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Funny / The Emperor's Gift

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  • Though Squad Castian is about to plunge into what's practically a suicide mission, they find at least some comfort from hearing Annika's colorful language over the comms. Even Dumenidon finds it amusing.
    Hyperion: I find it oddly comforting that the last voice we'll hear is destined to be Inquisitor Jarlsdottyr, calling the foe's parentage into question. I never thought I'd die like this.
    Galeo: The moment does rather lack a certain solemnity, doesn't it?
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  • Rawthroat's account of how Taremar defeated Angron:
    Hyperion: Tell me what happened.
    Rawthroat: With your golden captain? He stood before the beast after you broke the blade. He fought it. He killed it. That's what happened.
    Hyperion: How descriptive. The sagas on Fenris must be singularly dull.
    Rawthroat: You asked. I told you.
  • Hyperion overhears part of a transmission spoken in a warning tone from Logan Grimnar to the Inquisition fleet requesting they stand down from their plans to purge the population of Armageddon. Grimnar notes that he is asking this as a request, and that it would be unfortunate if he has to make it a threat. Captain Castor's reaction says it all.
    Captain Castor: If they really lose their temper, we won't have time to shit ourselves before we die.
  • Hyperion's awful timing when it came to telepathically linking with Inquisitor Jarlsdottyr:
    Once, she’d been painting a scene of her home world with an amateur’s eager hand, and had refused to speak to me for days after I’d distracted her at a crucial moment. Another time, I’d touched her mind the same moment as Clovon was touching her flesh, and I’d immediately recoiled with my skin crawling. On yet another occasion, I’d interrupted her in a fistfight with Darford, and my voice in her mind had interfered enough with her focus that she’d had her nose broken.
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  • Inquisitor Jarlsdottyr's warband have spent several years serving with Hyperion, having fought and lived side-by-side in the close confines of starships. This even includes sharing post-battle showers and after being seen naked Hyperion is mystified by their claim that it is "disappointing" that his training and gene-therapy has left him utterly asexual.
  • Bjorn the Fell-Handed gets some really great and funny lines when he shows up near the end of The Emperor's Gift. We would also like to remind you that Bjorn is considered the biggest Grumpy Old Man in the setting. Clearly, the 10,000 years of his life hasn't dulled his wit.
    • Meeting an awestruck Inquisitor Jarlsdotty:
      Annika: He's real. Don't you understand? Don't you see? He's real. You're real.
      Bjorn: Of course I'm real. Get up off your knees, foolish girl.
    • His views on how the 41st Millenium came to be such a miserable place:
      Bjorn: God-Emperor? [Dreadnought laugh] Calling him a god was how all this mess started.
    • When Kysnaros requests that Bjorn identify himself, despite everyone else immediately knowing who he is:
      Kysnaros: Please name yourself, sir, as I have done. Then negotiations may begin in good faith.
      Bjorn: Are you blind, little man? It's written on my coffin.
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    • Passive-aggressively threatening the Inquisition:
      Bjorn: What brings you into the night sky above Fenris, and why shouldn't I break your little fleet into tiny pieces with this castle's many, many guns?
    • After Kysnaros expresses shock that he walked when the Emperor still lived:
      Bjorn: Walked, ran, pissed and killed. I did it all. I met the Allfather, you know. Fought at his side more than once. I do believe he liked me.
      Kysnaros: (slowly falls to his knees in religious awe)
      Bjorn: Oh, for--not you, too!
    • Treating Logan Grimnar of all people like a child:
      Bjorn: Our orbital docks are wounded unto death. Our fleet is in ruins.
      Grimnar: First Jarl—
      Bjorn: You will watch your tongue with me, young one.
      Despite the fleets tearing each other apart beyond these burning walls, despite the ship itself shaking as it was still being fired upon, several of the Wolves laughed to hear their jarl being called young.
    • Preparing to leave after teleporting on board the Grey Knights vessel and bringing hostilities to an end:
      Bjorn: I have never, in all my years, stepped into a teleporter before now. No wonder Russ hated them so much. If I still had skin, it would be crawling.