open/close all folders
West
Blood Lust
Gwen (holding a wooden stake): DJ Blood, we're guessing the "blood" in your name is literal! 'Cause you're the vampire who killed Lucy Winters!
Blood: Wow, you guys are suddenly... scary looking... what's with the wooden stick?
Gwen: Don't pretend you don't know, "Blood"! Do we need to spell it out for you? Your ruse is done. You may as well show us your fangs.
Blood (sweating): Fangs? I don't have any. Why would I? But you... I'm guessing you're not really reporters, are you?
Gwen: No, we're supernatural hunters, and we're done with you and your evasions! We know you lured Lucy out to the cemetery at midnight with a note... And then you tore away her necklace and bit into her veins! You sucked her blood out like the monster you are! That girl was your fan, and she trusted you! And you-
(Blood reveals his true face.)
Blood: And I could get no peace from her! You want the truth, <Name>? Fine, here it is. I did bite her... but she asked to be turned!
Gwen: So your real face comes out! And she... what? Lucy wanted to become a vampire?
Blood: Yes! Look, that day when the girl broke into my house like a crazy fan, she saw me drinking blood! She realized what I was! Ever since then, she'd been hounding me to turn her. She had this weird romantic idea about what vampires are. Obviously, I said no. First off, Dr Aculus would have my head if I agreed. Secondly, she didn't know what she was getting into. Being a vamp isn't all fun, man! Hunters everywhere, blood hard to get, and my music career suffers from me only ever playing gigs at night. I tried to explain to Lucy: it's not gonna happen. But the girl was like a broken record. Threatened to kill herself if I didn't do it!
Gwen: So what, you bit her out of the goodness of your heart?
Blood: Well, yeah, I agreed to turn her. I explained to her that I'd need to drink a little of her blood, and then she'd have some of mine. Except... the moment my tongue tasted her blood... It was heaven, <Name>! She was so tender, so sweet... I just... I kept sucking! My first time having fresh human blood in so long! I drained her dry... but I didn't mean to! I just couldn't stop!
Gwen: And that's exactly why you shouldn't have started in the first place! And now we'll take you to Dr Aculus to decide your fate!
One Bigfoot in the GraveBlood: Wow, you guys are suddenly... scary looking... what's with the wooden stick?
Gwen: Don't pretend you don't know, "Blood"! Do we need to spell it out for you? Your ruse is done. You may as well show us your fangs.
Blood (sweating): Fangs? I don't have any. Why would I? But you... I'm guessing you're not really reporters, are you?
Gwen: No, we're supernatural hunters, and we're done with you and your evasions! We know you lured Lucy out to the cemetery at midnight with a note... And then you tore away her necklace and bit into her veins! You sucked her blood out like the monster you are! That girl was your fan, and she trusted you! And you-
(Blood reveals his true face.)
Blood: And I could get no peace from her! You want the truth, <Name>? Fine, here it is. I did bite her... but she asked to be turned!
Gwen: So your real face comes out! And she... what? Lucy wanted to become a vampire?
Blood: Yes! Look, that day when the girl broke into my house like a crazy fan, she saw me drinking blood! She realized what I was! Ever since then, she'd been hounding me to turn her. She had this weird romantic idea about what vampires are. Obviously, I said no. First off, Dr Aculus would have my head if I agreed. Secondly, she didn't know what she was getting into. Being a vamp isn't all fun, man! Hunters everywhere, blood hard to get, and my music career suffers from me only ever playing gigs at night. I tried to explain to Lucy: it's not gonna happen. But the girl was like a broken record. Threatened to kill herself if I didn't do it!
Gwen: So what, you bit her out of the goodness of your heart?
Blood: Well, yeah, I agreed to turn her. I explained to her that I'd need to drink a little of her blood, and then she'd have some of mine. Except... the moment my tongue tasted her blood... It was heaven, <Name>! She was so tender, so sweet... I just... I kept sucking! My first time having fresh human blood in so long! I drained her dry... but I didn't mean to! I just couldn't stop!
Gwen: And that's exactly why you shouldn't have started in the first place! And now we'll take you to Dr Aculus to decide your fate!
Luke: Elwood Grimes, we know it was you who beat Bigfoot to death with a rock!
Elwood: What? You're crazy, kid. I'm a lumberjack! Why would I go up against a bigfoot with a rock instead of my chainsaw?
Luke: Well, he broke all your logging tools. You went to the museum to vent your anger, but that wasn't enough. So you followed his tracks through the woods, and picked up a rock along the way to use when you found him.
Elwood: Who are you, the bigfoot police?
Luke: Close! We're supernatural hunters. We work to keep the peace among humans and the supernatural creatures of this world! And when a peaceful creature is murdered in cold blood, that's when we come a-knockin'!
Elwood: Okay, I confess, I did it! But it's that Wexler's fault! I could've been killed!
Luke: You mean Darius Wexler, the curator of the bigfoot museum in town?
Elwood: Yeah, him. After that animal busted all my tools, and I went to the museum to break something for myself... ... Wexler offered to pay for my replacement tools if I helped him catch Bigfoot.
Luke: Catch or kill?
Elwood: Catch - he wanted it alive. I came out here to set up a trap, but I ran into the thing as soon as I got up here! It was all over me before I knew what was what. So I grabbed the closest thing I could reach - a rock - and just started pounding! Eventually, it just slumped down in a big, hairy pile! Dead! I killed a bigfoot! But this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Wexler! HE'S the one you want!
Luke: We'll worry about Wexler. But for now, you're coming with us. Our chief's gotta have a word with you.
The Curse of Black RidgeElwood: What? You're crazy, kid. I'm a lumberjack! Why would I go up against a bigfoot with a rock instead of my chainsaw?
Luke: Well, he broke all your logging tools. You went to the museum to vent your anger, but that wasn't enough. So you followed his tracks through the woods, and picked up a rock along the way to use when you found him.
Elwood: Who are you, the bigfoot police?
Luke: Close! We're supernatural hunters. We work to keep the peace among humans and the supernatural creatures of this world! And when a peaceful creature is murdered in cold blood, that's when we come a-knockin'!
Elwood: Okay, I confess, I did it! But it's that Wexler's fault! I could've been killed!
Luke: You mean Darius Wexler, the curator of the bigfoot museum in town?
Elwood: Yeah, him. After that animal busted all my tools, and I went to the museum to break something for myself... ... Wexler offered to pay for my replacement tools if I helped him catch Bigfoot.
Luke: Catch or kill?
Elwood: Catch - he wanted it alive. I came out here to set up a trap, but I ran into the thing as soon as I got up here! It was all over me before I knew what was what. So I grabbed the closest thing I could reach - a rock - and just started pounding! Eventually, it just slumped down in a big, hairy pile! Dead! I killed a bigfoot! But this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Wexler! HE'S the one you want!
Luke: We'll worry about Wexler. But for now, you're coming with us. Our chief's gotta have a word with you.
Luke: You thought you'd get away with it, didn't you, Mr Lewis? You killed Jeremy Cross, confident his murder would be blamed on the curse of Black Ridge!
Rick: What? You think I murdered Mr Cross?
Luke: We know you sent him that threatening letter, trying to scare him as much as Black Ridge scared you!
Rick: No, I would never!
Luke: Then what happened? You confronted Cross, trying to pull out of your deal. But when he refused, you took matters - and an ax - into your own hands! You're familiar with Black Ridge's blood-stained past. Cross' death would be just another murder in a series of mysterious killings!
Rick: I don't know what you're talking about! I never sent any letter, and I certainly didn't chop him up! It wasn't me, I swear! It was... it was-
(The ghost of Nathaniel Mason appears from Rick's body.)
Nathaniel: It was I, Nathaniel Mason, who killed that stubborn man!
Luke: Whoa! That's no hologram, <Name>! That phantom's real!
Luke (pointing his gun): Just take it easy!
Nathaniel: You think that toy scares me?
Luke (pointing his gun): These aren't just any bullets. One hit from one of these crystal rounds and you'll feel it!
Nathaniel: I have no quarrel with you, nor with this unfortunate fellow. No harm will come to him! But I needed to possess his corporeal form, to warn Jeremy Cross to leave Black Ridge! For his own good!
Luke (holding his gun): His own good? What do you mean?
Nathaniel: Black Ridge was once a flourishing community. And I was the most prosperous of all, owning a gold mine. But one day, one of my tunnels released a poisonous curse from the depths of the earth! The ground became sour!
Nathaniel (holding his hat): Within days, half of the townsfolk were sick. After a week, we were all dead!
Nathaniel: The curse of Black Ridge was caused by me!
Luke: But why kill Jeremy Cross?
Nathaniel: Because the ground is still poisoned! The curse still remains! That new community he was building would be at risk! I urged Cross to stop building, but he wouldn't listen! I couldn't allow anyone else to be harmed!
Luke: So you murdered him - and those previous victims - to keep people away?
Nathaniel: Yes! And you must leave too, before it's too late! You have until sundown to get out of Black Ridge... or your fate will be the same as Mr Cross'!
(Nathaniel disappears.)
Luke: Whoa, that was intense, <Name>! Now that the ghost of Nathaniel Mason is gone, we should revive Mr Lewis!
Hour of the WolfRick: What? You think I murdered Mr Cross?
Luke: We know you sent him that threatening letter, trying to scare him as much as Black Ridge scared you!
Rick: No, I would never!
Luke: Then what happened? You confronted Cross, trying to pull out of your deal. But when he refused, you took matters - and an ax - into your own hands! You're familiar with Black Ridge's blood-stained past. Cross' death would be just another murder in a series of mysterious killings!
Rick: I don't know what you're talking about! I never sent any letter, and I certainly didn't chop him up! It wasn't me, I swear! It was... it was-
(The ghost of Nathaniel Mason appears from Rick's body.)
Nathaniel: It was I, Nathaniel Mason, who killed that stubborn man!
Luke: Whoa! That's no hologram, <Name>! That phantom's real!
Luke (pointing his gun): Just take it easy!
Nathaniel: You think that toy scares me?
Luke (pointing his gun): These aren't just any bullets. One hit from one of these crystal rounds and you'll feel it!
Nathaniel: I have no quarrel with you, nor with this unfortunate fellow. No harm will come to him! But I needed to possess his corporeal form, to warn Jeremy Cross to leave Black Ridge! For his own good!
Luke (holding his gun): His own good? What do you mean?
Nathaniel: Black Ridge was once a flourishing community. And I was the most prosperous of all, owning a gold mine. But one day, one of my tunnels released a poisonous curse from the depths of the earth! The ground became sour!
Nathaniel (holding his hat): Within days, half of the townsfolk were sick. After a week, we were all dead!
Nathaniel: The curse of Black Ridge was caused by me!
Luke: But why kill Jeremy Cross?
Nathaniel: Because the ground is still poisoned! The curse still remains! That new community he was building would be at risk! I urged Cross to stop building, but he wouldn't listen! I couldn't allow anyone else to be harmed!
Luke: So you murdered him - and those previous victims - to keep people away?
Nathaniel: Yes! And you must leave too, before it's too late! You have until sundown to get out of Black Ridge... or your fate will be the same as Mr Cross'!
(Nathaniel disappears.)
Luke: Whoa, that was intense, <Name>! Now that the ghost of Nathaniel Mason is gone, we should revive Mr Lewis!
Gwen: Mrs Kwame, it was you! You killed your own son!
Serena: How dare you say that? I'm utterly heartbroken that Danny's dead!
Gwen: That may well be, but you still murdered him. You knew he was going to Alcatraz Island last night, and you went after him.
Serena: So sue me - I liked to know what Danny was up to. He was a mama's boy, but I loved him all the more for it!
Gwen: Yes, but you couldn't accept it when Danny told you he was a werewolf-
Serena: Enough of that word! Your readers might lap up that fantastical garbage, but I refuse to believe-
Gwen: Actually, Mrs Kwame, we're not news reporters. We are "hunters", people who solve supernatural crime. That's why we know your son was a werewolf, and that you are responsible for his death!
Serena: You are the... supernatural police?! Alright, I admit it! I knew Danny was a werewolf! I saw him transform! One night he sat me down... Said he had something to show me... And then he... turned into a beast... before my very eyes!
Serena (crying): I begged him to make this horrid monster go away. But he said if I loved him, I had to accept his new identity. He promised me that our lives wouldn't change, except that he would have to leave me on full moon nights. He also gave me a book about his... condition.
Serena (wiping her tears): It was from this book that I learned that werewolves could be killed with silver and wolfsbane...
Serena: So, I bought a gun and silver bullets, and took my shot when Danny emerged on the pier after the full moon. But I didn't want my Danny to die! I only wanted to kill the monster in him, and purge him of it!
Gwen: You... thought Danny would survive the gunshots? And then you'd get your old son back?
Serena (crying): Yes! I only realized how wrong I was when I held his lifeless body in my arms!
Gwen: Mrs Kwame, you made a terrible mistake... And your son had to pay the price. We have no choice but to hand you over to the police for the murder.
Immortal CombatSerena: How dare you say that? I'm utterly heartbroken that Danny's dead!
Gwen: That may well be, but you still murdered him. You knew he was going to Alcatraz Island last night, and you went after him.
Serena: So sue me - I liked to know what Danny was up to. He was a mama's boy, but I loved him all the more for it!
Gwen: Yes, but you couldn't accept it when Danny told you he was a werewolf-
Serena: Enough of that word! Your readers might lap up that fantastical garbage, but I refuse to believe-
Gwen: Actually, Mrs Kwame, we're not news reporters. We are "hunters", people who solve supernatural crime. That's why we know your son was a werewolf, and that you are responsible for his death!
Serena: You are the... supernatural police?! Alright, I admit it! I knew Danny was a werewolf! I saw him transform! One night he sat me down... Said he had something to show me... And then he... turned into a beast... before my very eyes!
Serena (crying): I begged him to make this horrid monster go away. But he said if I loved him, I had to accept his new identity. He promised me that our lives wouldn't change, except that he would have to leave me on full moon nights. He also gave me a book about his... condition.
Serena (wiping her tears): It was from this book that I learned that werewolves could be killed with silver and wolfsbane...
Serena: So, I bought a gun and silver bullets, and took my shot when Danny emerged on the pier after the full moon. But I didn't want my Danny to die! I only wanted to kill the monster in him, and purge him of it!
Gwen: You... thought Danny would survive the gunshots? And then you'd get your old son back?
Serena (crying): Yes! I only realized how wrong I was when I held his lifeless body in my arms!
Gwen: Mrs Kwame, you made a terrible mistake... And your son had to pay the price. We have no choice but to hand you over to the police for the murder.
Luke: Eric Zwart! We know you're the one who beheaded Dr Aculus!
Eric: Ah, <Name>. Still obsessed with the old man's demise? I understand.
Luke: Cut it out, Eric. This shtick of poetic suffering might work on your girlfriends. But not on us!
Eric: My suffering is a "shtick" to you? Oh, how little you know! YOU were not robbed of your youth like I was! Condemned to bear the burden of eternity as a vampire! I was sent to war as a young lad, <Name>! To be slaughtered with millions of others. Dr Aculus saved me - but what salvation was it, confined to the shadows forever!
Luke: Alright, we get it. You don't like being a vampire. But that's not why you killed your sire, is it?
Eric: My sire! He always underestimated me! Called me the runt of the litter, just because I'm only 98 years old! Until I showed him what the runt could do! The old fool had no idea it was me! He suspected everyone - Fabien, Roxanne... But it was ME alone who dared to reach for the stars! It was ME who stole invincibility from the gods! It was ME who made eternal life bearable by the sweet caress of sunshine!
Luke: So it's true! You made the elixir! You found the Grimoire of Bloode, kidnapped Mina to harvest her blood... And attacked Felix to steal the flower from us!
Eric: Dr Aculus tried to stop me. He gave me a speech about our duty to respect the agreement not to hurt humans. Your chief would have been touched. I was disgusted. So I toasted his deathday with the elixir of invincibility, and then I dispatched the old coward to hell.
Eric (lighting a match): And now there's nothing to stand in my way! I shall be free to walk the earth like your kind! No more hiding in darkness! No more fearing the stake!
Eric (in flames): The flames cannot hurt me anymore! I can walk on the very rays of the sun! Watch me reclaim my birthright and live like the king of the Earth!
Luke: Oh no, <Name>! Eric's taken the elixir, and it's working! The flames aren't doing anything to him!
Eric (in flames): You cannot stop me now!
Luke (holding a wooden stake with blood): That's what YOU think! The virgin blood you drank, the virgin blood shall end you!
(Luke stabs Eric in the heart.)
(Eric turns blue.)
(Eric's body turns to ash.)
Luke: It worked! Eric's dead! No more than a pile of ashes! We killed the invincible vampire! <Name>, our work here is done. Let's go tell the chief!
Eric: Ah, <Name>. Still obsessed with the old man's demise? I understand.
Luke: Cut it out, Eric. This shtick of poetic suffering might work on your girlfriends. But not on us!
Eric: My suffering is a "shtick" to you? Oh, how little you know! YOU were not robbed of your youth like I was! Condemned to bear the burden of eternity as a vampire! I was sent to war as a young lad, <Name>! To be slaughtered with millions of others. Dr Aculus saved me - but what salvation was it, confined to the shadows forever!
Luke: Alright, we get it. You don't like being a vampire. But that's not why you killed your sire, is it?
Eric: My sire! He always underestimated me! Called me the runt of the litter, just because I'm only 98 years old! Until I showed him what the runt could do! The old fool had no idea it was me! He suspected everyone - Fabien, Roxanne... But it was ME alone who dared to reach for the stars! It was ME who stole invincibility from the gods! It was ME who made eternal life bearable by the sweet caress of sunshine!
Luke: So it's true! You made the elixir! You found the Grimoire of Bloode, kidnapped Mina to harvest her blood... And attacked Felix to steal the flower from us!
Eric: Dr Aculus tried to stop me. He gave me a speech about our duty to respect the agreement not to hurt humans. Your chief would have been touched. I was disgusted. So I toasted his deathday with the elixir of invincibility, and then I dispatched the old coward to hell.
Eric (lighting a match): And now there's nothing to stand in my way! I shall be free to walk the earth like your kind! No more hiding in darkness! No more fearing the stake!
Eric (in flames): The flames cannot hurt me anymore! I can walk on the very rays of the sun! Watch me reclaim my birthright and live like the king of the Earth!
Luke: Oh no, <Name>! Eric's taken the elixir, and it's working! The flames aren't doing anything to him!
Eric (in flames): You cannot stop me now!
Luke (holding a wooden stake with blood): That's what YOU think! The virgin blood you drank, the virgin blood shall end you!
(Luke stabs Eric in the heart.)
(Eric turns blue.)
(Eric's body turns to ash.)
Luke: It worked! Eric's dead! No more than a pile of ashes! We killed the invincible vampire! <Name>, our work here is done. Let's go tell the chief!
Southwest
Bad Vibes
Gwen: Jesse Adams, you're under arrest for the murder of Rainee Day!
Jess: You've gotta be joking, agents!
Gwen: We're not! You took a crystal from the caves underneath Cathedral Rock and you stabbed her!
Jesse: But I wouldn't have hurt Rainee for all the copper in the world!
Gwen: And yet you went to a healing session and stabbed her right in the heart!
Jesse: I... I lost control of myself, alright? Look, I'm a stressed-out person. Rainee helped me deal with that. She seemed to understand me on a whole other level. She became my rock, my emotional anchor. I... I fell in love with her...
Gwen: Stabbing the object of your affection through the heart with a crystal isn't exactly an expression of love!
Jesse: I didn't mean to stab her! I brought that crystal to her as a gift... a token of my love.
Gwen: Let me guess. Rainee rejected you.
Jesse: She did! After all her words of how she'd be there for me... Rainee, the one person I relied on for emotional comfort... she betrayed me! All the peace I'd achieved at her side left me in that moment. I saw red and I stabbed her!
Gwen: Hold on, you're not selling that "blind rage" stuff to us! You selected a tarot card before the murder! And you even reversed it for greater symbolism! You knew exactly what you were doing!
Jesse: In that moment, I only knew that Rainee had to answer for betraying me and my feelings the way she did!
Gwen: Oh come on, not returning someone's love isn't a "betrayal"! You decided to punish her because you didn't get what you wanted! And you'll answer for your crime! You're under arrest, and we're turning you over to the deputy mayor!
Gut OutJess: You've gotta be joking, agents!
Gwen: We're not! You took a crystal from the caves underneath Cathedral Rock and you stabbed her!
Jesse: But I wouldn't have hurt Rainee for all the copper in the world!
Gwen: And yet you went to a healing session and stabbed her right in the heart!
Jesse: I... I lost control of myself, alright? Look, I'm a stressed-out person. Rainee helped me deal with that. She seemed to understand me on a whole other level. She became my rock, my emotional anchor. I... I fell in love with her...
Gwen: Stabbing the object of your affection through the heart with a crystal isn't exactly an expression of love!
Jesse: I didn't mean to stab her! I brought that crystal to her as a gift... a token of my love.
Gwen: Let me guess. Rainee rejected you.
Jesse: She did! After all her words of how she'd be there for me... Rainee, the one person I relied on for emotional comfort... she betrayed me! All the peace I'd achieved at her side left me in that moment. I saw red and I stabbed her!
Gwen: Hold on, you're not selling that "blind rage" stuff to us! You selected a tarot card before the murder! And you even reversed it for greater symbolism! You knew exactly what you were doing!
Jesse: In that moment, I only knew that Rainee had to answer for betraying me and my feelings the way she did!
Gwen: Oh come on, not returning someone's love isn't a "betrayal"! You decided to punish her because you didn't get what you wanted! And you'll answer for your crime! You're under arrest, and we're turning you over to the deputy mayor!
Luke: Susan Etter, we know you sicced your deranged pet on your brother Paul!
Susan: What "deranged pet"?
Luke: Your pet chupacabra. You had a collar and leash for it! And chew toys! You tried to hide them in the restaurant, but <Name> found them! What were you thinking, keeping a pet chupacabra? The thing nearly killed us, you know!
Susan: I hope it might! You're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong! When I told you about my farm failing is true! All the other goat farms were outselling me! If that continued, I'd go bankrupt! But one night a few months ago, I heard a strange sound. I went out to see what it was, and there was this little creature digging up my garden. I thought it was just a sick puppy, so I took it in and cared for it. But once it got bigger, I realized it was a chupacabra! And I had an idea! I kept it a secret, and successfully taught it some commands in Spanish. That was when I decided to release my little secret weapon on the other farms to kill off the competition!
Luke: You're the one responsible for the chupacabra attacks in Taos Pueblo?!
Susan: Yes! But meanwhile, my farm was still struggling. So I asked Paul for money. But he said NO! My own brother refused to help me! My only remaining option was to kill Paul in a way that looked accidental, and receive the payout from his life insurance. So I let Chupie loose, and Paul got what was coming! And if YOU hadn't nosed into my business, I'd be signing the papers for that insurance money RIGHT NOW!
Luke: I can't believe you raised a chupacabra like a pet! And then sicced it on your brother when he didn't do what you wanted!
Susan: So I killed my brother! It's not like you can do anything about it; you're not the police!
Luke: That's true...
Luke (holding a voice recorder): ... but now the police will have the confession they need to put you away for fratricide!
Susan (sweating): What?! But... you can't...
Luke: We're turning you in for murder!
Hashtag MurderSusan: What "deranged pet"?
Luke: Your pet chupacabra. You had a collar and leash for it! And chew toys! You tried to hide them in the restaurant, but <Name> found them! What were you thinking, keeping a pet chupacabra? The thing nearly killed us, you know!
Susan: I hope it might! You're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong! When I told you about my farm failing is true! All the other goat farms were outselling me! If that continued, I'd go bankrupt! But one night a few months ago, I heard a strange sound. I went out to see what it was, and there was this little creature digging up my garden. I thought it was just a sick puppy, so I took it in and cared for it. But once it got bigger, I realized it was a chupacabra! And I had an idea! I kept it a secret, and successfully taught it some commands in Spanish. That was when I decided to release my little secret weapon on the other farms to kill off the competition!
Luke: You're the one responsible for the chupacabra attacks in Taos Pueblo?!
Susan: Yes! But meanwhile, my farm was still struggling. So I asked Paul for money. But he said NO! My own brother refused to help me! My only remaining option was to kill Paul in a way that looked accidental, and receive the payout from his life insurance. So I let Chupie loose, and Paul got what was coming! And if YOU hadn't nosed into my business, I'd be signing the papers for that insurance money RIGHT NOW!
Luke: I can't believe you raised a chupacabra like a pet! And then sicced it on your brother when he didn't do what you wanted!
Susan: So I killed my brother! It's not like you can do anything about it; you're not the police!
Luke: That's true...
Luke (holding a voice recorder): ... but now the police will have the confession they need to put you away for fratricide!
Susan (sweating): What?! But... you can't...
Luke: We're turning you in for murder!
Gwen: Wait... Tiffany is the killer? A ten-year-old child? Is it true, Tiffany? Did you... did you hurt Marigold?
Tiffany: Of course I did, silly! I told you I didn't like her!
Gwen: But... why? Because she wouldn't play with you and called you names?
Tiffany: No! Because my plastic doll eyes looked into hers and saw the darkness and ugliness of her soul!
Gwen: Wait, what? You're... one of the dolls?!
(Tiffany turns into a doll.)
Tiffany: Yes! But I'm not like the rest of these lifeless toys. These dolls can't see into the hearts and souls of you humans, but I can! And I could see right through Marigold's soul, and all I saw was darkness!
Gwen: So you're not actually a little girl! Which means José isn't really your grandfather?
Tiffany: No, but his arrival on my island is what brought me to life! For decades, I was lifeless too. But José's devotion to me and the other dolls awakened an ancient magic that had enchanted me. I opened my plastic eyes, walking and talking like a real child! We live in peace on this island, he and I. Tourists like you come and go, and I find humans mildly entertaining. But Marigold... her heart was rotten! I didn't want her on my island, so I chopped her up! And now it's time for you to leave too!
Gwen: ......... Stand down, Tiffany!
Tiffany: AAARRGH!
Gwen (holding her gun): BANG!
(Gwen shoots Tiffany.)
Tiffany: .........
(Tiffany is shattered into pieces.)
Mad WorldTiffany: Of course I did, silly! I told you I didn't like her!
Gwen: But... why? Because she wouldn't play with you and called you names?
Tiffany: No! Because my plastic doll eyes looked into hers and saw the darkness and ugliness of her soul!
Gwen: Wait, what? You're... one of the dolls?!
(Tiffany turns into a doll.)
Tiffany: Yes! But I'm not like the rest of these lifeless toys. These dolls can't see into the hearts and souls of you humans, but I can! And I could see right through Marigold's soul, and all I saw was darkness!
Gwen: So you're not actually a little girl! Which means José isn't really your grandfather?
Tiffany: No, but his arrival on my island is what brought me to life! For decades, I was lifeless too. But José's devotion to me and the other dolls awakened an ancient magic that had enchanted me. I opened my plastic eyes, walking and talking like a real child! We live in peace on this island, he and I. Tourists like you come and go, and I find humans mildly entertaining. But Marigold... her heart was rotten! I didn't want her on my island, so I chopped her up! And now it's time for you to leave too!
Gwen: ......... Stand down, Tiffany!
Tiffany: AAARRGH!
Gwen (holding her gun): BANG!
(Gwen shoots Tiffany.)
Tiffany: .........
(Tiffany is shattered into pieces.)
Gwen: Mr Enstrom, you did it! You killed Dr Stein!
Adam: Killed? Killing someone goes against all my medical training!
Gwen: Come on, she wasn't exactly the nicest person, was she? Look at the way she bullied you! And you must've known about the sadistic experiments she was conducting on people!
Adam: But that's just it! I was only trying to fix the doctor! It wasn't my intention to kill her!
Gwen: What do you mean you were trying to fixing her?
Adam: I guess I should start from the beginning... my beginning...
Adam (showing his bolts): You see, I was Dr Stein's biggest and most successful experiment of all!
Gwen: Wait... are those bolts in your neck? But-
Adam: Dr Stein created me! From other patients' body parts - the patients she'd murdered!
Gwen: Dr Stein... made you?
Adam: Yes. She said she wanted to create a human to show what an amazing doctor she was! She built me, brought me to life, and kept me as a patient while she taught me everything she knew. When she thought I'd learned enough, she made me her assistant. But in one respect, I was always different. I pitied the patients... their suffering saddened me... And then it occurred to me that I could cure Dr Stein of her lack of empathy, if only I could find a way to re-jig her brain! So while the doctor was doing her rounds today, I came from behind and stabbed a strong sedative into her neck. I then dragged her to the bathtub, and commenced the trepanation process... But something went wrong, and instead of fixing her, I killed her! I'll never forgive myself for taking a human life!
Gwen: It's totally mindblowing that you're an intelligent being made from human body parts! I've never seen anything like it! But it's also ironic how such a cruel mind could've made something with more humanity than she could ever possess. Mr Enstrom, it's clear that Dr Stein was a monster, and that you meant no harm. But you still killed someone, so we'll need to figure out what to do with you.
Adam: I'm already finding it difficult to live with what I've done, Inspector <Name>.
The Ghost of Murders PastAdam: Killed? Killing someone goes against all my medical training!
Gwen: Come on, she wasn't exactly the nicest person, was she? Look at the way she bullied you! And you must've known about the sadistic experiments she was conducting on people!
Adam: But that's just it! I was only trying to fix the doctor! It wasn't my intention to kill her!
Gwen: What do you mean you were trying to fixing her?
Adam: I guess I should start from the beginning... my beginning...
Adam (showing his bolts): You see, I was Dr Stein's biggest and most successful experiment of all!
Gwen: Wait... are those bolts in your neck? But-
Adam: Dr Stein created me! From other patients' body parts - the patients she'd murdered!
Gwen: Dr Stein... made you?
Adam: Yes. She said she wanted to create a human to show what an amazing doctor she was! She built me, brought me to life, and kept me as a patient while she taught me everything she knew. When she thought I'd learned enough, she made me her assistant. But in one respect, I was always different. I pitied the patients... their suffering saddened me... And then it occurred to me that I could cure Dr Stein of her lack of empathy, if only I could find a way to re-jig her brain! So while the doctor was doing her rounds today, I came from behind and stabbed a strong sedative into her neck. I then dragged her to the bathtub, and commenced the trepanation process... But something went wrong, and instead of fixing her, I killed her! I'll never forgive myself for taking a human life!
Gwen: It's totally mindblowing that you're an intelligent being made from human body parts! I've never seen anything like it! But it's also ironic how such a cruel mind could've made something with more humanity than she could ever possess. Mr Enstrom, it's clear that Dr Stein was a monster, and that you meant no harm. But you still killed someone, so we'll need to figure out what to do with you.
Adam: I'm already finding it difficult to live with what I've done, Inspector <Name>.
Luke: Axel Bross, you're under arrest for the murder of R.J. Fielding! We know you attacked him with chloroform before dragging his unconscious body to the bridge. Then you hung him upside down and left him to die!
Axel: I might be inspired by the ghoulish, but not enough to kill someone for it!
Luke: No, but you'd do it to help the ghost, wouldn't you?
Axel: Ghost? What are you talking about?
Luke: You know what we're talking about. The ghost of Abigail Riley. You said you'd never heard of her, but you were lying, weren't you?
Axel: Alright, I confess! I loved Abigail when she was alive... and I love her still!
Luke: Still? You're in love with a ghost?
Axel: Yes. Abigail might no longer be corporeal, but we still love each other! So when Abigail told me she wanted Fielding dead, I pledged to help my beloved. And Fielding deserved it - and more! He and the others sacrificed my beloved Abigail to a demon!
Luke: A demon?! That's what Fielding and company summoned with the ritual?
Axel: Yes. It started off as nothing more than a college lark. They'd heard rumors that summoning a demon would oblige it to bestow knowledge on them... and thought it'd be fun to try it. What they hadn't bargained on was the demon asking for something in exchange - Abigail's life. Fielding and the others could've stopped the ritual there and then. But instead, they decided to sacrifice Abigail to the demon. They valued knowledge over her life! In exchange, the demon told them the location of natural resources which would make them rich. Fielding learned the location of the oil deposit. Justine, the gold mine, and so on.
Luke: So that's why you hung Fielding up like The Hanged Man tarot card! Because it depicts the Norse god Odin, who suspended himself from a tree in order to gain knowledge!
Abigail: Funny, you're not as stupid as you seemed during our last encounter, <Name>!
Luke: Abigail, this has to stop! You've punished the culprits, what more do you want?
Abigail: I want you to let my dear Axel go!
Luke: We can't do that. He committed a murder!
Abigail: Then I guess I'll just have to use you as leverage!
Possessed Luke: <Name>, I... I felt the ghost go inside of me! I can't control my arms!
Axel: We're taking Luke with us, <Name>. If you come after us, Abigail will make him pull the trigger!
(Possessed Luke and Axel leave.)
Felix: Oh, my God. <Name>, the ghost and Axel have run off with Luke!
Axel: I might be inspired by the ghoulish, but not enough to kill someone for it!
Luke: No, but you'd do it to help the ghost, wouldn't you?
Axel: Ghost? What are you talking about?
Luke: You know what we're talking about. The ghost of Abigail Riley. You said you'd never heard of her, but you were lying, weren't you?
Axel: Alright, I confess! I loved Abigail when she was alive... and I love her still!
Luke: Still? You're in love with a ghost?
Axel: Yes. Abigail might no longer be corporeal, but we still love each other! So when Abigail told me she wanted Fielding dead, I pledged to help my beloved. And Fielding deserved it - and more! He and the others sacrificed my beloved Abigail to a demon!
Luke: A demon?! That's what Fielding and company summoned with the ritual?
Axel: Yes. It started off as nothing more than a college lark. They'd heard rumors that summoning a demon would oblige it to bestow knowledge on them... and thought it'd be fun to try it. What they hadn't bargained on was the demon asking for something in exchange - Abigail's life. Fielding and the others could've stopped the ritual there and then. But instead, they decided to sacrifice Abigail to the demon. They valued knowledge over her life! In exchange, the demon told them the location of natural resources which would make them rich. Fielding learned the location of the oil deposit. Justine, the gold mine, and so on.
Luke: So that's why you hung Fielding up like The Hanged Man tarot card! Because it depicts the Norse god Odin, who suspended himself from a tree in order to gain knowledge!
Abigail: Funny, you're not as stupid as you seemed during our last encounter, <Name>!
Luke: Abigail, this has to stop! You've punished the culprits, what more do you want?
Abigail: I want you to let my dear Axel go!
Luke: We can't do that. He committed a murder!
Abigail: Then I guess I'll just have to use you as leverage!
Possessed Luke: <Name>, I... I felt the ghost go inside of me! I can't control my arms!
Axel: We're taking Luke with us, <Name>. If you come after us, Abigail will make him pull the trigger!
(Possessed Luke and Axel leave.)
Felix: Oh, my God. <Name>, the ghost and Axel have run off with Luke!
The Rockies
A One-Wolf Open Slay
Gwen: Sam Ellis, you're busted. You're a werewolf, and you killed Ruth Wu.
Sam: So, you guys know about werewolves, huh? You aren't managers from the ski resort, you're "hunters" like Ruth!
Gwen: Hunters, yes. But not like Ruth. We only go after creatures that hurt humans. And you did: you brutally gored Ruth early in the morning today. Why?
Sam: Because I recognized her! When she showed up on the slopes, I knew she was my old enemy! <Name>, Ruth Wu killed my son when he was just a child, a... werewolf cub! He was just playing in the forest, too young to be a danger to anyone! But Ruth shot him with a silver bullet anyway, and then she laughed! How can something like that be forgiven, <Name>?
Gwen: Ruth killed your son? My goodness, I knew she was heartless, but this is terrible!
Sam: It was years ago, <Name>, but it hurts the same as on the day I held him lifeless in my arms. I'd never forgotten his killer's face... But when she turned up here on the slopes, she didn't recognize me! I knew the full moon was coming. My plan was made. My memories of last night are hazy. When we transform, we're in a different, savage world. It was the beast in me that killed her... but for human grief.
Gwen: Mr Ellis, this is a heartbreaking story... but you must answer for what you've done. Even if there's no homicide investigation, since the police believe a common wolf killed Ruth.
Sam: <Name>, I don't wish to evade punishment. Take me to Annette... she's our alpha.
Gwen: You belong to Annette Strong's werewolf pack? Then she will determine your punishment for the murder!
Dead HeatSam: So, you guys know about werewolves, huh? You aren't managers from the ski resort, you're "hunters" like Ruth!
Gwen: Hunters, yes. But not like Ruth. We only go after creatures that hurt humans. And you did: you brutally gored Ruth early in the morning today. Why?
Sam: Because I recognized her! When she showed up on the slopes, I knew she was my old enemy! <Name>, Ruth Wu killed my son when he was just a child, a... werewolf cub! He was just playing in the forest, too young to be a danger to anyone! But Ruth shot him with a silver bullet anyway, and then she laughed! How can something like that be forgiven, <Name>?
Gwen: Ruth killed your son? My goodness, I knew she was heartless, but this is terrible!
Sam: It was years ago, <Name>, but it hurts the same as on the day I held him lifeless in my arms. I'd never forgotten his killer's face... But when she turned up here on the slopes, she didn't recognize me! I knew the full moon was coming. My plan was made. My memories of last night are hazy. When we transform, we're in a different, savage world. It was the beast in me that killed her... but for human grief.
Gwen: Mr Ellis, this is a heartbreaking story... but you must answer for what you've done. Even if there's no homicide investigation, since the police believe a common wolf killed Ruth.
Sam: <Name>, I don't wish to evade punishment. Take me to Annette... she's our alpha.
Gwen: You belong to Annette Strong's werewolf pack? Then she will determine your punishment for the murder!
Luke: Ralph McKenzie, you cursed your nephew's car, and it killed him!
Ralph: A curse? Are you crazy? I don't believe you're real accident investigators...
Luke: You got that right. We're supernatural investigators, and we've got all the evidence we need to prove you're his killer!
Ralph (sweating): Supernatural investigators?! Then you can help me! I'm desperate!
Luke: Why don't you start with an explanation?
Ralph: I wanted to be a racer ever since I was a little boy. I prayed for it every night before going to sleep. One night, in a dream, the Devil came to me and said I could be a champion racer... ...but only if I was the LAST race car driver in my family. If any member of my bloodline took up racing after me, I would be punished with eternal hellfire! "Eternal hellfire" was scary, of course. But I was so desperate, I agreed immediately!
Luke: Sure, a deal with the Devil. What's the worst that could happen?
Ralph: Next race, I came in first place! And I won every race after that! The deal really worked! I had an amazing racing career. But after I retired, my nephew Jerry started talking about racing. I begged him not to, and tried everything from scuba lessons for his birthday to trying to get him into law school. Nothing worked! He registered for his first-ever race in Bonneville. And I started to see signs...
Luke: What do you mean, "signs"?
Ralph: Signs the Devil was preparing to cast me into eternal hellfire!
Ralph (crying): A few days ago, my stove burst into flames for no reason! Later, I was in the grocery store, and this old lady was just staring at me! Clearly the Devil was coming for my soul! So I concocted a curse to keep Jerry from becoming a racer! To save both of our souls! I had no choice!
Luke: Mr McKenzie, that is one of the craziest stories I've heard as a supernatural investigator. We'll let our chief sort you out!
Weirder StuffRalph: A curse? Are you crazy? I don't believe you're real accident investigators...
Luke: You got that right. We're supernatural investigators, and we've got all the evidence we need to prove you're his killer!
Ralph (sweating): Supernatural investigators?! Then you can help me! I'm desperate!
Luke: Why don't you start with an explanation?
Ralph: I wanted to be a racer ever since I was a little boy. I prayed for it every night before going to sleep. One night, in a dream, the Devil came to me and said I could be a champion racer... ...but only if I was the LAST race car driver in my family. If any member of my bloodline took up racing after me, I would be punished with eternal hellfire! "Eternal hellfire" was scary, of course. But I was so desperate, I agreed immediately!
Luke: Sure, a deal with the Devil. What's the worst that could happen?
Ralph: Next race, I came in first place! And I won every race after that! The deal really worked! I had an amazing racing career. But after I retired, my nephew Jerry started talking about racing. I begged him not to, and tried everything from scuba lessons for his birthday to trying to get him into law school. Nothing worked! He registered for his first-ever race in Bonneville. And I started to see signs...
Luke: What do you mean, "signs"?
Ralph: Signs the Devil was preparing to cast me into eternal hellfire!
Ralph (crying): A few days ago, my stove burst into flames for no reason! Later, I was in the grocery store, and this old lady was just staring at me! Clearly the Devil was coming for my soul! So I concocted a curse to keep Jerry from becoming a racer! To save both of our souls! I had no choice!
Luke: Mr McKenzie, that is one of the craziest stories I've heard as a supernatural investigator. We'll let our chief sort you out!
Gwen: So it was you, Ruby! YOU murdered Rex Lane!
Ruby: What? I don't know what you're talking about!
Gwen: It's obvious what happened. You fell in love with a charismatic Hollywood megastar... ... but instead of being your knight in shining armor, Rex broke your heart. So you killed him!
Ruby: Nonsense! I told you, I knew our relationship wouldn't last!
Gwen: I know how it feels to be rejected. But to burn the man alive? That's monstrous!
Ruby (transforms into a woodland spirit): Rex was the monster! He was the one who wanted ME dead!
Ruby: And I know who you are! You're the supernatural hunters Rex hired to kill me! Well, I'm not going without a fight!
(Ruby sends the flames to Gwen.)
Gwen: You're... not human? What are you?
Ruby: Hunters like you know exactly what I am!
Gwen: Listen, Ruby! We ARE supernatural hunters, but we're not here to harm you! Rex didn't hire us! Just tell us what happened!
Ruby: My name is Rubarae, I'm a woodland spirit. I've been watching over this forest for a thousand years. But my time is coming to an end. Before long, I will be gone. I am in need of an heir, someone to take over and look after these woods once I pass on! As Rex and I became closer, I trusted him. I thought maybe he could be the one to help me bear a child. So I opened up to him, and showed him who I really was.
Gwen: I take it Rex didn't react well to the truth.
Ruby: He was horrified! He told me he would find someone who'd "rid the world of a monster" like me! I'm a peaceful spirit, I didn't want to hurt him! But I had to protect myself! So I grabbed that flamethrower while Rex was on the set, to make it look like he was killed by a human!
Gwen: We're not here to harm you, Rubarae! We just-
Ruby: Liars! You're here to destroy me! Well, you'll have to catch me first!
(Rubarae disappears.)
Winter MurderlandRuby: What? I don't know what you're talking about!
Gwen: It's obvious what happened. You fell in love with a charismatic Hollywood megastar... ... but instead of being your knight in shining armor, Rex broke your heart. So you killed him!
Ruby: Nonsense! I told you, I knew our relationship wouldn't last!
Gwen: I know how it feels to be rejected. But to burn the man alive? That's monstrous!
Ruby (transforms into a woodland spirit): Rex was the monster! He was the one who wanted ME dead!
Ruby: And I know who you are! You're the supernatural hunters Rex hired to kill me! Well, I'm not going without a fight!
(Ruby sends the flames to Gwen.)
Gwen: You're... not human? What are you?
Ruby: Hunters like you know exactly what I am!
Gwen: Listen, Ruby! We ARE supernatural hunters, but we're not here to harm you! Rex didn't hire us! Just tell us what happened!
Ruby: My name is Rubarae, I'm a woodland spirit. I've been watching over this forest for a thousand years. But my time is coming to an end. Before long, I will be gone. I am in need of an heir, someone to take over and look after these woods once I pass on! As Rex and I became closer, I trusted him. I thought maybe he could be the one to help me bear a child. So I opened up to him, and showed him who I really was.
Gwen: I take it Rex didn't react well to the truth.
Ruby: He was horrified! He told me he would find someone who'd "rid the world of a monster" like me! I'm a peaceful spirit, I didn't want to hurt him! But I had to protect myself! So I grabbed that flamethrower while Rex was on the set, to make it look like he was killed by a human!
Gwen: We're not here to harm you, Rubarae! We just-
Ruby: Liars! You're here to destroy me! Well, you'll have to catch me first!
(Rubarae disappears.)
Luke: Poppy, you were so sure about the lake monster not having anything to do with Wyatt Ewing's murder... because YOU killed him!
Poppy: Cripes! How could you even think that someone of my size could take down that burly farmer!
Luke: We've had enough of your lies... All the evidence points to you - the tartan fibers you left on the trident fishing spear you used to kill him, the threat you mailed him... Now all we want to know is why you did it. Surely you didn't murder a man just because he owed you some money? You're not greedy enough for that, are you?
Poppy: No! It was Farmer Ewing who was the greedy one! He wanted to drain Roundhead Lake! All so he could grow more crops for his silly farm! That's why I killed him!
Luke: Why did it bother you so much that Ewing wanted to drain the lake?
Poppy: Don't you get it? The lake is where Hannah lives! If it no longer existed, she'd wither away and die! And if Hannah died, I would too! I live, breathe and dream that beautiful creature! I had to find a way to stop Farmer Ewing! And then this morning, when I went down to the lake to go fishing, I found him standing there surveying it. I tried to persuade him again not to drain the lake, but he just wouldn't listen. That's when I realized, it was either him or Hannah... ... So I grabbed my fishing spear, and in a fit of rage, I stabbed it through his neck with all my strength! To save Hannah! And I don't regret it one bit!
Luke: Poppy, we have no choice but to put you under citizen's arrest and hand you over to the cops for murdering Wyatt Ewing! And, <Name>, we should go tell the townspeople we've found the killer!
The Tree of DeathPoppy: Cripes! How could you even think that someone of my size could take down that burly farmer!
Luke: We've had enough of your lies... All the evidence points to you - the tartan fibers you left on the trident fishing spear you used to kill him, the threat you mailed him... Now all we want to know is why you did it. Surely you didn't murder a man just because he owed you some money? You're not greedy enough for that, are you?
Poppy: No! It was Farmer Ewing who was the greedy one! He wanted to drain Roundhead Lake! All so he could grow more crops for his silly farm! That's why I killed him!
Luke: Why did it bother you so much that Ewing wanted to drain the lake?
Poppy: Don't you get it? The lake is where Hannah lives! If it no longer existed, she'd wither away and die! And if Hannah died, I would too! I live, breathe and dream that beautiful creature! I had to find a way to stop Farmer Ewing! And then this morning, when I went down to the lake to go fishing, I found him standing there surveying it. I tried to persuade him again not to drain the lake, but he just wouldn't listen. That's when I realized, it was either him or Hannah... ... So I grabbed my fishing spear, and in a fit of rage, I stabbed it through his neck with all my strength! To save Hannah! And I don't regret it one bit!
Luke: Poppy, we have no choice but to put you under citizen's arrest and hand you over to the cops for murdering Wyatt Ewing! And, <Name>, we should go tell the townspeople we've found the killer!
Gwen: Zeke Davis, it was YOU who murdered Annette Strong to steal the tree core?!
Zeke: I'm a conservationist, <Name>. I wouldn't harm a human, or a tree!
Gwen: Is that so? Because from where we're standing, it looks like you ambushed Annette, before you brutally cut out and discarded her heart out with the knife still in it! You then took a chainsaw to the magical tree, cutting out the core! What are you planning on doing with that core, Zeke? What kind of magical powers does it have?
Zeke: You humans. So tiresome, with all your questions!
Gwen: "Us humans"? What is that supposed to- Wait, you're a supernatural being?!
(Zeke transforms into a demon.)
Zeke: Does that answer your question?
Gwen: You... you're a demon!
Zeke: What is it you humans say again? Ah, yes... "bingo"! It's been such a chore, having to pretend to be one of you while I searched for the tree. But masquerading as an environmentalist was the perfect disguise. Nobody ever questions the do-gooders! Even YOU didn't suspect me, <Name>! It was I who steered you towards discovering the existence of demons back in Arizona... I was even there when you discovered how I was summoned into your world! But you still didn't put two and two together, you fools!
Gwen: YOU'RE the demon Fielding and the others summoned into our world five years ago?!
Zeke: Yes! And boy, do I love it here! This world is so much fun, with its silly little humans like you! Though that Annette woman was a bore! Getting my hands on that tree she was protecting was far too easy - she barely put up a fight at all!
Gwen: Tell us what you're planning on doing with the tree core!
Zeke (holding the tree core): This little thing? I'll be taking it back to the Netherworld!
Zeke: But don't think I'm done with you, <Name>. I'll see you around!
(Zeke teleports.)
Gwen: <Name>... he's gone!
Zeke: I'm a conservationist, <Name>. I wouldn't harm a human, or a tree!
Gwen: Is that so? Because from where we're standing, it looks like you ambushed Annette, before you brutally cut out and discarded her heart out with the knife still in it! You then took a chainsaw to the magical tree, cutting out the core! What are you planning on doing with that core, Zeke? What kind of magical powers does it have?
Zeke: You humans. So tiresome, with all your questions!
Gwen: "Us humans"? What is that supposed to- Wait, you're a supernatural being?!
(Zeke transforms into a demon.)
Zeke: Does that answer your question?
Gwen: You... you're a demon!
Zeke: What is it you humans say again? Ah, yes... "bingo"! It's been such a chore, having to pretend to be one of you while I searched for the tree. But masquerading as an environmentalist was the perfect disguise. Nobody ever questions the do-gooders! Even YOU didn't suspect me, <Name>! It was I who steered you towards discovering the existence of demons back in Arizona... I was even there when you discovered how I was summoned into your world! But you still didn't put two and two together, you fools!
Gwen: YOU'RE the demon Fielding and the others summoned into our world five years ago?!
Zeke: Yes! And boy, do I love it here! This world is so much fun, with its silly little humans like you! Though that Annette woman was a bore! Getting my hands on that tree she was protecting was far too easy - she barely put up a fight at all!
Gwen: Tell us what you're planning on doing with the tree core!
Zeke (holding the tree core): This little thing? I'll be taking it back to the Netherworld!
Zeke: But don't think I'm done with you, <Name>. I'll see you around!
(Zeke teleports.)
Gwen: <Name>... he's gone!
Midwest
This American Death
Luke: Mrs Kelly, we found your husband's killer... it's you!
Alice: Me? But I told you, I was baking cookies!
Luke: Maybe you were after the murder, but you broke Dan Kelly's skull with a shovel. Admit it, Mrs Kelly. You just couldn't take it anymore! The surveillance, being under his constant control, and-
Alice: It was more than that, much more... I am not really Mrs Alice Kelly. The real Alice Kelly is dead. Dan Kelly... he... killed her!
Luke: Wait. What? Rewind. If you're not Alice Kelly, who are you?
Alice: I am Dan Kelly's creation. A golem. He wanted a perfectly obedient wife. So he... built me with the help of a witch. And he threatened to kill me just like he killed the real Alice if I ever misbehaved.
Luke: Whoa! Dan Kelly killed his wife and replaced her with you, a golem?! But why?
Alice: Dan cared so much about appearances. Everything had to be done his way, and no human wife could ever live up to his expectations. So here I am.
Luke: And he wasn't happy with you either, so you murdered him before he could murder you...
Alice: Yes! If I did not, where would it end? He would continue to create and kill golem after golem. Bend nature to his will. And destroy it!
Luke: But how did you discover all this?
Alice: One day, I was cleaning the attic. I found a box. So many photos of us, of me. But I did not remember these moments. I confronted him. And that is when he said what I was and that the real Alice's ashes were part of the property now. He said that, if I disobeyed him as she did, he would turn me into a brick, too!
Luke: This is terrible... <Name>, what should we do? She's a supernatural being. We can't turn her in to the cops!
Alice: <Name>, I have taken a life. I was a mindless machine before, but now I'm a danger that must be stopped.
Luke: Please come with us. We'll get this all figured out...
Don't Die over Spilled MilkAlice: Me? But I told you, I was baking cookies!
Luke: Maybe you were after the murder, but you broke Dan Kelly's skull with a shovel. Admit it, Mrs Kelly. You just couldn't take it anymore! The surveillance, being under his constant control, and-
Alice: It was more than that, much more... I am not really Mrs Alice Kelly. The real Alice Kelly is dead. Dan Kelly... he... killed her!
Luke: Wait. What? Rewind. If you're not Alice Kelly, who are you?
Alice: I am Dan Kelly's creation. A golem. He wanted a perfectly obedient wife. So he... built me with the help of a witch. And he threatened to kill me just like he killed the real Alice if I ever misbehaved.
Luke: Whoa! Dan Kelly killed his wife and replaced her with you, a golem?! But why?
Alice: Dan cared so much about appearances. Everything had to be done his way, and no human wife could ever live up to his expectations. So here I am.
Luke: And he wasn't happy with you either, so you murdered him before he could murder you...
Alice: Yes! If I did not, where would it end? He would continue to create and kill golem after golem. Bend nature to his will. And destroy it!
Luke: But how did you discover all this?
Alice: One day, I was cleaning the attic. I found a box. So many photos of us, of me. But I did not remember these moments. I confronted him. And that is when he said what I was and that the real Alice's ashes were part of the property now. He said that, if I disobeyed him as she did, he would turn me into a brick, too!
Luke: This is terrible... <Name>, what should we do? She's a supernatural being. We can't turn her in to the cops!
Alice: <Name>, I have taken a life. I was a mindless machine before, but now I'm a danger that must be stopped.
Luke: Please come with us. We'll get this all figured out...
Gwen: Lyla Heller, we know you're Todd Anderson's killer!
Lyla: What?! But I'm trying to research Bellevue Towers for my thesis. Why would I murder a prominent resident there?
Gwen: You tell us. And while you're at it, you can explain why you made the murder look like it was committed by the Milkman!
Lyla: But it WAS the Milkman! Don't you see? This means the Milkman is real!
Gwen: Ms Heller, there's no "Milkman." It's a legend, and you're Anderson's killer! Look, we know he got in the way of your research. But why did you want this legend to be true so badly that you'd kill for it?
Lyla: Because Todd Anderson was going to kill the legend for good! I grew up living in Bellevue Towers. And when I was seven years old, my mother was found murdered.
Lyla (crying): The police were ineffectual, and my mother's killer was never found. The only answer I ever got was the story of the Milkman.
Lyla: The people in Bellevue Towers NEED the legend to be true! For some it's the only face they'll ever be able to put to their misfortunes!
Gwen: Ms Heller, it sounds like grief made you cling onto this legend too hard. But another murder chalked up to the Milkman wasn't going to solve anything! We have no choice but to turn you in to the police for the murder!
Over the EdgeLyla: What?! But I'm trying to research Bellevue Towers for my thesis. Why would I murder a prominent resident there?
Gwen: You tell us. And while you're at it, you can explain why you made the murder look like it was committed by the Milkman!
Lyla: But it WAS the Milkman! Don't you see? This means the Milkman is real!
Gwen: Ms Heller, there's no "Milkman." It's a legend, and you're Anderson's killer! Look, we know he got in the way of your research. But why did you want this legend to be true so badly that you'd kill for it?
Lyla: Because Todd Anderson was going to kill the legend for good! I grew up living in Bellevue Towers. And when I was seven years old, my mother was found murdered.
Lyla (crying): The police were ineffectual, and my mother's killer was never found. The only answer I ever got was the story of the Milkman.
Lyla: The people in Bellevue Towers NEED the legend to be true! For some it's the only face they'll ever be able to put to their misfortunes!
Gwen: Ms Heller, it sounds like grief made you cling onto this legend too hard. But another murder chalked up to the Milkman wasn't going to solve anything! We have no choice but to turn you in to the police for the murder!
Gwen: Andrew Lodge! What kind of monster murders their girlfriend in some twisted ritual on Valentine's Day?!
Andrew: I didn't murder Sharon, I swear!
Gwen: There's no sense lying, we know you did it! We just want to know why! Instead of a romantic walk in the forest, you carved an infinity symbol into Sharon's arm, then shoved her off that bridge! You even went down to check whether she was actually dead!
Andrew: I know! I killed her, I admit it! But it wasn't murder! It wasn't my fault!
Gwen: Not your fault? You carved an infinity symbol into her arm!
Andrew: No! That whole ritual was all Sharon's idea... she wanted us to kill ourselves in a Valentine's Day suicide pact! Sharon lured me out into the forest, obsessed with both of us killing ourselves. She wanted us to be together for all eternity! Sharon carved that symbol into her own arm, then handed me the knife, saying I should do the same! But I threw the knife away and said I didn't want anything to do with it! I wasn't going to kill myself, not for her or anyone! Sharon got angry, insisting that it was the only way we could be together! She grabbed me by the arm and said we should jump off the bridge! I fought back, shoving her away. I pushed too hard and she went over the rail!
Gwen: So it was an accident? You did it in self defense?
Andrew: Yes! I never wanted to hurt Sharon, I loved her more than anything in the world! But I wasn't ready to die!
Gwen: I'm afraid we'll have to hand you over to the authorities, Mr Lodge. But given the circumstances, they'll probably be lenient.
Andrew (crying): I didn't want to commit suicide, but now I wish I was dead! I've killed my darling Valentine!
A Murder of CrowsAndrew: I didn't murder Sharon, I swear!
Gwen: There's no sense lying, we know you did it! We just want to know why! Instead of a romantic walk in the forest, you carved an infinity symbol into Sharon's arm, then shoved her off that bridge! You even went down to check whether she was actually dead!
Andrew: I know! I killed her, I admit it! But it wasn't murder! It wasn't my fault!
Gwen: Not your fault? You carved an infinity symbol into her arm!
Andrew: No! That whole ritual was all Sharon's idea... she wanted us to kill ourselves in a Valentine's Day suicide pact! Sharon lured me out into the forest, obsessed with both of us killing ourselves. She wanted us to be together for all eternity! Sharon carved that symbol into her own arm, then handed me the knife, saying I should do the same! But I threw the knife away and said I didn't want anything to do with it! I wasn't going to kill myself, not for her or anyone! Sharon got angry, insisting that it was the only way we could be together! She grabbed me by the arm and said we should jump off the bridge! I fought back, shoving her away. I pushed too hard and she went over the rail!
Gwen: So it was an accident? You did it in self defense?
Andrew: Yes! I never wanted to hurt Sharon, I loved her more than anything in the world! But I wasn't ready to die!
Gwen: I'm afraid we'll have to hand you over to the authorities, Mr Lodge. But given the circumstances, they'll probably be lenient.
Andrew (crying): I didn't want to commit suicide, but now I wish I was dead! I've killed my darling Valentine!
Luke: Frankie Sparkles! You claim to be a wizard, but we now know that you're a murderer! You killed Norm White!
Frankie: Oh, sweetums, have you had too much candy? Because you're talking gibberish!
Luke: Don't patronize us! We know all about the crows you turned into bloodthirsty assassins using an elixir! You then tied up Norm, and left him unable to move or run away while these deranged birds pecked him to death!
(Frankie is seen shocked.)
Frankie: Okay, yes, I got Norm killed. But I have an adorable explanation for it!
Luke: We're all ears, Wizard. And don't tell us it was just because he wasn't being fierce enough in his lion performances!
Frankie: Lordy, no! The visitors loved Normy whether he was mean or tame! The reason I killed him was because he wanted to quit his job!
Luke: What? You killed Norm just because he wanted to quit his job?!
Frankie: You don't understand, honey! This wasn't just any old position of employment such as yours... Norm was working for ME! Quitting meant leaving ME! How could he betray me like that? When he handed in his resignation papers, I became mad as a hatter! That's when I decided that NOBODY leaves me and lives to see another day! So, earlier today, I invited Norm to our Aquamarine City bar to have some leaving drinks. Have you been, <Name> - they make the most divine cocktails!
Luke: Please stick to the facts, Mr Sparkles!
Frankie: Yes, so, like, I invited Norm to the bar, and got him mega-wega drunk until he passed out, the poor thing! Then I drove him out into the fields and propped him up against a tree, all tied up with rope! I spilled some of my cray-cray elixir on the ground near him, and the cute little crows just lapped it up! They killed him in no time at all. It was fabulous!
Luke: Frankie Sparkles, I think the only "cray-cray" thing here is you! And we're handing you straight over to the cops!
Scry for HelpFrankie: Oh, sweetums, have you had too much candy? Because you're talking gibberish!
Luke: Don't patronize us! We know all about the crows you turned into bloodthirsty assassins using an elixir! You then tied up Norm, and left him unable to move or run away while these deranged birds pecked him to death!
(Frankie is seen shocked.)
Frankie: Okay, yes, I got Norm killed. But I have an adorable explanation for it!
Luke: We're all ears, Wizard. And don't tell us it was just because he wasn't being fierce enough in his lion performances!
Frankie: Lordy, no! The visitors loved Normy whether he was mean or tame! The reason I killed him was because he wanted to quit his job!
Luke: What? You killed Norm just because he wanted to quit his job?!
Frankie: You don't understand, honey! This wasn't just any old position of employment such as yours... Norm was working for ME! Quitting meant leaving ME! How could he betray me like that? When he handed in his resignation papers, I became mad as a hatter! That's when I decided that NOBODY leaves me and lives to see another day! So, earlier today, I invited Norm to our Aquamarine City bar to have some leaving drinks. Have you been, <Name> - they make the most divine cocktails!
Luke: Please stick to the facts, Mr Sparkles!
Frankie: Yes, so, like, I invited Norm to the bar, and got him mega-wega drunk until he passed out, the poor thing! Then I drove him out into the fields and propped him up against a tree, all tied up with rope! I spilled some of my cray-cray elixir on the ground near him, and the cute little crows just lapped it up! They killed him in no time at all. It was fabulous!
Luke: Frankie Sparkles, I think the only "cray-cray" thing here is you! And we're handing you straight over to the cops!
Chief Arrow: Heather Night, you're the one who killed Belinda!
Heather: Me? <Name>, you must be mistaken!
Chief Arrow: I'm surprised as well. You don't look half as shifty as the rest of 'em. But there's no mistake. So tell us: why come all the way from Parkford, to your first Walpurgis Night, to kill a witch you barely knew?
Heather: I didn't come here to kill her! I had no idea I'd be the one to fulfill my premonition about Belinda's death!
(Heather is seen shocked.)
Heather: Alright, <Name>. Here's the truth. I came here because I couldn't stand Parkford anymore. People shunned me for being a witch. I wanted to be accepted! I found this coven, and asked to join. I had high hopes when they invited me to Walpurgis Night.
Chief Arrow: But then Belinda voted against you in the council, so you took revenge?
Heather: No! It wasn't revenge! Morgana told me to do it! She promised to override the vote! She promised to take me in anyway! She only asked one thing in return: that I kill Belinda! I didn't even think to ask why! I couldn't refuse a chance to belong! I had to obey the coven leader!
Chief Arrow: You poor, foolish child! Morgana used you in a plot more dreadful than you realize! Before Belinda died, she told us she'd found the missing children! She must've confronted Morgana about it... And that's when Morgana decided to kill her! "Blood is thicker than water," she said - so she used you to do her dirty work!
Heather: What? You mean the rumor about the kidnapped children is true? Morgana was behind that, too?
Heather (crying): <Name>, I swear, I didn't know!
Chief Arrow: It's too late for regrets, Heather. The authorities will deal with you for the murder. But <Name>, we still have work to do!
Heather: Me? <Name>, you must be mistaken!
Chief Arrow: I'm surprised as well. You don't look half as shifty as the rest of 'em. But there's no mistake. So tell us: why come all the way from Parkford, to your first Walpurgis Night, to kill a witch you barely knew?
Heather: I didn't come here to kill her! I had no idea I'd be the one to fulfill my premonition about Belinda's death!
(Heather is seen shocked.)
Heather: Alright, <Name>. Here's the truth. I came here because I couldn't stand Parkford anymore. People shunned me for being a witch. I wanted to be accepted! I found this coven, and asked to join. I had high hopes when they invited me to Walpurgis Night.
Chief Arrow: But then Belinda voted against you in the council, so you took revenge?
Heather: No! It wasn't revenge! Morgana told me to do it! She promised to override the vote! She promised to take me in anyway! She only asked one thing in return: that I kill Belinda! I didn't even think to ask why! I couldn't refuse a chance to belong! I had to obey the coven leader!
Chief Arrow: You poor, foolish child! Morgana used you in a plot more dreadful than you realize! Before Belinda died, she told us she'd found the missing children! She must've confronted Morgana about it... And that's when Morgana decided to kill her! "Blood is thicker than water," she said - so she used you to do her dirty work!
Heather: What? You mean the rumor about the kidnapped children is true? Morgana was behind that, too?
Heather (crying): <Name>, I swear, I didn't know!
Chief Arrow: It's too late for regrets, Heather. The authorities will deal with you for the murder. But <Name>, we still have work to do!
East
No Leg to Stand On
Gwen: Muriel Cove, we know it was you who stabbed Eric Prynce, and then you had some creature eat his legs!
Muriel: What?! That's so grisly! Why would I do that to anyone?
Gwen: Maybe it was because he refused your romantic advances.
Muriel: Romantic advances? I had no interest in Eric!
Gwen: Really? What about those texts, then? You said, "You're breaking my heart"!
Muriel: It's Vanessa I'm in love with! Eric was the one standing in my way!
Gwen: You had a crush on Eric's girlfriend Vanessa?
Muriel: More than a crush! I happened to swim by the dock when Vanessa was with Eric in a boat, and I saw her look down into the water... and it felt as if she was looking right at me! I followed their boat for a while. I heard her laugh. I heard her talk about all the amazing parties and things she does... I wanted to do those things too! Together, with her!
Gwen: Wait, you heard all of that while you were just hanging out under their boat? How long can you hold your breath?!
Muriel: I didn't have to hold my breath then... I was a mermaid!
Gwen: You're a WHAT?! But... but you have legs!
Muriel: I do now, yes! I sought the kraken's help, because she was the only one who could grant my wish to walk on land.
Gwen: So it's true, the kraken exists! And it turned you into a human?
Muriel: Yes. And I approached Vanessa at a party and confessed my love to her. But she turned me down. Said she loved Eric. Clearly, Vanessa and Eric weren't good for each other! They argued all the time, almost never did anything together... So I begged Eric to break it off! When he refused, my only option was to get him out of the way myself.
Gwen: So you found that dagger in the library and killed him with it? And fed his legs to the kraken as payment? Like a twisted version of The Little Mermaid?
Muriel: The Little Mermaid? I don't know what that is, but everything happened like I told you.
Gwen: If you think you can just turn back into a mermaid and slink back into the water, you've got another thing coming!
Muriel: I have no intention of going back to the sea or evading punishment. I'm human now; I'll face the consequences as a human. I love running and jumping, feeling the wind, and just generally... being dry! Breathing air instead of fish poop is also a plus And I want to finish my marine biology degree.
Gwen: Well, you'll have to do that in prison. We're turning you over to the cops for murder.
Niagara FallenMuriel: What?! That's so grisly! Why would I do that to anyone?
Gwen: Maybe it was because he refused your romantic advances.
Muriel: Romantic advances? I had no interest in Eric!
Gwen: Really? What about those texts, then? You said, "You're breaking my heart"!
Muriel: It's Vanessa I'm in love with! Eric was the one standing in my way!
Gwen: You had a crush on Eric's girlfriend Vanessa?
Muriel: More than a crush! I happened to swim by the dock when Vanessa was with Eric in a boat, and I saw her look down into the water... and it felt as if she was looking right at me! I followed their boat for a while. I heard her laugh. I heard her talk about all the amazing parties and things she does... I wanted to do those things too! Together, with her!
Gwen: Wait, you heard all of that while you were just hanging out under their boat? How long can you hold your breath?!
Muriel: I didn't have to hold my breath then... I was a mermaid!
Gwen: You're a WHAT?! But... but you have legs!
Muriel: I do now, yes! I sought the kraken's help, because she was the only one who could grant my wish to walk on land.
Gwen: So it's true, the kraken exists! And it turned you into a human?
Muriel: Yes. And I approached Vanessa at a party and confessed my love to her. But she turned me down. Said she loved Eric. Clearly, Vanessa and Eric weren't good for each other! They argued all the time, almost never did anything together... So I begged Eric to break it off! When he refused, my only option was to get him out of the way myself.
Gwen: So you found that dagger in the library and killed him with it? And fed his legs to the kraken as payment? Like a twisted version of The Little Mermaid?
Muriel: The Little Mermaid? I don't know what that is, but everything happened like I told you.
Gwen: If you think you can just turn back into a mermaid and slink back into the water, you've got another thing coming!
Muriel: I have no intention of going back to the sea or evading punishment. I'm human now; I'll face the consequences as a human. I love running and jumping, feeling the wind, and just generally... being dry! Breathing air instead of fish poop is also a plus And I want to finish my marine biology degree.
Gwen: Well, you'll have to do that in prison. We're turning you over to the cops for murder.
Luke: Wendall Goh... wendigo... or whatever you want to call yourself! We're taking you in for the murder of Ronnie Hawk!
Wendall: Of all the people at tonight's gathering, you think I was the one who killed Ronnie?
Luke: For someone who's more than 500 years old, you sure haven't learned how to plan a decent murder... you left clues everywhere!
Wendall: Is that right?
Luke: The victim's auragraphic camera captured an image of your cocktail when you broke it... ... and you smudged your blood pressure medication all over that threat you sent to the victim. You even let Ronnie tear away half of your boat tour ticket. You practically gave us a signed confession!
Wendall: When you put it that way, I suppose there's no point hiding it. I did kill Ronnie... but he was trying to steal my home! See, I don't actually own that old abandoned cabin. But I've lived there for centuries! The world has gradually been built up around me, but I always managed to remain hidden. Until Ronnie Hawk came along, planning to buy the property from the city council and move in!
Luke: So you thought it would be better to kill him?
Wendall: I may not own that land, but it's been mine since ages past! And Ronnie thought he could just swoop in and take it! So I confronted him at the ball, revealing who I really was. But he just laughed, saying I should come on his show rather than complain! He didn't heed my warning, so I strangled him when nobody was around!
Luke: Something you'll need to be punished for. We're handing you over to FBI agent Bucky Johnson, he'll decide your fate!
Wendall: Do what you must! I spent 70 years in a Port Braxton prison for trying to steal the Black Sparrow from Blackbeard. I outlived him, and I'll outlive all of you!
Hocus PocusWendall: Of all the people at tonight's gathering, you think I was the one who killed Ronnie?
Luke: For someone who's more than 500 years old, you sure haven't learned how to plan a decent murder... you left clues everywhere!
Wendall: Is that right?
Luke: The victim's auragraphic camera captured an image of your cocktail when you broke it... ... and you smudged your blood pressure medication all over that threat you sent to the victim. You even let Ronnie tear away half of your boat tour ticket. You practically gave us a signed confession!
Wendall: When you put it that way, I suppose there's no point hiding it. I did kill Ronnie... but he was trying to steal my home! See, I don't actually own that old abandoned cabin. But I've lived there for centuries! The world has gradually been built up around me, but I always managed to remain hidden. Until Ronnie Hawk came along, planning to buy the property from the city council and move in!
Luke: So you thought it would be better to kill him?
Wendall: I may not own that land, but it's been mine since ages past! And Ronnie thought he could just swoop in and take it! So I confronted him at the ball, revealing who I really was. But he just laughed, saying I should come on his show rather than complain! He didn't heed my warning, so I strangled him when nobody was around!
Luke: Something you'll need to be punished for. We're handing you over to FBI agent Bucky Johnson, he'll decide your fate!
Wendall: Do what you must! I spent 70 years in a Port Braxton prison for trying to steal the Black Sparrow from Blackbeard. I outlived him, and I'll outlive all of you!
Gwen: Joseph Hardcastle, our investigation is now complete and the evidence points to one culprit - you!
Joseph: What nonsense! As the great Bard Shakespeare himself wrote, "That thou art blamed shall not be thy defect!"
Gwen: You do like your quotes - just like the one you used in the threat you sent Agnes... before you strung her up to the gallows and chopped off her tongue! Mr Hardcastle, it's time to stop the act and admit you murdered Agnes Leek!
Joseph: Alright, alright... I'm exhausted of lying anyway... so, I'll confess - I'm a murderer. I killed Agnes!
Gwen: Surely you didn't do it simply because she got drunk and ruined one of your performances?
Joseph: No, no. But my reason for committing homicide is as old as the trial I was reenacting... You see, I may pretend to be an ancient judge, but my dearly departed ancestor Gregory Hardcastle was a bona fide inquisitor during the Salem witch trials of the 1600s... He successfully sentenced many many witches to be burned at the stake during his illustrious career... ... But one day, as he was passing judgment on yet another woman guilty of witchcraft, she cursed him! And on his 65th birthday, he was run over by a horse and carriage, and died! Ever since then, this curse has meant that every single one of his descendants has met an untimely fatal accident on the day they turn 65! As you can imagine, I'd been dreading my 65th birthday all my life, and spent years trying to uncover the identity of this nefarious witch! And then, success! Her name was Petunia Leek! That's when I realized that Agnes Leek was Petunia's descendant!
Gwen: Oh wow! So, your ancestor sentenced Agnes's ancestor to death for witchcraft, and she cursed him in revenge! But what does this have to do with you killing Agnes?
Joseph: My research into curses revealed that the only way to stop them is to kill the final living descendant and chop off their tongue! Which is exactly what I did to Agnes! Detective <Name>, you must understand. It was Agnes or I... I had no choice!
Gwen: Well, it'll be a real-life modern-day judge who'll decide that, Mr Hardcastle. You're under arrest!
Scarab to DeathJoseph: What nonsense! As the great Bard Shakespeare himself wrote, "That thou art blamed shall not be thy defect!"
Gwen: You do like your quotes - just like the one you used in the threat you sent Agnes... before you strung her up to the gallows and chopped off her tongue! Mr Hardcastle, it's time to stop the act and admit you murdered Agnes Leek!
Joseph: Alright, alright... I'm exhausted of lying anyway... so, I'll confess - I'm a murderer. I killed Agnes!
Gwen: Surely you didn't do it simply because she got drunk and ruined one of your performances?
Joseph: No, no. But my reason for committing homicide is as old as the trial I was reenacting... You see, I may pretend to be an ancient judge, but my dearly departed ancestor Gregory Hardcastle was a bona fide inquisitor during the Salem witch trials of the 1600s... He successfully sentenced many many witches to be burned at the stake during his illustrious career... ... But one day, as he was passing judgment on yet another woman guilty of witchcraft, she cursed him! And on his 65th birthday, he was run over by a horse and carriage, and died! Ever since then, this curse has meant that every single one of his descendants has met an untimely fatal accident on the day they turn 65! As you can imagine, I'd been dreading my 65th birthday all my life, and spent years trying to uncover the identity of this nefarious witch! And then, success! Her name was Petunia Leek! That's when I realized that Agnes Leek was Petunia's descendant!
Gwen: Oh wow! So, your ancestor sentenced Agnes's ancestor to death for witchcraft, and she cursed him in revenge! But what does this have to do with you killing Agnes?
Joseph: My research into curses revealed that the only way to stop them is to kill the final living descendant and chop off their tongue! Which is exactly what I did to Agnes! Detective <Name>, you must understand. It was Agnes or I... I had no choice!
Gwen: Well, it'll be a real-life modern-day judge who'll decide that, Mr Hardcastle. You're under arrest!
Luke: Theresa Rosenthal, we know that you killed Dan Quang with that cursed scarab amulet!
Theresa: Oh come on, guys... there's no such thing as ancient curses...
Luke: Oh yes, there are, and you know it! That's why you forced Dan to hold the scarab amulet without his gloves on!
Theresa: NO! That's not how it happened!
Luke: So you admit that you killed Quang with the scarab amulet!
Theresa: It was an accident! Well, sort of... See, I was really getting fed up with Dan's theories about ancient Egyptians in Washington DC. He was obsessed! He wouldn't shut up about that scarab amulet! I tried to warn him; I told him to stop it with that nonsense and stop messing around with that artifact. But not because I believed that it would actually hurt him! It was superstition as far as I was concerned. Just a load of horsepucky!
Luke: And so when he didn't listen to you about the scarab amulet -
Theresa: I decided to prove to him that ancient curses aren't real! One day at the dig site, before he could get his gloves on, I yelled, "Here, catch!" and tossed the scarab amulet to him, knowing he would instinctively try to catch it... I didn't think anything would happen, but now I am so happy I already had my gloves on for the dig!
Theresa (disgusted): As soon as the scarab amulet hit Dan's palm, his hand started to change color! Then his arm... Some sort of otherworldly power surged through him! It was so strong the scarab amulet broke in two! Dan was screaming as if his arm were on fire!
Theresa: But then he stopped. Because whatever crept up his arm had reached his heart and... and...
Luke: And he was dead. All to prove a point. You should have erred on the side of caution. There is more to life on this planet than meets the eye! Come with us, Ms Rosenthal. We need to deliver you to the authorities.
The Third DegreeTheresa: Oh come on, guys... there's no such thing as ancient curses...
Luke: Oh yes, there are, and you know it! That's why you forced Dan to hold the scarab amulet without his gloves on!
Theresa: NO! That's not how it happened!
Luke: So you admit that you killed Quang with the scarab amulet!
Theresa: It was an accident! Well, sort of... See, I was really getting fed up with Dan's theories about ancient Egyptians in Washington DC. He was obsessed! He wouldn't shut up about that scarab amulet! I tried to warn him; I told him to stop it with that nonsense and stop messing around with that artifact. But not because I believed that it would actually hurt him! It was superstition as far as I was concerned. Just a load of horsepucky!
Luke: And so when he didn't listen to you about the scarab amulet -
Theresa: I decided to prove to him that ancient curses aren't real! One day at the dig site, before he could get his gloves on, I yelled, "Here, catch!" and tossed the scarab amulet to him, knowing he would instinctively try to catch it... I didn't think anything would happen, but now I am so happy I already had my gloves on for the dig!
Theresa (disgusted): As soon as the scarab amulet hit Dan's palm, his hand started to change color! Then his arm... Some sort of otherworldly power surged through him! It was so strong the scarab amulet broke in two! Dan was screaming as if his arm were on fire!
Theresa: But then he stopped. Because whatever crept up his arm had reached his heart and... and...
Luke: And he was dead. All to prove a point. You should have erred on the side of caution. There is more to life on this planet than meets the eye! Come with us, Ms Rosenthal. We need to deliver you to the authorities.
Gwen: Reggie Pratt, you're under arrest for the murder of Theresa Rosenthal!
Reggie: Rosenthal? I didn't have anything to do with her! And she committed suicide, anyway!
Gwen: She was pushed to suicide by a combination of chemical and psychological manipulation. You tried to play us, making us think you'd just "stopped by" to drop off the receipt for your demon costume from the supernatural ball... ... Which you also wore to scare Ms Rosenthal! That, or you're a REAL demon, and you came to force information from Ms Rosenthal to help you find the fifth key for your queen!
Reggie: My "queen"? What have you been smoking?
Gwen: You know exactly what I mean! And you thought if you pushed Rosenthal hard enough to make her crack and tell you what you wanted to know! But she didn't have the answers, did she? So you got angry and manipulated her into killing herself to hide your secret!
Reggie (transforms into a demon): AAARGH!
Reggie: She killed herself to end the pain I was causing her by digging through her memories! Unfortunately, she was not lying; she knew nothing of consequence. But <Name>, I've got news for you... Our queen will soon be free, and command her army in a conquest to claim earth for the demon hordes!
Gwen (sweating): Just as we thought! You're a demon! And that voice... I've heard it before!
Reggie: Ah, you must recognize me from your nightmares! I was the one who cracked open your mind and climbed inside to wreak havoc on your soul!
Gwen: Oh, my God, it is you!
Reggie: If I remember correctly, I did such a good job, you came pretty close to blowing your own brains out! Lucky for you that witch helped you with the mind protection spell. But it's too late! We know the form of the fifth key, and it's only a matter of time before our queen makes her triumphant return! Enjoy this world while you can, humans, for soon it will be OURS!
(Reggie teleports.)
Gwen: <Name>, we've got to go tell the others! Fast!
Reggie: Rosenthal? I didn't have anything to do with her! And she committed suicide, anyway!
Gwen: She was pushed to suicide by a combination of chemical and psychological manipulation. You tried to play us, making us think you'd just "stopped by" to drop off the receipt for your demon costume from the supernatural ball... ... Which you also wore to scare Ms Rosenthal! That, or you're a REAL demon, and you came to force information from Ms Rosenthal to help you find the fifth key for your queen!
Reggie: My "queen"? What have you been smoking?
Gwen: You know exactly what I mean! And you thought if you pushed Rosenthal hard enough to make her crack and tell you what you wanted to know! But she didn't have the answers, did she? So you got angry and manipulated her into killing herself to hide your secret!
Reggie (transforms into a demon): AAARGH!
Reggie: She killed herself to end the pain I was causing her by digging through her memories! Unfortunately, she was not lying; she knew nothing of consequence. But <Name>, I've got news for you... Our queen will soon be free, and command her army in a conquest to claim earth for the demon hordes!
Gwen (sweating): Just as we thought! You're a demon! And that voice... I've heard it before!
Reggie: Ah, you must recognize me from your nightmares! I was the one who cracked open your mind and climbed inside to wreak havoc on your soul!
Gwen: Oh, my God, it is you!
Reggie: If I remember correctly, I did such a good job, you came pretty close to blowing your own brains out! Lucky for you that witch helped you with the mind protection spell. But it's too late! We know the form of the fifth key, and it's only a matter of time before our queen makes her triumphant return! Enjoy this world while you can, humans, for soon it will be OURS!
(Reggie teleports.)
Gwen: <Name>, we've got to go tell the others! Fast!
South
Death at a Funeral
Luke: Vicki Silverman, you put on a good act, but all the evidence points to you. You're the one who killed your father!
Vicki: Is this some kind of sick joke, <Name>? My dad meant the world to me. Why would I have killed him?!
Luke: You tell us. But what we do know is that you laced a slice of cherry pie with antifreeze at Larry's wake this morning. You then gave that pie to your father, knowing full well that it would be fatal! What we don't know is WHY you did it! And how does it tie in with Larry coming back to life? Were you in on that, too?
Vicki: Hardly! Larry coming back to life ruined EVERYTHING! Alright, you got me, <Name>. I did kill my dad... and I killed Larry, too!
Luke: What? But Larry died in a car accident-
Vicki: That was no accident! It was all part of my plan to wipe out Larry AND my dad! See, I waited until Larry came over to pick up my dad one day... and while he was in the house, I cut the brakes on his car! It was the perfect plan to eliminate both of them. Or it would have been, if my dad hadn't miraculously survived!
Luke: So that's when you decided to poison him, is that it?
Vicki: Yes. I managed to convince Marilyn to make my dad's favorite cherry pie for the wake. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist. So I offered to go get him a slice and added the extra special ingredient before I gave it to him! Everything was going perfectly to plan, until Larry came back from the freaking dead at his own funeral!
Luke: Sounds like you had it all thought out. But you still haven't told us why you were so desperate to get rid of Larry and your dad!
Vicki: I've spent my whole life trying to live up to my dad's expectations. Trying to emulate the success that came so easily to him. But when I got to college I realized that no matter how hard I tried, it'd never be enough for him! I got depressed and my grades started slipping. And that's when my dad told me I might as well drop out and start working as a receptionist for his company! But I'm worth so much more than that, <Name>! I knew that if I had the chance, I could lead the company better than him or Larry! I just had to get rid of them first!
Luke: Now you'll never get that chance, because I'm afraid you'll need to answer to the authorities for your crimes!
To the LighthouseVicki: Is this some kind of sick joke, <Name>? My dad meant the world to me. Why would I have killed him?!
Luke: You tell us. But what we do know is that you laced a slice of cherry pie with antifreeze at Larry's wake this morning. You then gave that pie to your father, knowing full well that it would be fatal! What we don't know is WHY you did it! And how does it tie in with Larry coming back to life? Were you in on that, too?
Vicki: Hardly! Larry coming back to life ruined EVERYTHING! Alright, you got me, <Name>. I did kill my dad... and I killed Larry, too!
Luke: What? But Larry died in a car accident-
Vicki: That was no accident! It was all part of my plan to wipe out Larry AND my dad! See, I waited until Larry came over to pick up my dad one day... and while he was in the house, I cut the brakes on his car! It was the perfect plan to eliminate both of them. Or it would have been, if my dad hadn't miraculously survived!
Luke: So that's when you decided to poison him, is that it?
Vicki: Yes. I managed to convince Marilyn to make my dad's favorite cherry pie for the wake. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist. So I offered to go get him a slice and added the extra special ingredient before I gave it to him! Everything was going perfectly to plan, until Larry came back from the freaking dead at his own funeral!
Luke: Sounds like you had it all thought out. But you still haven't told us why you were so desperate to get rid of Larry and your dad!
Vicki: I've spent my whole life trying to live up to my dad's expectations. Trying to emulate the success that came so easily to him. But when I got to college I realized that no matter how hard I tried, it'd never be enough for him! I got depressed and my grades started slipping. And that's when my dad told me I might as well drop out and start working as a receptionist for his company! But I'm worth so much more than that, <Name>! I knew that if I had the chance, I could lead the company better than him or Larry! I just had to get rid of them first!
Luke: Now you'll never get that chance, because I'm afraid you'll need to answer to the authorities for your crimes!
Gwen: Mrs Pickles? It was you? You murdered Bucky Johnson?
Edwina (laughing): Oh my poor dearie, have you been raiding my stash of vodka martinis? You sound tipsier than a leprechaun on St Patrick's Day!
Gwen: Oh, we know about your love of vodka martini, since we found it all over the badge you tore off the victim! In fact, we know everything - that you made your own gun, and used it to electrocute Bucky and those poor sharks to death! So there's no use pretending!
Edwina: Grrrrrrrr!
Gwen: Wait - what was that? Your eyes just went red! Are... you're a demon!
Edwina: Darn it! I really need to work on my anger management! But now that the cat's out of the bag...
Edwina (transforms into a demon): ... I am the great demon Edwinata! I was put here to make sure summoned demons arrive safe and sound at the lighthouse yonder! It's a very important job, don't you know?
Gwen: We do, indeed. We know it's a demon portal!
Edwina: Oh, you are a clever clogs indeed. Just like that Bucky fellow! That's why I had to kill him!
Gwen: Why, what did Bucky do?
Edwina: The little rascal found out I was a demon, didn't he? He was going to blow my cover, and where would that leave me?! My dears, I've got a rather cushy life here in this lovely mansion, cleaning to my heart's content. It's a far cry from the miserable Netherworld! I just couldn't let Agent Johnson ruin it for me! So, when I saw him snooping around looking for me, I knew I had to get rid of him! I have a mind to get rid of you too, but I got enough of a telling off about the attention I drew to myself by murdering an FBI agent. So I'll let you live another day. You'll all be dead soon anyway, once our glorious queen's mission is complete! Adieu, humans!
(Edwina teleports.)
Gwen: Wait! Drats, she's disappeared. <Name>, that's yet another demon we uncovered! We'd better go tell the chief!
The Hunted HunterEdwina (laughing): Oh my poor dearie, have you been raiding my stash of vodka martinis? You sound tipsier than a leprechaun on St Patrick's Day!
Gwen: Oh, we know about your love of vodka martini, since we found it all over the badge you tore off the victim! In fact, we know everything - that you made your own gun, and used it to electrocute Bucky and those poor sharks to death! So there's no use pretending!
Edwina: Grrrrrrrr!
Gwen: Wait - what was that? Your eyes just went red! Are... you're a demon!
Edwina: Darn it! I really need to work on my anger management! But now that the cat's out of the bag...
Edwina (transforms into a demon): ... I am the great demon Edwinata! I was put here to make sure summoned demons arrive safe and sound at the lighthouse yonder! It's a very important job, don't you know?
Gwen: We do, indeed. We know it's a demon portal!
Edwina: Oh, you are a clever clogs indeed. Just like that Bucky fellow! That's why I had to kill him!
Gwen: Why, what did Bucky do?
Edwina: The little rascal found out I was a demon, didn't he? He was going to blow my cover, and where would that leave me?! My dears, I've got a rather cushy life here in this lovely mansion, cleaning to my heart's content. It's a far cry from the miserable Netherworld! I just couldn't let Agent Johnson ruin it for me! So, when I saw him snooping around looking for me, I knew I had to get rid of him! I have a mind to get rid of you too, but I got enough of a telling off about the attention I drew to myself by murdering an FBI agent. So I'll let you live another day. You'll all be dead soon anyway, once our glorious queen's mission is complete! Adieu, humans!
(Edwina teleports.)
Gwen: Wait! Drats, she's disappeared. <Name>, that's yet another demon we uncovered! We'd better go tell the chief!
Luke: Morgana Blackhawk! Back at the scene of your crime! <Name> and I are charging you with the murder of Dolores Harper!
Morgana: But why would I have killed her? She didn't want to share her witchy powers with me, so we went our separate ways!
Luke: You expect us to believe that, Morgana? She wanted to trap and kill you!
Morgana: Well, she didn't succeed! But I did! I killed Dolores Harper, <Name>! Though it wasn't for the reason that you think! I'd never need to defend myself from the likes of her!
Luke: What do you mean? She was a hardcore supernatural hunter!
Morgana: I was hungrier for her death than she was for mine! Since I couldn't get my witch powers restored, I approached a group of demons to see if I could get demonic powers! But the demons demanded proof of loyalty, especially from a former witch such as myself!
Luke: And to prove your loyalty, you killed Dolores Harper!
Morgana: Yes! They gave me just enough power to do the job, promising the rest when I was done! You see, you pose a quite a threat to them, <Name>. By killing the mother of one of your team members, they hoped to buy time for their queen's plan to rip open the veil!
Luke: And, in exchange for killing Dolores Harper, you got demonic powers!
Morgana: Yes, and you're about to get a taste of them! I'm off to the Netherworld! Don't bother trying to follow me! You can't!
(Morgana zaps and teleports.)
Divided We FallMorgana: But why would I have killed her? She didn't want to share her witchy powers with me, so we went our separate ways!
Luke: You expect us to believe that, Morgana? She wanted to trap and kill you!
Morgana: Well, she didn't succeed! But I did! I killed Dolores Harper, <Name>! Though it wasn't for the reason that you think! I'd never need to defend myself from the likes of her!
Luke: What do you mean? She was a hardcore supernatural hunter!
Morgana: I was hungrier for her death than she was for mine! Since I couldn't get my witch powers restored, I approached a group of demons to see if I could get demonic powers! But the demons demanded proof of loyalty, especially from a former witch such as myself!
Luke: And to prove your loyalty, you killed Dolores Harper!
Morgana: Yes! They gave me just enough power to do the job, promising the rest when I was done! You see, you pose a quite a threat to them, <Name>. By killing the mother of one of your team members, they hoped to buy time for their queen's plan to rip open the veil!
Luke: And, in exchange for killing Dolores Harper, you got demonic powers!
Morgana: Yes, and you're about to get a taste of them! I'm off to the Netherworld! Don't bother trying to follow me! You can't!
(Morgana zaps and teleports.)
Gwen: Fabien de la Mort, you're the one who murdered Roxanne Vega! When the Supernatural Alliance hears what you did, you'll be in huge trouble!
Fabien: What?! Why would I kill Roxanne? She was the leader of our coven, and we need leadership now more than ever!
Gwen: But you had planned a secret meeting to replace her as the coven leader. I'd think a dead leader is easier to replace than a living one. Admit it, Fabien: you took the supernatural pledge, you read up on Dealing with Demons, and you got Roxanne out of the way. It was all a coup to take charge yourself!
Fabien: I had to kill her! Roxanne was going to HELP the demons take over!
Gwen: Why would she do that?
Fabien: She was well aware of the demons' plan to kill all of humanity, and most of the other supernatural creatures. So Roxanne wanted to offer to help them enslave everyone instead, to serve the demons and demonstrate her loyalty to them! It was all just a scheme to save her own skin!
Gwen: What?! Did she tell you all of this?
Fabien: Yes! Roxanne took me for a turncoat, and believed I'd support her cause! When I refused, she threatened to silence me! So before the meeting, I prepared a stake that I kept concealed beneath my blouse. When Roxanne moved to attack, I drew the weapon and plunged it into her chest! Then in a swift movement I dislodged the evidence from her chest and pushed her through the window to fall to her inevitable death! Now that traitor has no chance of aiding the demonic conquest!
Gwen: I can't believe Roxanne would turn against her own kind like that!
Fabien: She was selfish. It's happened countless times in the centuries I've lived in this world, and it was happening for millenia before that. But her death could mean saving billions of other lives! Lock me up if you must, but I will rest easy knowing I've thwarted a direct threat to our liberty!
Gwen: I'm afraid that isn't just up to us! Your judgment for Roxanne's murder will have to be addressed by the Alliance during the meeting!
To Hell and BackFabien: What?! Why would I kill Roxanne? She was the leader of our coven, and we need leadership now more than ever!
Gwen: But you had planned a secret meeting to replace her as the coven leader. I'd think a dead leader is easier to replace than a living one. Admit it, Fabien: you took the supernatural pledge, you read up on Dealing with Demons, and you got Roxanne out of the way. It was all a coup to take charge yourself!
Fabien: I had to kill her! Roxanne was going to HELP the demons take over!
Gwen: Why would she do that?
Fabien: She was well aware of the demons' plan to kill all of humanity, and most of the other supernatural creatures. So Roxanne wanted to offer to help them enslave everyone instead, to serve the demons and demonstrate her loyalty to them! It was all just a scheme to save her own skin!
Gwen: What?! Did she tell you all of this?
Fabien: Yes! Roxanne took me for a turncoat, and believed I'd support her cause! When I refused, she threatened to silence me! So before the meeting, I prepared a stake that I kept concealed beneath my blouse. When Roxanne moved to attack, I drew the weapon and plunged it into her chest! Then in a swift movement I dislodged the evidence from her chest and pushed her through the window to fall to her inevitable death! Now that traitor has no chance of aiding the demonic conquest!
Gwen: I can't believe Roxanne would turn against her own kind like that!
Fabien: She was selfish. It's happened countless times in the centuries I've lived in this world, and it was happening for millenia before that. But her death could mean saving billions of other lives! Lock me up if you must, but I will rest easy knowing I've thwarted a direct threat to our liberty!
Gwen: I'm afraid that isn't just up to us! Your judgment for Roxanne's murder will have to be addressed by the Alliance during the meeting!
Luke: Zeke, it was YOU who killed Arthur Darkwood?!
Zeke: Shh, not so loud! You'll get us all killed!
Luke: Wait. So you admit you killed Arthur?
Zeke: Yes, it was me, alright? But it was nothing personal, I just needed Arthur's blood! If the demon queen can't drink the blood of her archenemy just before the planets align, she'll lose her chance to break open the veil for good!
Luke: Let me get this straight. You DON'T want the demon queen to invade Earth? Why?
Zeke: Look, truth be told, I grew to like Earth, <Name>. I lived like a king among you lowly creatures. Your world's bountiful resources were all mine, and I took orders from no one! Ever since Arthur banished me back here, I've been looking for a way to get back to Earth. But if the queen succeeds in breaking open the veil, there'll be nothing worth going back for! My kind will raze it to the ground!
Luke: So, we can stop the demon queen's plans if we can keep her from getting her hands on Arthur's blood! Where is it now?
Zeke: It was too dangerous to keep it on me, so I had to find a solution. Since only a demon can kill another demon, I knew they'd never search you humans for Arthur's blood. So I gave the blood to your chief for safekeeping just a few moments ago!
Luke: You... gave it to our chief? But he's in league with the demon queen!
Zeke: What?! Your chief is with the queen?
Demon Guard: There they are! You'll die for your treachery!
(The demon guard stabs Zeke, killing him.)
Luke: Zeke!
Chief Arrow: <Name>, you shouldn't have come here!
Luke: Chief, tell us what you've done with Arthur's blood!
Demon Queen: You've lost, <Name>! And now you'll get to stand by and watch as I destroy your world!
(The demon queen drinks Arthur's blood, revealing her true form.)
Luke <Name>, the planets must be about to align!
Demon Queen: Say your goodbyes, <Name>!
(The demon queen flies to the sky.)
Zeke: Shh, not so loud! You'll get us all killed!
Luke: Wait. So you admit you killed Arthur?
Zeke: Yes, it was me, alright? But it was nothing personal, I just needed Arthur's blood! If the demon queen can't drink the blood of her archenemy just before the planets align, she'll lose her chance to break open the veil for good!
Luke: Let me get this straight. You DON'T want the demon queen to invade Earth? Why?
Zeke: Look, truth be told, I grew to like Earth, <Name>. I lived like a king among you lowly creatures. Your world's bountiful resources were all mine, and I took orders from no one! Ever since Arthur banished me back here, I've been looking for a way to get back to Earth. But if the queen succeeds in breaking open the veil, there'll be nothing worth going back for! My kind will raze it to the ground!
Luke: So, we can stop the demon queen's plans if we can keep her from getting her hands on Arthur's blood! Where is it now?
Zeke: It was too dangerous to keep it on me, so I had to find a solution. Since only a demon can kill another demon, I knew they'd never search you humans for Arthur's blood. So I gave the blood to your chief for safekeeping just a few moments ago!
Luke: You... gave it to our chief? But he's in league with the demon queen!
Zeke: What?! Your chief is with the queen?
Demon Guard: There they are! You'll die for your treachery!
(The demon guard stabs Zeke, killing him.)
Luke: Zeke!
Chief Arrow: <Name>, you shouldn't have come here!
Luke: Chief, tell us what you've done with Arthur's blood!
Demon Queen: You've lost, <Name>! And now you'll get to stand by and watch as I destroy your world!
(The demon queen drinks Arthur's blood, revealing her true form.)
Luke <Name>, the planets must be about to align!
Demon Queen: Say your goodbyes, <Name>!
(The demon queen flies to the sky.)
