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Quotes / Troll

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    Comic Books 

Joker: You're in trouble now.
Batman: Shut up.
Joker: Make me. It doesn't matter. I win. I made you lose control. And they'll kill you for it.


"It's a way for his hope to shine to the fullest, and what better way for that to happen than for his friends to all be here to support him and-"
"You want to see him soil himself in terror, don't you?" Peko finally asked, arms crossed. Nagito only shrugged, that smirk never fading.
"Peko~ You know me too well."

    Fan Works 
Walter: Sir Integra! I apologize, I tried to stop [Alucard]! But when I pleaded with him, he merely responded with, and mind my French - no offense-
Pip Bernadotte: Some taken.
Walter: -"Fuck the police". He then proceeded to tilt every painting he passed on the way here.

    Film — Live-Action 

You WILL NOT make this putt... jackass!

Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans, can't take a joke!

Recording of Dennis Nedry: Ah ah ahhh, You didn't say the magic word!
Ray Arnold: Please! Goddamn it! I hate this hacker crap!

[singsong] "I killed Sirius Bla-ack! I killed Sirius Bla-ack!"

"I believe he's tooling with you, sir."
Edrison Peavey on Poe Dameron, The Last Jedi


Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by a fool is heavier than both.
The Bible (New International Version), Proverbs 27:3

"Kit, bored, is in one of his most dangerous moods, trying to wind everyone up so that he can sit in the eye of the storm and laugh at the chaos he has created all around him."

He cannot help himself, perhaps. He must infuriate and madden those around him. Perhaps he feels he would expire were people not to direct their attention upon him.
Gymnaste Peri on Mark Pol Treherne, Land Of The Headless, by Adam Roberts

    Live-Action TV 

You know, I think I've finally figured out where Sarah Palin came from: Someone cast a spell on a YouTube comment and it came to life.



I don't know you but I think I hate you
You're the reason for my misery
Strange that you've become my biggest enemy
And I've never even seen your face
Well maybe it's just jealousy
Mix it up with a violent mind
A circumstance that doesn't make much sense
Or maybe, I'm just dumb

I am an anti-christ
I am an anarchist
Don't know what I want but
I know how to get it
I wanna destroy the passerby
The Sex Pistols, "Anarchy in the UK"

Angry people think a good solution
Is getting others involved
So they surround themselves with happy people
And watch their smiles dissolve
Barenaked Ladies, "Angry People"

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me
The best of us can find happiness in misery

I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane
While people behind me are going insane
I'm an asshole
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat
I walk around in the summertime
saying "How about this heat?"
Denis Leary, "I'm An Asshole"

If trawling for assholes you'll net a fine catch
with skulls full of saw dust (well I've got the match!)
Skyclad, "On With Their Heads!"

You're mad I'm back, big mad
He's mad, she's mad, big sad
Haha, don't care, stay mad
Haha, hahahaha!
Haha, bitch, I'm laughing 'cause you big mad
See it in your face, cry baby, bitch, you big sad
Niggas tweeting bout me, got me trending, bitch, you big sad
Tell me how I ratted, came home to a big bag
6ix9ine, "GOOBA"

    Newspaper Comics 

I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialog!

    Tabletop Games 

It was always mostly for show, your nastiness in life. You made a big show of laughing at other people's problems: you sent dead flowers when your stepmother had been diagnosed with emphysema, you put shotgun shells in your ex-girlfriend's muffler, and you rarely tipped at restaurants. More than anything, you wanted to give the world the finger, and it was very important that other people saw you doing it.
Pack Priest, Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Toreador (Revised)

    Video Games 

Cyborg: What's your deal, anyway?
Scarecrow: I create fear and disruption.
Cyborg: Online, we call that "trolling".

I will never tire of tricking the primitives. It is a game that I enjoy playing.
Javik, Mass Effect 3

Mileena: Filthy traitorous beast!
Erron Black: You seem upset, Mileena.

Hehehe, I'll put your email address on the net...
Kukri, The King of Fighters XIV

Michael: Call me an idiot, but a troll, Jim? What's a troll?
Jimmy: Like a joker on the internet.
Michael: What sorta jokes?
Jimmy: Sorta mean jokes.
Michael: Like what?
Jimmy: Like someone posts something and you're all like, "That sucks. You suck, dick."
Michael: Oh. So, jokes that aren't funny?
Jimmy: No. You don't get it. The humor comes with repetition. Like, you say it once, big deal. Then you say it again, and again, and again, and again.
Michael: Okay.
Michael: ENOUGH! Alright? E-fucking-nough! I get it!
Jimmy: Maybe that one was a little OTT, but it's generally really good times.


TT: Maybe you should get some trolling tips from us humans.
TT: Our sparing intellects are probably better suited to it.
Rose, Homestuck


    Web Original 

On internet messageboards, there is no subject so vile or indefensible that someone won't post positively/in defense of it.
Skarka's Law (originally posted On RPGnet)

Has been known to cause the destruction of quite a lot of lives. As in IRL lives. And if you feel bad for anyone that has been trolled, then you're a butthurt emo gay moralfag who BAWWWWWWWWWs. If the trolled person happens to be a woman, you're also an anti-lulzy White Knight because they're all 'asking for it'. Hilarious, I know.

Ever get the feeling that some people realize that they’re never going to be LeBron James or Albert Einstein and so, in a lifelong temper tantrum, they just decide that if they can’t be the greatest, they will be the stinkiest of the shits?
Amanda Marcotte on Ann Coulter

Ellis is a teenage boy, loudly filling a room with proclamations that Godfather 2 is rubbish and Norbit is a masterpiece, and telling the principal to introduce his highschool band as ‘Abortion Bucket and the Anal Rapists’.

It should be a classified felony to throw beyond-the-grave shade at the man who gave us Mrs. Doubtfire. Unfortunately, there are some assholes out there who clearly want a first-class ticket to Hell...Even Satan is like 'Are you serious??'

There isn’t a shred of doubt in my mind that if the troll hackers could find a way to increase your risk of breast cancer? They’d do it. Because what’s better than lulz? Lulz with BOOBS. Yeah, they’d do it.
Kathy Sierra, "Why the Trolls Will Always Win"

Internet comments are basically a special platform for all the hecklers to come out onto, one by one, but without the comedian around to put them in their place. The comedian has had the good sense to move on and get the drinks in at the venue bar. As has 90% of the audience, leaving the shitheads to talk only for the benefit of themselves, voicing their stupid opinions into the gaping void of each other's heads.

Some people hate the world, and your email address gets mixed up in their shitstorm for a minute. They tend to spray you with wild insults hoping to hit at least one nerve...they often hire themselves as your life coach. However, I always recommend caution when following the advice of the profoundly stupid.

If this kind of thing was still confined to YouTube comments – then fuck it, who cares? But it’s not. It spills out. It’s everywhere now, even seeping into reality: There are people walking the Earth today who genuinely think, in all aspects of their lives, that somebody getting pissed off at them for valid reasons means they win something.

You're probably gonna have a million followers right away, and I don't even want to know what kind of unholy mix of bots, racists, and stalkers would populate the mentions of a million-strong Twitter account. Within five seconds of creating your account, you will probably receive a dozen death threats. For us pissants, Twitter helps slake a craven thirst for attention.
Drew Magary, "How to Tweet If You're a Famous Athlete"

Put the right troll in the right message board or comment section and he can completely destroy any chance of discussion — he has effectively broken the system for no other reason than personal amusement. It's ego masturbation. It happened so much at Popular Science that they shut down their comment section. It was as if a thousand voices cried out the word "fag" and were suddenly silenced.

So there's this guy, his name is Tom. Tom is a gamer and wanted an arcade machine. So he built one...Awesome, Huh? Yeah, I want one. It looks sweet. This was posted on Kotaku. I love it. However, the first comment on the post is this guy. We’ll call him A. Hat. Full name Ass Hat, but A. Hat for short. Here is what A. Hat had to say as the first commenter:

'Nice try by painting your cobbled together pieces of pressed wood a nice pattern, but it still looks like some monstrosity you’d buy from ikea.'

A simple, 'Hey, not very retro.' would’ve sufficed...
Chachi, "Gamers are assholes. Maybe the biggest there are"

    Web Video 

You've been trolled
You've been trolled
You have probably been told
'Don't reply to this guy
He is just getting a rise out of you'
Yes, it's true
You respond and that's his cue
To start trouble on the double
While he strokes his manly stubble
You've been trolled
You've been trolled
You should probably just fold
When the only winning move is not to play!
And yet you keep on trying, mindlessly replying,
You've been trolled, you've been trolled, have a nice day!
Successful Troll Song (sung to the tune of "Be Our Guest")

Every multiplayer game has one flaw that's I'm seeing,
And that's all the bloody things are played with human beings
Playing multiplayer games will give you the ideas
That people are all dickbags, fetid twats and shitty smears
Jim & Yahtzee's Rhymedown Spectacular, One is Fun"


Y'know, as small as this channel is, I still get a new comment, like, every other day asking me to kill myself because I had the audacity half a year ago to not be super-excited about the next Playstation. It doesn't take a lot to set people off on the internet.

I am an asshole, I am an asshole I am SUCH an asshole! Look at me~

And now, Real Men of Genius (Real Men of Genius) Today we salute you Mr. Asshat Forum Troll. (Mr. Asshat Forum Troll!) You barge into any thread, spewing your brain diarrhea like it was relief water for Ethiopians. (Brain Diarrhea!) There aren't enough smilies available to illustrate everyone's disdain for you. Rolleyes, red mad face, puking green guy, and the finger dude just aren't enough. (Exclamation mark, eleventy one!) No one is LOLing when you enter the thread. You single-handedly lower the IQ of the Internet with every post you make. (STFU, r'tard!) It takes guts to do what you do, presenting your contrary opinion in the cold harsh light of incontrovertible facts. Here's to you Mr. Asshat Forum Troll. (Mr. Asshat Forum Troll!)

    Western Animation 

Toki: There he is!
Skwisgaar: Yep, that's definitely a troll.

    Real Life 

I am inclined to believe that few attacks either of ridicule or invective make much noise, but by the help of those they provoke.
Samuel Johnson, explaining the "Don't Feed The Trolls" rule in the 1700s.

To live is to war with trolls.
Henrik Ibsen

The highways are crowded with people who drive as if their sole purpose in getting behind the wheel is to avenge every wrong done them by man, beast or fate. The only thing that keeps them in line is their fear of death, jail and lawsuits.
Hunter S. Thompson, Hell's Angels: A Strange and Terrible Saga

Twitter should ban my mother.
Francis Bean Cobain

Any community that gets its laughs by pretending to be idiots will eventually be flooded by actual idiots who mistakenly believe they are in good company.

I was talking to my dad about this and I bet him that if he looked up Nelson Mandela’s funeral on YouTube, the first comment would be a racist one. And it was, with like a million upvotes...It’s just demons who live in basements. You have this weird thing where you end up trying to fight against this faceless blob, where the more you hate it, the bigger it gets, because it’s all in your head.

A word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can.
Ann Coulter

If you spend a great deal of your time pretending to be an asshole to get a reaction from aren't pretending. You are an asshole.
Ed Brayton

There's something about a bully that really annoys me. They'll say something online that they'd never dare to say to your face. One guy tweeted from his work account that he hoped my kids die of cancer. I let the MD of the firm know and the guy was fired. I felt no guilt, he should have gone to prison.
Dom Joly, comedian and self-proclaimed troll slayer

Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. The anti-Semites have the right to play. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past. It is not that they are afraid of being convinced. They fear only to appear ridiculous or to prejudice by their embarrassment their hope of winning over some third person to their side.
Jean-Paul Sartre, Anti-Semite and Jew


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