History Main / SillyReasonForWar

* The ''StarTrek'' ExpandedUniverse novel ''I, Q'' told of a war between the Q and another race of similarly omnipotent beings. These two impossibly advanced species both admitted the real reason for their catyclysmic conflict was 'there's something about you that just really pisses us off'.
** And near fourth-wall breaking [[GenreSavvy Genre Savviness]]: they're both aware enough to realize that in their reality every race ''always'' manages to get balanced out by some other race which exists to be an opposing force and source of plot. If they made up with their obvious opposite numbers, it would inevitably lead to a serious threat to both of them showing up.

[[caption-width-right:332:'''[[color:purple:Green!]]''' ''[[color:green:Purple!]]'']]

* The conflict between the Federation and the Revolutionaries in RType Tactics: Operation Bitter Chocolate, thank to the newly found ExcusePlot. The reason they fight each other is nothing else but the dispute over the Force Device weapon system with the R-Fighters. Still, they both fight the real evil against them both - [[EldritchAbomination the Bydo]].

** On the other hand, none of this explains why Paris refused to send Helen back. A ten-year siege is an awful lot to suffer for one man's desire to bone a hot chick, even if he ''is'' the prince (and even if he ''was'' in love with her, which may or may not be supported by the text and didn't really matter in any case). One imagines that after a few ''months'' at most the entire royal court would be after Paris to just send the girl over and have done with it. Of course, the real message of the story is "don't side with the wrong goddess;" no doubt Eris handed an IdiotBall to the Trojans after Paris chose Aphrodite over Hera and Athena (but [[JerkassGods especially]] [[WomanScorned Hera]]).
*** An interesting alternate explanation for Troy's stupidity is provided by the Egyptian account of the story: the Egyptians record an Anatolian prince making off with a Greek queen (sound familiar?) taking a detour in Egypt before heading for Anatolia. The prince was hauled before the pharaoh, who told him off for kidnapping and sent him packing, but kept the queen in Egypt until she could be returned to Greece. The reason that the Trojans didn't end things by sending Helen is that they didn't have her in the first place, making the whole war a ShaggyDogStory.

** On the other hand, none of this explains why Paris refused to send Helen back. A ten-year siege is an awful lot to suffer for one man's desire to bone a hot chick, even if he ''is'' the prince (and even if he ''was'' in love with her, which may or may not be supported by the text and didn't really matter in any case). One imagines that after a few ''months'' at most the entire royal court would be after Paris to just send over the girl and have done with it. Of course, the real message of the story is "don't side with the wrong goddess;" no doubt Eris handed an IdiotBall to the Trojans after Paris chose Aphrodite over Hera and Athena (but [[JerkassGods especially]] [[WomanScorned Hera]]).

** On the other hand, none of this explains why Paris refused to send Helen back. A ten-year siege is an awful lot to suffer for one man's desire to bone a hot chick, even if he ''is'' the prince (and even if they ''did'' love each other, which may or may not be supported by the text and didn't really matter in any case). One imagines that after a few ''months'' at most the entire royal court would be after Paris to just send over the girl and have done with it. Of course, the real message of the story is "don't side with the wrong goddess;" no doubt Eris handed an IdiotBall to the Trojans after Paris chose Aphrodite over Hera and Athena (but [[JerkassGods especially]] [[WomanScorned Hera]]).

** On the other hand, none of this explains why Paris refused to send Helen back. A ten-year siege is an awful lot to suffer for one man's desire to bone a hot chick, even if he ''is'' the prince (and even if they ''did'' love each other, which may or may not be supported by the text and didn't really matter in any case). One imagines that after a few ''months'' at most the entire royal court would be after Paris to just send over the girl and have done with it. Of course, the real message of the story is "don't side with the wrong goddess;" no doubt Eris handed an IdiotBall to the Trojans after Paris chose Aphrodite over Hera and Athena (but especially Hera).

* In the Armenian legend ''AraTheHandsome'', Queen Semiramis of Assyria goes to war with Armenia because King Ara refused to marry her, so she wanted him [[IWantThemAlive brought back to her alive.]]

** To be fair to the elves ([[RunningGag I know, I know]]), they live in trees and their entire civilization revolves around making things from nature's leavings rather than taking what they need from living plants and animals. When a bunch of stumpy, bearded drunks move in next door and start chopping down the local supply of pollen to make beds and swords, it's a legitimate threat to their way of life.

** Well, Ben pulls a TakeAThirOption by accidently destroying the giant statue of their former united leader (while trying to paint it purple to stop the Blue Vs. Red war), turning both sides against HIM. The episode ends with the same little alien girl who wrote to Ben asking for help at the beginning, writing him a letter about how much she hates him now (but she does reveal that her world has finally found internal peace as they unify to against their new common enemy)

The protagonists arrive to meet (or are visited by) at least two groups who are in a [[SeriousBusiness deadly serious]] conflict over what they (and likely the audience) perceive to be a trivial and petty difference or issue. Like what color scarf they wear, or whether toast should be eaten butter side up or down, or even body features such as which [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything half of their face is black and which is white]].

As you can guess from the above, this is often paired with AnAesop about how what we consider [[AMatterOfLifeAndDeath life and death]], irreconcilable differences [[BlueAndOrangeMorality must seem petty to aliens]], and maybe we should reconsider our intolerance. If [[{{Anvilicious}} poorly handled]], this can become a FantasticAesop about FantasticRacism when there are real and important differences between the groups that are actually worth hating someone over. Such as vampires drinking human blood to survive. Both overlap when the differences between feuding groups of elves or whatever ARE so tiny as to be irrelevant, as a metaphor for the fact that most human-on-human racism is about differences so tiny as to be irrelevant in the context at issue. Sex matters when making a baby, not when making bond trades or dinner. Skin color matters when choosing a lipstick, not when choosing a president or employee.

As you can guess from the above, this is often paired with AnAesop about how what we consider [[AMatterOfLifeAndDeath life and death]], irreconcilable differences [[BlueAndOrangeMorality must seem petty to aliens]], and maybe we should reconsider our intolerance. If [[{{Anvilicious}} poorly handled]], this can become a FantasticAesop about FantasticRacism when there are real and important differences between the groups that are actually worth hating someone over. Such as vampires drinking human blood to survive. Both overlap when the differences between feuding groups of elves or whatever ARE so tiny as to be irrelevant, as a metaphor for the fact that most human-on-human racism is about differences so tiny as to be irrelevant in the context at issue. Sex matters when making a baby, not when making bond trades or dinner. Skin color matters when choosing a lipstick, not when choosing a President or an employee.

The protagonists will of course ask just why they're biased against, segregating, or even killing each other over something so asinine, and [[CantArgueWithElves they'll merrily answer]] that [[HumansAreBastards Humans kill each other over less]]. Like colored cloth on sticks, what pigment their skin has, which phrases they pray with, politics, and gender. No, the aliens killing each other over what color hat they wear are ''far'' [[CulturalPosturing above that kind of petty bickering.]]

* Everything.

* Seriously, just name one war that doesn't count.

** The futile and pointless nature of this war is what drew the protoganist to it, as at the time (and throughout the book) he was pretty much looking for a war, any war, to die in

* Any given Beholder in ''DungeonsAndDragons'' is engaged in a never-ending race war against any Beholders not of its breed, killing them on sight. Where this gets to be a "silly reason" is that differences between Beholder breeds are on the order of the skin being a slightly different shade of red, teeth being a slightly different length, or eyeball diameter not being the same -- nothing that's not a Beholder can even tell there ''are'' different breeds of Beholder.

** [[{{Warhammer40000}} Dis boyz 'ere propa orky!]]

* ''{{Kingdom of Loathing}}''. The Cola Wars were fought between the followers of [[BrandX Dyspepsi-Cola and Cloaca-Cola]]. The war between the Hippies and Frat Boys gets started over the (apparent) murder of an animal mascot.