Season 1, Episode 11
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops, He's Dead!
It's 1985, Shawn is a adorable child, Henry has more hair. Shawn attempts to sneak past Henry with a black eye, Henry notices, and demands Shawn tell him what happened. Shawn tells Henry that a girl punched him during lunch. Henry works out that this was Shawn's first date, and he screwed up by paying more attention to his tater-tots then the girl. Henry tells Shawn that women want men to pay attention to everything they say, pick up every detail, and complement them. Henry tells Shawn that he should anticipate peoples needs, and get inside their heads, even when he doesn't want to date them. Finally Henry tells Shawn his most important rule, never tell a women her age, or weight.
In the present Shawn is “Psycheing” the age and weight of one of the female police officers in the Santa Barbra Police Department. In the background Lassiter and the chief are arguing over a case, Lassiter seems unimpressed by it. Lassiter calls Shawn over, and offers them a case saying faux sincerely that he could really use Shawn's insight. Shawn gladly takes the case despite Gus's misgivings. They walk into the interrogation room, and find a naked man (Turk) sitting at the table. Gus protests, but Shawn soldiers on. Turk claims that he woke up naked in a field after being abducted by little green men. Lassiter watching through a one-way mirror laughs. Shawn notices a small mark on Turks wrist, and some cuts on his feet. Shawn calmly tells Turk to put on the towel that has been provided for him.
At the Psyche offices Shawn tells Gus that all he could tell is that Turk was dragged unconscious into a field. Gus thinks that Shawn is discounting the possibility of aliens to quickly, but Shawn insists that there are plenty of drugs that could have caused Turk to hallucinate. While Gus begins listing the many drugs that Turk could have taken, Shawn recalls that Turk mentioned smelling lavender, and seeing barbed wire. Shawn realizes that Turk may have inadvertently told them where he was right before he blacked out, and they rush off.
Shawn and Gus arrive at a remote field to discover the police are already there, as well as another naked man. Shawn notes some tracks, a broken shoe strap, and a spider web. Lassiter is interviewing the second naked guy, Kaiser, and is convinced that this is just a copycat crime, but Shawn notices another mark, similar to the one that Turk had, on the Kaiser. Shawn tries to get Gus to interview Kaiser, but Gus refuses, so Shawn reluctantly does so off screen.
Later Shawn explains to Gus that both naked guys had very even tans that suggested a specific tanning process. The tanning salon they are visiting is also very close to where they both live. Shawn leaves Gus to question the salon owner while he looks for clues, and after a pathetic attempt at subterfuge Gus bluntly asks if either of the naked guys have been to the salon. Gus retrieves Shawn, and tells him that both men were regulars. Shawn scoffs that men could think that a tan would help them meet women, just as Henry steps into view wearing a salon robe.
Shawn is surprised to see his father, and sits down with him to talk about the case. Henry points out that the salon connection is to tenuous, but Shawn lays out a theory that both men were trying to impress a women who was with them in the field, and left her shoe strap behind. Henry suggest that Shawn isn't looking close enough, to which Shawn says he's looked as close as he can bear.
As Shawn and Gus are leaving, Gus suggest that they get both men in the same room. Shawn agrees on the condition that both men have clothes on. Suddenly Shawn's phone rings, it's the chief! At the field the chief tells Shawn and Gus that their case just became legitimate. Shawn hints about the connection to the tanning salon while noting some green marks on the gate to the field, but falls silent when the chief shows him a third naked man. This one is dead, and very pale. As the police mill around Gus suggest that maybe there is a otherworldly angle on this affair, but Shawn dismisses that. Shawn then notices another mark on the victim, and mentally overlays all three marks revealing the shape of a four leaf clover. Shawn asks Gus what he thinks about leprechauns.
Shawn and Gus enter Shenanigans, a Irish theme restaurant, and Shawn briefly mocks the green leprechaun costume that the host, Marvin, is wearing. Shawn then notices the hand stamp on the counter matches the marks that all the victims had. He asks Marvin if Gus could have his hand stamped, and he does so explaining that the stamp is used for their nighttime speed dating event.
Later at Turk’s house, Turk tells Shawn and Gus that he did go speed dating, but didn't want to tell the police as the situation was already embarrassing enough. Shawn clarifies that Kaiser, and the dead guy all attended the speed dating event. Gus and Shawn conclude that they will need to go speed dating to solve the case, but will need the $100 per person entrance fee first, so they go to the police department to ask the chief for money.
The chief scoffs at Shawn's suggestion that the police department pay the entrance fee. Shawn puts the various clues that he's seen together. He produces a description of the suspect, and a sketch of the tire patterns he saw outside the field. The chief finally agrees to give Shawn and Gus the money, but only if Julie comes with them to work the other side of the event. The chief also orders Lassiter to go as well. Lassiter protests, saying he's working on another angle. All the victims tested positive for the same drug which had a adverse reaction to the third victims heart condition. The chief then orders him to go to the speed dating event.
Later at the event Lassiter tells Shawn that the tire treads came from a high performance tire. Shawn is more interested in giving Lassiter tips on his wardrobe. The coordinator of the event explains the rules (6 minutes per round, fill out the questionnaire.) and the dating begins! Shawn seems bored with his first date, Glenda, who asks a lot of inane questions. Lassiter and Gus ask weirdly specific questions which weird their dates out. Shawn flirts with Julie when they're matched up. Lassiter and Julie spend 6 minutes not speaking to each other when they're matched up. At the end of the night Shawn has determined that one of the women matches the description they have, a women named Darcy. Gus heads off to talk with Darcy. The event coordinator brings Julie to Shawn and excitedly announces that they're personality tests matched them perfectly. They quickly leave each other as soon as the coordinator leaves.
Later at a bowling alley Gus is nervous about his date with a potential killer, but Shawn reassures him that thing will go well. Shawn sees Julie, and walks over to talk with her. She's with a guy named Kyle, and it's super awkward. Before leaving Shawn predicts that Kyle will soon face rejection. Gus runs up to Shawn, and confesses that he told Darcy that he lived near the beach at the event. Shawn suggests that Gus take her to Henry's house.
Shawn manages to get Henry on the back porch before Gus and his date get to the house. Henry and Shawn watch from outside as Gus passes off Henry's house as his own. Shawn berates his father for taking a bubble bath, and Henry defends himself by stating that he's solved dozens of gruesome murders while taking baths. Shawn and Henry hear a bell, and Henry says that his roast is done. Henry walks past Gus and Darcy. Darcy is nonplussed, but suggests they go somewhere more private. Darcy brings up going to a field, and Gus nervously tries to decline. Darcy assumes that Gus went on a date with her out of pity and starts crying. Shawn and Henry conclude that Darcy is actually upset, and thus not the killer. Shawn then gets a call, and rushes off to the police department.
At the department Lassiter is interrogating the host from the restaurant, Marvin, who was found outside one of the speed daters houses. When they searched his house they found a stack of questionnaires. Marvin says that he didn't actually do anything aside from take the questionnaires out of the trash. The chief asks Shawn weather Marvin is telling the truth. Shawn flashes to the mark on the fields gate, and a green smudge on one of the questionnaires, and says no. Shawn thinks Marvin has a partner who has a car, and is the right height. The chief agrees to let Marvin go so they can find his partner.
The chief, Shawn, and Lassiter return to the speed dating event. The coordinator attempts to tell Lassiter to leave, but he flashes his badge to shut her up. Gus arrives and yells at Shawn for putting him in such an uncomfortable situation, but is placated when Shawn explains that he's solved the case. Shawn steals the spot of someone near his first pairing from the previous event, Glenda, and spots a pale band of skin on her ring finger, as well as Marvin's. Shawn draws the attention of everyone in the room, and explains the solution. Marvin and Glenda have been stealing peoples identities by taking their names addresses and phone numbers from the questionnaires, and Glenda has been asking people the answers to their identity questions (favorite color, mother's maiden name, etc.). Afterwards they dump their victims in a field, giving them time to complete their theft. The green man Turk saw was Marvin in his costume. Shawn concludes his speech by admonishing the pair for stealing the seat of an actual single person who might have met someone at these events.
Later while Shawn is chatting with one of the speed daters Julie walks up, and cuts into the conversation. Julies date didn't go well, and lets Shawn know that she doesn't put much stock into dating questionnaires. Shawn confesses that he copied her form. She says that they need to stay professional if they are going to be working together, and leaves. Gus arrives, and Shawn asks if he'd like to go somewhere to get some decent food.
Tropes in this episode:
- Accidental Murder: Glenda and Marvin didn't mean to kill their third victim, just knock him out so they could pull the theft on his bank accounts. Unfortunately, the drug was too strong for the man and put him to sleep forever, so he's dead all the same.
- Actor Allusion: Glenda and Marvin's actors worked together on Stargate SG-1. In that series, Glenda's actress had an adopted daughter called Cassie. Glenda's pet goat as a child was called Cassie.
- Foreshadowing: The first woman who speed-dates Shawn asks him a series of seemingly harmless conversation questions like "What's your mother's maiden name" or "What was the name of your childhood pet". Turns out, she's a scammer, and those questions are survey questions they ask at banks.
- Gilligan Cut: In the flashback in the prologue, Sean's father advises him there are two subjects you should never bring up in front of a girl, her weight and her age. Flash-forward to the present, and Sean is impressing a woman by guessing her age and her weight.
- Inelegant Blubbering: Darcy's reaction when Gus turns her down. His shirt gets so soaked with tears and snot that he needs to borrow a dry one from Henry.
- Naked People Are Funny: The victims were stripped naked before being dumped. The first victim, who assumes he was abducted by aliens, refuses to redress because he doesn't want to contaminate evidence.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: The Summation is laced with an angry rant where Shawn calls out Marvin and Glenda for exploiting the speed dating event not only to rob people of their bank accounts, but also robbing some of the people there a chance to find love with a legit single person.
- Speed Dating: Shenanigans hosts a speed dating event, which becomes plot-relevant to the case. Shawn, Juliet, Gus, and Lassiter all participate in it to try finding the culprit.
- Undercover as Lovers: Inverted; Glenda and Marvin are a married couple pretending to be strangers.
