Funny / Eclipse (2007)

The book

• When Bella has fractured her finger.
  Emmett: Fall down again, Bella?
  Bella: No, Emmett. I punched a werewolf in the face.
• Alice and Edward play chess, and because one is a mind reader and the other can see his future actions, the game is played almost entirely in their heads and is over by the second move.
• Edward drops Bella off at La Push.
  Edward: You know, Jacob, if we weren't natural enemies and also you weren't trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might like you.
  Jacob: Maybe, if you weren't a disgusting vampire planning to suck the life out of the girl I love... well, not even then.
• Bella wants to get it on with Edward, who rejects her.
  Bella: You won't sleep with me until we're married?
  Edward: Technically I can't ever sleep with you.
  Bella: Very mature, Edward.
• This whole conversation:
  Charlie: You are being... careful?
  Bella: (horror)

The film

• Jacob: (deadpan voice) I kissed Bella ... and she broke her hand ... punching my face.
  • And when Bella's getting her hand fixed up:
  Emmett: What, did you try to walk and chew gum at the same time again, Bella?
  Bella: I punched a werewolf in the face.
  Emmett: Bad-ass.
• Bella says Edward is 'old school'. Charlie asks her if it's code. Bella is then royally grossed out.
  • Even better is the way that Bella abruptly ends that discussion and Charlie's dumbfounded reaction afterwards.
  Bella: DAD! I'M STILL A VIRGIN!
  Several Beats as Charlie has no clue how to respond while Bella storms out of the room.
  Charlie: I'm starting to like Edward a little more now.
• The somewhat meta awesome of:
  Edward: Doesn't he own a shirt?