Epic Rap Battles of Historyyyyyyy!

Yeah, looks like it. Maybe Godzilla will be next? Probably another animated ERB, in that case. Honestly, Godzilla vs King Kong has been done to death, but there's really no other iconic classic Kaiju that would be a suitable opponent. Gamera, maybe?

Godzilla vs. King Kong, but it's crashed by The 50-Foot Woman

Unironically, yes, that sounds great. Crash it with the 50-Foot-Woman and Gamera, why not? Maybe throw in the Kraken from Greek Mythology, too.

This was alright, felt pretty average. Croft definitely won in my view. I did like the costume changes, they were fun.

The Raid Shadow Legends sponsorship hurts but guess they've got to get money from somewhere.

As for that tease, hm... Hesitant. While I love kaiju, they generally don't talk. Getting Godzilla's "voice" right would be very difficult. And good luck rhyimng "skreeeongk".

Speaking of, well, not speaking, I had an idea for an "April Fools" ERB.

JASON VOORHEES!

VERSUS!

MICHAEL MYERRRRRRRRRRS!

BEGIN!

And then they just stand there breathing heavy for 3 minutes.

But with subtitles.

Nice touch.

So after a few watches, my personal opinion......Indy got whipped.

Watching Scru (a youtube who review rap battles) he said this was one of the most savage battles and watching again I have to agree, Lara and indy really deal to each other.

Indy's is pretty standard. Lara, on the other hand, basically put him through all the end-of-movie supernatural occurrences at once.

Indy kind of crashes into a brick wall because he burns too much daylight on "lel you're a slut"/"lel nerd games", which can only take you so far, particularly when Croft has the counter-argument cocked and ready. By the time Lara correctly notes that Indiana is kind of a pedophile in her first verse Jones lost any argument he could have in the sexual life front, but he keeps banging on that drum throughout the rest of his verses.

And then they just stand there breathing heavy for 3 minutes.

"Jason can't talk and he rocks the mic better!"

Granted he got other verses, like how she is a distaff counterpart of him and now she feel like decaff Nathan drake, that verse was good(and probably a vestige of their plan to have Nathan show up).

We can drop the "kind of", I think; if you're in your 20s and banging a 15 year old, you should be in prison.

"That is NO TIME FOR LOVE, Doctor Jones!"

Yeah. Lara hit harder than Indy. As for that joke ERB, I just imagine both of those silent serial killers just making no sounds but they act like they do. And the subtitles are all Gag Sub submitted by fans.

@unknowing: Jones had his moments, with the whole bit on Uncharted being probably his best diss and "you vs me is sword vs gun" as his best boast. The problem is just that he makes the debate too much about sex life and Croft just smokes him out at every step in that front.

He also would have a much better front if he stuck to the quality of his films, but even in that end Lara completely defuses one of his film boasts effortlessly when he says that just the "first four notes of his theme exceed everything you've done" and Croft just calmly notes "you're not John Williams, so you ain't scoring" (i.e. she's not fighting John Williams, she's fighting Indiana Jones, his theme is irrelevant).

I'm still waiting for them to make Hatsune Miku vs. Max Headroom

I can only think that would end with her whipping him with a flyswatter.

Edited by TwinBird on Oct 29th 2022 at 10:44:06 AM

While the Uncharted reference was inevitable and the "Overshadowed by Drake like Lil Wayne" line is funny (although I don't if anything can top them figuring out they could work in the "Wayne vs. Birdman" reference in Hawk vs. Gretzky) the setup with "uncharted territory" is way too obvious and I don't think it's a good enough pun to justify repeating the phrase with a slight modification for a different meaning. Although I can't figure out a better way to work in Uncharted and just saying "Overshadowed by Drake like Lil Wayne" by itself doesn't feel like enough even if the reference would be obvious (maybe something like "And you're no longer alone in the game/Overshadowed by Drake like Lil Wayne"?)

Also I thought the John Williams line from Lara was just a pun to rebuff the advances Jones seemed to make on her, I guess it could work literally as a rebuttal to him bragging about his theme song.

And as for the Putin talk a few months ago, while I doubt they'd lean into the macho thing anymore (also Putin's voice is a lot more nasally than how it was portrayed on ERB, that might've been nice to capture), I don't think it's that dated/problematic of a portrayal, he still brags about controlling Russia even as prime minister and killing Litvinenko. I admit I wasn't really following along back in 2013, but I don't remember too many people taking the shirtless photos seriously, even though I know some did.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm a long-time Lara Croft fan who was only distantly aware of Indiana Jones.

Am I the only one who found Lara's depiction here - both in overall character and the voice-acting - to be grating on my nerves, to the point that it undermined her disses of Indy and made me side with him in deciding which of them "won" the battle in my eyes? She came across to me as... the first things that came to my mind were "entitled and shrilly upper-class brat" and "walking embodiment of the far right's stereotypes about Social Justice Warriors and Wokeness", but I feel like they don't quite fit (especially the last one, because it clashes with how she acts proud of her sex symbol status).

Edited by MarqFJA on Jan 5th 2023 at 1:15:52 PM

10 words or less response: That sounds like a you problem.

And you have a problem with making useful replies.

Hasn't Lara Croft always been kind of a "gentlewoman pirate"?

Putin verse while short lend him to be this cold motherfucker who dosent give a shit, is hard to watching him after going to ukraine even at the point when its clear is not worh it(if it ever was after all).

I wonde if they will do musk vs zuck 2, both have such much shit in their plate it would be entretaing to do so.

Edited by unknowing on Jan 5th 2023 at 3:03:07 PM

I'd rather they not, I'm pretty tired of the rap battles using contemporary figures.