History Main / LovingAShadow

** This is also implied to be the [[FreudianExcuse reason]] why Jane loves planning weddings in the first place--she loves the concept of fairy-tale marriages and "happily ever afters," but doesn't really understand what it takes to actually be in a relationship.

** Note that, [[WhatCouldHaveBeen in an earlier version]], this trope would have been more literal: the movie was going to open with the girl, except that she was transparent, indicating that she wasn't real, just Curt's idea of a perfect woman.

** Kate Marsh comes to this conclusion about her ostensible supporters. After Kate's victimhood is exploited, social media and her church community prop her up as this "perfect" victim of Jefferson and the Dark Room. Over time, Kate realizes this was less about ''actually'' supporting her, and more to pat themselves on the back for it. The Kate they ''really'' wanted to support was this idealized concept -- a sad, but innocent "Good Christian" girl, who needs to be protected. When Kate adopts a more tomboyish punk look and rebellious attitude, similar to Chloe Price, her "supporters" wash their hands of Kate almost immediately.
** While James Amber seems to genuinely care for Rachel, it's also heavily implied he cares more about her image as an ideal daughter and student, rather than Rachel as a person. After Rachel's death is uncovered, James tries to posthumously push this idealized version of Rachel, ostensibly in her memory. Rachel herself suspects that he cares more about preserving that image, than actually honouring her memory. [[spoiler:When they reunite, this causes further distance between them despite James trying to reconnect with her. When James learns Rachel's a vampire ''and'' sees her in action, he invokes ThatThingIsNotMyChild, and even tries to kill her in a moment of distress.]]

* ''WesternAnimation/MiraculousLadybug'': While [[Characters/MiraculousLadybugLilaRossi Lila Rossi]] appears to [[BelievingTheirOwnLies believe]] that her feelings for [[TheLancer Adrien]] are genuine, it's heavily indicated that she's more interested in the ''idea'' of Adrien -- namely, a [[LonelyRichKid wealthy]] and [[BigManOnCampus popular]] PrettyBoy who she can turn into the perfect doting boyfriend -- than in [[BrokenAce the reality of]] [[StepfordSmiler Adrien as a person]], and reacts badly when Adrien says or does anything to break her illusion, as best seen in "Chameleon" (she accuses him of being self-righteous in his attempt to befriend her despite knowing she's a compulsive liar). By contrast, [[TheHero Marinette]] and [[DefrostingIceQueen Kagami]] were both won over [[BecauseYouWereNiceToMe by his kindness]], and even [[AlphaBitch Chloé]] has known him since childhood -- all three of them, to varying extents, know the ''real'' Adrien far better than Lila would even want to.

* ''ComicBook/SpiderMan'': A good number of Spider-Man's romances with anyone other than ComicBook/MaryJaneWatson are this. Either his love interests like Peter Parker or hate Spider-Man, or like Spider-Man but don't care for the Peter Parker side of him, leading few of them to really get to know the real him and be completely honest with each other:

** MJ's initial boyfriends are a straighter example, as she breaks up with them when it turns out they're more interested in the image of her than her true self.

[Amelia slaps him]\\

* ''Series/{{Westworld}}'': The backstory of the Man in Black, which set him on the path to becoming the villain he is now, [[spoiler:is his first visit to the park as William, where he fell in love with the "Host" android Dolores. After becoming fugitives and going on an adventure, he lost her, then spends months scouring the artificial world looking for her. Eventually, he finds her back where they first met, having already been reprogrammed and engaged in the same LoveAtFirstSight arc with another Guest that he experienced before. Basically, the sci-fi equivalent of falling in love with a prostitute or stripper.]]

* "Shadow" by Music/MariaMena is a good example of this trope in reverse: ''Trying hard to be someone I don't even know/ I feel like a shadow/ walking behind who you think I am/... / thought I'd light me bright and new/ but my candle burnt out long before you.'' Likewise, Music/{{Boston}}'s "A Man I'll Never Be."
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMXG7kM8YZk Conceiving You]] by Riverside is about eventually giving up the actual person to love the shadow.

* "Ten Years Gone" from ''Music/PhysicalGraffiti'' by Led Zeppelin
--> 'Vixen in my dreams, of great surprise to me; in the midst I see your face the way it used to be''
* "Behavior" by Steel Train.
-->A pretty girl.\\
Followed her around the world.\\
And when I caught her she said to me:\\
"Look, at love, it's nothing but a shadow.\\
Where you saw, a heart, that was hollow.\\
Look, at you. You've been chasing shadows."\\
And then I woke up.
* "Her Pretender" by Off Course. Though it does turn out okay in the end since the singer sticks around as "her someone else" long enough for her to see him as himself.
-->Like an illusion surrounded by fantasy\\
A lover's confusion; she only sees what she wants to see\\
I guess I'm just an imitator soon to be\\
The love I feel was never meant for me
* "Love Through Her" by The Weeknd
-->Am I going crazy?\\
Do I need some therapy to get shorty out of my mind?\\
Girl, my head is racing\\
Heard shorty's been needing the rest of my mind\\
\\
Am I making love to you through her?\\
Am I make love to you through her?\\
Am I making love to you through her?\\
Love through her (love through her)

* A track from Music/{{Rush|Band}}'s ''Music/ClockworkAngels'' involves the narrator falling in love, only to realize when he is rebuffed that he had created an idealized woman in his mind and then attempted to graft his delusions onto a real person; he admits this was not the first time he has done this. The song is even called ''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect Halo Effect]]''.
* "A Forest" by Music/{{The Cure|Band}}, from ''Music/SeventeenSecondsAlbum'', if interpreted metaphorically, has the protagonist looking for a girl who is supposedly lost, only to find out she "was never there". He then realizes, lost himself, he just ran "towards nothing", which we assume is not the first time in his life.
-->The girl was never there, it's always the same\\
I running towards nothing [[BrokenRecord again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and agaiiiin!]]

* Music/PoetsOfTheFall's "[[https://youtu.be/MKk1u5RMTn4?list=PLjACqN5i5sDWIIpg-5EB4WcitMMqnXhFP Carnival of Rust]]" has singer Zoltar, a decaying automaton stuck in his fortuneteller's booth, desperate to leave the [[CircusOfFear Carnival]]. It's clear that his pleas and demands for love from his latest customer stem from self-interested WishfulProjection. He taints her {{Tarot|Troubles}} reading by declaring her "The Star," his MessiahFigure, instead of recognizing her as a person in her own right, and as a result, his affections go unreciprocated.
* "Who's That Girl" by Robyn
-->Who's that girl? That you dream of\\
Who's that girl? That you think you love\\
Who's that girl? What if I'm nothing like her?
* Inverted in Music/TheVeronicas' "Everything I'm Not"; a girl decides to leave her boyfriend because he's forcing her to be someone that she isn't.

--> Awsten Knight: It's about being built into something, based on an idealised version of you – an unwarranted one, at that – where people look at you as a certain thing...they put what they need you to be into their heads. It's built into this thing that you cannot live up to, and it's ultimately going to lead to disappointment – on their end, and my end, because it doesn't feel good to let people down. But that's just what happens. Pop banger, dude!
* "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia refers to "him" (the imagined lover) and "you" (the actual person) as [[TwoPersonLoveTriangle separate people]]. Per the chorus: "Illusion never changed / Into something real."
-->I thought I saw a man brought to life\\
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified\\
He showed me what it was to cry\\
[[WhamLine Well, you couldn't be that man I adored]]\\
You don't seem to know or seem to care what your heart is for\\
But I don't know him anymore\\
There's nothing where he used to lie\\
The conversation has run dry\\
That's what's going on
* Music/TearsForFears: This is the meaning behind "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwpqNJYp-fw I Love You But I'm Lost]]", as Roland Orzabal [[https://www.nme.com/news/music/tears-fears-unveil-i-love-you-but-im-lost-video-tour-tickets-2177818 explains:]]
-->This song is about the haziness, the blurred lines within a relationship, the sense of having someone and losing someone in the same instant; like putting your arms around that person only for them to instantly disappear into vapours, the idea or ideal of someone who is impossible to pin down or own.
* Music/ArianaGrande: "in my head" is about how Ariana invented a version of a man that wasn't reality. The opening is a voicemail from a friend of hers that describes this phenomenom:
-->Here's the thing: you're in love with a version of a person that you've created in your head, that you are trying to but cannot fix. Uh, the only person you can fix is yourself. I love you, this has gone on way too long. Enough is enough. I'm two blocks away, I'm coming over.​
* "What A Fool Believes" by Music/TheDoobieBrothers is about a man meeting up with a woman he once knew, around whom he has built a fantasy that they were once in love and could be again. Although she is polite and kind, it is obvious that she barely remembers him and doesn't feel the same way.

* Subverted with ''Theatre/SweeneyToddTheDemonBarberOfFleetStreet''; at one point, Todd starts wondering what his daughter Johanna (whom he has not seen in 15 years since she was a baby) is like, and ultimately concludes that he can't really care about her. Played disturbingly straight with Anthony for Johanna ([[InLoveWithLove he seems mostly enamoured of the idea of rescuing her from her evil guardian]]); possibly also [[MadLove Mrs. Lovett for Todd]].

* ''VisualNovel/Danganronpa2GoodbyeDespair'':
** Effectively what Kazuichi's crush on Sonia amounts to. He's convinced she's a PrincessClassic, which in his mind, makes him her KnightInShiningArmor. In practice, he barely knows a thing about her and is constantly surprised when she shows aspects of her personality that don't fit in with his image of her (though that's not to say he ''dislikes'' them). For her part, Sonia is quite aware of this and considers him an AbhorrentAdmirer.
** Ironically, Sonia's crush on Gundham also has elements of this, since she is attracted to his {{Chuunibyou}} attitude because she is a NightmareFetishist... but it's made abundantly clear in-game (especially in Hajime's Free Time supports with Gundham) that this behaviour is [[BeneathTheMask a mask]] Gundham cultivated when he was young and relentlessly bullied, being an EndearinglyDorky FriendToAllLivingThings at heart, meaning that Sonia has feelings for who Gundham is ''pretending'' to be. She certainly doesn't know him well enough to suspect [[spoiler:he killed Nekomaru]] and when she attempts [[spoiler:to beg Monokuma to spare his life]], Gundham scolds her for doing so. It's doubly ironic as Gundham is not so different from Kazuichi in that both of them behave the way they do thanks to their troubled childhoods.

* A story which can be read in ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIIIMorrowind'', titled "Palla," tells the tale of a mage who falls in love with a long-dead woman depicted fighting a monster in a statue. Of course, it doesn't turn out like he thought it would. [[spoiler:Palla turns out to be the name of the monster. Guess who comes back to life?]]
* ''VisualNovel/FateHollowAtaraxia'': Ayako Mitsuzuri's little brother Minori has a crush on Sakura Matou and is jealous of Shirou Emiya for having Sakura's affections. After a talk with him, Shirou finds out Minori doesn't know anything about Sakura and just likes her because she is pretty and he has an image of her being perfect when in reality Sakura is far from it.

* ''VisualNovel/LittleBusters'':
** Late in Haruka's route, [[spoiler:she becomes very worried that she doesn't love Riki, she just thinks she does because she's so broken and insecure that she'd be reacting this way to anyone who showed genuine affection towards her. Riki says that he doesn't care and loves her anyway.]]
** In Mio's route, she rejects Riki's AnguishedDeclarationOfLove because she believes he only feels pity for her and is mistaking that for love. [[ForegoneConclusion She's wrong, obviously.]]
** Sasami's route involves her realizing her feelings for Kengo weren't necessarily love, but rather an admiration towards him. Once she realizes this truth, she actually feels relieved [[spoiler:when Kengo admits he doesn't reciprocate her feelings]].
* ''Lucky Me, Lucky You'', a free visual novel by [[VisualNovel/StrawberryVinegar ebi-hime]], centers around this. The protagonist, Nanami, has just been dumped by her girlfriend, and her best friend Ryo tries to cheer her up with a night of ice cream and...watching porn. One of the movies contains an actress called Misae Morishita, who was Nanami's first crush. After discovering that Misae is from the same area as Ryo's grandparents, Nanami impulsively decides to visit in order to find Misae and confess her feelings. [[spoiler:Meeting Misae in real life drives home to Nanami that the person she was crushing on was just a persona from the beginning, and that the real Misae can't live up to her fantasy.]]

* ''VisualNovel/MysticMessenger'': Yoosung idolized his cousin Rika and was hit ''hard'' by her suicide. If the player character pursues Yoosung, he begins comparing her constantly with Rika which causes Zen and Jaehee to worry that he only sees the PC as a ReplacementGoldfish for Rika. In his good ending, he overcomes this. In his bad endings... not so much.

* In ''VisualNovel/SuperDanganronpaAnother2'', [[spoiler: Kanade Otonokoji was a {{yandere}} for her [[{{Twincest}} twin]] [[VillainousIncest sister]] Hibiki. However, it's made abundantly clear that Kanade doesn't care about her as a person, and in fact actively resents her. She fetishizes her sister because she's a malignant {{narcissist}} who simply sees Hibiki as a reflection of herself to play with, and instead of accepting her sister's shortcomings she decided to erase them by grooming her into an EmptyShell]].

* ''VisualNovel/UminekoWhenTheyCry'':
** George Ushiromiya is in love with Shannon, who's a shy and demure {{Meido}}. However, [[spoiler:Shannon is really just an alter ego of Sayo Yasuda, who's actually incredibly troubled and is planning a MurderSuicide on a massive scale.]]
** An even more disturbing example is with Kinzo Ushiromiya. [[spoiler:After his beloved mistress Beatrice Castiglioni's DeathByChildbirth, Kinzo's grief made him delude himself into believing that their daughter Beatrice Ushiromiya was her reincarnation, which only got worse as Beatrice Ushiromiya began to resemble her mother even more as she grew older. Naturally, she couldn't understand or return her father's obsessive feelings for her, but this didn't stop him from eventually [[ParentalIncest raping his own daughter]] thanks to projecting his feelings for her mother onto her.]]
* ''VisualNovel/ZeroEscape'': In ''VisualNovel/VirtuesLastReward'', [[spoiler:this is essentially why Tenmyouji has pursued Akane for so long after [[VisualNovel/NineHoursNinePersonsNineDoors escaping from the Nonary Game in Nevada]], despite the fact that the search destroyed his life. It isn't until the "End & Beginning" epilogue that he finally acknowledges (to his deep sadness) that the innocent Akane he once knew no longer exists]].

* ''Webcomic/BestFriendsForever'': By chapter 23, Vincent finally confesses to Louis that [[spoiler:his feelings for Ted are this. He has tried to compare other men to Ted in his mind, but realized that this is unfair to everybody, as he isn't really with Ted, and is much more in love with the idea of having a relationship with Ted and the mental image of a perfect LovableNerd he has of Ted rather than Ted himself.]]

-->'''Rooomie''': I'm sorry I'm not the person you thought I was -
-->'''Lillian''': You're so much more.
-->'''Roomie''': Oh God, fuck me.
* Haruna sees Onii-san as a replacement for her dead fiance Mamoru in ''Webcomic/ExperimentalComicKotone''. However, later strips show that, while she may have originally felt that way, as time went on she fell for Onii-san for real.
* This turns out to be the major source of conflict between Misho and Marena in ''Webcomic/KeychainOfCreation''. Misho refuses to have casual sex with Marena. He wants more than that. Marena wants that too, but won't commit to anything more until she's sure that Misho [[spoiler:sees her as she is now, not [[ReincarnationRomance as she was a millennium ago]] when she was Misho's First Age Lunar consort.]]

* An episode of ''WesternAnimation/ThePiratesOfDarkWater'' called "A Drop of Darkness" had the older [[http://piratesofdarkwater.wikia.com/wiki/Cray Cray]], who had once dated Ren's father. She threw a fit and left him when she caught him ''having a picnic'' with another woman. [[StrongFamilyResemblance Ren looks like his father]], so when Cray regains her youth, she tries to recapture how happy she remembers being. [[spoiler:Either Ren marries her, or his friends meet messy ends.]]
* Cyclops seems to have this for the missing ComicBook/JeanGrey in ''WesternAnimation/WolverineAndTheXMen2009'', not helped by her lack of characterization.
* Kid Flash's constant flirting with Miss Martian on ''WesternAnimation/YoungJustice2010'' had shades of this, as did Miss Martian's own relationship with Superboy (on both ends). Although at the end of the first season, it turns out [[spoiler: that Superboy is the only person who ''really'' knew Miss Martian, rather than her "Hello Megan!" personality, even if she didn't realise it]].
* Doughy [[MeaningfulName Latchkey]] in ''WesternAnimation/MoralOrel'' develops a [[PrecociousCrush crush]] [[HotForTeacher on his teacher]], Miss Sculptham, after she calls him "son" - something his [[ParentalNeglect actual parents don't]]. Aside from her clearly not being interested in a child, she just takes advantage of him to get free expensive gifts. When he realizes that [[AllTakeAndNoGive their relationship is not mutual]], he stops giving.

* ''WesternAnimation/HarleyQuinn2019'': What attracted [[Characters/HarleyQuinn2019TheCharacter Harley Quinn]] to the Joker was envisioning him as a man traumatized by an abusive childhood and who needed her for love and comfort. It's until after her relationship with him ends that Harley learns the story Joker told her about his father beating him wasn't even his [[spoiler:but Ivy's. Soon after that, Harley realizes Ivy is the one she truly loves.]]

* ''WesternAnimation/StarVsTheForcesOfEvil'': In "Sleepover", [[Characters/StarVsTheForcesOfEvilMarcoDiaz Marco Diaz]] admits that he's unsure about whether he has a crush on Jackie because of who she is as a person, or because he has put her on a pedestal in his mind.
* ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'':
** [[Characters/StevenUniverseGregUniverse Greg Universe]] is clearly in love with [[Characters/StevenUniverseRoseQuartz Rose Quartz]], a [[MayflyDecemberRomance nigh-immortal]] humanoid alien. However (as shown by the WholeEpisodeFlashback "We Need to Talk"), early in their relationship, he realizes that she can't tell the difference between ''[[IntriguedByHumanity loving humans]]'' and ''being in love with a human'', and becomes concerned about whether her affection for him is one or the other. Rose, for her part, may not even be aware that there ''is'' a difference until Greg confronts her about it, which marks a turning point in both their relationship and Rose's own CharacterDevelopment.
** Broken down a bit more explicitly in "Love Letters." Jamie the mailman sees Garnet rising from the ocean and instantly becomes infatuated with her, writing the titular letter and professing his love to her (in the rain, no less). After both Garnet's blunt rebuttal and Connie and Steven's attempt to let him down easy go awry, Garnet sits down with him and explains that it just isn't possible for him to be in love with her so quickly (they'd said all of two sentences to each other) because love is about knowing the other person and accepting their flaws, and he was just so swept up in the drama of Hollywo- [[AlternateHistory Kansas]] that he had himself convinced infatuation ''was'' love.

* Deconstructed in the ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' episode "Run, Chris, Run." Chris gets elected to Homecoming King by his peers...but it turns out the only reason they did it was out of pity. Chris goes into denial, but when he sees them nominate a ''dead'' girl as his Homecoming Queen, a girl who got herself killed by driving while on [=PCP=], he realizes that they only like ''the idea'' of helping a disabled kid like him, and not who he actually is. He angrily chews them out and storms off.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheOwlHouse'' plays a platonic version of this for horror. [[spoiler: [[Characters/TheOwlHouseEmperorBelos Philip Wittebane]] used to have an older brother named Caleb, [[SiblingMurder who he murdered]] for [[FantasticRacism falling in love and having a child with a witch]]. The [[ExpendableClone Grimwalkers]] -- of which Hunter is the latest iteration -- are his attempts at [[ReplacementGoldfish creating a "better version" of his brother]] that would serve as his right hand man during his rise to power as Emperor Belos. However, all Belos wants from Hunter is complete obedience and subservience, which he cultivates through manipulation and abuse, meaning that the moments where Hunter acts most like Caleb are the moments where he's ''not'' around Belos. WordOfGod clarified that "Caleb" has been reduced to an abstract concept in Belos's mind, and he cares so little about Hunter's actual wellbeing that when Hunter discovers that he's a clone and brokenly asks Belos what happened to the previous ones, Belos tries to kill him on the spot, and later tells Luz that he'll have to make another one thanks to her.]]

* The ComicBook/GrimmFairyTales version of Sleeping Beauty features this. The princess' curse is naturally meant to be cured with TrueLovesKiss, with the catch that anyone who kisses her with impure intentions gets destroyed. After several princes try and fail, a peasant succeeds in kissing her with true love. The problem is, his love is only pure ''because'' he's in love from a distance and doesn't know the princess' true nature...and as soon as he realizes how spoiled and selfish she really is, the peasant renounces his love, and the curse reactivates to destroy him and permanently imprison the princess.

* ''Fanfic/UnlifeIsStrange''

* In ''Film/AmericanGraffiti,'' Curt sees a beautiful woman in the next car and spends most of the movie trying to meet her. He knows literally nothing about her. When describing her to people, one person thinks that she's a married woman, while another identifies her with a prostitute; in both cases, Curt refuses to believe that they have the right girl, apparently just because he doesn't ''want'' it to be true. His ultimate decision to stop chasing her ties into his overall arc about needing to find an adult life outside of town.

* Bruce Wayne/Batman spends much of Christopher Nolan's ''Film/TheDarkKnightTrilogy'' being stubbornly infatuated with Rachel Dawes, his childhood friend. The two actually have very little in common as adults, outside of wanting Gotham City to be a better place; and though Rachel promised Bruce she would wait for him to finish his work as Batman at the end of ''Film/BatmanBegins'', they have even less in the way of chemistry, romantic or otherwise. But Bruce just can't seem to let go of his fixation with Rachel, having put her on too high a pedestal, even after she starts dating Harvey Dent. By the end of ''Film/TheDarkKnight'', Rachel herself realizes that she probably had a little bit of this towards Bruce as well and finally realizes that she really isn't in love with Bruce while her heart truly belongs to Dent ([[spoiler:which ends tragically for all involved]]). In ''Film/TheDarkKnightRises'', Bruce gets into this again with Miranda Tate, who reminds him of Rachel [[spoiler:until the end when she reveals herself to be ComicBook/TaliaAlGhul and tries to kill him along with the rest of Gotham]]. In the end, Bruce finally finds something real with [[spoiler:Selina Kyle and starts a new life with her in Italy]].
* Comes up in the ''Film/JamesBond'' films quite often, since James has never really gotten over losing Vesper and Tracy, the two women in his life he really cared about, and he often finds himself in the company of women who see him as a means to an end and he's not above sleeping with them and/or exploiting their feelings.
* Princess Uracca had a bit of this towards Rodrigo in ''Film/ElCid''.
* Zigzagged with Peter Parker's infatuation with Mary Jane Watson in Sam Raimi's ''Film/SpiderManTrilogy'', where he has put her on something of a pedestal since childhood while she barely seems to know he even exists. However, Peter's also aware that MJ isn't the perfect glamor girl she presents herself as and tries to respect her relationship choices while still offering her his friendship. MJ, for her part, was implied to already be secretly fond of Peter, and ultimately reciprocates his feelings because he genuinely cares about and wants to get to know her. Though the third film shows how their respective [[FreudianExcuse issues]] complicate their relationship.
** MJ's initial boyfriends are a straighter example, as she breaks up with them when it turns out they're more interested in the image of her than her true self.
* In ''Film/FiveHundredDaysOfSummer'', it's made clear in the movie and by WordOfGod that Tom is fixated on an idealized version of Summer as his desired ManicPixieDreamGirl and doesn't see the actual flawed human being in front of him, namely that Summer is not interested in a serious relationship with him.
* In ''Film/ProblemChild 3'', this becomes the main plot point. Junior falls in love with a girl and admires her from afar. Towards the end of the movie, he finally gets to talk to her and quickly discovers that she is a shallow AlphaBitch. Not only does he quickly lose interest, but he also pulls a prank on her shortly afterwards.
* In ''Film/TwentySevenDresses'', main character Jane works tirelessly for George, the owner of a camping supply company, because she's desperately in love with him and has built up an idealized image over the years. This leads to a [[TheGloriousWarOfSisterlyRivalry bitter war]] when her sister Tess shows up and falls in love with George at first sight. When Jane finally [[AnguishedDeclarationOfLove confesses her love for George]] and kisses him, she realizes that there is absolutely no spark between them, and she's been enamored of the ''idea'' of him rather than the man himself.
** This is also implied to be the [[FreudianExcuse reason]] why Jane loves planning weddings in the first place--she loves the concept of fairy-tale marriages and "happily ever afters," but doesn't really understand what it takes to actually be in a relationship.
* In the heat of [[Creator/LaurelAndHardy their]] [[PlotMandatedFriendshipFailure fight]] in ''Film/StanAndOllie'', Oliver accuses Stanley of a platonic version of this, claiming that the other man had only ever cared about their studio-mandated partnership and never about himself as a real friend. Fortunately [[AvertedTrope averted]] when the two reconcile after Ollie's health scare not long after, with both admitting they hadn't meant their harsh words that night and reaffirming their [[HeterosexualLifePartners friendship]] going forward.
-->'''Ollie:''' You loved "Laurel and Hardy". But you never loved me.

* In ''Literature/GoneWithTheWind,'' Scarlett finally realises -- too late -- that her supposed true love for Ashley is "only a sort of dream I had when I was a little girl".

* Several examples in the works of Creator/JacquelineWilson:
** Destiny's mother in ''Literature/LittleDarlings'' didn't really know the father of her daughter, and was caught up in a fantasy she associated with his being a rock star.
** In the first book of the ''Literature/{{Girls}}'' series, Ellie develops an attraction to Kevin, an older boy she has seen around town but never really met or spoken to. She later develops a relationship with Dan (a boy her own age) and has to accept that Kevin will never live up to her romantic fantasies as he is gay; however, Ellie and Kevin do form a genuine platonic friendship.
** Marigold from ''Literature/TheIllustratedMum'' has idolized Micky as the love of her life for years but fails to realize that he does not want anything to do with her. Micky is more interested in his daughter, Star, and is implied to find Marigold's unusual ways intolerable. Marigold got together with Michael, Dolphin's father, mostly because he had nearly the same name.
** Drives the plot of ''Literature/FallingApart''. Tina falls for the older, [[UptownGirl more socially advanced]] Simon and soon convinces herself that he is the love of her life. She is unable to see that he is not the person she thinks he is, and that to him their relationship is just a casual fling. It [[DrivenToSuicide doesn't end well]] when he breaks up with her.
** Sylvie, the protagonist of ''Literature/Kiss2007'', has grown up in very close proximity to her friend Carl. She has always believed they would get married one day, and as they become teenagers she clings to this image, seeing Carl as a Prince Charming figure and convinced he will fall in love with her. Her illusion is shattered when Carl comes out as gay and tells her of his feelings for a male friend.
* Often a factor in Creator/JinYong novels, especially when unrequited love is involved, but it's most blatant in ''Literature/DemiGodsAndSemiDevils'', where Duan Yu falls in love with a ''statue'' before ending up gaga over Wang Yuyan, who reminds him of "her". When the story was originally in syndication, he ended up winning her over (she had an unrequited crush on Murong Fu) and marrying her, but when Jin Yong published a newer edition later in life, he had Duan Yu come to the realization that he and Yuyan were LikeBrotherAndSister and BetterAsFriends.

* ''Literature/{{Lolita}}'': Humbert Humbert himself explains his obsession with Lolita in the first few pages, claiming that his unconsummated relationship with [[YouRemindMeOfX Annabel caused him to be attracted to "nymphets"]]. Humbert claims that Dolores Haze eventually replaced Annabel in this role; however while he continues to wax lyrical over his idealised "Lolita", in reality, he's in a sordid sexual relationship maintained through threats and bribery, with [[BreakTheCutie a miserable, sullen teenager]] whose [[CorruptTheCutie innocence he has thoroughly destroyed]]. [[UnreliableNarrator All of this is complicated by the fact that ol' HH has no problems at all with misleading the reader.]]

* In ''Literature/TheSharingKnife: Horizon'' young(ish) Patroller Neeta from New Moon Cutoff who, due largely to couple of years on exchange up in Luthlia, starts fixating on Captain Dag Wolverine (Hero of Wolf Ridge) as soon as he connects him with [[FamedInStory the epic cycle]] she memorized. The broken amputee Tent Wolverine sent back to his birthplace in the hopes of him healing his emotional wounds, the humble patroller who literally lived for malice slaying, and the HappilyMarried trainee groundsetter she actually ''met'' would all agree that the actual heroes at Wolf Ridge died there.

** While James Amber seems to genuinely care for Rachel, it's also heavily implied he cares more about her image as an ideal daughter and student, rather than Rachel as a person. After Rachel's death is uncovered, James tries to posthumously push this idealized image, ostensibly in Rachel's memory, but Rachel herself suspects that he cares his family's image over the real deal. [[spoiler:When they reunite, this causes further distance between them despite James trying to reconnect with her. When James learns Rachel's a vampire ''and'' sees her in action, he invokes ThatThingIsNotMyChild, and even tries to kill her in a moment of distress.]]

DelusionsOfParentalLove is another platonic variation, where a child views their parent in a very idealized light and refuses to believe that their caregiver don't actually care about them.

The trope name refers to Éowyn's unrequited love for Aragorn from the ''Literature/LordOfTheRings'' trilogy, from the line ''"It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek."''

** Kate Marsh comes to this conclusion about her ostensible supporters. After Kate's victimhood is exploited, social media and her church community prop her up as this "perfect" victim of Jefferson and the Dark Room. Over time, Kate realizes this was less about ''actually'' supporting her, and more to pat themselves on the back for it. The Kate they ''really' wanted to support was this idealized concept -- a sad, but innocent "Good Christian" girl, who needs to be protected. When Kate adopts a more tomboyish punk look and rebellious attitude, similar to Chloe Price, her "supporters" wash their hands of Kate almost immediately.

** Kennedy has this problem with her best friend Jules, and boyfriend Nate. Throughout the series, Kennedy seems blissfully ignorant to Jules's after Nate raped her, focusing more on her university career, and social life. When the truth reaches her, Kennedy believes Nate's "cheating" confession, over Jules admitting she was raped -- and is a lot quicker to forgive Nate than she is with Jules. When Ophelia confronts her, she tells Kennedy she ''must'' have known the truth but ignored it to keep up the Status Qou. Ultimately, Kennedy sees through Nate when he lashes out at her for not trusting him, reconciling with Jules and supporting her in her case against Nate.

** Kennedy has this problem with her best friend Jules, and boyfriend Nate. Throughout the series, Kennedy seems blissfully ignorant to Jules's after Nate raped her -- focusing more on her university career, and social life. When the truth reaches her, Kennedy believes Nate's "cheating" confession, over Jules admitting she was raped -- and is a lot quicker to forgive Nate than she is with Jules. When Ophelia confronts her, she tells Kennedy she ''must'' have known the truth but ignored it to keep up the Status Qou. Ultimately, Kennedy sees through Nate when he lashes out at her for not trusting him, reconciling with Jules and supporting her in her case against Nate.

** Kate Marsh comes to this conclusion about her ostensible supporters. After Kate's victimhood is exploited, social media and her church community prop her up as this "perfect" victim of Jefferson and the Dark Room. Over time, Kate realizes this was less about ''actually'' supporting her, and more to pat themselves on the back for it. They care less about Kate as a ''person'', and more of her ''image''; that being of a sad, but innocent "Good Christian" girl, who needs to be protected. When Kate adopts a more tomboyish punk look and attitude, similar to Chloe, these same people wash their hands of Kate almost immediately.
** While James Amber seems to genuinely care for Rachel, it's heavily implied he cares more of her image as this ideal daughter and student, rather than Rachel as a person. After Rachel's death, James tries to posthumously push this image of Rachel ostensibly in her memory, but Rachel herself suspects that he cares more about his reputation and image over the real deal. [[spoiler:When they reunite, this causes further distance between them despite James trying to reconnect with her. When James learns she's a vampire ''and'' sees her in action, he invokes ThatThingIsNotMyChild, and even tries to kill her in a moment of distress.]]

** Ophelia calls Kennedy out on this, regarding Jules and Nate. Throughout the series, Kennedy seems blissfully ignorant to Jules plight and what Nate did to her, in favor of focusing more on her relationship with Nate, and her sisterhood with the other Zetas. When the truth gets to her, Kennedy believes Nate's "cheating" confession, over Jules admitting she was raped, and is a lot quicker to forgive Nate than she is with Jules. When Ophelia confronts her, she tells Kennedy she must have known the truth but ignored it in favor of keeping the Status Qou. Ultimately, Kennedy sees through Nate when he lashes out at her for not trusting him, reconciling with Jules and supporting her in her case against Nate.
** Ophelia's mother, Bobbi has this problem too. It's mentioned throughout that despite Ophelia being a trust fund baby, she has a troubled relationship with her parents for her rebellious attitude. One episode has Ophelia infiltrating the Kappas - of which her mother was a former president - and has to take up a valley girl persona to integrate with them. Bobbi Mayer is thrilled to hear Ophelia is joining her old house, and seems to genuinely bond with her throughout the episode. Once the Kappa's are exposed and dismantled, Ophelia drops her "Kappa persona", prompting Bobbi to leave, indicating that Bobbi cared more about who she wanted Ophelia to be, more than Ophelia as a person.

Accordingly, compare and contrast with AllLoveIsUnrequited. Compare TheDulcineaEffect. Not to be confused with FightingAShadow.

** ComicBook/{{Raven}} feels this way for Nightwing for an arc in ComicBook/TeenTitans when she's permitted to feel emotions for the first time. Starfire has to pull her aside and explain that there are different kinds of love. At first, it looks like they're headed to a [[OneTrueThreesome different solution]], but they end up working things out in a mundane way.