History Main / TrojanGauntlet

* Not exactly this trope, but fitting well enough: [[Comics/TheSandman "Death Talks About Life".]] John Constantine is embarrassed to the max when Death wants him to demonstrate proper condom use on a banana...

The acquiring of said birth control is where this trope comes into play. For some reason, buying condoms or getting on the pill is made a torturous experience that explains why most sex on TV is hasty, unplanned and thoughtless. The pharmacist will give a character a hard time about buying his condoms, or an unrealistically insensitive clinic worker will make going on the pill the most embarrassing thing possible. Even worse is if a parent or parent figure finds out, and instead of berating the character, supports their responsibility... often with humiliating advice and anecdotes. In comedies, this will be milked for all its worth.

* Several UK {{Public Service Announcement}}s in the eighties and nineties tried to prevent this, as part of a general move towards safe sex awareness. One had subtitles showing what the customer and the cashier were thinking, with the message being something like "She already ''knows'', so at this point it's probably ''less'' embarrassing to just buy them."

* In ''Film/IfLooksCouldKill'' the protagonist Michael Corben is mistaken for a Franchise/JamesBond-type spy, and a FemmeFataleSpy turns up to seduce and then kill him. Eager to make love to this beautiful woman, Corben searches through the effects of the spy whose place he's taken and finds a metal tube labelled COMBAT CONDOMS. As he's in the bathroom struggling to get the tube open, another assassin turns up and [[MomentKiller blows up the first assassin with a rocket launcher]].

* A young man walks up to the pharmacist and asks for a pack of condoms normally. He then tells the pharmacist that he'll be visiting his girlfriend at her house later that night for dinner, and how he's planning to have sex with her for the first time, but he's not sure how she'll behave in bed - she might as well be a slut for all he knows. He gets the pack, pays and leaves without hassle. Later, at the girlfriend's house, he stays quiet and composed the whole dinner, only opening his mouth to pray before the meal. Once the dinner is over, the girlfriend comes up to him and says: "Gee, honey, I didn't know you were so shy and pious..." "Yeah," he whispers nervously, "and I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist."

* Inverted in an episode of ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', when Homer openly buys a packet of condoms (and similarly embarrassing items like a disposable enema and pantyliners) while [[CoverupPurchase trying to cover up the fact that what he really wants to buy are fireworks]] (which are illegal in the state the family are currently vacationing in).
* {{Inverted}} in ''WesternAnimation/MissionHill,'' at least in term of the ages involved. Teenage Kevin is working as a cashier when his gay, adult neighbor Wally comes in. He seems nervous that Kevin's the one working there, makes awkward chitchat and then goes outside to have a frantic discussion with his boyfriend, Gus. Gus then comes in, clearly annoyed, and asks Kevin for some condoms.

* In ''Film/CarryOnCamping'', Sid is too shy to ask for sexual magazines over the counter in the newsagents, especially when there's an attractive woman serving for the day, so he asks for toothpaste out of embarrassment. Bernie realizes, "That's why your cupboard's full of toothpaste."

* Episode 8, Season 2 of ''Series/KimmySchmidt'' Kimmy has to buy condoms in a convenience store.

* The song "House of Fun" by Music/{{Madness}} is made of this trope. The lyrics concern a sixteen-year-old attempting to buy his first condoms with little success.

If the decision to have sex is a conscious, in-advance one, rather than a spur-of-the-moment twist near the end of an episode -- and especially if it's going to be the character's first time (or first time in a while) -- the characters will often prepare. This means birth control.

Note that, should you ever be so lucky in real life, buying contraceptives is almost never like that these days if for no other reason than the advent of HIV & AIDS created a very strong imperative to make barrier sexual protection as widely and easily available as possible. You buy them off the shelf, and the person at the counter won't even glance twice at your purchases. (Unless, of course, you're buying ''only'' [[NoodleImplements condoms, six feet of garden hose, Vaseline, maraschino cherries, and a rubber ducky.]]) Between this and changing views on sexuality, this trope has largely became a DiscreditedTrope. However, not that long ago, it was normal for condoms to be ''behind'' the counter, so you had to ''ask'' for 'em. This was something of a rite of passage, and sometimes is still considered this to a slight degree even today - the idea being that if you aren't mature enough to go and buy condoms by yourself, you aren't mature enough to be having sex either. In order to facilitate this trope (or at least its potential for [[HilarityEnsues hilarity ensuing]]) within these changing social mores, the trope may therefore be combined with ASimplePlan, in that what ''seems'' like the simple act of acquiring contraception will, through a collision of unrelated circumstances, become far more tortuous and complicated than it should be.

* ''ComicBook/RedEars'': There's a gag where various men buy condoms from a female cashier. They don't know their own size, so she has to, ehm, manually check them by putting her hand down their pants, then broadcasting stuff on the loudspeaker like "Size XL! Aisle 3!" or "Size M! Aisle 3!". The punchline comes when an nervous teenager goes to buy condoms: "[[JizzedInMyPants Cleanup! Aisle 3!]]"

* A sequence in ''Film/AmazonWomenOnTheMoon'' features a youth trying to buy a package of condoms. After hitting some of the usual aspects of this trope (embarrassment because the pharmacist is a family friend, etc.), the trope is spoofed when the youth is surprised by the president of the condom company coming out of hiding and informing him that he is the condom company's one millionth customer. This "wins" him the privilege of being the condom company's public mascot for a year, at the cost of entirely spoiling his planned evening of passion.

* Inverted in an old joke: A man went into a job interview and his eye winked through the whole process. The interviewer said "Look, you are well qualified, but I'm afraid that facial tic will throw off clients." The man replied - "Funny you mention that, because all I have to do is take aspirin and the winking goes away - watch" and the man began dumping out his pockets looking for aspirin. In most of his pockets, however, were condoms. Finally, once a pile of condom packages of every sort piled up on the desk the man found two aspirin, took them, and the wink totally stopped. "Well, that worked," the interviewer admitted, "but why do you have all the condoms? We don't want our clients to think you're a womanizer!" "It's quite simple sir," the guy said, "have you ever walked into a drugstore, winking like crazy, and asked for aspirin?"

* ''Series/{{GBH}}''. Labor leader Mike Murray, eager to make love to the beautiful blonde waiting in his hotel room, tries to find a packet of condoms in the middle of a ''Series/DoctorWho'' convention. Unfortunately the hotel's vending machine is empty thanks to a large influx of firemen the previous night. Mike has to borrow some from the hotel's owner who's in his office with several conventioneers, including one dressed as a Dalek.

* A small example in ''Series/{{Chuck}}''. Chuck convinces Sarah to run away, so that they can find his father. They stop at a motel and get a room with one bed. After sleeping in the same bed, they wake up, and jump at one another. Just as it seems that their {{UST}} will be finally resolved... Chuck decides to play it safe and runs to the bathroom to put on the condom he keeps in his wallet. Only to find an IOU note from Morgan who has taken it. He runs outside to find a condom vending machine and gets caught by Casey, who was following them.
* ''Series/FullFrontal''. A parody of a PublicServiceAnnouncement about safe sex had a couple agreeing to do the deed, but the man doesn't have contraception. He then lists exactly how many condoms he'd have to buy just on the odd chance he'd have sex that night, until the woman becomes annoyed and storms off to buy some. He then turns to the audience and says that [[SpoofAesop you can always get women to buy your condoms]].

* Not exactly this trope, but fitting well enough: [[Comics/TheSandman "Death Talks About Life".]] John Constantine is embarassed to the max when Death wants him to demonstrate proper condom use on a banana...
* ''ComicBook/RedEars'': There's a gag where various men buy condoms from a female cashier. They don't know their own size, so she has to, ehm, manually check them by putting her hand down their pants, then broadcasting stuff on the loadspeaker like "Size XL! Aisle 3!" or "Size M! Aisle 3!". The punchline comes when an nervous teenager goes to buy condoms: "[[JizzedInMyPants Cleanup! Aisle 3!]]"

* The French social anti AIDS ad compilation ''3,000 Scenarios to Combat a Virus'' included [[http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7h26f_la-sirene-3000-scenarios-contre-un_shortfilms a short]] where a DecemberDecemberRomance couple needs condoms, so the man goes to the pharmacy and places the condoms in a large order of all kind of things a man his age would buy. Once out, he gleefully pulls the condoms out and they walk away, the rest of the order left in a rubbish bin. A variation of the "Blind Date" joke/urban legend is also part of the compilation.

* The song "House of Fun" by Music/{{Madness}} is made of this trope. The lyrics concern a sixteen year old attempting to buy his first condoms with... little success.

* On a less funny side, in America, at least, there are pharmacists who will refuse to fill prescriptions for the contraceptive pill and cashiers who will make buying condoms as difficult and unpleasant as they can. Some stores do still keep condoms locked up, and there's one story of a cashier asking a young woman for I.D., despite the fact there is no legal age limit to purchase condoms.

Compare TamponRun, which is about buying tampons instead of condoms. Subtrope to CoverupPurchase.

* Inverted in an episode of ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', when Homer openly buys a packet of condoms while trying to cover up the fact that what he really wants to buy are fireworks (which are illegal in the state the family are currently vacationing in).

* ''Series/EverybodyLovesRaymond'' devotes a Halloween episode to this one. In deference to the relatively family-friendly nature of the show, the condoms are referred to as "the stuff". So Ray buys "the stuff" to prove to Debra that he can be responsible. Brightly colored ones, to be specific. Unfortunately, before Ray gets to use them, Frank sees them in the bag on the kitchen counter and, thinking they're colorful candy, gives them to the trick-or-treaters.

%%* Explored creatively in [[http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1368#comic this]] ''Webcomic/SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal''.

Compare TamponRun, which is about buying tampons instead of condoms.

* In ''Film/IfLooksCouldKill'' the protagonist Michael Corben is mistaken for a Franchise/JamesBond-type spy, and a FemmeFataleSpy turns up to seduce and then kill him. Eager to make love to this beautiful woman, Corben searches through the effects of the spy whose place he's taken and finds a metal tube labelled COMBAT CONDOMS. As he's in the bathroom struggling to get the tube open, another assassin turns up and blows up the first assassin with a rocket launcher.

* There's an [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xHRT0b2Bv4 hilarious scene]] in the dark comedy ''Series/{{GBH}}'' where labor leader Mike Murray, eager to make love to the beautiful blonde waiting in his hotel room, tries to find a packet of condoms in the middle of a ''Series/DoctorWho'' convention. Unfortunately the hotel's vending machine is empty thanks to a large influx of firemen the previous night. Mike has to borrow some from the hotel's owner who's in his office with several conventioneers, including one dressed as a Dalek.

* ''Series/FullFrontal''. A parody of a PublicServiceAnnouncement about safe sex had a couple agreeing to do the deed, but the man doesn't have contraception. He then lists exactly how many condoms he'd have to buy just on the odd chance he'd have sex that night, until the woman becomes annoyed and storms off to buy some. He then turns to the audience and says that [[BrokenAesop you can always get women to buy your condoms]].

* ''Series/FullFrontal''. A parody of a PublicServiceAnnouncement about safe sex had a couple agreeing to do the deed, but the man doesn't have contraception. He then lists exactly how many condoms he'd have to buy just on the odd chance he'd have sex that night, until the woman becomes annoyed and storms off to buy some. He then turns to the audience and says that [[WarpThatAesop you can always get women to buy your condoms]].

* In the first ''VideoGame/LeisureSuitLarry'' game, Larry attempts to discreetly buy a "lubber" at a convenience store. The clerk talks him through a LongList of options before loudly announcing his order to the store in general. Hitherto unseen people appear from behind the shelves to shout "What a pervert!" before disappearing again.

* In ''Film/IfLooksCouldKill'' the protagonist Michael Corben is mistaken for a JamesBond-type spy, and a FemmeFataleSpy turns up to seduce and then kill him. Eager to make love to this beautiful woman, Corben searches through the effects of the spy whose place he's taken and finds a metal tube labelled COMBAT CONDOMS. As he's in the bathroom struggling to get the tube open, another assassin turns up and blows up the first assassin with a rocket launcher.

* ''Series/FullFrontal''. A parody of a PublicServiceAnnouncement about safe sex had a couple agreeing to do the deed, but the man doesn't have contraception. He then lists exactly how many condoms he'd have to buy just on the odd chance he'd have sex that night, until the woman becomes annoyed and storms off to buy some. He then turns to the audience and says that [[WarpTheAesop you can always get women to buy your condoms]].

* In his {{Website/TED}} talk "Parrots, the Universe, and Everything", Creator/DouglasAdams relates a tale about trying to buy a condom in Shanghai in 1988 so he could drop a microphone into the Yangtze River and record its sound. With a language barrier, the shopkeeper insisting the pill is better, and a dolphin involved, HilarityEnsues.

* Inverted in an old joke: A man went into a job interview and his eye winked through the whole process. The interviewer said "Look, you are well qualified, but I'm afraid that facial tic will throw off clients." The man replied - "Funny you mention that, because all I have to do is take aspirin and the winking goes away - watch" and the man began dumping out his pockets looking for aspirin. In most of his pockets, however, were condoms. Finally, once a pile of condom packages of every sort piled up on the desk the man found two aspirin, took them, and the wink totally stopped. "Well, that worked," the interviewer admitted, but why do you have all the condoms? We don't want our clients to think you're a womanizer!" "It's quite simple sir," the guy said, "have you ever walked into a drugstore, winking like crazy, and asked for aspirin?"