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Ephraim2252011-04-19 00:10:18

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Game FA Qs is perhaps one of the most informative Video Game websites known to man. Created in 1995, the site is a database of video game information, nearly all of which is submitted by volunteer contributors. You can find just about anything you'd want to know about any given game: walkthroughs, maps, cheats, secrets, release dates, box art, reviews...

Haha reviews

Game FA Qs is already notorious for its many Fora, the userbase of which is known to consist primarily of Trolls, idiots, console soldiers, and people too lazy to read the FAQs the damn site is named for. But that wouldn't be enough, for there is a second cesspit of hatred and lies on this otherwise awesome website - the reviews section, where users are allowed to give their opinions on a given game or system.

Maybe you've come across that one review on that one game, and something seems a little off. That is, you can't understand where the reviewer is coming from, or his spelling sucks, or maybe he didn't even play the damn game. I, Ephraim225, am here to expose the worst, most incomprehensible, unreadable, and possibly painful Game FA Qs reviews you have ever had the misfortune of hearing about.

Now, don't get me wrong, we all have opinions. Mine might be different, that's just life etc. etc....but hear me out. I've seen Game FA Qs users write good reviews before. I've seen reviews that I don't agree with but are well-written. We're here to find the reviews that will make you let out a Flat "What", among other unexpected expected reactions.

Let's read horrible Game FA Qs reviews.

Comments

Shortcake Since: Dec, 1969
Jun 9th 2011 at 10:03:42 AM
Let me put this out there: No matter what your opinion, you should NEVER insult...anyone, really.

But then, later:

And let us not forget about the High Summoner Yuna herself. The woman who is absolutely revered by the people of Spira has donned her own slutty outfit as well, while spending the entire game lying to herself about her true personality.

That's a funny way to spell "Ultimaterializer X".

Isn't that a little hypocritical?
Ephraim225 Since: Dec, 1969
Jun 9th 2011 at 2:03:42 PM
And that's why this is installment number 13. You have a point, though.
ManCalledTrue Since: Dec, 1969
Jun 9th 2011 at 4:04:02 PM
Yeah, you can tell this review was written by someone who either 1)drank Spoony's Kool-aid or 2)refuses to accept that any game past VII can be any good.
SomeColorMage Since: Dec, 1969
Jun 10th 2011 at 3:44:55 AM
Or 3) Both

Ulti's review here may have been awful, but I completely agree with D'Hoost's review, although I probably would have given the game a bit more than a 3 out of 10. He seems to be one of those rare good reviewers out there.
Korval Since: Dec, 1969
Jun 11th 2011 at 8:17:00 PM
"Yeah! Adding strategic depth makes no sense!"

Far be it from me to defend idiots, but he makes a good point. Gameplay And Story Segregation may be forgivable, but it's hardly necessary. FF 7 had Materia, which was both part of the plot and gave similar levels of customizability.

Square could have come up with a similar idea that would add strategic depth without making no sense from a story/world perspective. Not doing so may be forgivable, but it's also unquestionably lazy. And a reviewer certainly should have the right to call them out on it.

"Wow. You're like that one stupid lady who thought Jynx was racist. "

I've never played FFX-2, so I have no idea if the guy is right or not. However, this does not constitute a counter-argument to his claim. If he is indeed correct about every returning female character from the previous game dressing in skimpier attire for little to no adequately explored reason, then I'd say that his point is at least potentially valid.

It's all well and good to snark at idiots; I endorse this wholeheartedly. But while you're snarking, you should at least put forth some evidence for your dismissal of their claims. Here's how it's done:

"While this would make plenty of sense in a strategy RPG, it has no place in an ATB-based battle system."

This is errant nonsense. FFIV, the very first ATB game, had spells and abilities that had different casting times. It may not have shown bars to know how long it would take, but different spells certainly did take longer to cast. Later FF games would go back and forth on casting times, and FFX-2 appears to be no different.

In short: he's an idiot.

"drank Spoony's Kool-aid"

Right. Because a review written in 2003 certainly was due to Spoony's review of the prequel to this game in 2010. Totally.

If you're going to dump random hate on Spoony for not liking the things you like, could you at least attempt to make it relevant?
Emperordaein Since: Dec, 1969
Jun 13th 2011 at 3:12:09 AM
Alrighty. Confession Time. I am guilty of the same kind of thing D'Hoost did. I actually have done a review of Modern Warfare 2 on Gamefaqs, giving it a 6/10. I gave it that score for the same reason as the aforementioned review. I don't think it's a bad game. I think that the gameplay is very solidly put together. I think the set pieces and level design is suberb. I think that the Multiplayer is okay, but there are just too many cheap Gamebreakers and Killstreak overload. Plus I glossed over it, simply not being a fan of online multiplayer FPS' in general.

No, I hated Modern Warfare 2 for it's story, and what it meant for the series. I don't have the time to get into it here, but I loathed it with a passion for what it represented for the series and how it took a steaming dump all over the first game. I don't think my words came out well in that review.

You can see it under this very username. I do have plans to so more reviews to practise my writing abilities. Yeah, the GF Review is Shit. But I do want to have some outlet. I might do Mother 3 or the Castlevania DS games next.
24.0.249.207 Since: Dec, 1969
Nov 15th 2011 at 8:33:58 AM
Searching my own name in Google once in awhile leads to some funny results. I mean yeah that isn't one of my best reviews, but an entire page dedicated to bashing it is hilarious. Some people are just destined to die virgins, I guess.
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