When you hear the words “Beast Wars”, chances are you will think of the Transformers cartoon. However, this fanfic, Beast Wars
, doesn’t have characters from the show, much like The Morph. However, unlike The Morph, it doesn’t exactly feature any elements from Beast Wars as well. So yeah, it’s called Beast Wars because...
Because...
Fuck it, let’s start off this story.
So we begin with these chapter headings even though the chapters themselves are short to the point where they don’t need chapter titles. Unless it’s Captain Underpants where there’s at least one chapter with a few words. This is just giving me Quarter-Life: Halfway To Destruction flashbacks. At least this fanfic’s not grammatically broken like that fanfic.
We have... Guess what? More dinosaurs. But now they’re dinosaur aliens. Actually, dinosaur aliens that are the size of the toddlers is a pretty good explanation for why we had Littlefoot in the last two stories. And look, they have the power to take over animal minds, kind of like the Yeerks from Animorphs. Although these Dinosaur Aliens don’t crawl into people’s ears and control them that way, but rather your stereotypical mental mind control. Anyways, they are planning to take over Earth and they heard of the battle at the end of The Movie, and decide to retrieve the wolf that was killed. And... apparently half of its body is gone. They replace it with cybernetics and stuff like that. And that’s the prologue.
—
The next chapter begins with the wolf being made a cyborg and activating.
"Spike!", responded the gray wolf.
Uh... technically, you sort of made the wolf a cyborg... not Spike.
"Spike!", the gray wold [sic] answered.
Alien #2 then asked, "And now, that I release you, what is the first thing your going to do?"
The gray wolf responded, "Destroy him!"
Oh man, I got two jokes for this... Oh man... what to pick, what to pick... Oh fuck it, let's fire them both at once!
- Joke #1: "Good answer."
- Joke #2:"'Good. And your secondary mission?' 'To be an idiot.'
Also, that’s a pretty bad idea, allowing your minion to be obsessed with murdering their rival. Astronema learnt that the hard way when she made the Psycho Rangers. Anyways...
Killer? How... imaginative.
Fastest training montage I have ever seen. It’s almost as if it wasn’t even needed. We then resume with the kids.
Nor could the author. Seriously, this wolf incident is mentioned constantly across these fanfics so far.
Yeah. They had to face miscoloured wolves who apparently can roar and are total rip-offs from The Lion King 2. Onto the next chapter.
—
So Killer comes and roars at Spike (howling makes more sense, but whatever) and the fight begins.
1, lasers is spelt wrong and 2, he shot guns? Like fully functioning guns? Don’t you mean bullets? Oh, but apparently the fighting isn’t necessary because the aliens can just mind control Spike. Why they didn’t do that to begin with is a mystery. Isn’t it logical to take over the mind of the victor of the fight instead of the loser? And brainwashing Killer’s enemy is a pretty bad idea since he has that whole bloodlust to kill him and all. But nah, brainwashing powers are to the max as they become Bash Brothers and go attack a ranger station.
Wait... what? They go to a ranger station... and rip apart companies... and then they want to kill themselves? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- {Your Head Asplode}
{We apologize for Psyga’s head exploding. We will attach a new head and give him his dose of Momentai Pills so it won’t happen again soon. This unfortunate incident is ironically brought to you by Momentai Pills: making sure you take it easy with every little pill.}
Alright... that was fun. So after the Rugrats conclude that Spike is Brainwashed and Crazy, they decide to confront Spike and Killer. Oh, and Angelica said that her mom said aliens brainwashed him. It was really her grandfather, Lou, who said it. Final Chapter!
—
TIRO FINALE!
—
So Tommy confronts Spike at the shore as he does that "I Know You're in There Somewhere" Fight thing. Or “I Know You’re In There Somewhere” speech as that’s all it takes to stop the brainwashing. Spike just snaps out of it. Huh. Kyouko would be proud. And...
JESUS CHRIST! Killer just clawed at Tommy’s stomach and caused a large enough wound to make him lose consciousness from all the blood he’s lost later on... He’s a toddler, mind you. Stu!Tommy then gets a knife and stabs Killer in the middle of the fight with Spike (well, throws it and it stabbed Killer) and Spike puts him down for good. Spike and Tommy are awarded for their badassery and the aliens, guess what? Rage Quit!
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
A little better than the previous two. I was quite surprised by the increased level of violence in this one (even if it’s just Tommy getting his stomach slashed apart) and I kind of didn’t mind this story. The only gripe I had was that the author just glossed over a lot of stuff, like the training (which can be cut) and Tommy’s “Please come back, Spike!” speech. That and there wasn’t really a war. Beasties would have made a better title.
And while this fanfic didn’t actually crossover with anything, it had some qualities that I noticed in the other crossover fics that I decided to review it. That and it had Beast Wars as the title. Even though Killer never really transformed.
Well, will the rest of the fanfics be this tolerable? Find out next time!
