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*** This one also contains a bit of HoYay, since the original joke was about a husband and a wife, ending with "You are the man of the family, after all".



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** One of many jokes playing on (and reinforcing) Chapayev's BookDumb reputation:
--> ''Chapayev and Petka are making a strategic retreat from the White Army, under heavy fire. Chapayev drops the satchel he's carrying, and has to run back and get it while bullets whiz all around him.''\\
''Once he catches back up, Petka shouts, "What's in the satchel, Vasily Ivanovich?"''\\
''"The campaign maps, Petka! I couldn't let them fall into the Whites' hands!"''\\
''They finally outrun the enemy and make it back to their own lines. Petka looks inside the satchel. "Hey, Vasily Ivanovich, there's only onions in here!"''\\
''Chapayev pours out all the onions onto a table. He piles the white onions at one end--"See, Petka, here are the Whites"--and the red onions at the other--"And here we are."''


* Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev. He was a Red Army hero of the Russian Civil War, in the rank of Division Commander (roughly equivalent of [[ModernMajorGeneral Major General]]), and was featured in a hugely popular 1934 biopic. Other characters from the biopic like his [[TheLancer aide-de-camp]] Petka, Anka [[ActionGirl The Machine-Gunner]], and [[ThePoliticalOfficer political commissar]] Furmanov, all based on real people, are also featured in the jokes. Most common topics are about their fight with the White Army, Chapayev's futile attempts to enroll into the Frunze Military Academy, his folk-cunning and his incompetence in book military science, and the circumstances of his death; Officially and in the book, he was machine-gunned by the Whites while attempting to flee across the Ural River after a lost battle. It is said that Marshal Budyonny, upon hearing this joke, said "I told him; unless you study, you'll be everyone's laughing stock".

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* Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev. He was a Red Army hero of the Russian Civil War, in the rank of Division Commander (roughly equivalent of [[ModernMajorGeneral Major General]]), and was featured in a hugely popular 1934 biopic. Other characters from the biopic like his [[TheLancer aide-de-camp]] Petka, Anka [[ActionGirl The Machine-Gunner]], and [[ThePoliticalOfficer political commissar]] Furmanov, all based on real people, are also featured in the jokes. Most common topics are about their fight with the White Army, Chapayev's futile attempts to enroll into the Frunze Military Academy, his folk-cunning and his incompetence in book military science, and the circumstances of his death; Officially and in the book, he was machine-gunned by the Whites while attempting to flee across the Ural River after a lost battle. It is said that Marshal Budyonny, upon hearing this joke, some of the jokes, said "I told him; unless you study, you'll be everyone's laughing stock".


->''"Tell a joke to a German, and he will not understand it.\\
Tell a joke to an Englishman, and he will understand it, but won't show it.\\

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->''"Tell a joke to a German, [[GermanicDepressives and he will not understand it.it]].\\
Tell a joke to an Englishman, [[StiffUpperLip and he will understand it, but won't show it.it]].\\

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** It's often political due to the special immigration leeway granted by Israel:
--> During his visit to Israel (or America), Rabinovich has sent a telegram back to the office he works at, saying "I have chosen freedom". The office soviet decides to denounce him on the next monthly meeting.
--> To everyone's surprise, he shows up at the meeting.
--> '''Rabinovich''': I know where I meant when I said freedom, but do you?


Sometimes they are just funny, other times full of cussing, often reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.

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Sometimes they are just funny, funny - other times full of cussing, often reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.


Other times they are just full of cussing, often reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.

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Other times Sometimes they are just funny, other times full of cussing, often reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.


Sometimes they are just funny, other they are full of cussing, oftentimes reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.

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Sometimes Other times they are just funny, other they are full of cussing, oftentimes often reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.


Sometimes they are just funny, other they are full of cussing, oftenly reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.

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Sometimes they are just funny, other they are full of cussing, oftenly oftentimes reaching the degree of a {{Cluster F Bomb}}.



* Stirlitz. This is a character from the highly popular Soviet TV series ''Series/SeventeenMomentsOfSpring''. The series is about a Soviet spy, Maxim Isayev, who infiltrates Nazi Germany under the guise of [[ColonelBadass Standartenführer]] (see UsefulNotes/CommonRanks) Otto von Stirlitz and foils its plans to enter into separate peace treaty with the Western Allies. Stirlitz interacts with Nazi officials Walther Schellenberg, Ernst Kaltenbrunner, Martin Bormann, Heinrich Müller. In the jokes he interacts with them as well as with fictional female radio operator Kat, pastor Schlagg, professor Pleischner and other characters in the series. Most Stirlitz jokes are based on puns and wordgames. The series itself is dark and moody, similar to American FilmNoir, and has a solemn {{narrator}}'s voice that narrates the inner dialogue of the characters. In the jokes, however, the stern voice tells hilarious puns instead of superlogical trains of thought. Here is a typical example:

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* Stirlitz. This is a character from the highly popular Soviet TV series ''Series/SeventeenMomentsOfSpring''. The series is about a Soviet spy, Maxim Isayev, who infiltrates Nazi Germany under the guise of [[ColonelBadass Standartenführer]] (see UsefulNotes/CommonRanks) Otto von Stirlitz and foils its plans to enter into a separate peace treaty with the Western Allies. Stirlitz interacts with Nazi officials Walther Schellenberg, Ernst Kaltenbrunner, Martin Bormann, and Heinrich Müller. In the jokes he interacts with them as well as with fictional female radio operator Kat, pastor Schlagg, professor Pleischner and other characters in the series. Most Stirlitz jokes are based on puns and wordgames. The series itself is dark and moody, similar to American FilmNoir, and has a solemn {{narrator}}'s voice that narrates the inner dialogue of the characters. In the jokes, however, the stern voice tells hilarious puns instead of superlogical trains of thought. Here is a typical example:



--->"Camels can go fuck themselves," - answers Müller in irritation - "Your man Shtirliz lives on the next floor."

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--->"Camels can go fuck themselves," - answers Müller in irritation - "Your man Shtirliz Stirlitz lives on the next floor."



* Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev. He was a Red Army hero of the Russian Civil War, in the rank of Division Commander (roughly equivalent of [[ModernMajorGeneral Major General]]), and was featured in a hugely popular 1934 biopic. Other characters from the biopic like his [[TheLancer aide-de-camp]] Petka, Anka [[ActionGirl The Machine-Gunner]], and [[ThePoliticalOfficer political commissar]] Furmanov, all based on real people, are also featured in the jokes. Most common topics are about their fight with the White Army, Chapayev's futile attempts to enroll into the Frunze Military Academy, his folk-cunning and his incompetence in book military science, and the circumstances of his death; Officially and in the book, he was machine-gunned by the Whites while attempting to flee across the Ural River after a lost battle. It is said that Marshal Budyonny, upon hearing this jokes, said "I told him; unless you study, you'll be everyone's laughing stock".

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* Vasily Ivanovich Chapayev. He was a Red Army hero of the Russian Civil War, in the rank of Division Commander (roughly equivalent of [[ModernMajorGeneral Major General]]), and was featured in a hugely popular 1934 biopic. Other characters from the biopic like his [[TheLancer aide-de-camp]] Petka, Anka [[ActionGirl The Machine-Gunner]], and [[ThePoliticalOfficer political commissar]] Furmanov, all based on real people, are also featured in the jokes. Most common topics are about their fight with the White Army, Chapayev's futile attempts to enroll into the Frunze Military Academy, his folk-cunning and his incompetence in book military science, and the circumstances of his death; Officially and in the book, he was machine-gunned by the Whites while attempting to flee across the Ural River after a lost battle. It is said that Marshal Budyonny, upon hearing this jokes, joke, said "I told him; unless you study, you'll be everyone's laughing stock".



** One of the core jokes related to Chapaev's death, as mentioned above:

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** One of the core jokes related to Chapaev's Chapayev's death, as mentioned above:



--> '''Rzhevsky''': Put my naked ass in a cold water? Beg your pardon, mademoiselle, it's not for me.

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--> '''Rzhevsky''': Put my naked ass in a the cold water? Beg your pardon, mademoiselle, it's not for me.



** And, inevitably, sometimes he is a GreedyJew

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** And, inevitably, sometimes he is a GreedyJewGreedyJew:



** Vovochka sees his parents having sex "and these people won't let me pick my nose"

* SherlockHolmes and Dr. Watson, mostly based upon their portrayal by Vasiliy Livanov and Vitaly Solomin in [[Series/TheAdventuresOfSherlockHolmesAndDoctorWatson the 1980s Soviet film adaptation]] of Conan Doyle's works. The content is similar to Stirlitz jokes above, only less centered on puns and more on Holmes' improbable ingenuity in deduction, and Watson acting as StraightMan.

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** Vovochka sees his parents having sex sex: "and these people won't let me pick my nose"

* SherlockHolmes and Dr. Watson, mostly based upon their portrayal by Vasiliy Livanov and Vitaly Solomin in [[Series/TheAdventuresOfSherlockHolmesAndDoctorWatson the 1980s Soviet film adaptation]] of Conan Doyle's works. The content is similar to the Stirlitz jokes above, only less centered on puns and more on Holmes' improbable ingenuity in deduction, and Watson acting as StraightMan.



** Sheer chaos when anything could turn in any way was another source of jokes.

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** Sheer The sheer chaos of when anything could turn out in any way was also another source of jokes. jokes.



--> After a few more questions and answers like this the boyfriend leaves the room and goes home. The daughter comes to her dad and asks him

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--> After a few more questions and answers like this the boyfriend leaves the room and goes home. The daughter comes to her dad and asks him
him:



** Also a cockerel or rooster, however jokes featuring a cockerel only really work if you know from the start of the joke he's supposed to be a closet homosexual: these jokes made more sense back when the Soviet Union criminalised homosexuality and have been dying out since the 90’s. This comes from ''petukh'' (cockerel) being a [[UsefulNotes/RussianLanguage Fenya]] term for a passive homosexual. A typical story would be the Wolf, the hare and a cockerel in a holding cell awaiting trial and telling each other what they are in there for: the Wolf will go on a long story about he started a fight and beat someone up, but that they deserved it and he doesn’t deserve to be there, the hare will tell an equally long tale where he will come over as a cocky but cowardly thief, black-marketer or conman but that he doesn’t deserve to be there because he’s not really done anything that wrong, and the cockerel will listen to both of their long and complicated stories and then just say “Me, oh. I’m a political prisoner: I pecked [name of unpopular local bigwig/ “Young pioneer”/ “Soviet new man”] in the Arse.”

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** Also a cockerel or rooster, however jokes featuring a cockerel only really work if you know from the start of the joke he's supposed to be a closet homosexual: these jokes made more sense back when the Soviet Union criminalised homosexuality and have been dying out since the 90’s. This comes from ''petukh'' (cockerel) being a [[UsefulNotes/RussianLanguage Fenya]] term for a passive homosexual. A typical story would be the Wolf, the hare and a cockerel in a holding cell awaiting trial and telling each other what they are in there for: the Wolf will go on a long story about how he started a fight and beat someone up, but that they deserved it and he doesn’t deserve to be there, the hare will tell an equally long tale where he will come over as a cocky but cowardly thief, black-marketer or conman but that he doesn’t deserve to be there because he’s not really done anything that wrong, and the cockerel will listen to both of their long and complicated stories and then just say “Me, oh. I’m a political prisoner: I pecked [name of unpopular local bigwig/ “Young pioneer”/ “Soviet new man”] in the Arse.”



** A man catches a Golden Fish and asks it to make him a Hero of Soviet Union. The next moment he finds himself with two grenades against five German tanks.

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** A man catches a Golden Fish and asks it to make him a Hero of the Soviet Union. The next moment he finds himself with two grenades against five German tanks.


* Chastushki is an old form of short funny rhymes, mostly related to love, with a fixed foot, dating back to end of XIX century. Actually, modern Russians tend to think chastushkas existed always.

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* Chastushki A chastushka is an old form a traditional Ukrainian or Russian poem often sung or recited. It contains a simple rhyme scheme (ABAB, ABCB, or AABB) and can feature ideas of short funny rhymes, mostly related to humor, irony, satire, love, with a fixed foot, dating back or political propaganda, the latter especially featuring more prominently among peasants during the Communist regime. The content of the chastushki (plural), and the popularity of what topic was most prominently sung about, would vary from region to end of XIX century. Actually, modern Russians tend to think chastushkas existed always.region.

Added DiffLines:

---> Putin and all the other senior Russian officials are having a dinner at the restaurant. Waiter starts taking orders:
---> "What will you have, Vladimir Vladimirovich?"
---> Putin says: "I will have meat: a steak, kebab and some bacon."
---> "Vladimir Vladimirovich, and how about the vegetables?"
---> (Taking a short look around): "Vegetables will also have meat."


* Lieutenant Rzhevsky, a Hussar from the popular movie ''Film/HussarBallad''. He is renowned for being a womanizer, telling lewd jokes and dropping {{Cluster F Bomb}}s in a SophisticatedAsHell manner. By some weird reason (maybe for sheer contrast), these jokes usually depict him interacting with characters from Literature/WarAndPeace such as Natasha Rostove or Pierre Bezukhov. The humor in these jokes comes from the futile attempts of this trash-talking, tit-grabbing BoisterousBruiser to pass as an OfficerAndAGentleman and fit into the polite, sophisticated noble society.

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* Lieutenant (Poruchik) Rzhevsky, a Hussar from the popular movie ''Film/HussarBallad''. He is renowned for being a womanizer, telling lewd jokes and dropping {{Cluster F Bomb}}s in a SophisticatedAsHell manner. By some weird reason (maybe for sheer contrast), these jokes usually depict him interacting with characters from Literature/WarAndPeace such as Natasha Rostove or Pierre Bezukhov. The humor in these jokes comes from the futile attempts of this trash-talking, tit-grabbing BoisterousBruiser to pass as an OfficerAndAGentleman and fit into the polite, sophisticated noble society.




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--> Rzhevsky and his cohort of hussars were invited to Natalia's 21'st birthday banquet. They arrive, and Natalia asks:
--> - Dear ''poruchik'', help me out, we were only able to fit 20 candles on the birthday cake. Where [[AssShove to put]] the last one?
--> (addressing the cohort) - Silence, officers!!!



*** A Mercedes stops, and an old Zaporozhets crashes into it. Two goons in suits get out, approach an old man in his old car and ask him: "Hi, now you owe us so-o much... you're going to pay or we'll talk ...differently?" Old dude replies "Ah, I haven't much money with me, perhaps you need to talk with my son." "And who's your son?" "Chief of the poultry farm." "Well, call him." Five minutes later an armored carrier stops nearby and several big, armed troopers jump out. "Dad, how many times must I tell you? My job's not called ''Chief of the Poultry Farm'', but ''Commander of the Golden Eagle Special Detachment''..."

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*** A Mercedes stops, and an old Zaporozhets crashes into it. Two goons in suits get out, approach an old man in his old car and ask him: "Hi, now you owe us so-o much... you're going to pay or we'll talk ...differently?" Old dude replies "Ah, I haven't much money with me, perhaps you need to talk with my son." "And who's your son?" "Chief of the poultry farm." "Well, call him." Five minutes later an armored carrier stops nearby and several big, armed troopers jump out. "Dad, how many times must I tell you? My job's not called ''Chief of the Poultry Farm'', but ''Commander of the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berkut_(special_police_force) Golden Eagle Special Detachment''...Detachment]]''..."



-->'''Officer:''' Dig from here till dinner!

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-->'''Officer:''' Dig from here the fence till dinner!



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*** Sometimes, it is added that the water in the kettle is only lukewarm, because otherwise, the Russians get mad and tie every single demon in a knot.


** Also a cockerel or rooster, however jokes featuring a cockerel only really work if you know from the start of the joke he's supposed to be a closet homosexual: these jokes made more sense back when the Soviet Union criminalised homosexuality and have been dying out since the 90’s. This comes from ''petukh'' (cockerel) being a [[RussianLanguage Fenya]] term for a passive homosexual. A typical story would be the Wolf, the hare and a cockerel in a holding cell awaiting trial and telling each other what they are in there for: the Wolf will go on a long story about he started a fight and beat someone up, but that they deserved it and he doesn’t deserve to be there, the hare will tell an equally long tale where he will come over as a cocky but cowardly thief, black-marketer or conman but that he doesn’t deserve to be there because he’s not really done anything that wrong, and the cockerel will listen to both of their long and complicated stories and then just say “Me, oh. I’m a political prisoner: I pecked [name of unpopular local bigwig/ “Young pioneer”/ “Soviet new man”] in the Arse.”

to:

** Also a cockerel or rooster, however jokes featuring a cockerel only really work if you know from the start of the joke he's supposed to be a closet homosexual: these jokes made more sense back when the Soviet Union criminalised homosexuality and have been dying out since the 90’s. This comes from ''petukh'' (cockerel) being a [[RussianLanguage [[UsefulNotes/RussianLanguage Fenya]] term for a passive homosexual. A typical story would be the Wolf, the hare and a cockerel in a holding cell awaiting trial and telling each other what they are in there for: the Wolf will go on a long story about he started a fight and beat someone up, but that they deserved it and he doesn’t deserve to be there, the hare will tell an equally long tale where he will come over as a cocky but cowardly thief, black-marketer or conman but that he doesn’t deserve to be there because he’s not really done anything that wrong, and the cockerel will listen to both of their long and complicated stories and then just say “Me, oh. I’m a political prisoner: I pecked [name of unpopular local bigwig/ “Young pioneer”/ “Soviet new man”] in the Arse.”

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