Fairest Of All
No matter how many times you read them, stories always stay the same.
—Abby's monologue
—Abby's monologue
For the record: I'm going to be a really great judge because I'm all about peace and order. I'll make sure justice is always served, because it's not fair when bad people don't get in trouble, or when bad things happen to good people.
—Abby's monologue
—Abby's monologue
Abby: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
Jonah: What do you mean?
Abby: Exhibit A: You drag us to the basement. Exhibit B: You knock on the creepy mirror. And exhibits C, D, and E: You then proceed to knock two more times on the creepy mirror, and when it tries to suck us in? You. Said. 'COOL!'
Jonah: 'Cause it was! Come on, Abby! That was so awesome! That was the most awesomest thing to ever happen to us.
Jonah: What do you mean?
Abby: Exhibit A: You drag us to the basement. Exhibit B: You knock on the creepy mirror. And exhibits C, D, and E: You then proceed to knock two more times on the creepy mirror, and when it tries to suck us in? You. Said. 'COOL!'
Jonah: 'Cause it was! Come on, Abby! That was so awesome! That was the most awesomest thing to ever happen to us.
Jonah: Not dreaming. You are one hundred percent awake, and so am I, and we are in a forest. Hey, I'm hungry. Do you have any Cheetos?
Abby: Cheetos? We've somehow been transported from our basement to a forest in the middle of the night, and you're thinking about Cheetos?
Jonah: The mirror was hungry, so it ate us. Now I'm hungry, and I would really like some Flamin' Hot Cheetos. And maybe some ketchup.
Abby: Cheetos? We've somehow been transported from our basement to a forest in the middle of the night, and you're thinking about Cheetos?
Jonah: The mirror was hungry, so it ate us. Now I'm hungry, and I would really like some Flamin' Hot Cheetos. And maybe some ketchup.
Jonah: Need ... water! Need ... food! Forget Cheetos. I'll eat anything! But no broccoli, please!
Change is hard. But it's not always bad.Take Snow, for instance. Her story is different now, but it's still good.
And take Smithville, It's still home, just a different home.
And freeze tag is still tag — just a different kind of tag.
Okay, fine. Freeze tag is still weird, but maybe it can be fun. I'll have to give it another try.
—Abby's monologue
And take Smithville, It's still home, just a different home.
And freeze tag is still tag — just a different kind of tag.
Okay, fine. Freeze tag is still weird, but maybe it can be fun. I'll have to give it another try.
—Abby's monologue
If The Shoe Fits
I keep telling them [Abby's parents] I'm old enough to do the cooking, but they won't listen. Just because I nearly burned down our old house when I put my socks in the toaster ONE TIME. What can I say? I wanted toasty socks. They won't even let me near the washing machine, which makes no sense. Fine. I used too much detergent and turned the laundry room into a bubble bath, but also, only ONE TIME.
—Abby's monologue
—Abby's monologue
Cinderella: My foot is wrong! Look at it!
Jonah: Is that from dropping the glass slipper on it?
Cinderella: No, it's from playing the piano with my toes. Of course it's from dropping the glass slipper on it! It's completely swollen. And it hurts!
Jonah: Is that from dropping the glass slipper on it?
Cinderella: No, it's from playing the piano with my toes. Of course it's from dropping the glass slipper on it! It's completely swollen. And it hurts!
Cinderella: So what do I do? I need it [the glass slipper] to fit!
Jonah: You could always cut off one of your toes. Like in the Grimm story.
Cinderella: That is, indeed, a grim story.
Abby: Jonah, that's disgusting!
Jonah: I was just kidding. That would hurt. Although it would be really cool.
Jonah: You could always cut off one of your toes. Like in the Grimm story.
Cinderella: That is, indeed, a grim story.
Abby: Jonah, that's disgusting!
Jonah: I was just kidding. That would hurt. Although it would be really cool.
Farrah: You need to learn to rescue yourself! You need to learn to stand on your own two feet!
Abby: I know you're mad, but can't you convince them to go easy on us? Remember how crummy you felt for treating Cinderella badly for so long? Haven't you changed at all?
Kayla: Mom. You're being unfair. Cinderella didn't know she was stealing. She lives here you know. She just assumed it was her stuff, too.
Betty: Well, it wasn't, and now she has to pay.
Abby: I know you think Cinderella marrying the prince is unfair. But the way you treated her since she was twelve is even MORE unfair. You owe it to her to help! You know you do!
Kayla: I know, I know. Mom, I'll give you the hundred and thirty dollars, okay? Just don't send Cinderella to jail. She's suffered enough.
Kayla: Mom. You're being unfair. Cinderella didn't know she was stealing. She lives here you know. She just assumed it was her stuff, too.
Betty: Well, it wasn't, and now she has to pay.
Abby: I know you think Cinderella marrying the prince is unfair. But the way you treated her since she was twelve is even MORE unfair. You owe it to her to help! You know you do!
Kayla: I know, I know. Mom, I'll give you the hundred and thirty dollars, okay? Just don't send Cinderella to jail. She's suffered enough.
