- Dice Funk (all in progress)
Dice Funk is a D&D Podcast created and DMed by Austin Yorski this EP covers Season 5: Markov. In the world of Dice Funk the most powerful thing in existence is the World of Forms, I don’t need to get into this too much but after Season 4 everyone everywhere gained a connection to the Forms and became Conduits of Forms which means they have special powers related to the Form they’re connected to. This Season is a Sci-Fi one set in the far future where space travel is possible and people from the normal D&D Solar System (called Sol) have branched out and discovered alien life, they also have been in several wars with the Illithid (brain eating aliens). This season follows a group of adventurers known as the Tuff Bastards who help solve problems in the Markov system by taking jobs from Sol.
Who is Cassius Pire and what does he do?
Cassius Pire is a hero of the Illithid Wars and Conduit of Freedom, years ago he was in a battle and his ship crashed, near mortally injuring him. He was found by Doctor Lillith Sakana (who later changes her name to Olivia Adler which is what I will call her) and Doctor Tenma who saved him, but not before he temporarily died. When he recovered he learned that Adler was a strict pacifist. Cassius, who believed that Adler’s pacifism prevents her from achieving true freedom, decided that he would repay Adler’s kindness by shooting Tenma in the stomach and forcing Adler to either kill Cassius to save him or let him die (since he believed that this would free Adler from the restrictions she gave herself), Adler ultimately wasn’t willing to kill Cassius and Tenma died. Cassius then kidnapped Adler and forced her to work for Invicta, a group of militant Sol supremacists who live in an old amusement park called Drift Park that orbits the planet Gloria, which Cassius eventually became the leader of. Every day Cassius would give Adler a gun and tell her that she would be released if she killed him but she refused every time. Eventually Adler was able to escape along with another member named Big Star (who lost an arm in the escape which is heavily implied to be Cassius’ doing) and Cassius’ response was to force the guards that were on duty to fight to the death until only one was left. Adler eventually joined the Tuff Bastards.
In the modern day Invicta first encounters the Bastards when they are trying to steal a bunch of giant animals from a planet that is basically a nature preserve, in the hopes that they can use them to help take over a new location for their base. Cassius’ henchmen are defeated but he flies down in his personal mech suit and casually tortures one of the animals before he’s convinced to leave by trading the animals for one of his captured henchmen. Cassius is later encountered trying to break into a cult to murder an Illithid who could help prevent future Illithid wars, however when he runs into Adler and the resulting confrontation ends with Adler stabbing herself (since Cassius is still fixated on breaking her vow of pacifism and wants her alive) and he kidnaps the injured Adler and brings her back to Drift Park. Cassius forces her to do research on The Maxwells, a mysterious race of aliens that produce infinite energy, several of which are dormant in Markov. Cassius eventually learns that the Reigar, aliens who’s planet was destroyed under mysterious circumstances, know about the Maxwells and then captures and tortures several of them for information.
When Adler sees this she finally snaps and tries to kill Cassius who teleports the two to Acheron, one of the afterlifes in D&D and Cassius murders Adler the same way he killed Tenma, with a shot to the stomach. While this was happening the Bastards attacked and destroyed Drift Park and followed Cassius to Acheron and learned his evil scheme. When his ship crashed and he temporarily died he went to Acheron and learned that it is a giant Forever War and that the souls of people he kills become part of his army there, Cassius hated the idea of being on the losing side of said Forever War and plans on awakening the Maxwells (which are actually planet destroying monsters who killed all life on the Reigar homeworld) and using them to commit mass genocide of anyone he considers a threat to Sol supremacy (specifically we wants to completely wipe out the Illithids) and so when he dies everyone the Maxwells kill will serve him in Acheron.
Cassius escapes and attacks the Reigar’s homeworld, killing a bunch of people, to get ahold of a ship that controls the Maxwells and then unleashes the Maxwells onto Gloria to kill everyone there so Sol can take over Markov. As the Bastards work to stop him, they learn that he freed his captured minions and convinced them and the Sol ambassador to Markov to become Maxwell hybrids but when the ambassador betrays him she's agonizingly transformed into a mindless monster. When the Bastards discover how to kill the Maxwells and destroy one of the bigger ones, Cassius arrives and begins laying waste to the hundreds assembled to stop him with the ship. When his control of the Maxwells is disabled he fights the Bastards but is eventually defeated. When he is about to die he taunts the Bastards that he will still get everything he wants after his death but they pull a bunch of Chekov’s Guns and trap him in a time loop of dying forever a la Diavolo.
Mitigating factors?
Now Cassius’ has a number of moments that hint at redeeming moments but most of them are either subverted or revealed to not be mitigating. Him trading the animal for his minion is pointed out as more of a pragmatic move since she’s more useful to him than the animal and him freeing his captured minions is paired with him turning them into Maxwell hybrids which has the implicit threat of suffering the same fate as the ambassador. Him wanting to help Sol is just an extension of his xenophobia and ego, with him killing several people from Sol and spending the final battle bragging about the glory he’ll get from Sol for his actions. At one point he gets genuinely upset at Adler’s accusation that he enjoyed killing Tenma but when he killed Adler he went out of his way to kill her the same way he killed Tenma, indicating that he’d gotten over his guilt by then. At one point it's indicated that he plays up his racism and brutality in public and isn't as bad in private, but he ends up Jumping Off the Slippery Slope and basically becomes the brutal monster he pretended to be.
One of the bigger things with him is his Blue-and-Orange Morality regarding Freedom, which he sees as the freedom to do whatever you want including killing others. This is why he tried to break Adler’s pacifism since he honestly thought it would help her and he was so dedicated to doing so he saved her life when she stabbed herself. However when she actually does try to kill him he immediately kills her since she’s a threat to his plan, showing that his selfishness outweighs his desire to help her. In addition his initial stated plan with the Maxwells was to use them to grant people his idea of freedom. However as he learns more about the Maxwells and that his initial plan isn’t possible he gives up and decides to pursue his own selfish goals which by his own philosophy entails taking freedom away from countless people.
The only thing that gives me pause is how affected he is by the time he spent in Acheron. He explains that from his perspective he was there for a very long time despite only being dead for a few seconds and Acheron is decidedly a pretty nasty Crapsack World of constant warring and a large part of his motivation is to get a big enough army so he wouldn't be a victim in that war. He is indicated to have had a noticeable personality change after coming back but we don't get any insight into who he was beforehand so it's unclear how much he changed. It should be noted that one of the Bastards, upon arriving in Acheron, realizes that he'll be going there when he dies and is unaffected by the realization, seeing it as a pretty fair result of his actions in life. Idk what to make of this one honestly, his overall motivation is still very selfish but he clearly is traumatized by the time he spent in Acheron and is afraid to go back.
- Colonel Cassius Pire is the xenophobic leader of Invicta who takes joy in being able to hurt whoever he pleases whenever he pleases. Years ago during the Illithid Wars Cassius’ ship crashed and he temporarily died before being brought back by Doctors Sakana, and Tenma. Cassius responded by shooting Tenma and forcing Sakana to either break her vow of pacifism to save him or let him die. After Tenma died Cassius kidnapped Sakana and forced her to work for Invicta, forcing his minions to kill one another as punishment when she escaped. As Invicta’s leader Cassius led them in various violent crimes. Cassius later kidnapped Sakana, now named Olivia Adler, again in order to learn about the Maxwells so he could harness their power. To this end Cassius abducted and tortured several Reigar for information on the Maxwells, an act so brutal that Adler breaks her vow and tries to kill him. Cassius then murdered Adler the same way he killed Tenma and then attacked the Reigar’s home in order to unleash the Maxwells, planning to wipe out the Illithids and destroy all life on the planet Gloria, knowing that the souls of everyone he kills will be forced to fight for him eternally in Acheron when he dies. Cassius also transforms his henchmen into Maxwells and when one betrays him, he agonizingly twists her body destroys her mind.
Dice Funk is a podcast hosted by Austinn Yorski. This EP covers Season one which was D Med by Johnny Maloney and is thus much darker in tone than the later seasons. It is primarily set in the city of Stoneroot which is run by Lord Earlin. The season follows a group of adventurers as they get caught up in various power struggles and schemes within the city.
Who is Lonnegan and what does he do?
Lonnegan is an ally of Earlin and the headmaster of the Pikman Academy, a school in the town of Rotswald which Earlin also owns. The major twist of the season is that Earlin is actually a centuries old man who has been trying to stop an Eldritch Abomination called Gorfinax. As part of this, Earlin has his “sons” (in reality magical clones of Earlin) sent to Pikman academy where they are ritualistically castrated in order to keep Gorfinax dormant, which results in the sons dying not long after. Lonnegan is the most recent person to perform this duty for Earlin (though it’s not clear if he’s performed this ritual before the events of the season or not) and is preparing to perform the ritual on the most recent son Fidrick. The player characters get hired by Fidrick’s girlfriend to prove that he’s safe and eventually kidnap him when they realize that Lonnegan is up to no good. In response, Lonnegan tells the player characters that if they don’t return Fidrick within three days he’ll burn Rotswald to the ground.
Lonnegan doesn’t appear again until much later when he betrays Earlin, stabbing him with a dagger connected to Gorfinax which causes the monster to begin awakening. This causes all sorts of chaos throughout Stoneroot, since the stones it's made of are actually parts of Gorfinax, endangering tons of people. Lonnegan then tries to harness the power of Gorfinax but something goes wrong and he’s turned into a humanoid abomination connected to Gorfinax. When the player characters return to Rotswald they find that Lonnegan has turned all of his henchmen to stone and is attacking people indiscriminately, nearly killing the Mayor and attacking a child in a mad rage. (needs review)
Yadda yadda yadda Dice Funk, yadda yadda Austin Yorski. This one covers Season 7 Wormwood. In this Season, the world has changed severely after the events of Season 6 where the World Tree was killed and the Planes that make up the D&D multiverse collapsed until only a few were left literally stacked on top of one another. As a result technology has regressed from the sci-fi level tech of previous seasons to something closer to regular fantasy (though bits of old tech still remain in certain spots) Another change to the world is the existence of Martyrs, Physical Gods who have died and come back stronger with incredible powers. The season is set in the Kingdom of Wormwood, a massive salt flat which is ruled over by my candidate God King Wolfram.
Who is Wolfram and what does he do?
Wolfram was once a normal Salt Genasi (Genasi are a species of people who have a strong affinity for specific elements) who traveled to Wormwood and desired to use his power over salt to rule it. He initially wasn’t strong enough to do this but he learned about the other Planes that lie below the surface of Wormwood and traveled down in the hopes of using whatever he found to take over Wormwood. At the very bottom, Wolfram discovered a seed which would grow a new World Tree if it was cultivated. Wolfram, a xenophobe par excellence was scared of whatever could come from the new world and hated the idea of a world he couldn't rule over, and thus used his powers to make sure it wouldn't grow. In the same location, Wolfram found a plutonium elemental which gave him fatal radiation poisoning, allowing him to become the Martyr of Potential and granting him godlike powers.
Emerging back in Wormwood as a god whose influence stretched across the entirety of the salt flat and allowed him to steal the potential from others. He started by draining the potential from the Halflings who inhabited Wormwood, eventually reducing the entire species to feral cannibals. After this he expanded his rule and set up a system of racism against non-Genasi species, most notably reducing the Mul to slaves, and leaving the Merciel (Batfolk) almost completely ostracized from society so they are forced to turn to banditry to survive. This process happened over the course of potentially centuries and to maintain his youth Wolfram used his powers in a particularly twisted way by draining the potential of anyone who slept on the salt flats, leaving them in a coma where they eventually die, a process which has claimed tens of thousands if not millions of lives, and with the consciousness of these people being trapped within the salt, where it's implied that they are still aware of their fate. Wolfram also has been experimenting with implanting salt crystals into people to grant them special powers, at the cost of the person’s body being slowly consumed by salt until they die a gruesome and painful death. This is also in addition to oppressing his subjects and killing anyone who dares to oppose his rule or forcing them into Gladiator Games where the winners are drained of their potential by Wolfram, and employing a Torture Technician among his highest ranked minions to deal with rebels.
In more recent times Wolfram has been siring children with Genasi women in the hopes of one of them becoming a Martyr like him so he could let the new World Tree grow and have his child rule over it in his name (Martyrs don't remember how they gained their powers, so Wolfram is unaware that this plan won't work). Through this he’s had four children with four women and hasn’t treated them particularly well. When the mothers of his two older children, Marcel and Amy, joined a failed rebellion against Wolfram (one which he brutally suppressed with large casualties), both children were Reassigned to Antarctica to oversee parts of Wormwood in his name. Wolfram later threatens to make Marcel a part of his experiments with the salt crystals when he fails to stop unrest in his region, causing Marcel to flee Wormwood. His second youngest Sven is left in the “care” of his mother Denise, who neglects Sven and leaves her assistants, a gang of asshole Mephits (basically elemental goblins), to watch him while she experiments with creating hybrid animals and elemental creatures for Wolfram to use in his army.
The plot of the season proper begins when Frida, the mother of Wolfram’s youngest daughter Sabrina, fled Wolfram’s castle in order to find a place she and Sabrina can live away from Wolfram, an act that Wolfram responded to by killing her entire family sans Sabrina. Sabrina soon also escapes the castle along with the other Player Characters (collectively called the Wolf Pack) in the hopes of finding Frida. In his pursuit of Sabrina, Wolfram implants salt crystals into various people, including his personal executioner who failed to stop Sabrina, a smuggler who was almost killed in a fight with the Wolf Pack, and a large group of Halflings, all of whom die gruesomely as a result. Eventually as the Wolf Pack starts building a rebellion against Wolfram, he begins taking more extreme steps to maintain control, sending a monstrous chimera to kill the Wolf Pack which endangers an entire community of loyal civilians, sending his personal Torture Technician to torture and kill one of the rebellion leaders to find where the other members are hiding, recovering an ancient weapon from the Merciel lands with the intent of using it to wipe out the rebels in large number, and implanting salt into a rival tribe of Merciel to use them against the rebels. Eventually the Wolf Pack infiltrate his castle and discover that he's been keeping the plutonium elemental as an abused prisoner so if he's ever overthrown he can cause it to explode and kill himself and everyone in the castle (which includes thousands of civilians and slaves). The Wolf Pack free the elemental and confront Wolfram, who summons salt constructs in the shape of their friends to attack them as a form of psychological torture, and attempts to control the salt in their bodies to agonizingly kill them. The Wolf Pack persist and Wolfram, despite all his power, is physically still a weak old man who goes down in one hit, freeing Wormwood from his reign.
Is he bad enough?
Easily, Wolfram is one of the absolute worst to appear in Dice Funk, employing slavery, torture, and racial oppression in his rule, having a ridiculously high bodycount through him draining the potential from people (with heavily implied And I Must Scream), and having a power which causes an extreme Cruel and Unusual Death.
Mitigating Factors?
Really none that hold water. He claims that he's protecting Wormwood from "outsiders" who could invade from the new World Tree and the other layers of the current world, but it's clearly just unfounded xenophobia and he tries to use it as an excuse for his horrible actions which no one buys. Even the two people who are closest to him, his personal bodyguard (and possible lover), and Denise, are still treated as tools by him, with his bodyguard implanting a salt crystal into herself as a last ditch effort to defend him (and Wolfram doesn't even acknowledge her death), and Denise only being kept around because she's useful and seemingly loyal. Now, it's established that Martyrs have their personality changed somewhat by their powers, more specifically they basically can't act in a way that opposes their ideals (for example, the Martyr of Compromise can't ever pick a side in conflicts). This doesn't actually affect Wolfram's agency enough to disqualify him though for a few reasons, firstly Martyrs still have empathy, standards, and loved ones and Wolfram doesn't, second, becoming a Martyr is akin to Character Exaggeration rather than a change in personality and it's made clear that Wolfram was always a tyrannical, xenophobic asshole with a god complex, it's just that those traits became worse.
Conclusion?
By far the easiest keep Dice Funk has had thus far.
- God King Wolfram is the xenophobic king of Wormwood and the Martyr of Potential. First conquering Wormwood by draining the potential of the native Halflings and turning the entire species into feral cannibals, Wolfram established a kingdom built on slavery and oppression of races he deems inferior and sentenced criminals to brutal Gladiator Games where the winners are drained of their potential. Wolfram extended his life by draining the potential of millions of people who slept on the salt flats, killing them and trapping their minds within the salt. Wolfram discovered that he could grant people powers with the salt at the cost of it eventually consuming their bodies and killing them, a fate he inflicts on numerous people. Desiring to expand his rule to other worlds, Wolfram sired several children with different women all of whom he mistreated, notably slaughtering the family and hometown of his latest consort when she left him and threatening his oldest son with a tortuous death when he fails him. Wolfram responds to any rebellion with torture and brutality, with even loyal citizens not being safe. Wolfram also keeps an elemental as an abused prisoner rigged to destroy his castle and the thousands within should he be overthrown. When confronted by the Wolf Pack, Wolfram psychologically torments them by forcing them to fight golems of their friends, insisting to the end that he deserves to rule over the other races.
