History Music / JonathanCoulton

* FoeYay: "Nemeses". [[inverted]]

* FoeYay: "Nemeses".

* ZombieApocalyse: "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQYjZc7gKXc Re: Your Brains]]"

* AndNowYouMustMarryMe: "The Future Soon"

* AluminumChristmasTrees: A deleted verse from "Chiron Beta Prime" mentions the robots [[strike:overlords]] protectors nailing a Santa to a crucifix. Sound too outlandish to be true? [[http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/cross.asp A Japanese department store actually did this.]]

* TheCoverChangesTheMeaning: His cover of Sir-Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back"

* DrivenToSuicide / SuicideBySunlight: The vampire in "Blue Sunny Day"
* EvilOverlord: "Skullcrusher Mountain" sung from the perspective of one in love
* FoeYay: "Nemeses"
* GadgeteerGenius: "The Future Soon"

* IntercourseWithYou: subverted in "First of May" we think... Played straight in "Soft Rocked by Me"
* IWantMyJetpack: "The Future Soon"
* LyricalDissonance: "Shop Vac," "Blue Sunny Day," numerous others
* MachineWorship: "The Future Soon"
* TheManIsStickingItToTheMan: "Sticking It To Myself"

* SubvertedRhymeEveryOccasion: Inverted in "First of May"

* CreepyDoll: "Creepy Doll" naturally

A primarily internet-based musician who writes songs on all sorts of stuff, though his more popular songs tend to cater to the nerd or pop-culture crowd. You probably know him best as the writer of VideoGame/{{Portal}}'s ending song, ''Still Alive''. He also gained fame before that for his "Thing-A-Week" series of albums, wherein he challenged himself to write and record one song a week for an entire year, and [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome actually did it]].

* BreakupSong: "Not About You" "Always the Moon"

* CreepyDoll: "Creepy Doll" natch

* GoldDigger: "Millionaire Girlfriend" has an average guy daydreaming about being one.
* HugeGuyTinyGirl: "Just As Long As Me", a folksy song about a Huge Guy who is tired of Tiny Girls and wants a woman of his size for once.

* IntercourseWithYou subverted in "First of May"

* NoMrBondIExpectYouToDine:

* RickRoll : He likes to do this in the middle of "Mr. Fancy Pants" thanks to electric machine he uses for the backing beat.

A primarily internet-based musician who writes songs on all sorts of stuff, though his more popular songs tend to cater to the nerd or pop-culture crowd. You probably know him best as the writer of VideoGame/{{Portal}}'s ending song, ''Still Alive''. He also gained fame before that for his "Thing-A-Week" series of albums, wherein he challeneged himself to write and record one song a week for an entire year, and [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome actually did it]].

* TheCoverChangesTheMeaning: His cover of Sir-Mix-A-Lot's ''Baby Got Back''

* RealSongThemeTune: ''Code Monkey'' is one for the animated sitcom ''CodeMonkeys''.

He often performs with PaulAndStorm, and has done collaborations with MCFrontalot. He has been involved in several RiffTrax, including playing some songs before the live ''PlanNineFromOuterSpace''. He is also the "Official Contributing Troubadour" of ''Popular Science'' magazine, and sang the opening theme for their podcast. He also has a handful of songs featured in ''RockBand''. Basically, he's popular, is what we're getting at.

A primarily internet-based musician who writes songs on all sorts of stuff, though his more popular songs tend to cater to the nerd or pop-culture crowd. You probably know him best as the writer of VideoGame/{{Portal}}'s ending song, ''Still Alive''.

He is the "Official Contributing Troubadour" of ''Popular Science'' magazine, and sang the opening theme for their podcast.

Recognizable for being one of the first musicians to fully embrace the online model of earning money for his songs - most of his songs are available free on [[http://www.jonathancoulton.com/ his website]], if you want to dig through his blog, but they're also all for sale through a variety of media. He also uses the Internet to gauge where to perform - if enough fans petition him, he'll plan a concert for you.

He often performs with PaulAndStorm (formerly of Da Vinci's Notebook) who have pointed out on several occasions that his cover songs are "the only ones that aren't sad". [[hottip:*: And then he went and covered "Famous Blue Raincoat", the cheeky monkey.]]

He has been involved in several RiffTrax, including playing some songs before the live ''PlanNineFromOuterSpace''.

[[CompleteWorldKnowledge He may or may not be a]] Feral American who was [[RaisedByWolves raised by woodland creatures]] and [[KickTheDog murders cats]] [[ForTheEvulz for fun]].

There are a fair number of fan-made music videos. Most notable are [[http://www.youtube.com/user/spiffworld spiffworld's]], which are machinima made with World of Warcraft.

!!Famous primarily for his:
* Crooning [[TheCoverChangesTheMeaning folk-song cover]] to Sir-Mix-A-Lot's ''Baby Got Back''
* Office-themed zombie anthem ''Re: Your Brains''
-->''We're not unreasonable -- I mean, no one's gonna eat your eyes!\\
[...] We're at an impasse here; maybe we can compromise\\
If you open up the door, we'll all come inside and eat your brains''
** Also available in French as ''Re: Vos Cerveaux''!
* The programmer anthem ''Code Monkey'', later the [[RealSongThemeTune theme song]] for the animated sitcom ''CodeMonkeys''.
-->''[[HulkSpeak Code monkey think]] maybe manager\\
Want to write goddamn login page himself!\\
...Code monkey not say it out loud;\\
Code monkey not crazy, just proud.''
* Of course, the aforementioned ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}'' song ''Still Alive'', which also managed to mutate into a strain that was playable in RockBand. ''For free''.
-->''Aperture Science\\
We do what we must because we can\\
For the good of all of us\\
Except the ones who are dead''
** He also managed to deliver with ''VideoGame/{{Portal 2}}'s'' ending theme, [[spoiler:''Want You Gone'']].
---> [[spoiler:''You want your freedom? Take it\\
That’s what I’m counting on\\
I used to want you dead, but\\
Now I only want you gone'']]
* "Furry Old Lobster", a song protesting the [[TheAreasOfMyExpertise eradication of the furry old lobster (actually a type of sea otter) by the horrible new lobsters]]
-->''They don't smash open clams on their bellies with stones\\
They have neither whiskers nor paws\\
And the furry old lobster's so easily crushed\\
In the grip of their terrible claws''
* "Skullcrusher Mountain", the song of an EvilOverlord in love, which is also playable in RockBand.
-->''I'm so into you\\
But I'm way too smart for you\\
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy\\
I'm not surprised that you agree\\
If you could find some way to be\\
A little bit less afraid of me\\
You'd see the voices that control me\\
From inside my head\\
Say I shouldn't kill you yet''
** Particularly amusing because said EvilOverlord is also CompletelyMissingThePoint about [[WhatIsThisThingYouCallLove love in the first place]]. It also has a stanza about a [[MixAndMatchCritters "half pony]], [[EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys half monkey"]] monster.
--->''I made this half-pony, half-monkey monster to please you\\
But I get the feeling that you don't like it\\
What's with all the screaming?\\
You like monkeys, you like ponies\\
Maybe you don't like monsters so much\\
Maybe I used too many monkeys\\
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?''
** The whole thing has a IHaveYouNowMyPretty vibe with a side of NoMrBondIExpectYouToDine, and there's even a NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast in "[[TheIgor Scarface]]."
** Used as the theme song for the podcast audiobook [[http://playtesting.net/?cat=3 ''Death by Cliche'']]

!!Other songs include:
* "Creepy Doll", a song about, well... a {{creepy doll}}. Also [[EarWorm disturbingly catchy]].
** One day, when he was performing in [[OopNorth Manchester]], NeilGaiman was doing a book signing across the road. Coulton and PaulAndStorm did a couple of songs at the signing and in return, [[http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2008/10/sleepless-in-edinburgh-and-manchester.html Neil did the second verse and tambourine]]. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mik4qw8Vbs0 Results will make you need a new pair of pants]]. [[NightmareFuel In more ways]] [[FetishFuel than one]].
*** CrowningMomentOfFunny: Coulton taking back the mike and saying "Okay, that was a little ''too'' creepy."
*** This song also inspired a MagicTheGathering card.
* "Mandelbrot Set", a rock song about fractals. Note that the lyrics do not describe a well-defined set at all, as the value of C is never specified. If the first and second "Z" in the chorus are replaced with "C," this problem disappears. However, even though the lyrics do at least describe ''something'' now, that something is still not the Mandelbrot Set, but a set containing only zero. This is because "series" means the summation of all terms, which would diverge for all non-zero starting values in this iteration. If the aforementioned correction were made, and "series" were replaced with "sequence," only then would the song describe the titular set.
** Meanwhile, the other section seems to specifically describe the Julian set, which is at least a specific subset of the Mandlebrot.
** And yes, he's aware of it.
* [[AntiChristmasSong "Chiron Beta Prime"]], framed as a Christmas family letter... after humanity lost a RobotWar and the narrator's family has been banished to an asteroid mining colony named Chiron Beta Prime.
* "First of May", which is about spring and how a young couple's mind turns to...sex...outside. Inverts SubvertedRhymeEveryOccasion, and subverts IntercourseWithYou.
* "You Ruined Everything", a song about how bittersweet being a parent can really be; the singer reflects on how everything he devoted his life to has been destroyed now, but despite this, he [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming loves his kid endlessly and would never have it any other way.]]
* "I Crush Everything", a sad song about being alone. From the perspective of a giant squid. A giant squid who ''really'' hates dolphins.
* "The Future Soon", in which a lovestruck geeky kid [[IWantMyJetpack imagines that in the future he will become a]] GadgeteerGenius and plans to [[MachineWorship engineer away the things that make him weak and strange]], and thus win over the girl who spurned him. [[AndNowYouMustMarryMe Or just force her to marry him.]]
* "Better", a sad, heart-breaking song about a man breaking up with his lover... because said lover has turned herself into a giant cyborg.
** Something of a DoubleStandard, considering [[spoiler:what happens in Future Soon]], but that wasn't treated as a good thing then either; that protagonist was just more of a {{Yandere}}.
* "When You Go", a rather beautiful accapella song about love and inevitable loss.
* "Bacteria", a song about, well, bacteria. Utilizes sound clips from a KFC training video.
* "Blue Sunny Day", a song about a [[SuicideBySunlight suicidal vampire.]]
** The most upbeat sounding song about a suicidal vampire ever written. It sounds like something Jeff Lynne would arrange!
* "Space Doggity", a tune using the same note arrangment as David Bowie's "Space Oddity", about the launch of Sputnik 2 and Laika. [[DoomedByCanon As you might expect]], [[TearJerker it's not happy.]]
* "Lady Aberline's Muumuu", a short (but poignant!) love song to Lady Aberline from the "Land of Make-Believe" segments of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.
* "Tom Cruise Crazy", about how Tom Cruise is... well, crazy. From a ''sympathetic'' perspective.
* "Shop Vac", which--[[WordOfGod in his words]]--is about Suburban angst.
** Spiffworld's [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ9KHCbBOn0 video]] of this makes it ''much'' darker, with a StepfordSmiler facade coming over the two characters as they realize that their lives are empty and meaningless. That chorus, in its last repetition, suddenly becomes one character assuring himself that his wife will be fine while staring at the gallows he built downstairs, while she is upstairs with another man.
*** In addition, the radio broadcast playing in the background during the final verse says "A forty-nine-year-old, unidentified man went berserk last night, opening fire with a twelve-gauge shotgun in a crowded, downtown..." leaving the song itself with a very dark undertone
*** The "you can cry, and I probably won't hear you" lyric, together with all the meaningless little things they're doing, means the song is [[LyricalDissonance dark enough]] without a video.
** Another amazingly done Kinetic Typography video [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4sOfO8Ei1g here]].
*** It's still pretty dark, despite the entertaining animations. Check out the final chorus: The face of the "You can call" man is suddenly a pirate with an eyepatch, the shop-vac is doodled to look evil, and more importantly, the martini suddenly has a set of pills next to it unlike previous appearances, implying suicide. This is one catchy depressing song.
* "Bills, Bills, Bills", a straight cover of Destiny's Child's song.
** "We Will Rock [=You/We=] Are The Champions", a straightforward (if somewhat subdued) dual cover of the eponymous songs by {{Queen}}, which he did in order to celebrate [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome his successful completion of his Thing a Week experiment, in which he wrote one song a week for an entire year.]]
* "Dance, Soterios Johnson, Dance", about a local New York radio newsreading celebrity's possible alternate life.
* "Kenesaw Mountain Landis", an old-style exaggerating folk song about the first commissioner of baseball and his feud with "Shoeless" Joe Jackson.
* "Just As Long As Me", a folksy song about a [[HugeGuyTinyGirl Huge Guy]] who is tired of [[HugeGuyTinyGirl Tiny Girls]] and wants a woman of his size for once.
* "Big Dick Farts a Polka". [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin No more explanation necessary.]]
** Okay, a ''little'' more explanation: The song, an entry in a Quick Stop Entertainment Masters of Song Fu Contest, is an AffectionateParody of his friends and frequent collaborators, PaulAndStorm. For the same contest, Paul and Storm wrote "Live", a song in Coulton's style about a mad scientist (who, of course, is very sad) and wants to make the perfect girl, despite the angry villagers gathering outside.
* "The Presidents". His rundown of all the presidents.
** Now [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGO7TpZDX-g updated]] to include Obama and correct his factual error in the first version: JamesGarfield was assassinated in 1881, not 1882.
** Updated again for the audiobook of John Hodgman's [[MoreInformationThanYouRequire More Information Than You Require]].
-->''Dubya decided he was the decider,\\
Obama has a peg-leg and a scar...''
-->'''John Hodgman:''' Now Jonathan, Jonathan, when you say Obama has a peg-leg and a scar, you're talking about the ''real'' Barack Obama, right? Not the man who killed him and stole his identity after coming here from Far Islam with that fake Hawaiian passport and then became our president?
-->'''Jonathan Coulton:''' That's right, yeah.
-->'''John Hodgman:''' Okay, fine.
* "Washy Ad Jeffy", His ''other'' rundown of the presidents, which cuts off their last names at the syllable equaling their last term in office, making it a mnemonic device song.
* "Octopus". The narrator has a particularly bad break up, much angst ensues.
* "Big Bad World One". The story of a lonely fellow, fearing rejection
* "Betty And Me". About a couple going to a fertility clinic to engineer their own baby.
** However, as the song progresses, it becomes clearer and clearer that the "engineering a baby" part is a scam and Betty is cheating on him with Dr. Martin. And that the protagonist is completely oblivious.
* "[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Ikea]]".
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSVLlwmrPXE&feature=related "Mr. Fancy Pants"]]. A song about a man who prides himself on having the best pants.
** Probably mostly notable because he uses a fancy electronic gizmo to play the beats, and likes to use it to [[RickRoll play part of a different song]] in the middle.
* "My Monkey", an argument from someone who is uncomfortable talking about his feelings, and so he projects them through his monkey butler, Brian Dennehy. No, really.
** This song was performed at [[PennyArcade PAX 2008]], except "My Monkey" was changed to "WilWheaton". Mr. Wheaton, as he often is at [=PAX=], was in attendance, and after the song [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming came on stage for a group hug]].
* "That Spells DNA", a mostly upbeat, funny song about a person's genetic makeup. Of course, he still manages to mention that you're just going to die someday anyway.
* "A Talk With George", about the late [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Plimpton George Plimpton]], and is basically a call to have a life as [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome totally awesome]] as his.
* "Christmas is Interesting" a sad and surreal song about the Christmas season that references numerous movies and also features perhaps his strangest song lyric of all: ''"Maybe you're a squirt gun that only shoots jam/ Now you know how Jesus feels''".
* "Todd the T1000" is about a guy who feels threatened by his [[RobotMaid robot butler]].
** Oddly, he refers to his original robot as [[MyLifeAsATeenageRobot XJ-9]], when clearly the description refers to [[TheJetsons Rosie]].
* The breakup song for the hopelessly-in-denial: [[BlatantLies Not About You]].
* "Soft Rocked by Me", featuring a patient guy with a guitar and a song:
** In live concerts, this song (with P&S as backup) usually ends with a medley of soft rock favorites...[[MyFriendsAndZoidberg and Alanis Morrissette's "Hand In My Pocket"]].
* "Nemeses", sung by John Roderick, and is one of the best musical examples of StalkerWithACrush FoeYay out there.
* "Always the Moon", a blend of creation myth, apocalypse myth, and break-up song, which leaves absolutely no doubt as to who's at fault.
* "I Feel Fantastic", a MotorMouth song about a guy with a pill for every occasion. Literally.
* "Sticking It To Myself", an example of {{TheManIsStickingItToTheMan}}

* "Sticking It To Myself", an example of {{The Man Sticking It To The Man}}

* "I Feel Fantastic", a MotorMouth song about a guy with a pill for every occasion.

* "You Ruined Everything", a song whose NonIndicativeName belies its true meaning: [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming How much the singer loves his kid]].

* "Blue Sunny Day", a song about a [SuicideBySunlight suicidal vampire.]]

* "Blue Sunny Day", a song about a suicidal vampire.

A primarily internet-based musician who writes songs on all sorts of stuff, though his more popular songs tend to cater to the nerd or pop-culture crowd. You probably know him best as the writer of {{Portal}}'s ending song, ''Still Alive''.

-->-'''Jonathan Coulton''', [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyqBrux7BSg&feature=related in an interview]]

->''"Borderline irresponsible...'' That's what friends of John Hodgman are saying about Jonathan Coulton."
-->--John Hodgman, ''TheAreasOfMyExpertise''

* "[[http://youtube.com/watch?v=JTw2eWE8GBA I'm Your Moon]]", a [[CargoShip love song]] dedicated to the former ninth planet Pluto--now a dwarf planet--sung from the perspective of its largest moon, Charon.
-->''Sad excuse for a sunrise\\
It's so cold out here\\
Ice and silence and dark skies\\
As we go round another year\\
Let them think what they like, we're fine\\
I will always be right here next to you''

* "I Feel Fantastic" has the singer talking about how all his antidepressant pills are helping him in his life... but the ''way'' it's being sung indicates that he's not feeling ''anything''.
** Coupled with one of the [[YourMileageMayVary most well made]] JonathanCoulton fan video on YouTube [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zidiWe9yq88&feature=related here]]
*** Let's just put it all on the table right here: LyricalDissonance is this guy's [[HomestarRunner cracker'n'mustard]].

* "The Future Soon", in which a lovestruck geeky kid [[IWantMyJetpack imagines that in the future he will become a]] GadgeteerGenius and plans to [[AveMachina engineer away the things that make him weak and strange]], and thus win over the girl who spurned him. [[AndNowYouMustMarryMe Or just force her to marry him.]]