History Main / SomewhereAnEquestrianIsCrying

* PlayedWith in ''Literature/{{Moonflowers}}'' when TheWildHunt chases Alima Song's group. Fairy-horses can keep up with a car going 100mph, and their leader the Horned Hunter can ''jump his horse'' over said moving car, but like normal horses, they can only keep it up for a few minutes; Alima's friend Aine specifically takes the long way to Cloncarrig because [[GoodIsNotDumb she doesn't want them besieging town.]] They're also vulnerable to [[RealityEnsues getting shot or accidentally trampling their fellows.]] Moreover, when [[CarFu Aine rams their car into part of the mob,]] she takes out nearly thirty horses. {{Justified|Trope}} later on when the mechanic who checks Alima's wrecked car says that TheFairFolk can breed horses for ''centuries.''

* Averted in ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'': People do a lot of riding horses hard to get to their destination. Their horses do a lot of dying. A lot like [[KillEmAll everyone else in the series.]]

* Somewhat averted in ''Film/{{Gladiator}}''. When Maximus flees Germania and rides as fast as he can back to Spain, he starts with two horses, and in the next scene we see the second one dying under him, with the implication that he was alternating horses, but still working them too hard.

* In the Western ''Literature/{{Rattler}}'' by Barry Andrew Chambers, a horse is generally treated like a dog that you put a saddle on. This initially looks like a simple case of AllAnimalsAreDogs, but veers off into into potential animal abuse when the horse is fed ''chocolate''. Chocolate, depending on the amount and percent of the cocoa in the mix, can be ''extremely'' toxic to horses. He also feeds, or allows others to feed, his horse pancakes, a blueberry pie, and beef jerky at various points. No one finds anything wrong with this. Additionally, when offered the chance to stable his horse and have it properly groomed and fed, he declines and ties it up outside still saddled for at least a day, possibly longer.

* One of many, ''[[SoBadItsGood many]]'' things ''Fanfic/MyInnerLife'' is notorious for is the author's apparent conviction that you can "boot the horse in the legs to go faster." That would take [[RubberMan serious talent]] to even ''attempt''.

** Fanfic writers generally tend to forget that horses can't vomit -- although, to be fair, ''so does the show'', given the many instances of ponies vomiting (such as in response to [[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS1E4ApplebuckSeason disgusting pastry]]). [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/322876/wait-horses-cant-vomit Ironically, this very trope inspired a fanfic in response to refute this: that Equestrian horses and Earth horses are two separate animal species with different biologic limitations]].

Super trope of AutomatonHorses. See HorsingAround for when the horses ''do'' protest their treatment, and InvulnerableHorses for the tendency to avoid showing horses coming to harm.

** ''A lot of horse handling.'' Especially when Spirit first comes to the Army fort and they attempt to break him. The way they tied him down to brand him was inaccurate and hazardous. Also, even in the old West, people were wise enough to ''not'' mount a completely wild horse with full tack, in a large, rectangular arena. It's practically suicide. The way Spirit juggled them, most of the riders should have broken bones, if not necks and skulls. Not to mention the first thing an actual regiment would have done to a mount prospect: ''[[GroinAttack geld]]'' him. Pretty much everything about the scenes involving the army is wrong, as horses were considered a valuable resource, and a cavalry trooper or officer who failed to properly care for his mount would quickly find his life becoming seriously unpleasant. The Native American version of breaking him to ride [[ShownTheirWork was a lot more like methods of Western-style breaking in use today]], although nothing like the way Plains Native Americans of the time actually trained horses, so the creators clearly had ''some'' idea what was correct and probably did it the other way to make the soldiers look like [[HumansAreBastards jerks or idiots]].

[[folder:Anime]]

[[folder:Fanfic]]

* PlayedWith in ''Literature/{{Moonflowers}}'' when TheWildHunt chases Alima Song's group. Fairy-horses can keep up with a car going 100mph, and their leader the Horned Hunter can ''jump his horse'' over said moving car, but they can only keep it up for a few minutes and they're still vulnerable to [[RealityEnsues getting shot or accidentally trampling their fellows.]] Moreover, when [[CarFu Alima's friend Aine rams their car into part of the mob,]] she takes out nearly thirty horses. {{Justified|Trope}} later on when the mechanic who checks Alima's wrecked car says that TheFairFolk can breed horses for ''centuries.''

* ''WesternAnimation/SpiritStallionOfTheCimarron''. Spirit has ''eyebrows'' despite being anatomically accurate in almost every other respect. The animators freely admit they decided to add the eyebrows because that was the least intrusive way of giving him a human-like range of expression.

* ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'': Putting aside the fact that the ponies are generally more like [[MostWritersAreHuman horse-shaped humans]] with the occasional FurryReminder and [[AWizardDidIt magical hand-wave]], the show does run into these on occasion. Their diet is certainly a lot wider than real horses, judging by how they don't poison themselves on a weekly basis. "Applebuck Season" also provide examples of ponies getting sick and throwing up (most horses can't).

** Mention should also go to ''Literature/ProtectoroftheSmall'', which puts a decent amount of attention into the care and keeping of a knight's horses. In the third book, Kel gets a second, smaller horse Hoshi specifically so she can give her warhorse [[FluffytheTerrible Peachblossom]] plenty of rest time during long treks. In the fourth she has to chase after an enemy and only has Peachblossom, so she's careful to vary her speed, even though her quarry has several days head start.

[[NoRealLifeExamplesPlease Let's try to keep the examples here to fictional ones]]. While there are definite cases of real life abuse and neglect due to their owners' ignorance, most of these tend to have consequences. (British Napoleonic cavalry, for example, had a tendency to charge recklessly until their horses were 'blown' and unable to move at more than a walk, which made both horse and rider terribly vulnerable to any counter-charge - a tendency Wellington despised.) In fictionland, however, the ill-treatment never produces bad results.

* Although not horses, the Deer King and his men one episode of ''WesternAnimation/Hero108'' grunt, neigh and whinny JUST LIKE HORSES, even though they sound more like [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaPhVcLdz4M this]].

* Averted by JohnWayne's character Ethan in TheSearchers. Having been lured a ''very'' long way from their homestead by the Indians, once the party realizes that they've been successfully taken out of the picture so the raiding party can attack the women and children back home, they immediately want to head back. Ethan tells them not to bother, he knows the horses will drop dead on the return ride unless they are fed, watered, and rested for the night. The others don't listen and leave, while Ethan makes camp and tends to his horse. Sure enough, when Ethan is riding back the next morning, he encounters one of friends...walking and carrying his saddle because his horse did, indeed, drop dead from exhaustion.

* ''Franchise/TheElderScrolls'': The player could ride horses over vast territories with no resting (of course, the PC also never needs to rest, or eat—both activities give temporary bonuses rather than, y'know, staving off ''death''). Tamriel's horses are also a lot less fragile than real life horses, being able to survive (and not be lamed by) big falls... and fight off bears (and in the [[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim fifth one]], ''dragons'').
** And then there's ''[[VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim Skyrim]]'''s horses, [[GoodBadBugs who laugh at physics]] [[http://www.halolz.com/2011/11/15/borris-badass-horse/ before kicking it in the face.]]

** ''A lot of horse handling.'' Especially when Spirit first comes to the Army fort and they attempt to break him. The way they tied him down to brand him was inaccurate and hazardous. Also, even in the old West, people were wise enough to ''not'' mount a completely wild horse with full tack, in a large, rectangular arena. It's practically suicide. The way Spirit juggled them, most of the riders should have broken bones, if not necks and skulls. Not to mention the first thing an actual regiment would have done to a mount prospect: ''[[GroinAttack geld]]'' him. The Native American version of breaking him to ride [[ShownTheirWork was a lot more like methods of Western-style breaking in use today]], although nothing like the way Plains Native Americans trained horses, so the creators clearly had ''some'' idea what was correct and probably did it the other way make the soldiers look like [[HumansAreBastards jerks or idiots]].

* PlayedWith in ''Literature/{{Moonflowers}}'' when TheWildHunt chases Alima Song's group. Fairy-horses can keep up with a car going 100mph, and their leader the Horned Hunter can ''jump his horse'' over said moving car, but they also get spooked by gunshots into [[RealityEnsues trampling their fellows,]] and when [[CarFu Alima's friend Aine rams the car into part of the mob,]] she takes out nearly thirty horses. {{Justified|Trope}} later on when the mechanic who checks Alima's wrecked car says that TheFairFolk can breed horses for ''centuries.''

* ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaOcarinaOfTime'': Epona, Link's horse in, is invincible (as are you when riding) and while she has a stamina system, it runs on carrots... She also won't object if you shoot her in the head with arrows (she does whinny at you, though).

* PlayedWith in ''Literature/{{Moonflowers}}'' when TheWildHunt chases Alima Song's group. Fairy-horses can keep up with a car going 100mph, and their leader [[CelticMythology the Horned Hunter]] can jump his horse over said moving car, but they'll ''eventually'' wear out. They also get spooked by gunshots into trampling their fellows due to [[RealityEnsues the logistics of so many large animals running full-throttle in close quarters]], and when [[CarFu Alima's friend Aine rams the car into part of the mob,]] she takes out nearly thirty horses. {{Justified|Trope}} later on when the mechanic who checks Alima's totaled car says that TheFairFolk can breed horses for ''centuries'' without a problem.

Finally, in fiction it seems like [[PossessionImpliesMastery anyone presented with a horse will prove capable of riding it]]. This despite riding being an athletic discipline that takes years to master. There's a reason riding is an Olympic sport, after all. You wouldn't try figure skating, doing martial arts or driving a car without prior instruction, would you? Of course, this trope is fairly new. Pre-UsefulNotes/{{World War I}} most people were at least passingly familiar with horses.

* ''VideoGame/SengokuBasara'' is probably not meant to be taken seriously when dealing with horses (or at all, really), as the horses tend to charge down extremely steep cliffs in several scenes, and in one scene horses are shown to [[InASingleBound fly over castle walls]]. Moreover, the horses are never shown to react to any situation and are essentially tools for the characters to use to fast travel. Date's crew actually use horses to simulate a [[AnachronismStew motorcycle gang without the motorcycles]]. This show is also the TropeNamer for MyHorseIsAMotorbike.

* Fuunsaiki is Master Asia's horse in ''Anime/MobileFighterGGundam'' who is trained to use the same incredibly painful Mobile Trace System (a ''very'' skin type suit worn paired with a special cockpit that allows the mobile fighter mecha to [[MotionCaptureMecha match the motions of the pilot]]) that the humans use to pilot a mecha. One wonders what goes through the poor things mind other than "DEAR GOD THIS IS PAINFUL" whenever it's activated. Then again he's [[BadassGrandpa Master Asia's]] [[CoolHorse horse]], so he's probably a badass himself.

* In the Western ''Rattler'' by Barry Andrew Chambers his horse is generally treated like a dog that you put a saddle on. This initially looks like a simple case of AllAnimalsAreDogs but veers off into into potential animal abuse when the horse is fed ''chocolate''. Chocolate, depending on the amount and percent of the cocoa in the mix, can be ''extremely'' toxic to horses. He also feeds, or allows others to feed, his horse pancakes, a blueberry pie, and beef jerky at various points. No one finds anything wrong with this. Additionally, when offered the chance to stable his horse and have it properly groomed and fed, he declines and ties it up outside still saddled for at least a day, possibly longer.

* ''Literature/ThePrincessAndTheThreeKnights'', a Christian fairy tale by Karen Kingsbury: horses are treated like medieval versions of motorcycles.
* ''Literature/TheSquireAndTheScroll'' a Christian fairy tale by Jennie Bishop: horses are treated like medieval versions of motorcycles.

* [[JustifiedTrope Justified]] and [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded]] in ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings,'' where Gandalf's impossibly CoolHorse Shadowfax is able to gallop for miles upon miles because he is just that awesome. He is said to be the [[LastOfHisKind last]] of a breed of especially badass horses with divine ancestry (he is roughly to other horses what elves are to humans), and a groom comments with amazement when Shadowfax arrives in Minas Tirith that he looks like he's spoiling for a race rather than just coming from a long journey. Bottom line, Tolkien knew his stuff, and was acknowledging that no ordinary horse could do this.
* [[PonyTale Pony Tales]] in general usually avert this by a large margin, and often run into the opposite direction -- the stories do sometimes contain outright expo material about whatever topic is tangentially remote to the scene -- from equine nutrition to riding technique.

* Discussed in ''Literature/TheToughGuideToFantasyland''; horses are treated like bicycles and Diana Wynne Jones concludes that they breed by pollination.

* In ''Literature/TheFirebringerTrilogy'' the main characters are unicorns. The ordinary horses are pretty impressed by what they can pull off.

* ''VideoGame/RedDeadRedemption'', while probably not meant to be taken seriously, features AutomatonHorses, and a horse-breaking mini-game that's laughably dangerous to anyone actually familiar with backing horses for the first time. For one thing, you'd never attempt it on a newly lassoed feral horse ''in the middle of the freaking wilderness''.

** Lampshaded [[http://hail-nekoyasha.deviantart.com/art/Great-Knight-Kieran-24805939 here]] by Hail-NekoYasha.

* Although not horses, the Deer King and his men one episode of ''WesternAnimation/{{Hero 108}}'' grunt, neigh and whinny JUST LIKE HORSES, even though they sound more like [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaPhVcLdz4M this]].
* ''WackyRaces'': In "The Dopey Dakota Derby," Dick Dastardly (impersonating outlaw Deadweed Dick) rides the Mean Machine atop its dome with reins attached to the car's nose and Muttley driving. The car rears up and bucks its front tires like a horse as Dastardly calls out "Hi-yo Mean Machine! Away!"

* PlayedWith in ''Literature/{{Moonflowers}}'' when TheWildHunt chases Alima Song's group. Fairy-horses can keep up with a car going 100mph, and their leader [[CelticMythology the Horned Hunter]] can jump his horse over said moving car, but they'll ''eventually'' wear out. They also get spooked by gunshots into trampling their fellows due to [[RealityEnsues the logistics of so many large animals running full-throttle in close quarters]], and when [[CarFu Alima's friend Aine rams the car into part of the mob,]] she takes out nearly thirty horses. [[JustifiedTrope Justified]] later on when the mechanic who checks Alima's totaled car says that TheFairFolk can breed horses for ''centuries'' without a problem.