Funny / Splinter Cell

• In the Police Station mission, when Sam reaches the precinct, we get this exchange from a disgruntled civilian and the overly cheerful sounding officer manning the reception:
  Civilian: I would like to talk to your superior.
  Officer: Perhaps I can help you, sir?
  Civilian: By fetching your superior!
  Officier: I'm all there is, how can I help you?
  Civilian: I'd like to register a complaint.
  Officer: Then you'll have to ask at the desk to your right.
  Civilian: ...Very well.
  (Both the civilian AND the policeman walk to the adjacent desk)
  Officer: May I help you?
  Civilian: You're the same cop!!
  Officer: Yes, but this is the public relations desk!
  Civilian: Fine!! I would like to register a complaint!
  Officer: Of course, sir. If you would just have a seat until someone is ready to help you.
  Civilian: You've GOT to be KIDDING me!!
  Officer: I could easily have you arrested, sir.
• When you encounter General Kong Feirong for the last time in the first game, Sam's lines are just golden.
  Feirong: I'm going to shoot myself.
  Fisher: Not in the face.
  (After Feirong has died upon accessing his computer)
  Fisher: I see more suicides on this job...
• In the second to last mission, when you blow up Feirong's trucks with unassembled nuclear weapon components inside, two guards outside will be alarmed and run to the source of explosion. Suddenly one of them stumbles and comically falls flat on his face before getting back up and running off. There is absolutely no reason for the game to show that except to get a giggle out of the player.
• In the Portuguese translation, Grimsdóttir's case file regarding Mitchell Dougherty. The English observations say he is an anal-retentive mouth breather, as in a complete moron overly attached to small time stuff^note reinforced by how he's on an ongoing YMCA program of how to let go of small things, and his fixation on a rattled coworker of his spilling his coffee. The translators got confused by the wording and took it literally: Grim's notes say he has gas problems. It makes the "I'd hate to be stuck in an elevator with him" part even funnier.
• An email exchange between Philip Masse and a "Timofei" regarding files leaked from Dougherty's PC. Timofei asks whether files prefixed with "TSA" (as in Transportation Security Administration) are of any use. Masse flies off the handle for sending this data through an insecure email, typing in all caps and multiple punctuation marks while calling Timofei an incompetent ass and threatening to set Grinko on him for some torture - and then, almost as if he hadn't just been doing the text equivalent of shouting himself hoarse, he attaches a "post script":
  P.S.: of course the air traffic files are useful. ; )

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