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Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

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Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 22nd 2011 at 10:30:39 AM
I am now tempted to look up what Spanish euphamisms for menstruation are. THE THINGS THIS BOOK DOES TO ME.
fourteenwings Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 23rd 2011 at 3:56:16 AM
Oddly enough, another teen lit series (The Clique) does have a school called PMS (Hehe... Presbytarian Middle School, but it's usually referred to as PMS.) in it.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 23rd 2011 at 12:00:38 PM
Thanks for doing this. I don't think I could do this and notice all the mistakes and all that. And one thing that bugs me: Isn't it easier for begginners to draw from experience or something like that than to instantly fake it? If it is easier, and what they say about about actresses is true, than wouldn't actresses have an advantage?
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 24th 2011 at 9:37:26 AM
I just realised something that relates to those questions Lady Momus asked. I don't know if it was mentioned or anyone else though of it. But here I go:

If the bellas, intoxibellas and the belladonna are suppose to be the ones with the magic powers, then why is Tookie an omniglot? I know this question is a long shot and there isn't enough detail in the lousy worldbuilding. But what we've seen, the bellas are the only ones who offically have powers. And we don't know if her omnilingualism is learnt, magical or a natural talent.
Sharysa Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 24th 2011 at 5:50:04 PM
"Actresses are incapable of 'opposite performing.' They must think about sad times in their lives to project sadness in the silver screen."

FNDKLSAVNKLDFAIGBOFHAL;JSKLVAJL;

PURE METHOD ACTING HASN'T BEEN TAUGHT FOR YEARS BECAUSE IT HAS A REALLY BAD TENDENCY TO FUCKING TRAUMATIZE YOU!!!!!!!

GET YOUR FUCKING FACTS STRAIGHT, TYRA!

KVLKSDJGIRAIBFHBADFUBHJKLDKAAAAAAAA
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 25th 2011 at 11:12:58 AM
Calm down, Sharysa. Pure method acting is is the opposite performing thing, right? Because the opposite perfoming thing looks stupid and hard. And Probably can screw up your behaviour.

If your refering to the opposite acting as pure method acting, I'm backing you up.
Jergling Since: Dec, 1969
Sharysa Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 30th 2011 at 5:38:15 PM
Actually, method acting is when you literally replicate the circumstances of the performance as much as possible (most famously by Dyeing For Your Art and doing tons of research).

"Opposite performing," ie "acting happy when you're sad" is what normal acting does.
DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 6th 2012 at 4:41:54 PM
Wait, her love interest is an extremely muscular man named Bravo? Could it be? Has Johnny Bravo returned?! Come Johnny! Come and rescue us from boredom with your hilarious failings!
clockworkspider Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 6th 2012 at 9:25:25 PM
Honestly, the first thing I thought of when I saw the "Pow-pow-powers" bit was Usher's song OMG.
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