Alternate Title: Peter and the Debutante
Peter has his first serious crush on a friendly rich girl. Two problems: Peter’s not sure how to ask her out, and a snobbish rival doesn’t want him to try.
The Monkees are auditioning at a posh home. The host, Valerie, is enjoying the performance and Peter can’t take his eyes off her. Valerie’s friend Rodney thinks they’re awful, but Valerie confirms the booking for a week from Saturday. Rodney notices Peter’s gaze and tells the group he found their music repulsive. Getting in the car to leave, they hear Peter chatting away to a portrait of Valerie - that he’s stolen from her house!
Back at the pad, Peter’s practically fluttering around her portrait. Mike suggests he would be better off talking to the girl herself if he likes her so much. Peter says he can’t talk to girls. Micky drags Peter into a Cyrano routine at Valerie’s house, with all three yelling sweet nothings from the shrubbery and Peter miming gestures down below. Valerie hears a commotion but couldn’t make out the words or see who it is. The gardener next to Peter thinks he’s talking to him and punches Peter in the jaw.
Later, Valerie and Rodney stop by the Monkees’ place unexpectedly. Mike props up a mirror against her portrait to hide it, but Rodney figures it out. Peter confesses to Valerie that he took it. She realizes why when she sees the look in his eyes. She forgives the theft and asks him to simply return it at the party. Rodney follows her out the door with an arrogant sneer. The boys decide to take him down a peg, Monkee-style.
At a café, Rodney is loudly flirting with Valerie and bossing around the hired help, much to her boredom. Davy as the waiter brings a bottle of champagne with a hammered-down, extra-tight cork. Rodney insists that only a man of breeding such as himself could open it properly. After a mighty struggle using everything including his teeth, Rodney pops the cork so forcefully it knocks down a skyscraper.
Moving on to an art show, Rodney is demonstrating his rarefied taste to impress Valerie. Her favorite piece is too mundane for him, but he marvels at an abstract pipe sculpture and offers to buy it from the artist on the spot. Mike accepts the money, then tells Rodney it’s really just plumbing for the city fountain (complete with a spritz to Rodney’s face). Valerie heads for home as he begs her to see he was unfairly pranked. A street vendor chimes in to ask if his child might like a pretty doll. He declines, and Micky accuses him of not liking children. Caught between Micky’s and Valerie’s glares, Rodney gives in and agrees to have a look. Micky makes the doll drench him with water and scream in his ear. Just then Rodney starts to recognize Micky, who grabs his booth and runs.
Rodney takes Valerie home and shows her that three of the Monkees were behind his mortifying day. She hides a smile as he swears revenge.
The next day, the Monkees come to Rodney’s estate for a “friendly” game session so he can show them up at traditional sports he’s sure Peter can’t play. Davy takes up Rodney’s challenge of skeet shooting. Rodney expertly shoots a clay pigeon in the air behind his back using a mirror. Davy, struggling with the gun’s weight, also shoots the clay pigeon to pieces – on the ground, along with the target thrower. Next, Rodney challenges Peter to archery. Mike takes his place. Rodney’s excellent, of course, but Mike’s usual self-assurance fails him. Micky’s next at badminton and winds up with a mouthful of birdie. Valerie storms away, mortified at Rodney’s condescension.
The group is embarrassed of being unable to win at least one game on Peter’s behalf, but he’s glad to have them on his side.
At Valerie’s home, she’s embarrassed of Rodney's behavior, despite his protests that he wanted her to see the Monkees weren’t in their class. She tells Rodney she doesn’t care. His petty vindictiveness was more unworthy of their class, and humiliated both himself and her. She phones Peter on the spot to invite him to the party as her date.
Peter’s thrilled and anxious at the same time. The others decide to teach him how to treat a lady.
Song: “I’m a Believer”
At the pad, Peter has no confidence he can pull this off. Although his basic manners and personality are genuinely nice, he doesn’t think he can fit in at an upper-class party or behave like the kind of boyfriend Valerie would like. To help him practice kissing, the group brings in a girl friend of theirs to play Spin the Bottle. Unfortunately, every time she spins, it keeps pointing to Davy. Even when he leaves, the bottle shoots through the air and stabs into the door.
They switch to playing therapist, but Freud's methods don't actually help them. The guys decide to tag along at the party to coach Peter on the fly instead.
Peter gives his best shot at refined small talk. Valerie patiently listens to his awkward discussion of Hamlet, but his friends think they’d better boost his credentials before Peter gets too flustered. Within moments, Peter’s “stockbroker” bursts in to see him. Next, the English “tailor” barges in to take measurements for a new suit right there at the party. Valerie’s very amused but not fooled for a second. She says she expects a yacht captain next. Mike shows up in a nautical outfit right on cue, followed by Rodney in an opera cape. Rodney dramatically exposes the four of them as frauds and orders them to play like they were hired to do in the first place.
Peter apologizes to Valerie for his friends’ deception. She assures him he’s a fine person just the way he is, and she wouldn’t want him to fake anything.
Song: “You Just May Be the One”
After the party, Micky, Davy and Mike take turns narrating to the audience that Peter has completely outgrown his shyness around women since his flirtation with Valerie. The romance apparently didn’t last, but the confidence boost she gave him did.
This episode provides examples of:
- Cannot Talk to Women: The real conflict of the episode.
- Crazy Jealous Guy: Rodney is a mild example. It looks as though he likes Valerie because she fits his idea of the kind of woman he expects to marry, not because he feels a personal connection.
- Hong Kong Dub: The Cyrano scene. Peter gives up trying to lip synch Micky’s wild declarations of love and just flaps his mouth like a fish, especially when Davy and Mike join in.
- Mock Millionaire: Peter's friends use this scheme as a last resort. Valerie already knows it's not true.
- Playing Cyrano: Not often seen with one guy miming to three voices!
- Spin the Bottle: The first time it's one girl spinning the bottle with the Monkees, and the bottle keeps pointing to Davy. In the final scene, Peter is having a much better time in a game where he's the spinner with several girls. They probably should have set it up that way from the start.
- Uptown Girl: Valerie.
