Funny / Clerks

• Dante and Veronica's argument about blowjobs.
  Dante: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!
  Customer: In a row?!
  • And when Veronica storms off, a random guy loitering outside the store overhears their argument:
    Dante: Try not to suck any dicks on the way through the parking lot!
    (the random guy gives a knowing smile and starts walking after her)
    Dante: Hey! Hey you! Get back here!
  • When Veronica comes back later...
    Veronica: Hey Randal.
    Randal: Thirty-seven?!!
    Dante: SHUT UP!
• "People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl 'Mom'."
• The old man asking to use the toilet in the back. He comes to the counter three times: asking for a toilet, asking about the toilet paper, and asking for a dirty magazine.
• Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter:
  Woman: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
  Randal: Yeah, what're you looking for?
  Woman: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
  Randal: Uh, once second. I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure they got it.
  Woman: 'Kay.
  Randal: What's it called again?
  Woman: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
  Little girl: Happy Scrappy!
  Woman: She loves it.
  Randal: Obviously. (into the phone) Uh, yeah, hi. This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352, I'd like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: Whispers in the Wind, To Each His Own, Put It Where It Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, All Tit-Fucking Volume 8, I Need Your Cock, Ass-Worshiping Rim-Jobbers, My Cunt Needs Shafts, Cum Clean, Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts, Cum Buns III, Cumming in Socks, Cum on Eileen, Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum, Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt, Men Alone II: The KY Connection, Pink Pussy Lips, oh, yeah, and, uh, All Holes Filled with Hard Cock. Yup. Oh, wait a minute. (to the woman) Uh, what was that called again?
  • The story behind this scene is actually a CMOF in it of itself: reportedly, Jeff Anderson was uncomfortable saying some of these titles (this was before it was decided to shoot himself and the woman's reactions separately) and asked Kevin Smith to trim some of them down. Smith responded by adding three more.
• Caitlin fucking the dead guy. It was dark and she thought it was Dante. "What kind of convenience store are you running here?!!"
• Just before Randal initiates the "jizz mopper" conversation, Dante comments "Did you ever notice all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie."
  • Extra funny if you look behind them and realize that none of those prices end in nine.
• Randal in general has some witty or sardonic remark at the ready, sure to induce chuckles.
• "I Eat Cock!"
  • Which gets a Brick Joke later on when Dante comes back after getting ready for his date with Caitlin, and sees Randal holding the sign with the above quote.
    Dante: (confused) Who eats cock?
    Randal: Bunch of savages in this town.

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