Airdate: Tuesday, June 8, 2004
Sender: Jeffrey Desterhoft
Strong Bad: Our next show, is a family show. It... is... the email.
Jeffrey Desterhoft wonders if Strong Bad has ever thought of who will take his place when he retires from checking emails.
Strong Bad: You've got a good point there, Jeffy. I suppose I can't keep checking these e-mails forever. I never really thought about finding an heir to my throne before. Come to think of it, what ever happened to my throne?
After summoning The Cheat for some "customer service" in finding his throne ("You know, it had, like... gold nuggets on it, and... a hundred cup holders... some of them velvety cushions..."), Strong Bad decides to put his fellow citizens of Free Country USA to the test. He drills them in all the important skills of an e-mail checker:
- Name-calling, with Homestar giving "Crapface" as an answer to every name. Apparently, he got a perfect score.
- Deleting bad emails, with Coach Z's best "deleted" coming out as "delorted".
- Strong Sad abuse, with Bubs getting carried away ("Kick him in the teeth! Kick him in the grill! Kick you in the grill!") and Strong Sad trying to subvert the process completely.Strong Bad: Okay, Strong Sad, Strong Sad's on the couch, watching TV. What do you do?
Strong Sad: Go make him some hummus!
Strong Bad: Hummus?! No, try something else.
Strong Sad: Uh... give him a foot massage.
Strong Bad: (glances downward, towards Strong Sad's off-screen "soolnds") Those are not feet. - Composing scroll button songs, with Marzipan and Carol busting out a few jams that are a bit too "hippie" for Strong Bad.
- Kicking The Cheat... which Homestar seems to have confused for the name-calling contest.
Ultimately, none of them are quite up to Strong Bad's standards.
Strong Bad: Ugh. This screening process is neither processing nor screening very well. I suppose I should cut to the chase and haul out the big guns... dance contest!
Unfortunately, the citizens of Free Country USA are almost as bad at dancing as they are at checking emails. Strong Mad just stands there yelling "I'M STRONG MAD!", and Homestar seems to think it's a singing contest.
Strong Bad: Uh, this dance contest is neither contesting nor dancing very well. Looks like I'm gonna be checking e-mails and kicking Cheats 'til the day I die. Whoa, that'd make an awesome tattoo! Or an even better epitaph!
(Cut to a tombstone in the Field at night, upon which the following words appear.)
Strong Bad: (narrating) Here lies Strong Bad.
"Checking e-mails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter"
Buried with his hundred girlfriends.
And like, a jillion dollars.
Please don't dig up the grave.
(The Paper comes down.)
(Cut to a tombstone in the Field at night, upon which the following words appear.)
Strong Bad: (narrating) Here lies Strong Bad.
"Checking e-mails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter"
Buried with his hundred girlfriends.
And like, a jillion dollars.
Please don't dig up the grave.
(The Paper comes down.)
Tropes:
- Comically Missing the Point: Homestar breaks out into a beautiful song... in a dance contest.Homestar: And then I put it on my faaaaace...
- Department of Redundancy Department: The Cheat wears a box depicting himself for a "Kick the Cheat" simulation.
- Grave Humor: Strong Bad imagines an epitaph for himself:Here lies Strong Bad
Checking emails and kicking Cheats in the hereafter
Buried with his hundred girlfriends
And like a jillion dollars.
Please don't dig up the grave. - Hypocritical Humor: Strong Bad mocks the first of Marzipan's "scroll button" songs, only to steal it for his own use in a later version of the SBEmail menu screen.
- Malicious Misnaming: Homestar gets quizzed on this. Apparently, Strong Bad accepts "Crapface" as an answer for any name.
- Take That, Audience!: One of the names in the name-calling segment is "Desterhoft", the same as the sender of the e-mail.
- Terrible Interviewees Montage: First when Strong Bad tests the other citizens of Free Country USA on their Strong Bad-itude, then again when Strong Bad decides to settle it with a dance contest.Strong Bad: Ugh... This screening process is neither processing nor screening very well.
- The Tooth Hurts: During the "Strong Sad abuse" drill, Bubs suggests kicking him in the teeth.
- You Say Tomato: Coach Z's best "DELETED!" comes out as "DELORTED!", complete with a distorted version of the "DELETED!" buzzer.
Strong Bad: (over the intercom) Attention, The Cheat!
The Cheat: (The Cheat noises)
Strong Bad: Have you found that motorcycle yet? Maybe check in our... stock room.
The Cheat: (affirmative The Cheat noises, walks offscreen)
Strong Bad: And Dana needs more quarters on Register Three.
The Cheat: (The Cheat noises)
Strong Bad: Have you found that motorcycle yet? Maybe check in our... stock room.
The Cheat: (affirmative The Cheat noises, walks offscreen)
Strong Bad: And Dana needs more quarters on Register Three.
