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If you're pulled over by the police and found to be over the limit, you will be arrested. If convicted, you will lose your licence unless there are exceptional circumstances. If you actually ''killed'' someone then expect a heavy fine, jail and a long ban on driving.

If you've had a particularly heavy session, be advised that you may still be over the limit the following morning.

It should be known that there are differing regional attitudes towards drink driving, certain rural areas consider drink driving to be more acceptable simply because there is no better way to get to the pub. This does not mean it is any safer or that the law will be more forgiving should you get caught. Due to this being regional, while it may be common practice in certain rural areas of, say Yorkshire or Kent, everywhere else in the UK this is considered serious business and is more than frowned upon, for obvious reasons. If you are unable to drive, ask the bar staff for a taxi and they will call one for you. Some larger pubs may also have a dedicated phone that connects to a taxi service.

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If you're pulled over by the police and they suspect you've been drinking they will breathalyse you.[[note]]British police do not conduct "field sobriety tests" which are considered to be unscientific and undignified[[/note]] If you're found to be over the limit, you will be arrested. If convicted, you will lose your licence unless there are exceptional circumstances. If you actually ''killed'' someone then expect a heavy fine, a significant jail sentence and a long ban on driving.

driving. If you've had a particularly heavy session, be advised that you may still be over the limit the following morning.

morning, even if you feel sober, which will still get you arrested if you're pulled over and breathalysed. Note that even if you are under the limit, the police can still arrest you if they judge you're unfit to be in control of a vehicle - in other words if you fall out of the vehicle slurring your words, it won't matter if you're under the limit.

As always, if you're arrested, say NOTHING that might incriminate you until you've spoken with a solicitor - if you don't have one, the police have a "duty solicitor" on call at all times who will attend and can advise you on your rights and the best way of handling the situation. Confirm your identity, call your solicitor (or ask the police to get the duty solicitor to attend) then SHUT UP until they arrive.

It should be known that there are differing regional attitudes towards drink driving, certain rural areas consider drink driving to be more acceptable simply because there is no better way to get to the pub. This does not mean it is any safer or that the law will be more forgiving should you get caught. Due to this being regional, while it may be common practice in certain rural areas of, say Yorkshire or Kent, everywhere else in the UK this is considered serious business and is more than frowned upon, for obvious reasons. If you are unable to drive, ask the bar staff for a taxi and they will call one for you. Some larger pubs may also have a dedicated phone that connects to a taxi service.
service. In urban areas having Uber or another "hail and ride" app on your mobile phone is prudent as it means you can get home without worrying about having the taxi fare on hand.


* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Essentially the pub equivalent of UsefulNotes/McDonalds - all serve a very similar selection of drinks and food no matter which location you visit. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. A couple of peculiarities - one is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd [=No1=] subchain) and two is every one has a unique carpet pattern (there’s even a published book detailing them). One saving grace is the company is known for buying up unusual large old buildings such as disused churches, corn exchanges, shut down theatres etc. that might otherwise be demolished and converting them into pubs so they can be quite architecturally unusual inside.

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* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Essentially the pub equivalent of UsefulNotes/McDonalds - all serve a very similar selection of drinks and food no matter which location you visit. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s [[LowerClassLout younger ones getting drunk]] later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. A couple of peculiarities - one is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd [=No1=] subchain) and two is every one has a unique carpet pattern (there’s even a published book detailing them). One saving grace is the company is known for buying up unusual large old buildings such as disused churches, corn exchanges, shut down theatres etc. that might otherwise be demolished and converting them into pubs so they can be quite architecturally unusual inside.


In Britain, "pissed" means "drunk", not "angry". If someone tells you that they are pissed then they are likely very drunk -- drunk enough to tell complete strangers how inebriated they are. (Shamefully, this happens more often than perhaps some Brits would prefer.) The correct way to say that you are angry in British is "pissed off", as in "I am pissed off." Other common euphemisms for drunkenness include "smashed", "wasted", "wankered", "fucked", "caned", "plastered", "planeted" and too many more to list here.

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In Britain, "pissed" means "drunk", not "angry". If someone tells you that they are pissed then they are likely very drunk -- drunk enough to tell complete strangers how inebriated they are. (Shamefully, this happens more often than perhaps some Brits would prefer.) The correct way to say that you are angry in British is "pissed off", as in "I am pissed off." Other common euphemisms for drunkenness include "smashed", "wasted", "wankered", "fucked", "caned", "plastered", "planeted" "hammered" and too many more to list here.

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* "Traditonal" backstreet locals: A dying breed, due to rising property prices making it more lucrative to sell off the building and convert it to housing than continue running it as a licensed premises. Those that still exist tend to have a large core group of regulars all of which will have known each other and the staff for years. Good for a more traditional pub experience, but don’t expect to be included much unless you have moved into the area for a decent length of time and make it your local.
* City centre bars: These generally cater to shoppers and families wanting food and maybe a quick drink during the day and as a place to get hammered in the evenings before hitting a nightclub (due to club drink prices generally being higher). As such they tend to be fairly anonymous and interchangeable chain establishments without much in the way of character - get in, eat or get drunk, get out - is the norm for them.
* Waterfront bars and pubs: Generally more expensive and upmarket due to waterfront property commanding a higher price. Often tend to a combination of a gastropub and wine bar (see above).


* "Alternative" pubs and bars: In towns and cities with enough of a scene to support it, you may find certain places that cater to an "alternative" crowd. This is where the local rockers, punks, metal heads, goths etc. hang out as they feel safe and welcome in a way they might not do in more mainstream establishments. Expect a fair emphasis on music, especially in the evenings as bands and alternative DJs may play sets. May also be the local "biker" bar (see below) where motorcycle groups meet up as the two scenes tend to cross over due to mutual respect, being similar in being "outside" mainstream culture and society and enjoying similar music. In most you’ll be welcome, even if you don’t identify as alternative, as long as you treat everyone with respect. Conversely if you wander in and start loudly commenting and laughing at the regular clientele’s fashion and appearance choices expect to be asked to leave rather forcefully.
** Biker bars: Similar in tone to "alternative" bars and pubs but more geared towards local motorcycle groups. Tend to be rowdier and noisier and somewhat less welcoming of outsiders, unless they are other riders visiting the area and wanting a familiar place to hang out. If you do accidentally end up in one, as long as you don’t actively cause trouble you should be fine at least for a quick drink, but if the bartender suggests you go elsewhere, either before you order or as a quiet suggestion to follow when you’ve finished your pint, you should take their advice. Anyone who barges in and starts throwing their weight around in a biker bar is probably TooDumbToLive - while you probably won’t die you’re very likely to get thrown out in such a way you’ll end up with quite a lot of bumps and bruises for your trouble.

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* "Alternative" pubs and bars: In towns and cities with enough of a scene to support it, you may find certain places that cater to an "alternative" crowd. This is where the local rockers, punks, metal heads, goths etc. hang out as they feel safe and welcome in a way they might not do in more mainstream establishments. Expect a fair emphasis on music, especially in the evenings as bands and alternative DJs [=DJs=] may play sets. May also be the local "biker" bar (see below) where motorcycle groups meet up as the two scenes tend to cross over due to mutual respect, being similar in being "outside" mainstream culture and society and enjoying similar music. In most you’ll be welcome, even if you don’t identify as alternative, as long as you treat everyone with respect. Conversely if you wander in and start loudly commenting and laughing at the regular clientele’s fashion and appearance choices expect to be asked to leave rather forcefully.
** * Biker bars: Similar in tone to "alternative" bars and pubs but more geared towards local motorcycle groups. Tend to be rowdier and noisier and somewhat less welcoming of outsiders, unless they are other riders visiting the area and wanting a familiar place to hang out. If you do accidentally end up in one, as long as you don’t actively cause trouble you should be fine at least for a quick drink, but if the bartender suggests you go elsewhere, either before you order or as a quiet suggestion to follow when you’ve finished your pint, you should take their advice. Anyone who barges in and starts throwing their weight around in a biker bar is probably TooDumbToLive - while you probably won’t die you’re very likely to get thrown out in such a way you’ll end up with quite a lot of bumps and bruises for your trouble.



What micropubs do offer is an endlessly changing selection of real ales and ciders - they simply don't have regular beers. They will usually offer a few wines and spirits, as well, and maybe something really unusual, like mead. Foodwise, you won't get a meal, though they usually have a few snacks available.

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What micropubs do offer is an endlessly changing selection of real ales and ciders - they simply don't have regular beers. They will usually offer a few wines and spirits, as well, and maybe something really unusual, like like
mead. Foodwise, you won't get a meal, though they usually have a few snacks available.

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* "Family" pubs: Generally larger open plan pub/restaurant hybrids, usually on the outskirts of towns that specialise in "pub grub" with indoor/outdoor play areas for children to run around in while their parents can enjoy a quiet drink after their meals.
* "Gastropubs": A hybrid pub/restaurant, usually serving more upmarket food and drink than more traditional establishments.
* Wine / Cocktail bars: Generally catering for a more wealthy / upmarket / pretentious crowd, they typically offer a better and more expensive selection of wine and cocktails in more comfortable surroundings but the chances of getting a decent pint at them is minimal - often they’ll only have bottled beer.


* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Essentially the pub equivalent of UsefulNotes/McDonalds - all serve a very similar selection of drinks and food no matter which location you visit. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd [=No1=] subchain). One saving grace is the company is known for buying up unusual large old buildings such as disused churches, corn exchanges, shut down theatres etc. that might otherwise be demolished and converting them into pubs so they can be quite architecturally unusual inside.

to:

* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Essentially the pub equivalent of UsefulNotes/McDonalds - all serve a very similar selection of drinks and food no matter which location you visit. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity A couple of peculiarities - one is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd [=No1=] subchain).subchain) and two is every one has a unique carpet pattern (there’s even a published book detailing them). One saving grace is the company is known for buying up unusual large old buildings such as disused churches, corn exchanges, shut down theatres etc. that might otherwise be demolished and converting them into pubs so they can be quite architecturally unusual inside.


* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd [=No1=] subchain).

to:

* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Essentially the pub equivalent of UsefulNotes/McDonalds - all serve a very similar selection of drinks and food no matter which location you visit. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd [=No1=] subchain).
subchain). One saving grace is the company is known for buying up unusual large old buildings such as disused churches, corn exchanges, shut down theatres etc. that might otherwise be demolished and converting them into pubs so they can be quite architecturally unusual inside.


* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd No1 subchain).

to:

* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyd No1 [=No1=] subchain).


* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy LowerClassLouts later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyds Number One subchain).

to:

* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy LowerClassLouts {{LowerClassLout}}s later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyds Number One Lloyd No1 subchain).


[[AC:Clientele]]\\

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[[AC:Clientele]]\\[[AC:Clientele and types of establishment]]\\




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* Wetherspoons: A chain of pubs and bars known for competitive drink pricing, cheap but reasonable food and for the head of the company being a complete wanker. Clientele is generally a mix of older [[TheAlcoholic heavy drinkers]] and families taking advantage of the cheap food deals during the day/early evening and the same heavy drinkers mixed with noisy LowerClassLouts later on. Can get very crowded and noisy, especially if they are showing a football (soccer) match. One peculiarity is they never have any music playing (except for the slightly more upmarket Lloyds Number One subchain).


* Student pubs and bars: In larger towns and cities with a large university population, some establishments either by accident or design will become hangouts for the local students - unlike the US for example if you’re old enough to go to university (college), you’re old enough to drink. These will typically be fairly noisy but good natured places with an emphasis on cheap drinks and down to earth decor. If you like hanging out with noisy young inebriated people they

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* Student pubs and bars: In larger towns and cities with a large university population, some establishments either by accident or design will become hangouts for the local students - unlike the US for example if you’re old enough to go to university (college), you’re old enough to drink. These will typically be fairly noisy but good natured places with an emphasis on cheap drinks and down to earth decor. If you like hanging out with noisy young inebriated people they can be a lot of fun, but definitely the wrong place for a quiet drink.

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[[AC:Clientele]]\\
The people who frequent any particular pub or bar will tend to vary wildly depending on the location, type of establishment and even the day and or time you go in.
* Country and village pubs: These will tend to have locals drinking in them during the evenings and people from nearby towns who’ve driven out to enjoy a nice pub lunch during the day, especially at weekends. Tend to do good food, but you may find the local clientele a little stand-offish.
* Student pubs and bars: In larger towns and cities with a large university population, some establishments either by accident or design will become hangouts for the local students - unlike the US for example if you’re old enough to go to university (college), you’re old enough to drink. These will typically be fairly noisy but good natured places with an emphasis on cheap drinks and down to earth decor. If you like hanging out with noisy young inebriated people they
* "Alternative" pubs and bars: In towns and cities with enough of a scene to support it, you may find certain places that cater to an "alternative" crowd. This is where the local rockers, punks, metal heads, goths etc. hang out as they feel safe and welcome in a way they might not do in more mainstream establishments. Expect a fair emphasis on music, especially in the evenings as bands and alternative DJs may play sets. May also be the local "biker" bar (see below) where motorcycle groups meet up as the two scenes tend to cross over due to mutual respect, being similar in being "outside" mainstream culture and society and enjoying similar music. In most you’ll be welcome, even if you don’t identify as alternative, as long as you treat everyone with respect. Conversely if you wander in and start loudly commenting and laughing at the regular clientele’s fashion and appearance choices expect to be asked to leave rather forcefully.
** Biker bars: Similar in tone to "alternative" bars and pubs but more geared towards local motorcycle groups. Tend to be rowdier and noisier and somewhat less welcoming of outsiders, unless they are other riders visiting the area and wanting a familiar place to hang out. If you do accidentally end up in one, as long as you don’t actively cause trouble you should be fine at least for a quick drink, but if the bartender suggests you go elsewhere, either before you order or as a quiet suggestion to follow when you’ve finished your pint, you should take their advice. Anyone who barges in and starts throwing their weight around in a biker bar is probably TooDumbToLive - while you probably won’t die you’re very likely to get thrown out in such a way you’ll end up with quite a lot of bumps and bruises for your trouble.


If you are a regular in a pub and trusted by the pub staff you may be allowed a "slate", which will see them writing down your name and the amount of money you owe, which you can pay at a later date. However, to get to this point requires a great degree of dedication to your given pub, in which case why are you even reading this thing?

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If you are a regular in a pub and trusted by the pub staff you may be allowed a "slate", which will see them writing down your name and the amount of money you owe, which you can pay at a later date. However, to get to this point requires a great degree of dedication to your given pub, in which case why are you even reading this thing?
page?



If the table is not coin-operated, ask at the bar for balls. You may have to give a five pound deposit, or possibly pay an hourly rate -- it varies from pub to pub. This is also the case with many other games, such as darts, bowls etc (This is not the bowling many Americans may be used to. Try it, its fun. Try it pissed, it's even better). If it's a fairly middle-class-looking pub, the bar may also have some board games for you to use. Alternatively, it may have dominoes. Please do not spend all evening trying to set up a huge line of Dominoes to knock over, someone might actual want the set of dominoes to play a game of dominoes with, and it will make you look like a twerp. Gambling is forbidden by law unless on games of pure skill, or shiny electronic devices the landlord has installed as a method to tax optimism, as listed below.

to:

If the table is not coin-operated, ask at the bar for balls. You may have to give a five pound deposit, or possibly pay an hourly rate -- it varies from pub to pub. This is also the case with many other games, such as darts, bowls etc (This is not the bowling many Americans may be used to. Try it, its fun. Try it pissed, it's even better). If it's a fairly middle-class-looking pub, the bar may also have some board games for you to use. Alternatively, it may have dominoes. Please do not spend all evening trying to set up a huge line of Dominoes to knock over, someone might actual actually want the set of dominoes to play a game of dominoes with, and it will make you look like a twerp. Gambling is forbidden by law unless on games of pure skill, or shiny electronic devices the landlord has installed as a method to tax optimism, as listed below.



Flat-roofed pubs are erected as quickly as possible to get people hammered as quickly as possible. They are almost exclusively found in rough areas. If you see a flat-roofed pub, run in the other direction as fast as you can while your legs are still working. If you are foolish enough to enter and the place is full of tough looking people and two old men sitting in the corner playing cribbage, nice knowing you. Do NOT speak. Do not make eye contact. Do not order anything. Leave quickly and carefully, then run when you are clear of the car park.

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Flat-roofed pubs are erected as quickly as possible to get people hammered as quickly as possible. They are almost exclusively found in rough areas. If you see a flat-roofed pub, run in the other direction as fast as you can while your legs are still working. If you are foolish enough to enter and the place is full of tough looking people and [[RunningGag two old men sitting in the corner playing cribbage, cribbage]], nice knowing you. Do NOT speak. Do not make eye contact. Do not order anything. Leave quickly and carefully, then run when you are clear of the car park.

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