- A little dark if you're watching it with your grandpa or grandma, but the scene with Sonny and Vanessa discussing her new much-older boyfriend.Vanessa: He has a five-year plan.Sonny: What is it? "Don't die"?
- Sid's reaction to that.
- This dialogue:
Sid: You know, you remind me of my grandson. He didn't think things through.
Sonny: Hey, Old Man River, zip it or I'll break your hip!
Sid: (whispers to Vanessa) I like to see him try.
Vanessa: (whispers back) Shut up, Sid.- "I know you'll be missing me when you got that old white, wrinkly body on top of you, with his... loose skin and old... balls... gross!"
- Later, he makes a remark about how his ex "is banging the Pepperidge Farm guy".
- The fact that poor little Julian has to take a leak about every five mintues.Sonny: (to a couple of old ladies watching Julian pee) What's your name? He'll write it on the wall. Mind your business!
- When Sonny steps on Julian's Scuba Steve doll.Sonny: Owwww! Scuba Steve! Damn you!
- When Julian and Nazo, the Delivery Guy are learning how to read.Julian: Electricity. Constitution. Philadelphia.Nazo: Fish. Pony. (when trying to read the word Hippopotamus) ...Hip? Hip hop? Hip hop anonymous? (Sonny just stares at him) Damn you! You gave him the easy ones!
- Mr. Herlihy is a cross between this, and being a complete and total ass. He also makes a lousy character witness.Mr. Herlihy: Koufax is a good egg. He was nice to that kid. But he fights like a girl. You like that? I'm right here, miss. What are you gonna do about it? Ha-ha-ha.Sonny: What, are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy?Mr. Herlihy: Well, I-I had a few Chardonnays. What of it?Sonny: Get off the stand, please.
- This description of him.
Sonny (to Julian) He drinks a lot of soda. - Julian's kindergarten teacher gets one of the best lines.
- "One of the children wore rollerblades for show and tell, and Julian tripped him with a stick!"
- She's also concerned about Julian's bathing habits.
Teacher: I've had some smelly kids in the past, but your son is by far the smelliest. - "I watched Fantasia a lot. And one day it just clicked."
- Sonny tries to order breakfast at McDonald's, past 10:30, when breakfast is no longer served.Cashier: Hi. Welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?Sonny: (to Julian) Okay, what do you want?Julian: Cheerios.Sonny: Cheerios? They don't have Cheerios. What else do you want?Julian: Lasagna.Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you? (to cashier) Uh, we'll take hot cakes and sausage.Cashier: Uh, sorry, sir, but we've stopped serving breakfast.Sonny: What? What are you talking about? We're 4 seconds late!Cashier: No, you're 30 minutes and 4 seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30.Sonny: AW, HORSESHIT! note(A random customer is startled by this. Julian cries)Sonny: I wasn't cursing at you, I was cursing at the lady.(The cashier is feeling awkward right now)Another McDonald's customer: Nice parenting.Sonny: Thanks. What are you, my therapist? (takes customer's fries and throws them over his back) Take a walk! (to Julian) Do you want one of those Happy Meals? Do you want me to get you a Happy Meal? (Julian screams) WILL SOMEBODY GET THE KID A HAPPY MEAL?!
- The random goth dude:Sonny: You're mad at your dad, not at me. I forgive you!
Goth (walking away and sobbing quietly): I am, I am. I hate my father. - When Sonny decides to adopt Julian:Tommy Grayton (sitting beside his boyfriend): Way to sleep on it, pal!Sonny: Hey! You two wanna get married? I support that, leave me alone.
- Sonny's reaction to the kangaroo song video.
- Sonny pats the passed-out Nazo in the groin. And a few scenes down the montage, he's still passed out.
- Kevin's Big Damn Heroes moment is a bit undercut when he first arrives at Sonny's trial. "I'm sorry, am I in the right room?"
- When Sonny gives Julian a slingshot, telling him to go have fun and shoot a few beer cans.
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