Alright... I’m calm... Wow... The craziness of The Phantom Tollbooth is taking a toll on my sanity. Oh dear God, it's infecting me! I’ve been told that I should stop doing this liveblog for the sake of my sanity. But we’re halfway done. Halfway done. I have to finish this. For the sake of TV Tropes, and the entire world.
The King: That's about as likely as Battlestar Galactica having a satisfying conclusion.
... Shut up, King. When we last left off Pooh, he was in Fridge Logicville. It’s a nice place to go to be insane.
So yeah... I have to talk about... {shudders} The Spelling Bee. He spells every last word he says. Well at least he does not say Ugu every time. Oh, Piglet impersonates Milo for a second. So as the Bee says it can spell any word written in any language, some cricket dude is like “Uh, Bull!” and makes his debut. And he notices Milo’s Companions. As Eeyore says it, “Thanks for noticing.” And this cricket is called the Humbug...
“Wait!” you cry, “I thought Humbug was only used around Christmas Specials!” Well, sit down, because it’s story time.
I will admit, I used to think Humbug was Scrooge’s Verbal Tic until now, when this guy comes being named Humbug, despite it not being set near Christmas. Humbug in old English, before pop culture turned it into the Verbal Tic we know and love, means “hoax,” or “fraud”. When Scrooge was saying it, he was declaring that Christmas was a fraud, which makes sense, since back then, Christmas was mostly unheard of, and it was A Christmas Carol that made it popular. The Humbug in this case is usually wrong about everything, hence, Humbug. I am sorry for switching the Liveblog into an essay, but I am just explaining why there was a bug named Humbug in a non-Christmas setting. Moving back to the Mind Screw now.
So Rabbit asks where the Humbug got his cheap clothes from and he pretty much says, “You Do NOT Want To Know”. He then pisses off the Spelling Bee and the bee responds by trying to sting him. Or kill him. All while Pooh and friends hide behind a conveniently placed tree. Fight ensues as they cause a dominos-style destruction of all the tents in the marketplace. Remember, there are tons of words flying, so while Tock gets “Dog” and Humbug gets “Fool,” Milo gets... “Guilty”... Wait, what? So the cop on wheels comes back to arrest Milo for having the word Guilty on his head. Triumph101 runs off and finds The Nostalgia Critic on a billboard. You know, Milo could have been spending time watching the Nostalgia Critic and all the funny people on That Guy With The Glasses.com. But, since computers weren’t invented back in 1961 (or 1970 if you count the film), Milo finds himself arrested with Pooh, his stuffed animal friends, a ton of Gundams, a squirrel, a little kid, and a blue humanoid wolf dog. So, Milo and his friends get sentenced to six million years in prison. I am not making this up. I rather giggled around one bit where the officer turns into a judge and jailer and Conker asks if he could turn into a bartender as well.
So the officer sends the group to the dungeon, and as one expects out of Pooh’s Adventures, you have to imagine the officer leading Pooh and about ten other characters down the stairs. At least the cells are big enough for Pooh and his friends to be in there as opposed to the bunch of them being shoved into a net. Or a van.
Wing Zero: You really know how to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
I do not think he can hear you. Hey, you know what he might hear? A blast strong enough to breakdown the door! Oh come on, you don’t have a Buster Rifle on you? Well that sucks. But hey, at least they get to talk to a witch... WAIT, A WITCH? OH SHIT! THE OFFICER PLACED THEM IN THE WITCH’S LABYRINTH ! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MILO! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Oh wait... Nice Witch. My bad. I was Wrong Genre Savvy as usual. Oh wait. Which. {Facepalm}. You know, Gen Urobuchi had a more clever play on the word witch, and it was in Japanese. It makes sense though, as the Which is related to the Whether Man. So as they eat the cookies (which I want to assume are drugged) she exposits how during the war between Letters and Numbers, the two princesses of Rhyme and Reason were banished to Howls Moving Castle In The Sky. This finally sets off a quest for our heroes to do.
You know, let’s take a small break and talk about just how long it took for the heroes in the other Pooh’s Adventures to set off on their quests. It took the Olsens up to part three, the Mystery Gang somewhere between three and five, and Snow White took five parts before she finds out that she has to go to the Realm of Doom. So it took Milo six parts to finally have a quest to do. About time. But wait, what about the six million years in prison? (Also, I gotta note on how Bakunetsumaru vows to pretty much end the officer’s life and that Wing Zero puts a flower on Bakunetsumaru’s sword. Hilarity Ensues.)
Well, remember that whole “you’re invited to dinner” thing? Yeah... They are busted out because they are late for the dinner. Yeah, Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!.
Thus we end our part there. King, can you explain why you are here now?
... I was wondering when that would bite me in the ass. Well, stay tuned.
