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Funny / Eisenhorn

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  • Xenos gets one where a Space Marine Librarian reveals to Eisenhorn that the Deathwatch Brother-Captain wanted to ask about how Eisenhorn killed a Chaos Marine in single combat... but didn't dare. Remember that said Brother-Captain would have faced off against most if not all of the alien horrors out to get humanity.
    • In any event, one can't forget "He was the perfect embodiment of civilized strength in peace, even extending his little finger to drink the tea Bequin brought us. The fact that said finger was the size and shape of an Arbites truncheon was beside the point." or "'You ceased to be Pontius Glaw, seventh son of a respected royal family and became Pontius Glaw, notorious sadist and idolator.' 'Indeed, and now I am a very dangerous and erudite box."
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  • Also Xenos: When Eisenhorn is bedridden after a prolonged psychic interrogation of Malahite's corpse ends up bringing a Chaos Spawn onto the Inquisition's black ship, Bequin is one of the regular visitors he gets. Not only does she read to Eisenhorn from the books and slates left by Aemos "with more colour and phlegm" (her impression of Sebastian Thor causing the bedridden inquisitor to hurt his ribs laughing and her impression of The Emperor being regarded as borderline heretical), she learns how to play Regicide. At first, she's terrible at the game. But when Eisenhorn introduces gambling to the mix, she cleans him out. Along with Midas, who sourly asks if he's responsible for teaching Bequin how to play.
  • Hereticus opens with Eisenhorn receiving two astropathic messages on the same day. One is from his superior Lord Rorken, apologizing for the fact that he’s saddling Eisenhorn with one of Leonid Osma’s pupils for a few days. The other is from said pupil, expressing how eager and excited he is to be working with the legendary Gregor Eisenhorn. Eisenhorn’s reply to Lord Rorken is short and to the point:
    re: Bastien Verveuk
    My lord, what foetid corner of the Imperium breeds these fawning idiots? Now you really owe me.
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  • Hereticus provides an unexpected laugh early into the book, where Eisenhorn, losing patience with a very sycophantic subordinate, gives him a reminder to concentrate on his lunch, and not on trying to make friends. After being commended for a particular choice of procedure, the sycophant becomes effusively grateful, only to be brought back to earth:
    'Lord, I am truly honoured that you say so, I only did what I thought best. Really lord, to hear that from you, fills my heart with-'
    'Stewed fish?' I asked, offering him the bowl.
  • The Magos gets several due to the timid, yet sarcastic focus character, Magos Valentin Drusher, and how he reacts to experiencing the sort of things one experiences when hanging out with Eisenhorn. Of note, is when he shakes the hand of a spirit summoned during an auto-seance, and later having it explained to him by Eisenhorn that the man he spoke to had been dead for thirty years.
    "I think I might cry."
    "I'll try, sir."