Funny / The Lion in Winter

• It builds up slowly, but the scene in Philip's room involving increasing numbers of people behind tapestries is so absurd it's hilarious. But that's what tapestries are for...
• Eleanor, describing Rosamund: "Her eyes in certain light were violet, and all her teeth were even. That's a rare, fair feature: even teeth. She smiled to excess, but she chewed with real distinction."
  • In case it wasn't clear, Eleanor just loved Rosamund.
  Henry: Rosamund's been dead for seven years.
  Eleanor: Two months and eighteen days. I never liked her much.
  Henry: You count the days?
  Eleanor: I made the numbers up.
• After another massive screaming match with Henry, Eleanor sums up the whole plot in the ultimate understatement:
  Eleanor: Oh, well. What family doesn't have its ups and downs?
• Eleanor's trolling Henry:
  Henry: Let's have a tally of the bedspreads you've spread out on.
  Eleanor: Thomas Becket.
  Henry: That's a lie!
• The entire family is finally assembled again for Christmas, to which Henry comments "What shall we hang, the holly or each other?"
• John is the Captain Obvious in a family full of Deadpan Snarkers:
  John: A knife! He's got a knife!
  Eleanor: Of course he has a knife! He always has a knife! We all have knives! It's 1183 and we're barbarians!
• Just the walk to the chapel is a masterclass of snark, with everyone getting in a witty barb — save, of course, for John. ("I never cease to marvel at the quickness of your mind.") An incredulous Alais proclaims it's just one of Henry's stunts. Henry proudly insists it's not.
  Alais: You'll never give me up.
  Henry: You think I won't?
  Alais: Because you told me so!
  Henry: You're not my Helen, I'm not going to fight a war to save a face!
  Alais: I don't believe you!
  Henry: Wait ten minutes.
• The scene in the chapel is this, since everyone stands in a line side by side whilst shouting at each other, as John and Geoffrey watch in growing amusement and stifled laughter. Richard and Henry get some of the best of it:
  Richard: I'll have the crown.
  Henry: You'll have what Daddy gives you.
  Richard (incredibly frustrated, nearly shrieking): I am next in line!
  Henry: To nothing!
  • When Richard storms off after declaring he intends to escape the castle, it takes John a moment to realise the implications: "My god, I'm king again!!!"
  • Alais, Eleanor and Henry are left alone in the chapel after everyone's either stormed, skipped or scurried off. Eleanor coolly remarks that Henry played it nicely; he, while lounging on the steps leading up to the altar, retorts: "Yes, I did; I fooled you, didn't I? Oh, dear god, but I do love being king!"
• This exchange between Henry II and Phillip:
  Henry: The Vexin's mine.
  Phillip: By what authority?
  Henry: It's got my troops all over it. That makes it mine.
• Geoffrey: "“I know. You know I know. I know you know I know. We know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it. We're a knowledgeable family.”

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