History Quotes / InsultToRocks

->Everything you need to know about David "the Rock" Nelson as a filmmaker is summed up by the fact that he likes to bill himself as "the Creator/EdWood of the 21st Century." Quite simply, to make that claim on one's own behalf is to misunderstand what Wood was all about. Although his name has been a byword for lousy filmmaking since the 1980's, when Harry and Michael Medved dubbed him the worst director of all time in their ''Golden Turkey Awards'', at no point did Wood ever ''aspire'' to such distinction. Wood made his movies to the best of his abilities, and if his abilities turned out not to be very great, it's still no slight against the commitment and work ethic that he brought to bear in their service. ''Frankenstein Stalks'', by contrast, represents something close to the absolute minimum of effort that it would be possible to expend while still producing what technically qualifies as a feature motion picture. Someone who understood, appreciated, and respected what Ed Wood put into even his shittiest and most worthless films, and who wanted to honor his example with their own work, would have ''written a damn script''. They would have ''recruited some damn actors'', even if they were just folks from the local community theater who were willing to work for beer on their days off. And they ''sure as fuck'' wouldn't have been content to settle for how Nelson depicted the Frankenstein monster's ostensible reign of terror. Incredibly, Nelson deemed it good enough to don a rubber Halloween mask and film himself bothering people at random on the streets of Chicago, inside Delilah's (at least he has good taste in bars...), at that year's Monster Bash, and at a drive-in theater somewhere, accosting them with tired extemporizations on the theme of "Grr! I'm the monster! I'm Frankenstein! I'm gonna get you!" Understand that it's not the Halloween mask I'm knocking here. (Well, maybe I'm knocking it a little...) Monster makeup costs money, and you've got to cut every corner you can when you're funding an entire movie out of your own pocket. I get that. What pisses me off is the total lack of planning, foresight, judgement, and basic giving-a-fuck -- none of which cost a dime -- that this "Candid Camera" prank of a climax reflects. I mean, Nelson didn't even take the trouble to edit out the several "victims" who refused to cooperate with the stunt! And as if all that weren't enough, there's yet another way in which Nelson flatters himself unjustly by claiming Ed Wood's moth-eaten old mantle: Wood knew when to stop. Most of his pictures ran a trim hour and a quarter or so, but ''Frankenstein Stalks'' plods needlessly on for 116 inexcusable minutes!

->"Let me make one thing ''perfectly clear'': this is ''not'' jumping the shark. I'll repeat that again. This is '''not''' jumping the shark. Oh, no, no, no, no. This is jumping the shark, coming back, shooting it in the ''balls, raping it, EATING ITS FLESH, CONSUMING ITS SOUL, MOUNTING ITS HEAD ON THE WALL,'' '''''AND THEN DOING THE SAME THING TO TWELVE MORE FUCKING SHARKS JUST TO BE SAFE!"'''''

->''Rude. Accusing. Signs of psychological weakness. No sense of social proprietary either. Interrupted a conversation that you were not involved in. Must be raised by wolves. Wait. No. Wolves have clear ordered social structure. Insulting to wolves. Apologies. Raised by maggots then.''

->''Victarion Greyjoy, if you think you will simply be allowed to go to Pyke, then you have pease for wits. And to be honest, I am likely insulting pease with that assessment.''

->''Well, I could have said you were related to a monkey's uncle. But I would be insulting the monkeys.''

-->-- ''Series/TheDailyShow'', "The Parent Company Trap" (debating whether Creator/{{Fox News|Channel}} is [[HanlonsRazor stupid or evil]])

-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert''' on ''Film/TheVillage'''s TwistEnding

'''Kevin:''' Their friendship is developing into the poor man's ''Mac and Me''.\\
-- '''Podcast/{{RiffTrax}}''' on the friendship between a boy and a caveman in the movie ''Film/{{Dinosaurus}}''.

'''Mike:''' Ah, there's already a poor man's [[Film/ETTheExtraTerrestrial E.T.]]. It's called ''Film/MacAndMe''.\\
'''Kevin:''' Their friendship is developing into the poor man's ''Film/MacAndMe''.\\

-->-- '''Jack Shafer''', writing for '''[[http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/10/cnn-fired-donna-brazile-it-should-keep-going-214406 Politico]]''': "Creator/{{CNN}} Dumped Donna Brazile. It Should Keep Going."