We start today with Trouty Mouth and I wanna quit this recap right now. Ahem. He's babbling to Blaine about how the Warblers were more acrobatic than usual thus leading to the logical conclusion that they cheated. Right, gonna need more evidence than that Lips. I mean, maybe they started working out or hit puberty, but these thoughts, and most thoughts in general, never crossed Trouty's mind. Blaine, and Sweet Leaping Jay-sus is Blaine being a buzzkill, understandable but still not his usual tack at all, agrees about evidence, but as Trouts goes on, we see him momentarily distracted by the epic orifice. Hmm. May need to follow up on that. Cut to a student counsel meeting, IE Blaine, Tina, Trouty, and Sugar who's secretly studying Mama Santana's many and various ways to hurt someone, namely a giant pair of lips. Tina, because again, Murphy had nothing substantial for her the rest of Jenna's tenure (and beyond, sadly), decides to randomly rant about how prom is about six months away and she needs a man. Right. It would be easy to dismiss this as her missing Mike and needing someone, but this is actually the setup for something far more stupid. And Murphy. Trouty tries to say she's hot, blessedly and momentarily forgetting that he's "with" someone we wish he wasn't with, but this is ignored like everything he says in favor of Tina offering the Title Drop, which was a suggestion at Tina's "Too Young To Be Bitter Club". Huh. Cut to said club, featuring Sugar, Minion Dottie, a neckbrace-wearing Cheerio! we've seen in background shots, Becky Jackson, and... Lauren Zizes? Whom we haven't seen since her cameo at the start of season 3? And whom won't be seen again until the Grand Finale? Wow we're stretching. Tina rants about how guys are empowered to ask girls out, but not the reverse. Back to the counsel meeting and the dance is on as we hit the Title Card.
Kurt V/O's about how in his first week of NYADA he's realized it's basically College Is "High School, Part 2", and that Rachel is always finding new excuses to call up Dear Lucille and let her fingers do the walking no sorry I mean new excuses to help Brody with things requiring him to be shirtless. Sigh. Kurt decides to make new friends by looking at extra curriculars. All well and good, but we swear to Murphy, if the entire main cast move to NY once the current New Directions graduate then we'll... sing cheesy show tunes OD'd on Auto-Tune until ears bleed. Ooooh, burn. Anyway, Kurt's looking through Shakespeare and Tennessee Williams groups until he finds... show choir. Because both of course and the familiar is comforting. Back at McKinley, the boys all decide that being a girl in the run-up to prom is like the seventh level of Murphy's ass kind of Hell. They're all nervous waiting to be asked to the dance, although the neckbrace Cheerio! does look to have eyes for Ryder so eh. Cut to the lounge where Beiste dispatches an arm wrestling challenger, before Finnegan arrives. Seems with no choir room for now, ND's been from room to room and it's getting harder to come up with ideas. Beiste says when she was in high school her body type locked her out of all but Sadie Hawkins, and asking a boy out gave her the courage for athletics. So basically, Beiste says he should revisit Lady Music Week in the spirit of the dance. Presumably, Brittany - thankfully very tall - smacks him around the head. It was a stupid idea last time, and this time he didn't even manage to come up with it on his own. Fucking Fudson. Cut to the science room where Finn announces a more proper lesson: the girls will sing to the guys they wanna ask to the dance. Cut to Kurt practicing his runs as Rachel wakes up and asks him not to wake up Brody... wait. She asked Brody, a man whom she's known for not even six months, to stay over. Right. Rachel, you're an idiot. Kurt then tells Rachel about his wanting to join the NYADA show choir and, in a very prominent OOC moment neck deep in a season full of them, Rachel tries to talk him out of it, saying that it would be social suicide. What the fuck kind of lesson is she giving here? That's sort of the exact opposite of anything Rachel would say, and a Lost Aesop for the show. It's Brody, he's breaking her. Time to ditch the mannequin and find a man, or Quinn. But seriously, she's probably waiting for you, and would be really good to remind you of why she fell in love with you I mean the importance of being yourself and in glee club. Kurt stews as we cut to the locker room where ND reside for now as Tina sings some Jesus Christ Superstar to one special boy... Artie no I mean Blaine. Yes. And no, this isn't random randomness, this is the start of something rather appalling. So basically, Murphy. He gently turns her down as we go to break.
We return to see Kurt contemplating joning the NYADA show choir, when a very British man arrives, the accent of course making Kurt swoon. Said man is Adam Crawford (Oliver Kieran-Jones), leader of Adam's Apples, the aforementioned NYADA show choir. Hummel is then taken aback by Adam's accurate reading of his entire situation, but demurs. Adam is undeterred, asking Kurt to simply watch them sing and then decide. Cut to said group cuing up the Mix-a-Lot by way of Jonathan Coulton, a song that actually got Murphy some heat from Mr. Coulton.note From there, it's over to something sorta cute in hindsight, as the above images indicates. We return to McKinley where Brittany introduces herself to Marley, who says they know each other. Brittany was "just making sure, we've never actually talked to each other. This is exciting!" Way to lampshade, boys. This could also send Brittany further downhill, her plots being pretty separate from the new kids helping her retain her position as everyone's favorite character, shitty taste in copulation partners aside.note Anyway, Marley reveals that since Sectionals, Jake, with who she's had some dates, has been acting strange and she's hesitant to ask him to the dance. Brit-Brit says she needs to find her power; then, after reminding us that she is a Fourth-Wall Observer, Brit does one magical twirl to cue up some Berns; afterwards, Marley asks Jake. Aww. Then Brittany asks Trouty. Vomit Discretion Shot; hell, you look at the background and even Brit's kid agrees, trying so very hard not to ends him, only because she know Brit needs the comfort, cold and hideous as it is. As we see the neckbrace Cheerio! again display intentions towards Ryder we cut to Jake on his scooter as Kitty intercepts, the aformentioned neckbrace Cheerio! and another minion standing sentry. She then dangles the carrot and by carrot we mean her ladyparts, as she pretty much accurately states that Marley is too good and won't sleep with him - even though Kitty's a Christian, she'll leave her faith at the door to get a Puckerman in bed. We don't think that's a good idea, Lucy - sorry, Kitty. And yes, that is a slightly unfair comparison as the one time Q tried that, she was neck deep in her insanity. Nonetheless, Jake is reluctantly contemplative as we go to break.
We return to Blaine at his locker, as Tina approaches to apologize, seems she forgotten (heh) that the reason Blaine went to Dalton is because he was jumped at a dance. However, that's not the reason he's decided to skip the dance, and let's go ahead and say this right now; between their bromance and the enlarged orifice that serves as the trademark, seems our Mr. Anderson's got a thing for Trouty Mouth. Therefore, it'll hurt to see him with Brittany, much as it hurts all of us. Meanwhile, speaking of Trouts, we cut to him offering supposed evidence of the Warblers cheating: Hunter Clarington skinnier than he is now, the culprit being HGH, or Human Growth Hormone. Of course, all Blaine sees is the mouth and he's struck slightly dumb. Never as much as Trouty, of course. Back to Tina, who says she sympathizes. Well of course she does. She then says they should at least go as friends, and McKinley is at least a little better than that school. Plus, he'll be dancing with a girl, so no gay bashing. Blaine agrees as we go to break.
We return to the Lima Bean and the Brothers Puck. Big Puck tells Little Puck that sure, bending Kitty over would be a fun scratching of an itch (and possibly leading to new ones), but sometimes the sure thing isn't the best thing. Clearly, he regrets not telling Lucy his feelings when he had the chance. So, abstractly tying into that, Big Puck tells Little Puck he'll take care of Kitty. Cut to Kurtchel, Kurt telling Rachel he's got a thing for someone as we cut to Adam pretty much flirting with Kurt at every given moment. Rachel tells him to seize the moment as we cut to Puck telling Kitty to back off Jake, and since Kitty's a mean hot bitch for reasons we'll reveal later in the season, she of course decides to skip Little Puck and transfer her attentions to Big Puck. Oh boy. Since we know he still has Lucy on the brain, we need not guess how this'll end. Cut to the dance as Blaine and Tina arrive, the other ND men setting the tone with some TLC as we go to break.
We return to Marley dancing with Jake, her telling him what we've suspected, that she wants him to only be with her and she needs to take things slow. Jake ponders as we cut to the bleachers, where Zizes and the other "Too Young To Be Bitter Club" sit and stew. Beiste will have none on this, and encourages all the girls who aren't dancing to just get up and dance, together or alone. From there, we intercut with Kurt asking Adam out, and him of course accepting. Meanwhile, Zizes asks Joe to dance, and Sugar returns to Artie while Brittany stands off to the side, ready to pounce if Arthur's hands go anywhere they shouldn't. Very overprotective mother, you see. Cut to Tina and Blaine, Tina about ready to declare he undying love for Blaine dear god why, when Trouty arrives to borrow him - is he finally coming out and breaking up with Brittany? No (DAMMIT!), he needs Blaine for a secret mission as Tina is crushed again while we go to break.
We return to the ND women getting their Bruno on. This is another Newell/Benoist duet and as with the last one, it kills. Afterwards, we see Puck with Kitty... wearing what looks exactly like Quinn's prom dress from last year. What a colossally dumb move Wilde. Or is it? Anyway, Kitty compliments his screenplaynote , blatantly kissing up to Noah by saying he has promise. She then gets to the point, taking Puck to her car for copulations. We expect that Tina finds this out, calls to tell everyone all the gossip, and Quinn catches a flight back to Lima to castrate him because clearly with Noah it's two steps forward, a million steps back. Besides, it's also illegal, and even if it wasn't it's wrong. Noah, we all know you're still in love with Lucille, but the fact remains: you're an idiot. Not as bad as Finnegan, but an idiot none the less. Cut to the locker room where Trouty offers Finn his evidence about the Warblers, adding video evidence of Hunter Clarington showing the classic signs of roid rage and showing that the alleged HGH was taken by nearly the whole team. After Blaine quotes the rulebook on how using drugs is an obvious DQ and that it is retroactive, Finn says great, but we need corroboration. Enter Trent, the chubby one and Morality Pet, arriving to say that Hunter made them do it and he was pressured but he didn't take steroids himself. The reason he's choosing to tell them is because of the bad treatment he got for refusing, and under Hunter in general, as well as the fact that he doesn't want to continue competing after what seems like an unfair victory. Plus it was wrong, and he feels like he owes it to Blaine. As long as Blaine thinks it's worth it to report, and not just so ND can go to Regionals, then it can't destroy the Warblers' reputation that badly.
We return from break to start the homestretch, as we're at Bushwick as Rachel lays out a spread even she could cook; seems she invited Brody to dinner. As you'd expect, hours 45 minutes pass and Rachel is not pleased. Eventually, Brody arrives and promptly finds out how displeased she is. Fuck this is boring. He sweet talks her into forgiving him, using tripe that not even Finnegan would use. Ah, see what you did there Glee. They dance as we cut back to the Sadie Hawkins dance where Ryder sings and stews over Jarley, Jake vowing to remain faithful to Marley. Sadly, next season the Puckerman DNA will reassert itself. Ryder then sees the neckbrace Cheerio! gazing at him, so at least he has attentions. Cut to a sad Tina, as Blaine returns after telling her glee club may be back in business and thus she gets the moon eyes. Oy. Cut to everybody dancing, Blaine gazing longingly at Trouty while we avert our eyes at him and Brit-Brit. Back to Brody and Rachel and, as Brody is near NYADA and far from her, Rachel asks Brody to move in. Right. Less than six months folks. Yeah. Granted, yes, her and Dear Lucille would've gotten a house exactly in the middle of the distance between Yale and NYADA, but there's history and feelings there at least. Therefore, obvious statement is obviously obvious, but Rachel, you're an idiot. We conclude with the Too Young To Be Bitter club bragging about their dates, then ragging on Tina for going after Blaine. Remember, after experimenting with bisexuality he realized it didn't exist and so he is 100% gay. They dance our way out of the first half of Season 4 as we wanna dance our way to a shrink.
Next Time: Everybody gets Naked... kinda... sorta... not really.
- "I Don't Know How To Love Him" from Jesus Christ Superstar, performed by Tina to Blaine
- "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot (Jonathan Coulton version), performed by Adam's Apples (to Kurt)
- "Tell Him" by Bert Berns (The Exciters version), performed by Brittany and Marley
- "No Scrubs" by TLC, performed by Artie and New Directions boys (to WMHS girls)
- "Locked Out of Heaven" by Bruno Mars, performed by Marley and Unique with New Directions girls
- "I Only Have Eyes For You" by The Flamingos, performed by Ryder with Joe, Artie, and Unique
- Incompatible Orientation: Tina likes Blaine, Blaine likes Trouty, Trouty likes Brittany. Ok, the last two are dating, but it won't be long before she dumps him because he's a boy and he's not Santana.
- Throw It In!: During "Tell Him", Kitty breaks her heel but Becca Tobin fixes it and keeps dancing. Also, Jacob Artist wasn't meant to be part of the boys' number, but joins in as Jake and mouths the words anyway.
- "Not Important to This Episode" Camp: Emma and Sue.
- The Cameo: Mark Salling as Noah Puckerman and Ashley Fink as Lauren Zizes.