that without the proper training he had better chances to hurt himself rather than otherwise and left the weapons alone. Instead, he looked around for any sign of Kyon and his attention was drawn to the only other thing out of place.

A large delivery van, wearing the colors of a known hardware store chain, stood with its engine running, apparently ready to leave the lot through another missing section of fence leading to a back alley.

From where he was standing, Taniguchi had a clear longitudinal view of the right side of the vehicle. A seventh man in plain clothes and a ball cap laid unconscious, his head resting awkwardly on the steering wheel. One of its rear doors hanging precariously from just one hinge and Taniguchi decided to investigate.

He tried to peek into the interior and immediately regretted it. A pungent smell, a disgusting mix of sweat, vomit and urine leaked from the cargo space and only the strident noise prevented Taniguchi from covering his nose and mouth with his hands. He turned around, took a deep breath, held it and tried again.

The interior of the van looked like something prepared for a thriller or even a horror movie. Two sets of restraining implements had been laid out on the floor to each side of the cargo space. Shackles, handcuffs, chains and other items that Taniguchi couldn't identify had been either weld to the metal floor or held onto it by metal rings attached to it.

The arrangement suggested that two people were supposed to be bound in a supine position on the floor, lengthwise with their upper-body pointing to the front of the van and their hands cuffed well above their heads. Taniguchi also noticed smears of dried blood and other stinking spots staining the interior of the van.

Some particularly analytical part of his mind zeroed in on the obvious differences between both set of restrains. The one to the left appeared to be intact, but the one to the right seemed to be missing pieces.

Taniguchi focused on a short and sturdy-looking length of chain that connected the floor of the van to nothing in particular. Pieces of matching links could be found laying around and he peered closely to one of them and making sure of not touching anything.

The metal loop had been cut clean into two and, if his mind wasn't playing tricks on him, he observed a burning halo surrounding the circular cross-sections of the link.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed his arm and Taniguchi swore and swung his school bag at whoever touched him in reflex. Removing his hand from his head sent the discordant noise of car alarms through his ear and the resulting moment of disorientation prevented him from following-up with his attack.

Kunikida fell down, sitting on the gravel, and held his bag defensively over his head. Once he made sure that the taller boy recognized him, he rose to his feet and pantomimed something that Taniguchi couldn't make too much sense of. Kunikida then took his arm again and lead his friend a few steps away from the van and pointed in direction to the back alley.

Nine or then meters in from of them stood a woman who kept impassive surveillance over the prone bodies, holding her small semiautomatic in a two-handed grip with her right index finger away from the trigger. Her commanding bearing and unperturbed demeanor made Taniguchi think of an uncompromising character, a by-the-book detective or strait-laced SP right out of a police drama.

Taniguchi threw a questioning stare at Kunikida and arched an eyebrow. The latter nodded and encouraged him to approach her, then he picked up the discarded school bags and hurried to do the same.

As they walked towards her, Taniguchi took in more of her appearance and other features. She looked about thirty years old, hair cut professionally short, but he guessed that she could still pass for someone a lot younger with the right makeup and clothes. She was tall for a woman, just two or three inches shorter than himself, she was dressed in a brown pantsuit set with matching comfortable shoes.

Once they were a few steps away from her, she holstered her weapon, turned around and wordlessly beckoned them to follow her through the back alley. Kunikida immediately obeyed and Taniguchi had to struggle to keep with her brisk pace while holding his hands against his ears. Only then he noticed that Kunikida and the woman didn't seem to be nearly as affected as him by the noise.

She led them to a street, turned west and kept walking. Her eyes swiftly jumped from one store sign to the next until she found one of her liking and all but darted down a flight of stairs.

Taniguchi glanced at the numerous flyers glued to the walls at both sides of the stairs and realized that they were heading to a karaoke place, albeit one quite a lot shoddier than the kind Yanagimoto and Sakanaka like to visit.

Kunikida stepped beside him and removed a pair of plugs from his ears. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Where did you get those?" Taniguchi asked instead.

"I used them when I want to study during breaks."

The still unnamed woman remover her own pair of earplugs, opened a door ajar and peered inside, one hand on her holster under her left arm.

"Blasphemy and heresy," Taniguchi quipped without any real humor in his voice. He pointed ahead with his thumb and said, "Who's the–?"

"After me," she instructed and ambled through the door. Kunikida complied and Taniguchi followed after them.

The sudden transition from the outside to the poorly illuminated interior left Taniguchi squinting at his surroundings. By the time he could make any details, the woman was paying a young man with a shaved head and piercings behind the counter.

The man gave an obvious once-over to the woman and then to both teens. Taniguchi could just see the incipient cues of a dirty joke on his face.

"Babysitting, that's–" he begun but his words died in his throat after one glance at her face. "Sorry, ma'am. Room number two, right next to the soda machine to the left."

The woman walked into the store and quickly found the indicated room. She went through same routine to check the door as before, and then motioned them to enter. After they did, she closed after her, ignored the couches and stood with her back against a wall in a position that gave her a good view of the door.

"Who the hell are you?" Taniguchi demanded, already tired of following someone else's instructions without any explanation.

Kunikida winced. "Taniguchi, don't. She's–"

"Akasaka Miyuki, National Police Agency, Organized Crime Division," she cut in smoothly and produced a badge wallet and handed it over to Taniguchi. "Kunikida-san, Taniguchi-san. Please refrain from making questions and pay attention to everything I'm going to say for the next few minutes. Is that alright with you?"

Taniguchi was about to retort something rash, but Kunikida fixed him with a stare and shook his head. The taller boy bit back his words and nodded.

"First, as minors and without a properly issued subpoena, you're not in any obligation to answer any questions or even remain in this room if you don't wish to. You can leave whenever you want and I can't and won't do anything to stop you. Is that clear?"

Taniguchi and Kunikida said nothing.

"Second, I'm not in liberty to divulge any information about any ongoing investigation. However, time-critical circumstances demanded extraordinary measures and that's the reason I approached you two, today.

"As I said before, you can leave this room at any time, but if you decide against doing so, you might provide crucial information leading to the resolution of an open criminal case. Do you wish to stay?"

Kunikida waited for his friend answer. Taniguchi was at a loss. On one hand, he wanted to help the police. On the other hand, after what he saw in the last twenty minutes, he couldn't be sure that Kyon wasn't actively hiding from the law.

On the gripping hand, lack of knowledge is lack of power and the NPA agent knew something they didn't.

Taniguchi nodded. Kunikida did the same after a moment.

"Right," Miyuki said. "the young man under the alias of 'Kyon' is a… person of interest in a current investigation. It's of utmost importance for the NPA and particularly myself to locate him before everyone else. That's why I want to ask you two to contact him for me right now."

"That's it?" Taniguchi asked incredulous. "You aren't going to tell us what the hell is going on?"

"As I said," Miyuki said warningly. "I'm not in liberty to speak–"

"It won't connect," Kunikida purposely interrupted, lowering his cell phone from his ear. "It rings once and then goes straight to voice mail. I could try again but…"

"He blocked your number," Miyuki guessed.

"That or I only have his old number. I think he changed phones this year and I usually just mail him, which is probably why I didn't notice until now."

Taniguchi blinked. He couldn't be completely sure about it, but the other boy was, as a rule, way too meticulous to overlook something like that. For example, he knew for a fact that Kunikida keeps a paper back-up of his list of contacts just in case his phone goes missing, stolen or breaks down.

Kunikida was planning something. Taniguchi was willing to bet yen to Monopoly money on it.

"Taniguchi, could you try, too?" he requested in a little too insisting tone.

The taller boy pressed his lips into a flat line. "Fine," he spatted and pulled out his phone. "Same thing," he said truthfully after a moment.

Miyuki seemed to consider her options. "I apologize for the inconvenience," she said. "I paid the room fee for the hour. I recommend for you two to remain here for that time and then go straight home. Thanks for your cooperation. Good-bye," she bowed her head a fraction of an angle and headed for the door.

"Wait," Kunikida cut in. "What if we could contact Kyon, if given the time to do it?"

Miyuki looked down at him over her shoulder and frowned.

"We are his friends," Kunikida elaborated, "we hang out with him during breaks, after school and over the Internet. And we also know his other friends and we have common acquaintances with his fiancée. If we put our mind–"

"Tsuruya Haruka can not be carelessly informed about today's incident," Miyuki snapped back. She didn't raise her voice, but the intensity she put in her words forced both boys take a step away from the woman.

"W-What…?" Kunikida stuttered. Whatever his plan, such a strong reaction wasn't part of it.

"Dammit," Miyuki cursed and turned around to face them both. "You must listen to me very carefully. This is not a game. One false step and a lot of people will be hurt. You don't know–"

"That's the problem!" Taniguchi snarled back at her, anger pushing caution out of his thoughts. "We don't!"

"Please, Akasaka-san," Kunikida pleaded before either Miyuki or Taniguchi could say anything else. "We just learned that our friend is hiding what obviously are dangerous secrets from us. Simply put, if you don't give us at least an idea, an inkling of what is really going on, we're bound—either by act or omission—to make a crucial mistake. Please," he bowed deeply to her.

Tense silence permeated the room. The until-then unnoticed karaoke machine mutedly played some cheery and jarringly inappropriate pop song about a first love. Taniguchi ground his teeth and clenched his fists.

"Please," he said. "Kyon, he's our guy. Our friend. If he got into trouble, I want to help him. If it's his own damn fault, I want to beat some sense into the fool and then help him. But…, if I know nothing, I can do nothing. Please, help me to change that."

Miyuki studied them, her expression betraying nothing. After a while that seemed a lot longer than it actually was, she glanced at the clock on the wall and then turned at Taniguchi and Kunikida.

"Very well," Miyuki allowed. "But first, you must understand this: you two are better off not knowing. Don't get further involved with Kyon and his people and you'll be fine. Safe. Believe me when I tell you that you don't have any idea how precious that word really is. I can see on your faces that life didn't give you the frame of reference to understand this and that's a good thing."

Miyuki let her words sink for a moment. "Time is short and I can only give you thirty seconds to make up your minds. Don't let your own words bind you, you don't have anything to prove. Now, are you sure you really want to know?"

Do they?

Both young men fell into thoughtful silence.

Taniguchi wanted to spat his affirmative, but caution and something else stopped him. He wanted to help his friend, he really did, but what difference would he make in this situation? Seriously, guys with guns in broad daylight in Japan? How did Kyon's life come to that? he wondered.

There were signs, though. Taniguchi couldn't forget when someone guy challenged Kyon in front of the whole school and he just ran out of class to face him. He also remembered that time in May when Kyon got a note from the doctor excusing him from P.E. for two weeks and the rumors saying that it had something to do with the news reports of a high school student getting shot outside a movie theater.

"Please continue, Akasaka-san," Kunikida spoke first to Taniguchi's surprise. "I'll take responsibility for my own decisions."

Miyuki nodded and turned to Taniguchi with an expression that some part of his brain translated to 'Man Up or Get Out'. A small pang of wounded pride tilted his mental scales slightly into a course of action. "Yeah, no time to lose, remember?" he seconded and crossed his arms.

The NPA agent shook her head and sighed, mostly to herself, "That guy sure knows how to pick them." Then she looked straight at Taniguchi and Kunikida and said, "Okay, listen up…"

They did.

That was the real start.

Pretender (part two)

"Let me see if I got this right," Taniguchi summed up from his seat on one of two worn-out coaches in the karaoke room. "Long story short, Tsuruya-san is a Yakuza Princess. Her family is not only filthy rich but also traditional as hell and went and put her in an Arranged Marriage to Ordinary High-School Student Kyon–"

"Taniguchi, I think you're doing it again," Kunikida interrupted in a patient, just short of long-suffering, tone.

"Doing what?"

"Speaking in storytelling shorthands."

"They're called tr–"

"I know, but please avoid them in a conversation," Kunikida insisted. "It's very easy to lose track of what you're talking about if I can't immediately figure out the meaning of even one of them."

"Alright, got it. But, so far so good?"

"Yes, go ahead."

"Righto. Now, Kyon turned out to be awesomely competent at the asskicking department and that got many guys wanting to beat him for… the street cred?" Taniguchi guessed.

"I don't think it's that simple," Kunikida differed. "Akasaka-san's explanation was deliberately vague at times, but reading between lines I think the problem is the value of Kyon's public image in his… business. Like the effect of a priced proprietary asset on the stock market."

"Can I get a simpler example, Kunikida-sensei?" Taniguchi asked rhetorically.

"Er, sorry. Let's try with an analogy about…" Kunikida trailed off for a moment until he snapped his fingers. "Baseball."

Taniguchi raised an eyebrow. "Baseball?"

"Any other team sport could work, I suppose," Kunikida allowed.

"Nah, baseball is fine," the taller boy grinned for some reason. "Baseball analogies have served me well in the past."

"Alright," Kunikida said slowly, before getting the joke and rolling his eyes. "Let's say Kyon is a professional baseball player. His organization, this 'Tsuruya-tachi', is the team he plays for, but just not in every match."

"With you so far."

"Without him, his team does well enough. They win more often than not, they're a favorite to go to the playoffs. That sort of thing."

"The Climax Series," Taniguchi chimed in almost by reflex.

Kunikida stared at him reprovingly.

"Hey! That's the official name of the playoffs in the NPB," he protested defensively.

"Never mind that." The shorter boy shook his head. "Now, the problem is that whenever Kyon goes into the field, his team always wins by a wide margin. Every time, no exceptions. The reason for this is not particularly important. Maybe it's because of his own skill, his role as a morale booster, an intimidating factor against their opponents or a mix of the three or another. The important thing is the fact that, after a while, everybody noticed the pattern. Do you see the problem?"

"I think so," Taniguchi crossed his arms and rested his back on the couch. "People think of him more like a lucky charm than just a player, then?"

"More or less," Kunikida conceded. "In this scenario, Kyon holds symbolic power for his team. They can't risk to make him play on every game and cheapen it, nor they can show too much dependency on him and look bad in comparison. But, as long as they're smart about it, they can get a lot of mileage out of the mere potential of his involvement in a given situation."

"Kind of like a 'don't-make-me-call-Kyon' policy?"

"Not a generalized policy. More than a convenient leverage for negotiation, from time to time."

"Like… cutting in line at the school cafeteria by letting them think that Kyon send me to buy stuff in his place?" Taniguchi suggested.

Kunikida blinked several times at him and then his jaw dropped slightly open.

"… which never happened before," the taller boy amended without success.

"… Of course," Kunikida said skeptically, "but yes, just like that. Now, think of this situation from his opponents' point of view."

"They want Kyon to lose his lucky streak."

"More like they want him to get lost. Period." Kunikida shuddered almost imperceptibly. "In a way, that includes the National Police Agency."

Taniguchi unconsciously frowned at Miyuki's blank business card resting on the table between them with a phone number jotted by her on it. "How so?"

"Kyon apparently gives too much of an advantage to his group, making things difficult for the police. The impression I got from Akasaka-san is that she wants Kyon to surrender to the authorities on his own. Even though they don't have enough for an arrest warrant, otherwise I guess they'd have already done so, getting him out of the streets for a while would be a prize of its own."

"So, she wants to make a deal with Kyon," Taniguchi surmised. "By… getting him to betray his allies? That sounds stupid. No way they'll forgive something like that."

"Not necessarily," Kunikida countered. "If Akasaka-san and Kyon can make it look like she tried to charge him with something and failed, he'd be able to walk home without betraying anyone and the NPA still gets Kyon removed from the equation."

"I see," Taniguchi said and nodded slowly. "There are still a few things I don't get. First, why Akasaka-san didn't want us to call Tsuruya-san to tell her about what happened today."

"Actually, I'm not too sure about that," Kunikida admitted. "If Tsuruya-san is Kyon's boss, she's bound to learn about the incident sooner than later. It's like Akasaka-san expects her to act rashly and make the situation worse even though, in her own words, Tsuruya-san is competent enough to know better," he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I think I'm misreading something here."

"Now I get it," Taniguchi cut in immediately, smacking the side his fist into his opposing palm. "You're thinking it too much, man. It's pretty simple."

"Is it?" the shorted boy prompted.

"Yeah. Tsuruya-san is head over heels in love with Kyon," he assured. "She may act like a proper mob boss if another of her subordinates gets attacked, but if you tell her that seven guys with guns tried to kidnap her man and you can't reassure her that he's fine in the same phone call, she could freak out big time."

"That's… quite a leap of logic," Kunikida disagreed politely. "How can you be so sure she could react like that?"

"How can you or Akasaka-san be 100% sure she won't?" the taller boy answered with a similar question. "No matter how small the chance, it's a risky bet to make and NPA lady can't leave that kind of thing to the dices."

"Wait a moment," Kunikida raised his hand in a halting gesture. "In the first place, where do you get that Tsuruya-san is in love with Kyon? We know that their engagement was arranged by their families, after all."

"And probably you can name more than half a dozen of political marriages in history from the top of your head that ended with the couple caring for each other for real. In this case, I can totally see Kyon doing his thing with Tsuruya-san, who sounds to me like a lonely and properly paranoid and distrustful heiress straight out of a crime manga. Chicks like that dig the whole 'Lady and Knight' prototype–"

"Archetype," Kunikida corrected reflexively.

"–archetype for a reason," Taniguchi reworded without missing a beat. "Noticed how he talks to her or how he tacks the '-hime' honorific to Tsuruya-san's name? He totally copied that from me," he said and nodded in a vaguely smug manner.

"'-hime' is not actually a hono–," Kunikida shook his head. "But that's not important right now. Leaving the rest aside for the moment, what do you mean with 'his thing'?"

"Oh, that. Remember earlier during lunch when I told Kyon that Suzumiya changed a lot after she met him? That's the thing I'm talking about. The guy has a way to become important in a girl's life and, as far as I—or they—can tell, with no other intention but helping them."

Kunikida made a troubled face. "Kyon certainly seems like the kind of person willing to lend a hand to those in need, but you make him sound like someone who actively seeks to burden himself with other people's problems."

"Maybe not, but he always gave me the impression that he's something of a softie at heart. Sure, a snarky, face-palming softie who can make you feel stupid with a look and kick your ass six ways to Sunday without breaking a sweat, but good people in the end. Kinda like a tsundere Quixote in denial with a sharp tongue."

Kunikida was now certain where the conversation was going and commented carefully, "There is always more to a person than meets the eye."

"Well, duh," Taniguchi said without putting any real strength in his voice and looked at the ceiling, letting his arms hang listlessly to each side. "It's just… I can't… I just can't believe he's a criminal, you know, much less this 'young but well-respected saiko-komon' Akasaka-san was talking about."

Just like that, Taniguchi finally addressed the elephant in the room that so far they tacitly managed to avoid with banter and oblique speculation.

On his couch, Kunikida remained silent but attentive.

"I mean," the taller boy elaborated, probably not really talking to the person at the other side of the table. "I don't really understand how the food chain works here, but I got that the senior advisor is pretty high up there right under the big boss. Nobody gets a rank like that and succeeds at it without being skilled, smart, ambitious and more than a little ruthless and manipulative. But no matter how I see it, that's just not Kyon," he insisted in disbelief, perhaps even pleadingly to some people.

"..."

"Just think about it," Taniguchi argued, "Would a guy like that let a girl like Suzumiya boss him around? Or run errands for his club like hauling that electric heater across town last winter, do you remember that? Or put on a fancy costume and dance that funny choreography for a flash mob? Or even let people call him by that ridiculous nickname?"

"..."

"For example, there is no way someone like that would not have taken advantage of someone as good-looking as Suzumiya when she was so obviously into him, right? I know I really shouldn't talk about a girl like this, but the thing he had going on with Suzumiya was a done deal. Kyon only had to ask nicely, or perhaps not even that, and bam! Relationship Upgrade."

"..."

"How about Yamane, then? Kyon busted his voyeur photography ring. That's something anyone would call a good deed, doesn't it? Another guy with his skills and contacts would have wanted in on the deal to make some extra money and please stop with the polite silence, Kunikida," Taniguchi snapped suddenly and scowled at the other boy. "I know you're good at the whole decon thing. Tell me how all this makes sense to you."

"'Decon'? Do you mean as in literary deconstruction?"

"Yeah," Taniguchi said, letting his previous vehemence vanish from his voice. "That's why we don't watch as many action movies together anymore."

Kunikida made a skeptical face. "Really? I thought you preferred to watch them with Yanagimoto-san now," he said in a deliberate conversational tone.

"Nah, she doesn't like them too much. We take turn picking movies. Last time it was 27 Dresses."

"Your pick, I guess?" Kunikida teased.

"Hell no. And stop stalling. I'm calm now," Taniguchi sighed and rubbed his eyes with one hand.

"Right, sorry." Kunikida took a moment to collect his thoughts. "But first of all, let's review today's facts before we forget anything important. Is that alright with you?"

Taniguchi scowled at the other boy again but nodded. "Fine. Let's leave it for later," he relented, "but don't think I'm letting this one go. I'm not someone you have to coddle, okay?"

"Okay, I promise." Kunikida paused and cleared his throat. "For one, I think we can assume that Kyon is not only an accomplished martial artist, but he probably also received urban warfare training if today's incident is anything to go by."

The taller boy frowned, confused. "What's the difference?"

"No amount of the former would allow him to incapacitate six men armed with firearms at the same time and the latter is certainly not something you can normally get in a dojo."

"But I didn't see any blood on them. I'm sure Kyon didn't shoot–"

"I'm not saying he did," Kunikida clarified. He then went for his school bag and pulled out a notebook and a pen. He opened it on a blank page and drew a big rectangle. "Let's say this is the rental car lot and here is the street," he explained and wrote the word 'street' at one of the large sides of the figure, "and this is the alley." He traced a line from the opposite side and perpendicular to it and away.

Kunikida drew another rectangle inside the big one, more or less at the center and wrote 'black car' on it. "Do you remember the position of the bodies around the car?" he asked and handed over the notebook and the pen to the other boy.

Taniguchi took them and said, "I think so." He sketched several stick figures and then noticed something. "Wait, something is missing." He drew a second rectangle inside of one representing the lot and pointing towards the alley. He wrote 'van' on it and explained, "There was another unconscious guy on the van, here." He drew a circle where the driver seat was located and handed the stationeries back to the other boy.

"Hmmm," Kunikida made a thoughtful noise and traced dashed lines from the center of the heads of each stick figure and approximately following the direction of their torsos.

To Taniguchi's surprise, the six lines converged more or less to the same point at some distance from the black car and away from the van. "What does that mean?" he asked.

"Shock wave, I think."

"Like… Like a bomb?!" Taniguchi gulped, raising both eyebrows and blinking. "Is that what set off all the alarms?"

"There was too little damage for that. I was thinking more along the lines of those devices SWAT teams in the movies throw inside a house before going in themselves, the ones designed to produce only light and noise." Kunikida tapped his finger on the notebook on the table and made an effort to remember the name.

"Stun grenades?" Taniguchi suggested.

"Yes, that's it. I think Kyon detonated a stun grenade or something similar right in this point," Kunikida posited and put his index finger on the converging point in the paper.

"But, I didn't see any broken glass. I mean, if a flashbang or whatever that was had enough oomph to knock out a grown man from several meters away," Taniguchi said and traced one of the dashed lines that crossed the rectangle representing the car, "why the black car had all the windows intact?"

"I'm not sure," Kunikida admitted. "Perhaps that's how they're supposed to work in real life, but I can't know for sure. Human hearing and balance organs are very sensitive to shock waves and perhaps…" he trailed off and an idea suddenly struck him. "What if the car wasn't equipped with regular glass to begin with?" he suggested.

"Some kind of armored glass? Well, if those guys managed to get real guns in a country like ours, it wouldn't surprise me… Wait. How can we be sure of the guns?"

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe they used props. I've seen very realistic airsoft replicas before. Last year Kyon wanted help building and painting a couple of handguns for Suzumiya's movie. Later, he said they turned out okay even though he said it was his first time with anything other than a DIY model of a robot when he was like ten."

Kunikida shook his head. "I think they had real weapons. When I followed Akasaka-san into the rental car lot, she took a moment to hold one of the guns with a handkerchief by the barrel, frowned at the weight and then put it back very slowly in the same position as before on the ground."

"Oh, it was worth a try," Taniguchi relented. "That reminds me of the other thing I wanted to ask you. Where did Akasaka-san come from? When did you meet her?"

"It was right after I decided to follow after you, around the point where the alley behind the restaurant meets the street. Akasaka-san and a man got out of a car, showed me their badges and made me several questions. I explained what I could about the situation and told them about you. Akasaka-san ordered the man—apparently a plainclothes police officer from what I remember from his identification—to secure the scene and call the local police. Then she went after the sound of the alarms."

Taniguchi raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised she let you tag along."

"Well, she almost didn't, but the time was against her and she agreed with me under the condition that I had to follow her orders to the letter," Kunikida explained. "How about you, did I miss something of the scene?"

Taniguchi winced and looked positively ill for a second as a fact he was unconsciously avoiding was brought back to the surface of his thoughts.

"What's wrong?" Kunikida asked carefully.

The taller boy told his friend about what he saw in the interior of the van. Kunikida's expression grew more and more appalled the more detailed the account went. At some point he frowned and asked a few questions to clarify one thing or another, then he said, "Bait."

Taniguchi nodded. "Yeah. I think they had somebody locked up in there, someone Kyon knows to force him go along with their orders."

"Then the envelope he received from the waitress–" Kunikida deduced.

"Proof," Taniguchi finished for him. "Most likely pictures. Nasty ones."

"…… don't you think…?" Kunikida tried, but he couldn't bring himself to complete the question.

"What?"

"I mean," he tried again. "What if the person imprisoned in the van, the hostage, is someone we know too?"

Eyes widening in horror, Taniguchi cursed. The faces of every member of the SOS Brigade danced macabrely before his eyes. His imagination twisted their images to fill the blanks and match the ghastly evidence from his memories, but Kunikida's indistinct words kept him from making himself sicker by them. "What? What did you say?"

"I said, was there anything in the van that makes you think the victim remained confined for just a short time, like one or two hours at most?" Kunikida asked. "This is important, please try to remember."

"Okay," Taniguchi said slowly and collected his memories. Remembering the interior of the van objectively now required a considerably bigger effort than before he could give a face to the unknown victim, but something on the palm of his hand caught his focus and allowed him to glimpse a more comforting conclusion. "The blood stains, some of them looked old. Like half a day old, maybe more."

Kunikida blinked several times. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he said and pointed to a small scar on the border of his left palm, midway between the base of index finger and the thumb. "See here? I got this last Saturday when I was replacing a spark plug in my scooter and cut myself with the screwdriver. I stained the side of the fuel tank with my blood, but I didn't clean it right away because I went to wash my wound. The next day, the stain was dry and black and took me some effort how to get it out of the metal without damaging the paint."

"Then, the stains on the floor of the van–" Kunikida prompted.

"Yes, same kind. Meaning that whoever was in class today–" Taniguchi begun.

"–it wasn't the hostage," Kunikida finished for him this time.

"Suzumiya was in class, so the blonde with the twintails, Tachibana-san," Taniguchi listed immediately.

"Yes. Her boyfriend, Koizumi-san, came looking for her during the first break."

"I saw Tsuruya-san running up the stairs when I was walking them down for the shoe lockers. It's well known that she 'escorts' that first year girl, Michikyuu Kanae, to their clubroom after class every day."

"Kyon mentioned at lunch that Michikyuu-san prepared his coffee today," Kunikida pointed out. "Therefore, we can probably assume from both facts that she was in class today."

"He also said that Asahina-san let him borrow her thermos, so she was probably in class today too."

Kunikida looked a little dubious. "It's possible that she left it at their clubroom and Kyon asked her permission to use it by phone or something."

"Well, it's easy enough to verify if she was in class today," Taniguchi assured.

"You know someone in her class?"

"Er, no. Asahina-san is Kitago's School Idol, capitalization intended. She has a creepy fanclub and everything. A couple of guys in our class are members and I'm pretty sure I'd have heard them complain if she was playing hooky today. I could always mail them and ask, though."

"Wait a second. This is off-topic, but don't they know that Asahina-san has a boyfriend?" Kunikida asked.

"Oh, yes. And they 'abhor him in righteous loathing as the wretched demon who dared to wish for the heavens.' That a direct quote, by the way," Taniguchi said.

"That's a little…"

"My sentiments exactly. Kyon's name was crossed out from a lot of guys' shit-lists after news this Shutaro guy got out." Taniguchi shook his head. "Back to the point, we're only missing two girls in Suzumiya's club, both from class 2-8. Nagato 'Silent Beauty' Yuki and an AB-minus transfer student named Sasaki-san."

"……… AB-minus? Why just an AB-minus? Er, and does Yanagimoto-san know that you're still rating girls with your scale?"

"I'm not, but old habits die hard," Taniguchi explained easily and then blinked, somewhat owlishly. "Stop, rewind. Do you know this girl? I mean, from before she transfered to Kitago?"

"… yes. She was my classmate for our second and third years in middle school and also Kyon's during the latter. I saw her in the hallway today, so we can assume she wasn't the hostage under the same hypothesis as before. That only leaves Nagato-san as a possibility within Suzumiya-san's club."

"Kunikida, you know I'm totally asking you later where did that 'why just an AB-minus' complain come from, right? I think I know the answer, but–"

"Later," the shorter boy cut in with a sigh and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Now it's not the time for that. Do you have any way to know whether Nagato-san was in class today?"

"Other than calling Suzumiya and getting her all suspicious on me about why I'm asking her about Nagato-san? No, I don't, but you might. Do you have Sasaki-san's number?"

"Yes, but it's the same problem in my case. How do I ask her about Nagato-san without explaining about today's incident? I don't want to worry her unnecessarily, especially if our speculation turns out to be baseless in one way or another."

"The same way you convinced Akasaka-san that we hang out with Kyon 'over the Internet'," Taniguchi air-quoted. "Nice BS there, by the way," he praised honestly, "especially considering this is the same guy who didn't know what a viral video is or what the expression 'going memetic' means."

"It's a common preconception," Kunikida explained, somewhat sheepish. "Adults often overestimate how widespread new media actually is among our age group. Just look at the newspapers. Also, speaking of the video you took of the flash mob organized by Suzumiya-san's club, did you eventually tell him about–?"

"Suzumiya told me not to worry and keep quiet about it."

Kunikida raised both eyebrows at that.

"She also made me give her my old account and monetized it," Taniguchi said. "I can't believe I never thought of that," he muttered to himself and shook his head. "Now, how about this? You call Sasaki-san to ask about Nagato-san and I check on Asahina-san's fanclub."

The other boy looked reluctant.

"Come on," Taniguchi pressed. "You probably don't want to talk to her, I understand that, but we'll sleep a lot better tonight if we can confirm that neither Nagato-san or Asahina-san was in that van."

Kunikida sighed and fished out his phone in answer.

"Okay. Now I really get why you didn't want to call Sasaki-san," Taniguchi conceded. "That girl is sharp. Like a tack. In your shoe."

"You think?" Kunikida retorted.

"Yeah," Taniguchi nodded, ignoring the sarcasm. "From your conversation on the speaker, she gave me major Suzumiya vibes in a way, you know."

Kunikida made a complicated face. "They're not very alike, per se."

"Oh, so you noticed," Taniguchi nodded to himself. "They're not like peas in a pod by a long shot as far as I can tell, but there's something similar about them. Kinda like polar opposite sisters."

"Sisters?" Kunikida asked skeptically.

"Well, the basic idea behind the cliché." Taniguchi cleared his throat and intoned flamboyantly, "Two maidens, born alike. Each to different houses, both with the same fire in their spirits waiting to shine over others. One through the way of academics and science, the other…" he trailed off and scratched his chin, then he changed back to his normal voice and said, "I got nothing. Crazy Awesomeness, maybe?"

Kunikida snorted. "Nice one, Hamlet," he said, giving special emphasis to the first syllable of Taniguchi's part in their class' play.

"Hey!" the taller boy mock-complained. "Joking aside, I suppose I'm just glad that none of Kyon's clubmates is involved in this mess," he sighed.

"That's true."

"Nice tale you sold, by the way. Especially the part where you brought up the thing about Nagato-san grades to get Sasaki-san to talk about her." Taniguchi commended. "Does Nagato-san really get exactly the same score on every round of exams?" he asked.

"Yes. 480 of 500 points," Kunikida elaborated. "Average scores are published thrice per term and it has happened eleven times out of eleven to date. Nagato-san's school-wide rank varies from one round to the next, but her score is always a four percent below perfect."

"It sounds like one of those 'school mysteries', don't you think?"

"Actually, I think it's some kind of internal joke between her and her teachers," Kunikida said and then thought to himself for a moment. "Nature versus nurture," he pondered. "You might have a point there." He glanced at the clock on the wall opposite to the door. "Eight minutes left on the clock."

Taniguchi followed his line of sight. "You're right. What do we do now? Going home?"

"What else?" Kunikida shrugged. "It's not like we actually have a way to contact Kyon if he turned off his cell phone and I don't know his home number. Sasaki-san might have it, but I didn't want to reach out for too much during the same conversation."

Taniguchi blinked several times as a memory struck him and he looked at the objects resting on the couch next to Kunikida. "Wait," he cut in. "There could be a way."

"How?"

"Kyon's place," Taniguchi explained. "I went there once. It's a two-story house a little more than half a hour away from Kitago on foot."

"Really?" Kunikida commented surprised. "I thought Kyon didn't bring people over because of some rule his parents had in place."

"Well, you know what they say about Suzumiya and rules. Last year she was holding auditions for a rock band and I suspect she 'volunteered' Kyon's house for the occasion."

"I didn't know you played an instrument," Kunikida said impressed.

"Er, I don't. I just knew chicks dig band members, especially lead singers and guitar players."

Kunikida sighed.

"Never mind that. The point is we could go there and see what happens." Taniguchi pointed at one of two school bags his friend was carrying around. "We even have a perfectly unrelated excuse for it."

The shorter boy looked doubtful. "Taniguchi, according to what we think it happened today, less than a hour ago someone tried to kidnap Kyon. He not only fought off his world-be captors on his own, but he also rescued the hostage—most likely one of his coworkers—they used as bait."

"Now," Kunikida continued, "right after all that, do you really think he would go to his own house?"

"It's not that," Taniguchi shook his head. "It's… the gesture."

Kunikida wanted to argue further, but Taniguchi's words went in an unexpected direction and that caught him wrongfooted.

"Did you see Kyon's face right before he left our table at the restaurant?" Taniguchi asked suddenly, his countenance set in an unusual and very serious expression.

"I can't say I did," Kunikida admitted carefully. "Why?"

"Kyon's a good poker face but my gut is telling me—more like screaming at me—that he was… sad and ashamed that we saw him, you know, 'on the clock'," Taniguchi air-quoted. "I could bet he's avoiding us because that's what he thinks we want him to do. And if we don't do something about it soon enough…" Taniguchi trailed off.

"I think I understand," Kunikida said. "But, are you sure you still want–?"

"Yes," Taniguchi declared before the other boy could finish his question. "As I said before, I still want to hear how all this makes sense to you, probably something about this very bad Kyon who was doing everything for his own benefit from the very beginning–"

Kunikida unconsciously pressed his lips together into a flat line.

"–but I suspect it won't make any more sense to me than it does now," Taniguchi shrugged. "I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I trust my gut. 'Kyon the yakuza' is just one part of the story. There has to be more."

Taniguchi rose to his feet and extended his right hand, palm up, in his friend's direction. "I'll take Kyon's bag to his place. If you don't want to get more involved in this, that's fine, man. It's the smart thing to do."

"Tell me, what are you planning to do, exactly?" Kunikida asked.

"Nothing much. Drop Kyon's school bag at his place. If I find him there, I'll tell him about Akasaka-san. If I don't, I'll ask his folks to tell him to call me. If that doesn't work, there's Monday at class."

"Is that it? Nothing else?"

"Yeah. I mean, what else is there for me to do?" Taniguchi asked rhetorically.

Kunikida remained silent for a minute, then he stood up and handed over Kyon's bag to the other boy. "I carried this for too long today. It's your turn now."

Taniguchi took the bag and raised an eyebrow at Kunikida.

"Let's go," the shorter boy said. "It's only three o'clock and I don't know how far Kyon's house is."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. There are a few things I want to be sure of before doing anything else."

"Righto," Taniguchi said without bothering to hide his grin. "Kyon's house must be two or three train stations away from here plus some walking. Probably we'll need to wander around for a bit to locate the house because I don't have the address written down this time."

Kunikida stared at Taniguchi's uniform for a moment and then at his own. "Just in case, we should do something about our uniforms, first."

Taniguchi followed his line of sight and tilted his head slightly to the side in confusion. "Why is that?"

"An incident like today's will attract a lot of attention from the authorities. Akasaka-san probably brought us here and told us to stay put for a hour to prevent us from being questioned by uniformed police officers and we know that at least the waitresses are likely to give them our descriptions."

The taller boy raised both eyebrows at that. "Now you mention it, why did she do that?"

"Best guess, Akasaka-san wants to keep Kyon's involvement in this case under wraps for now. So many illegal weapons in the same place is bound to make the police nervous and they could arrest Kyon before she gets a chance to make a deal with him."

"Makes sense. I'm still wondering why she's trying to help him."

Kunikida shook his head. "You said it before. There has to be more to this than she told us." He took off his school blazer, untucked his shirt and begun to loose his tie. "Should be this be enough?" he asked.

Taniguchi eyed him for a moment and said "I think I have just the thing." Then went for his school bag and took out a black plastic bag from it. In turn, he produced several pieces of clothing from it, mostly colorful and carelessly wrinkled T-shirts, and set them out on the table.

In the process, he also grabbed Miyuki's business card and was about to put it in his pocket when the other boy silently asked for it with a gesture. He handed it over with a shrug. "Yeah, I admit I've this tendency to lose my stuff. Anyway, take your pick. I think the ones in the lower row should fit you the best."

Kunikida simply stared at the clothes and a few accessories on the table, then at his friend, his expression set in a mix of humor, incredulity and resignation.

"What?" Taniguchi asked, admittedly more smug than defensive.

"May I ask why you carried that many T-shirts–"

"–and sunglasses and a couple of baseball caps," Taniguchi cut in and put said items on the table.

"–and sunglasses and a couple of baseball caps with you today?" Kunikida repeated without missing a beat. "I mean, what could you possibly–?"

"Only finish that question if you really want to know the answer," the taller boy warned in obviously feigned seriousness.

Kunikida stared levelly at Taniguchi for a minute. Then he sighed and rubbed the space between his eyes. "Be honest with me, how long have you been waiting to say that line?"

"Forever! The opportunity doesn't come up as often as it should."

"Congratulations," the shorter boy stated flatly, "but seriously, why?"

Taniguchi spread his arms in a can't-be-helped gesture. "Can't tell you. It goes against the boyfriend-girlfriend privilege."

"Do you mean like the spousal privilege in law of evidence?"

"Er, I think. It's kinda like the Brode of Silence, but among couples and limited to stuff that can get us suspended, grounded or bitched at like crazy."

"..."

"..."

"I think I will take the black T-shirt," Kunikida said after a while, willfully and perhaps even wisely dismissing his previous question.

"Boring. For me, it'll be the one with the badass design of Trope-tan with a red laserblade."

"… Are we really doing this?"

"Don't complain. You're the one who wanted a change of look. Pomade?" Taniguchi asked and produced a small jar of the product from his school bag.

"No, thank you," Kunikida hastily refused and glanced at the clock. "Two minutes left. I'm kind of surprised we didn't get any warning about the time. Is that how it works?"

"Nah, the clerk usually calls in five minutes before the time is up asking if we want an extension," Taniguchi explained and pointed at a handset attached to the wall and next to the door of their karaoke room with his thumb. "He either got scared good by Akasaka-san and won't talk to us, he wants to charge us extra for not leaving in time or he's plain lazy."

"I see," Kunikida said and begun to unbutton his shirt. "Let's hurry."

"Righto. By the way, do you think we could take a look of the car lot?" Taniguchi asked and set about changing his clothes.

"The lot must be closed off to civilians by now and kept under a tight watch by the police. Furthermore, I don't think we will able to see anything from the street because of the front row of parked cars, which is probably one of the reasons why those men picked such location in the first place."

Taniguchi clicked his tongue. "Straight to the train station, then?"

"I think it's for the best. Also, what do we do about our blazers and the shirts? I think they will be a little of eye-catching if we carried them around in our hands."

Taniguchi rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "The station is not that far away, but if it bothers you, let's see if the clerk has a shopping bag or something he can give us. If that fails, one of us goes to the closest convenience store and see what we can buy to carry the stuff."

He grabbed his school bag—a school-issued satchel with a lid fastened close by two buckles—, lifted the lid a little and put his arm under it and held it close with the other hand. "And if you don't mind ironing your stuff later, we could stash the shirts in our bags and hold the blazer between the bag and the lid just like this."

"Nice trick," Kunikida commended.

"It's just something I do with my raincoat from time to time." Taniguchi paused for a couple of seconds and seemed to fight the temptation to sigh very loudly. "You ready?"

"Almost. Just let me fold my clothes and I'm ready to go."

"No, I mean ready ready. There's a chance we will find Kyon in his place and I'm not totally sure how that conversation will go."

"Hey, where did all that confidence from earlier go?" Kunikida chided. Then he thought to himself for a moment, shook his head and raised a fist and held it shoulder-high midway between Taniguchi and himself.

The taller boy blinked at the sight several times, grinned and bumped his own fist against Kunikida's. "Is this perhaps the very first time that our diligent Kunikida-kun starts a brofist on his own?"

"It seemed like the right thing to say. Don't get used to it."

"Can't make any promises," Taniguchi quipped. "Thanks, man," he said earnestly after a moment.

"No. Thanks to you," Kunikida thanked back in a similar voice. "Enough is enough. Let's go already," he prompted, opened the door and grabbed his clothes and bag.

Taniguchi finished storing his things, checked around just in case they forgot something and left the room first.

Kunikida followed suit and closed the door after himself.

The untouched karaoke machine, still in demonstration mode and muted, played a foreign electro song whose lyrics went "Slipping and falling through the looking glass", but nobody was there to read the rest.