- Written By: ThomasPOV: Third person, shifting to Jerry.Deaths: Grover(2)
The author once again denies being a troll, citing Conservapedia, of all places, and suggests that the only reason he could be one is because of his two names. He also claims that he's a true Christian, and that many Christians will suffer painful deaths before going to Heaven, which are necessary to win the war against the nonbelievers. BIC doesn't care at all for the nonbelievers, since he believes they're incapable of emotion and Not Even Human because they're being controlled by the Devil.
Jerry prepares to give more lessons to Mary, since they're getting married soon; unless I missed a Time Skip, they're still 15 and still too young by the Prayer Warriors' standards. Jerry, however, is too busy insisting that his bride plait her hair, that everyone involved wear white and not black (which they consider an evil color), and that the wedding take place on a Sunday, to consider such things.
Jerry goes on another spiel about the false gods, falsely claiming that Zeus married Artemis, the "whore", claiming that Hades is the God of Evil that Zeus and the others claim to fight against (a more common misconception than some of the mistakes in here), and that Poseidon is not Zeus' brother, but his son. He declares that the Bible tells the simple truth (many would point out the innumerable contradictions and varying interpretations within), and that J. K. Rowling (whom he incorrectly refers to as male) cannot hope to compete with it.
Grover shows up, possibly enraged by all the inaccuracies, and warns them that if they do not convert to the false gods of the Greeks, they will suffer a gruesome death, letting off a somewhat pathetic Evil Laugh. However, Grover is the one who dies a gruesome death, as his head is broken open, he's stabbed in the heart and has his eyes pulled out, with Jerry switching to a first-person POV as he does so. It seems Grover has been tapped for the role of a villain who can't accomplish much more than making empty threats before getting killed, which seems to be the only reason for the author to ignore his death.
Percy then arrives and attacks Jerry "for no reason whysoever," in his words (the fact that Percy just killed his best friend for the second time, in addition to recently killing his girlfriend is lost on him). Jerry counterattacks, forcing Percy to flee, and he decides to track Percy down and make him suffer.
Before he begins the search, he consummates his marriage with Mary, but declares that he won't talk about what they did, lest the atheists get an 'organism', an amusingly blunt and very BIC-like description of a Sexy Discretion Shot. Over Mary's protests, Jerry goes off in search of Percy, determined to kill him even if it's the last thing he does. Clearly, when marriages are as rushed as those of the Prayer Warriors' are, they don't even have a honeymoon before getting back to the killing.
Next Installment: Jerry rambles on about many things, before his wife gives him a very important and concise bit of news.
