(at Tokyo, Japan...yeah, surprised yet?)
(anyway, the last group—Catherine, Sean, and Matoi—are near a club, ready to get in. The female Ultimate Red Legendary Ranger is borrowing her male counterpart's cloak for the mission)
Catherine: ...you have such an awesome cloak.
Sean: ...thanks, but this is not the time to compliment each other for the wardrobe. From what I'm gathering from the others, things are about to get worse...
Matoi: Yeah, and all this talk about the dimensional rifts, I can't help but think it sounds familiar somehow!
Catherine: Now that I think about it...didn't we encounter it some time ago, Matoi?
Matoi: We have!
Catherine: ...
<The last time this occurred, it may have been likely that someone was messing around with us. I remember that we faced a monster, and we destroyed it. That, combined with Rika's story, enabled us to go home.>
<...>
<Is someone that stupid to try the same trick twice?>
Sean: Okay. Here's what we'll do...I'll head inside and see if I can find the monster. Matoi, Catherine, you guys will need to be on the lookout for any weird shit.
Catherine: Gotcha.
Matoi: What would happen if we end up finding the monster?
Sean: Let me know immediately. I mean...according to this map the Sentinel Knight gave me, it should be near here.
(he nods)
I'm going in. Wish me luck.
Catherine: Good luck, S.
Sean: ...and, Catherine? (blushing a bit red) Please don't call me that again.
(Catherine nods back, and Sean enters the club)
Rika: Welcome back!
Previously, Vlad saved the Rangers' asses, while ripping off the Trans-Armor Cycle mode from a certain show I like in the process. That's about it.
So now we move forward with...
Vlad, like his brother before him, tries to make sense of this new world he's in. Oh, and said brother fixed the issues with the morpher, too. And it gets better: that time warp would allow the duo to go back and forth between the two times as they pleased. Uh...isn't that a little too convenient?
As Vlad obtains another horse, he and Sarah talk a bit, and yes, we do have a bit of a culture clash going on. Now, I always find that sort of thing interesting, because what do you do if you see someone from another time period, and they're acting the way they are? And I always find it fascinating about all the different rules, the social mores, those sorts of things.
...and it isn't because I took some Sociology classes way back when.
Of course, it wouldn't be as bad when this stupid shit happens.
- Vlad: "Dudette… that has got to be some honor."Sarah: "Well, I wouldn't call it that much honor. I do wish you would stop call me that!"Vlad: "Why? It's what you are. A Girl's a Dudette. So you're a Dudette."
I mean, I know he's trying to teach Sarah the ways of his world, but fucking damn.
He then goes on to explain about "street talk"...and how, I shit you not, it's a part of being street smart. Yeah, considering that they were orphaned, and how they're fucking rich...I am so lost as to what their true backstory is.
To give a demonstration, Vlad points to the streets, and he tells them that he reads the streets. Yeah, reading the streets? What?
(Rika glances at a street outside her window...then a few seconds later...)
This is just getting idiotic by the minute.
Naturally, the rest don't quite get what the hell he's talking about. So Vlad pulls out the PSP (no, really)...and plays another fucking song.
(Rika headdesks)
What is this? I mean, yeah, I get that there are songs, but the way things are going, we might as well call this Power Rangers: High School Musical! And it's even more inane than High School Musical!
(Rika then sports an aghast look, and she hides her head in shame, the girl disbelieving what she just said...)
(later...)
(Sean is on the lookout for the monster. So far, everything seems to be normal, with the clubbers...clubbing, I guess, and the DJ playing a typical electronic song...)
(outside, Catherine and Matoi are still on the lookout...until a man falls on the former Ranger)
Catherine: UGH! What the hell? (coughs)
(the man stands up, revealing himself to be...Ryota Ozawa?! Embarrassed, he holds out his hand to Catherine)
Ryota: OH! I'm so sorry, miss! Are you hurt?
(Catherine takes Ryota's hand and pulls herself up)
Catherine: I'll be fine. (nods a bit, and she heals herself) Let me guess, a dimensional rift?
Ryota: Yeah...I thought I was going to take a break! But...it seems like there are always adventures!
Er, sorry about that...I'm Ryota.
Catherine: Catherine Grayson, the Ultimate Red Legendary Ranger.
Ryota: <...what? I thought Sean was...>
Catherine (noticing Ryota's shocked look): ...I'll explain later. Right now, we'll have to see any more signs.
(but then, they don't have time to even report to Sean, as something strikes the trio!)
What...what was that?!
(One of the two final monsters shows up, wearing gold armor...)
Matoi: What...?
???: So. I see three of the strongest fighters...the Red Pirate, the Rescue Soldier, and a woman who defies all odds of surviving.
Catherine (in a very angry voice): Enough with the faux-poetic bullshit!
(Matoi and Ryota are shocked to hear that from Catherine, and just how quickly her mood changed...)
Matoi: ...is that woman even okay, I wonder?
Ryota: I honestly don't know...
Catherine: Tell me...who's summoning the dimensional rifts? And what's going on with the changes?
???: I see that you're curious...very well.
(on that cliffhanger note...)
Rika: In the fortress, Ebbie is just as annoyed with the spontaneous musical just as much as everyone else. He tries to figure out a way to destroy the Rangers. Malakar summons the Monster of the Chapter: Black Cat.
Ebbie isn't happy with the creation, initially, until the monster reveals what her power is. Spoiler alert: she's...kind of ripping off Darkonda with the whole "nine lives" thing, and no, Black Cat does not have a save file. She heads off.
In Philadelphia, as the Rangers talk more, enter the Monster of the Chapter. They fight the mooks first, and—wait.
- Sarah: "You boys make me sick, Sick, SICK!"
...wasn't that a line from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie?
Anyway. As the fake redcoats are defeated, the Rangers destroy Black Cat...but not really. The monster shows up, stronger than ever, and is able to split into two. After the taunt, the monster(s) flee, and Mykan explains to the group what's up.
So now they're at a crossroads. Just what the hell are they going to do with a monster with that many lives?
(in the club, the DJ continues to play the music...until it becomes strangely hypnotic)
(which makes Sean take notice)
Sean: <This again? Haven't we seen this a million times before?>
(not taking any chances, Sean hurls a fireball at the DJ's equipment, and everyone stops)
DJ: Well! Looks like the underactor figured me out!
(the DJ then transforms into his true form, a blue-skinned demon with some musical notes tattooed on his body. Sean just looks unimpressed)
Sean: ...so you're the final monster. I thought it would be a lot more menacing than this.
(the clubbers are scared, and they try to run from the monster as it shoots beams at them. Sean uses a flamethrower attack at it, and he looks at the clubbers)
Come on, guys! This way! (he leads them to the exit)
(outside, Catherine, Matoi, and Ryota notice the fleeing clubbers)
???: Looks like your friend has found my ally.
Matoi: ...
???: You see, the dimensional rifts are caused by our master. They're used to trap victims to this world...so they can play with them.
Catherine: That sounds a lot creepier than usual.
???: They have a goal...to conquer the heroes. All the Rangers, and all the Sentai Warriors. We figured most of you would be broken after what happened a week ago.
Ryota: Not a chance! Guys, you ready?
Catherine/Matoi: Ready!
(the three are staring the mysterious being down)
Rika: ...God. You know what? You know fucking what? I'm actually tired of nitpicking every single damn thing that happens, or pointing out how much it rips off other series. So I'm going to take the coward's way out and just summarize this chapter...and the next three in this installment, because I want to be done with this.
(Rika takes a swig from her sake)
The Rangers try the "tried-and-true-and-very-fucking-cliched" method of dividing and conquering, and as Black Cat here gets stronger with every single ridiculous way (no, seriously, at one point, she actually grows muscles and sports longer claws! She's not Wolverine!), the Rangers try to figure out a counterattack.
That is, until, about the seventh life, she grows giant. This causes the Rangers to form their General Megazord, and after fighting, the eighth life...causes her to wear battle armor. The Rangers get their asses handed to them, until Vlad shows up with his new mecha, the Colonel Zord. He uses the moment to defeat the cats, and yes, later on, at least one of them speaks in Painful Rhyme.
(Rika looks at My Little Unicorn)
...yeah, I might be liveblogging that one in the future. Preferrably on my Tumblr
.
Eventually, after the Colonel Zord, in its Megazord form, repels every single attack thrown at it, the General Megazord gets back up. The two Megazords just finish the cats off. Yeah...
After a scene where Ebbie throws yet another fit, Mykan obtains his friends' Zords so he can modify them. Like virtually everything else, the monsters are growing stronger. Vlad will help, too, in completely recharging the Zords. The chapter ends with the other Rangers in awe over how smart Mykan and Vlad are.
Gag me.
Now we move on with...
By the way, can anyone guess what the Battlizer, introduced in this chapter, is ripping off wholesale from, if possible? (Spoilers: it's going to rip off Wes' Battle Warrior Armor.)
...actually, wait a second. Hey, kids, it's time to play a game! Guess what episode this one rips off wholesale from!
We get a flashback with the Black Knight wrecking shit up. In the Middle Ages. He's immortal, meaning that nothing can stop him...except for the Lord of the Red. The king would have had the power, but he's growing too old, so he has his daughter keep the box safe.
This doesn't go over well, as the Black Knight attacks the kingdom and captures the princess, who refuses to tell him on how to use the power. Because "only those who are pure at heart can open the chest".
...sounds like something Alyx can obtain.
The princess ends up getting locked up, with a dragon keeping watch. She eventually dies from hunger and exhaustion. Nice. As for the Black Knight? He roams around for his search.
(later...)
(Catherine, Matoi, and Ryota prepare their morphers, until the Gold Knight, named as such because I'm lazy and, at this point in the game, it's soooooo uninspired, sees the musical monster running out of the club)
Chief Clerk MP3: How about if we take the battle outside, Reddie?
Sean (offscreen): Maybe we will!
(the duo rejoin their respective teams)
Matoi: I was expecting you guys to fight inside...
Sean: ...and wreck the club? I don't even think this place even carries a special type of insurance!
Ryota: Huh...
Gold Knight: Get ready, Rangers. For as soon as you'll fall...we'll have our master rewrite reality.
Ryota: Guys...let's make it showy once more! (pulls out his Gokai Red Ranger key) GOKAI CHANGE!
Mobirates: GOOOOOOOOOOO~KAIGER!!
Matoi: CHAKUSOU!
(Catherine and Sean nod to each other, and...)
Catherine/Sean: ULTIMATE RED ADVENT, AWAKEN THE LEGEND!
(and so, all four morph in their respective forms. Ryota becomes Gokai Red once again, Matoi becomes Go Red, and both Catherine and Sean become the Ultimate Red Legendary Rangers. And no, Catherine is not wearing a skirt in her morphed form)
Ryota: Gokai Red!
Matoi: The lives of people are the future of this planet! Burning rescue spirits! Kyuukyuu Sentai! Go! Go! FIVE!
Sean: The embodiment of hope, I am Sean, the Ultimate Red Legendary Ranger! REMEMBER IT!
Catherine: Destiny is not something I believe in. Anyone can change their lives...and I will help. I am Catherine, the Ultimate Red Legendary Ranger!
(everyone stares at her)
I will admit it needs work. I'm trying to work on that!
Gold Knight: Enough of this. Prepare to die!
(and so, the Rangers and villains square off)
Rika: Back in Pennsylvania, the Rangers prepare for a Summer feast, until Mykan gains flashbacks. Yeah, and I'm sure he'll also dream of a big-ass Ranger fight, with some of the Sentai Warriors as guest stars, amirite?
(Rika then coughs)
He then explains to the group as to why he doesn't have a special form. Eh, don't worry. Red Rangers almost always get the best stuff. It just so happens that you, as a Marty Stu, just happen to get the best of all.
Henri prepares to get the water for tomorrow's round of chores, until the Black Knight shows up and scares him and his horse. The villain of the arc demands an answer to the question: whether or not he's pure of heart. Henri doesn't quite understand it all, and he eventually flees.
After a scene with the Knight trying to think of the princess' words, Henri tells the group what's going on. Okay, at this point, I might as well summarize the entire episode of "Beware the Knight", only with some slight differences.
In that episode, Trip was attacked by the Black Knight, who also was searching for someone pure of heart to open the box. Eventually, Wes manages to be the one who opens the box, obtaining his Battlizer, the aforementioned Battle Warrior Armor. Oh, and he defeats the Black Knight with it.
Only here, a princess is involved instead of the White Knight, she doesn't manage to be really rescued (rather, she disappears after that...wha?), Mykan travelled back in time due to a time warp to the Middle Ages, and...really, this entire chapter is just so...gah.
And really, I'm sorry to put forth so little effort into liveblogging the rest, but...yeah.
Oh, and at the end, after defeating the Black Knight, the princess? You know, the one Mykan kinda-sorta-didn't-rescue-I-don't-know-I-don't-give-a-shit-anymore? Her spirit gives him a kiss. Ugh.
So after the obligatory Battlizer Introduction episode, where do you go from there?
Chapter 15: Fight to the Finish!
How about the obligatory Shooing Out the Dark Chick and the Brute?
Before we start with this, Ebbie has a heirloom: the Crystal Egg. What the hell is it? We're told that it's an heirloom that, if complete, would grant a wish. There's one drawback: the wish would be made when the sun would be in alignment with the stars.
Gee...DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR?!
The other problem is that, in order for the egg to be complete, there must be two sacrifices. And they have to be made by the end of the week. So who better to get their asses sacrificed to than Tom and Sakura?
...hey, wait a second. Now that I think about it, the Crystal Egg? It wasn't even alluded to before. Is this yet another one of those things the writer pulled out of his ass?
Ebbie tells them how much Tom and Sakura failed him, blah blah blah, and he makes a deal. They must attend the mission together, and if they fail, they'll literally pay with their lives. This frightens the duo, or makes them growl, whatever.
...you know, I just wonder. I honestly don't know what villain Ebbie is ripping off of. Because there are several Rangers villains who didn't give a shit about the others, sending them off to die.
(Rika drinks)
(in the battle...)
(Catherine, Matoi, and Ryota try to beat the Gold Knight, only for him to deflect the attacks back at them. As for Sean and the Chief Clerk, the duo are evenly matched...)
Matoi: Just what is going on?!
Catherine: I don't know...(she tries to stand up)...but we have to finish it, fast.
(she takes out a crystal ball with the Zeo emblem)
ULTIMATE RED ADVENT, IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!
(she places the crystal ball into the slot, and...)
ZEO RANGER V, RED!
(...she transforms into the Ultimate Zeo Ranger V, with the suit being a heavy armored version of the Zeo Ranger V suit)
Gold Knight: Your transformations won't help you. For as long as they control the story...you are doomed!
Ryota: ..."they"?
Gold Knight: Yes! Our master, Delu-Knight! As we speak, he's planning to demolish every single hero who dares to fight against him!
Catherine: Didn't you say this already?! (she takes out the Heavenly Red Power Sword)
Gold Knight: Oh, you'll see what he'll do...
(Catherine, Ryota, and Matoi charge at the Gold Knight, and although the slashes from the Heavenly Red Power Sword, Gokai Sabre, and V-Lancer damages him, he counters the damage by striking them right back)
Sean (glancing at the fallen allies): Now that just isn't fair.
Chief Clerk MP3: All's fair in this battle, Reddie! Get a load of THIS!
(the monster then plays a very horrible song, causing Sean to scream in pain. Then the Chief Clerk uses the Battle Records to use as disks, damaging the Ranger)
Sean: ...(he takes out the orb with the Dino Thunder insignia) ULTIMATE RED ADVENT, DINO THUNDER, POWER UP! HA!
(Sean morphs into the Ultimate Red Dino Ranger, the armor reflected against the light)
Chief Clerk MP3: Alright! Now this is a party!! LET'S DANCE!
Sean: Yeah...let's dance, indeed! (he takes out an MP3 of his own) Survive this!
(and so, he plays a song, causing the Chief Clerk MP3 to dance...while the Gold Knight just has a very "WTF?" expression. Eventually...needless to say, both villain and hero dance like each one of them wants to win)
Rika: So after a scene where we have our stupid ship-teasing from James and Sarah, Tom and Sakura show up to be moment-killers. Or, rather, images of them. The villains challenge them to a duel, where they have to show up on the island tomorrow night, otherwise their city would be burned to the ground.
In the print shop, Sarah and Henri refuse to go there, for they think it might be a trap, but the others don't think so. One by one, they decide to go. Henri ultimately decides to go for the city, and as for Sarah? Even though she realizes that she has to face her cousin, she goes as well.
The next day, the team heads to the island, calling for Tom and Sakura. The villains arrive, and after some pre-fighting banter, they summon their Zords, Tormentor and Ninjorina. And of course the Rangers can't summon their Zords. Why? Because, with the help of some mystical scrolls, it prevents that to happen.
So, like whatever happened in the Black/White Kyurem fight in Pokemon Black/White 2, only dumber and more contrived by the minute.
To make a long story short, the scrolls are pinned on the Zords. One scroll each. And whenever Vlad tries to remove one, the other would just attack back. No, really. This is the kind of plot twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan cry!
Eventually, the Sixth Ranger scales the robots, and he places two pieces of metal that he was working on for a bit. They become like magnets, which makes the scrolls burn. No, really.
Oh, and it gets even better. The Zords, once they're summoned? They don't do jack against the Tormentor and Ninjorina. Because not only do the Rangers get their asses handed over to them, but Sakura's Zord steals the weapons, and uses them.
While the villain Zords get charged up, Mykan and Vlad head outside. They summon their Super Modes and take the battle to the air. No, really.
...yeah, you can tell that my repeated breaking of the Willing Suspension of Disbelief is a common theme in this liveblog. Mainly because it's so...ridiculous, it ain't funny.
The two brothers strike the villains from behind, and then this happens.
- Vlad: "My Megazord's down, but I'm not!"
(Rika, nearly human, is incensed, and in a calm voice...)
...did you just rip off one of Carter's lines?
In any event. Mykan pulls out yet another thing out of his ass, and he uses a spell to not only stick the scrolls onto Tom and Sakura, draining their powers, but their Zords try to attack them. Oh, and it gets even better. Vlad actually took the time to have the Zords upgrade to the point where they can combine with his mecha.
Yes, really.
And so...the Megazords are reactivated, and they fuse to combine the Colonel-General Megazord. Which now takes the title of "lamest Megazord name ever". Tom tries to guilt-trip Sarah, but she just ignores it, telling him that he's no cousin of hers.
The combined Megazord uses the trident weapon to stab the two villain Zords. And then...they get spinned around, tossing them high in the air, and blasting them with the cannons, destroying them once and for all.
As for Tom and Sakura? They head to the base, and Ebbie now thinks they've outlived their usefulness. What does he do? Treat us to a Family-Unfriendly Death by extracting their lives.
Ew.
Ebbie now has the two sacrifices, which will repair that Crystal Egg. But little does he know that Malakar is sickened by this betrayal, ready to extract his revenge. Which, by the way, does come too little, too late.
And now that I think about it, why the hell did Ebbie even turn on Sakura and Tom, aside from their failures? He could have, say, summoned some random-ass Monsters of the Chapter, and if they failed, he could have soul-trapped them or some shit. Problem solved! Hell, that would have been a lot more interesting, and would make the Rangers pawns, make them realize what they have done!
The chapter ends with Sarah mourning over Tom's death, even though it really wasn't of her doing.
As for the next chapter...
Chapter 16: Power Rangers, Framed!
...it feels a bit more of a filler chapter about the Rangers facing a Monster of the Chapter, Mysterio, who can masquerade as them (yes, one masquerade monster becoming five), which in turn has King George III and almost everyone else frame the real ones. Sarah's mom does play a part in helping the Rangers hide during that time, until they decide to find a way to show that he's the imposter.
About the only important thing to take from this is that Ebbie's wish is to bring the villains from every single Power Rangers series—that is, right up until Mystic Force, since it was the series that was airing at the time of writing—back to life. Though the question remains as to how the hell he even got the action figurines.
...oh, God. Don't tell me. He's a fan, too? What's next, he cosplays at his spare time, and reveals himself to be just a figment of—wait, no, Mykan is the author's mouthpiece, never mind.
As for Malakar, as it was in the last chapter, he just wasn't happy with how Tom and Sakura were just killed like that. What do you want to bet that this will neeeeeeever be mentioned again?
(Rika sighs)
And so. Tune in next time for the grand finale. For I will summar-liveblog the last five chapters at once. And get ready for the countdown to destruction, the countdown to my rage.
(in the battle...)
(Sean and the Chief Clerk still continue to dance, until the man whips out the Heavenly Tyranno Staff, shooting out orbs at the monster with a yell)
Chief Clerk MP3: Holy shit, the guy's pack—!
(boom! The monster is destroyed, and Sean pants)
Sean: That was a bit easy.
(and then...Matoi gets a communication)
Matoi: Eh?
Jason (from the morpher): Hey, guys! I think I figured out what's going on!
Ryota: Jason...there's no time!
(in rage, the Gold Knight rushes towards the trio)
Jason: ...oh. Well...call me crazy, but you should try the Ludicrous Powers! I mean...I know the Akibarangers had them, but...
Catherine: But?!
Jason: Let's just say that the story dictates for it to be used differently! Very differently! Just trust me, guys, and use your imagination!
(the trio nod, and they think...and then...!)
(...Matoi ends up getting the Trans-Armor Cycle Battlizer, Ryota becomes Gokai Red Gold Mode, and Catherine's transformed into the Ultimate Red Battlezord
◊, at the same size as the female Ultimate Red Legendary Ranger herself! Sean looks at the team...)
Sean: <What the fuck?!>
Matoi: Whoa...it's remarkable!
Ryota: Ready, guys?
Catherine: Ready.
Matoi: Ready!
(Matoi then uses a tire attack at the Gold Knight. Ryota prepares himself...)
Ryota: FINAL WAVE: GOKAI LEGENDREAM!
(at that point, some of the Extra Sentai Warriors shoot, and the next wave slash. Ryota then uses the Gokai Spear to slash at the knight.)
(finally, Catherine concentrates all her energies and just beats the shit out of the knight, destroying it once and for all!)
Sean: Okay, am I really dreaming? Am I really being delusional right now? What just happened?
Ryota: You're not deluded. Jason'll explain later...right now, we must meet up at Akihabara!
(the four head off...)
Will Rika gather her strength to finish the liveblog? Will the All-Stars V2.0 defeat Delu-Knight? And what will happen in the fanfic that will make the girl rage?
Find out next time on the conclusion of Rika Liveblogs vs. Power Rangers: Revolution!
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