"Ah, just my luck! Chocolate chip muffins! (bites; Spit Take) Raaaiiisins."
— Ted Bear, The Cyanide & Happiness Show, "Ted Bear
"
"Calvin: "Boy, does it stink in here! What are you cooking for dinner!? Whatever it is, I'm not eating it!"
Calvin's mother: "I'm stewing some monkey heads."
Calvin: "Monkey heads?"
Calvin's mother: "They'll be soggy enough to eat in about twenty minutes."
Calvin: "Really?? We're having monkey heads? We are not... are those really monkey heads? I've never had monkey heads before! I wonder what they're like. Wow! Monkey heads! Mm... Kinda squishy. Ooh, look, is that a nose? What's this? Brains? I didn't think they'd be so rubbery."
Calvin's father: "What? I thought we were having stuffed peppers, honey!"
Lola Sonner: "I will not eat potatoes, so don't even try! Not even mash!"
Charlie Sonner: "This isn't mash. This isn't mash. This is cloud fluff from the pointiest peak of Mount Fuji."
— Charlie and Lola, "I Will Not Ever, Never, Eat a Tomato"
"My vegan sister has *tricked* my friends into eating food while they aren't vegan! They thought it was chicken but she didn't tell them it was not! So my sister is evil for tricking them!"
— Shawn, Vegan Artbook
