History Main / IfIDoNotReturn

* In ''Series/TwentyFour'' Day 8, a suicide bomber says "Tell my mother that I'm sorry." before he explodes.

* In ''A [[WesternAnimation/GarfieldSpecials Garfield]] [[ChristmasSpecial Christmas]]'', when Jon gets Garfield to put the star on top of the Christmas tree and Garfield accepts, he says, "If I'm not back in an hour, send a banana cream pie after me."

* ''Film/SteelRain''. Kwak suspects that a North Korean agent is holding his ex-wife hostage and forcing her to treat the leader of North Korea, who's had to flee his country after a coup. He walks into the building pretending he's just come to see her, but beforehand tells a friend to call him in one hour and if he doesn't answer or his phone is dead, call the police...or OnSecondThought special forces. Fortunately this happens without a hitch and the North Korean agent is smart enough to surrender when he sees a dozen laser dots on his chest.

* ''Film/SteelRain''. Kwak suspects that a North Korean agent is holding his ex-wife hostage and forcing her to treat the leader of North Korea, who's had to flee his country after a coup. He walks into the building pretending he's just come to see her, but beforehand tells a friend to call him in one hour and if he doesn't answer or his phone is dead, call the police...or OnSecondThoughts special forces. Fortunately this happens without a hitch and the North Korean agent is smart enough to surrender when he sees a dozen laser dots on his chest.

* ''Series/JessicaJones2015'' has a scene in which Kilgrave tells two cooks under [[MindRape his control]], "Alva? Laurent? If I'm not back within two hours, [[TearOffYourFace please remove the skin from each others' faces]]."

-->'''Hawkeye:''' If I don't come back... Merry Christmas.\\

-->'''Hawkeye:''' B.J., if I'm not back in five minutes, don't come and get me.

* ''Series/OneTreeHill'' episode "Every Night Is Another Story"
-->'''Haley James:''' I saw a gas station about a mile down the road, if I'm not back in an hour, tell my mom I loved her.
* In the ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' episode "[[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S03E21SantaClausConquersTheMartians Santa Claus Conquers the Martians]]":
-->'''Voldar:''' Now, if we're not back in three hours, you know what to do.\\
'''Tom Servo:''' Go ahead and order without us.

* ''Series/StargateSG1'':
** Daniel does this in [[Recap/StargateSG1S1E1ChildrenOfTheGods the premiere episode]].
** Jack also does it in "[[Recap/StargateSG1S6E8TheOtherGuys The Other Guys]]", but stops himself before saying exactly what they should do.
--->''"If we're not back in five minutes..."'' [shrugs]
* ''Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries'':
** From the episode "[[Recap/StarTrekS1E5TheEnemyWithin The Enemy Within]]":
--->'''Kirk:''' Spock, if this doesn't work... ''[beat]''\\
'''Spock:''' ''[nods once, his eyes downcast]'' Understood.
** In "[[Recap/StarTrekS3E9TheTholianWeb The Tholian Web]]", Spock and [=McCoy=] view the [[VideoWill message]] Kirk left behind for this contingency when Kirk is lost and presumed dead.
* ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'':
** In the episode "[[Recap/StarTrekDeepSpaceNineS03E17Visionary Visionary]]", when O'Brien undergoes a potentially fatal time-travel experiment, he tells Bashir that he recorded a message for his wife Keiko if anything should happen.
** Garak has fun with this in the episode "[[Recap/StarTrekDeepSpaceNineS03E20ImprobableCause Improbable Cause]]":
--->'''Garak:''' If you go into my quarters, and examine the bulkhead next to the replicator, you'll notice there's a false panel. Behind that panel is a compartment containing an isolinear rod. If I'm not back in seventy-eight hours, I want you to take that rod... and ''eat it''.\\
'''Bashir:''' Eat it? You're joking. \\
'''Garak:''' Yes, Doctor. I am.
* ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'': While her crew sometimes take this trope [[LeaveNoManBehind with a grain of salt]], in "[[Recap/StarTrekVoyagerS4E19TheOmegaDirective The Omega Directive]]", Captain Janeway has to go on a solo mission to destroy the Omega molecule which could create a NoWarpingZone if detonated. So when she orders Chakotay to do an immediate HyperspeedEscape if her plan doesn't work, she really means it because he'll only have ten seconds before Voyager is stranded in space for the rest of their lives.
* ''Series/{{Torchwood}}'': In one episode, Gwen (thinking she's about to die) turns to Ianto and says "Tell Jack I--" only to be cut off when rescue arrives. The only problem is that Ianto is Jack's boyfriend.
* ''Series/{{Monk}}'': The first part of the series finale, "[[Recap/MonkS8E15MrMonkAndTheEnd Mr. Monk and The End]]", [[spoiler:shows Monk opening the final Christmas gift Trudy gave him; it's revealed that it's an "If I don't come back" tape that could have helped him solve her murder within days of her death]].

* In ''Series/TwentyFour'' Day 8, a suicide bomber says "Tell my mother that I'm sorry." before he explodes.
* In the ''Series/{{Blackadder}} the Third'' episode "[[Recap/BlackadderS3E3NobAndNobility Nob and Nobility]]", Edmund, supposedly on his way to [[UsefulNotes/TheFrenchRevolution Revolutionary France]], leaves Prince George with this touching message:
-->'''Blackadder:''' If I don't make it back, please write to my mother and tell her that I've been alive all the time, it's just that I couldn't be bothered to get in touch with the old bat.

* Zoe uses a serious version in ''{{Series/Firefly}}'': when Mal and Wash are kidnapped, she instructs the crew to get out of the quadrant should she not return from her rescue effort after a reasonable amount of time. ''Mal'', on the other hand... well, his subversion is in the Film folder.
* ''Series/GameOfThrones'': Tyrion asks CampFollower Shae to shed a few tears for him if he's killed in today's battle. Shae asks how would he know if she wept for him if he was dead.
* In the first ChristmasEpisode of ''Series/{{MASH}}'', Hawkeye (dressed as Santa) has to take a chopper to where a wounded soldier waits to be treated in the middle of gunfire. His exchange with Trapper:

* ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'': Rejected by macho Dean when his little brother tries to get all soppy on him.
-->'''Sam:''' Dean, if this doesn't go the way we want, I want you to know that--\\
'''Dean:''' Oh no no no.\\
'''Sam:''' No what?\\
'''Dean:''' You're not going to bust out the misty-eyed goodbye speech, OK? I mean if this is going to be my last day on Earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward.
* ''Series/TheUnit'' has a more cold depiction. Searching for his daughter, a US soldier kidnapped in Iraq, Jonas Blane walks into a mosque, explosives strapped to his chest, and calmly informs the occupants that he will count to three. If they do not help him, he will kill himself and everyone inside. He then tells his comrades to leave, and find his daughter for him.

* ''Series/TheXFiles'', in the episode "[[Recap/TheXFilesS05E18ThePineBluffVariant The Pine Bluff Variant]]":
-->'''Mulder:''' If you don't hear from me by midnight... feed my fish.
* ''Series/JessicaJones2015'' has a scene in which Kilgrave tells two cooks under [[MindRape his control]], "Alva? Laurent? If I'm not back within two hours, [[TearOffYourFace please remove the skin from each others' faces]]."

* ''Series/BlakesSeven'':
** Played for drama when the RagtagBunchOfMisfits first team up. Blake has to do a high-risk teleport (it's the first time they've used the technology) down to a prison planet, and tells the others they can leave with the Liberator if he's not back in four hours. Avon and Jenna then discover there's a [[PirateBooty fortune in jewelry]] stashed on the Liberator, and [[AntiHero Avon]] seriously tries to convince Jenna to abandon Blake without waiting.
** In "[[Recap/BlakesSevenS3E11Moloch Moloch]]", President Servalan is searching for a missing legion only to find they've killed their officers and gone rogue. She tries the "if I don't return something bad will happen" routine but they're not impressed, pointing out that if her military strength was as powerful as she claimed, she wouldn't be gallivanting around the galaxy looking for a single legion to add to it.
** In "[[Recap/BlakesSevenS3E13Terminal Terminal]]", Avon insists on teleporting down to a planet alone (ironically in the [[FireForgedFriends hope of finding Blake]]). If Avon is not back in twelve hours, the MasterComputer is programmed to take the Liberator to another planet before handing over control.
** And from the [[AudioPlay/BlakesSeven audio play]] "Drones":
--->'''Vila:''' Cally, I owe Avon... at least 1000 credits. Tell him... ''[long pause]'' tough.
* In the final episode of ''Series/PowerRangersInSpace'', Ashley catches Andros when he's about to go off on his own [[spoiler: to try and bring back his sister from the dark side.]] He stops for a moment to tell her something in case he doesn't make it back, but she shushes him, assuring him they'll meet again.

->'''Llewelyn''': If I don't come back, tell mother I love her.\\
'''Carla Jean''': Your mother's dead, Llewelyn.\\
'''Llewelyn''': Well then I'll tell her myself.

* ''Anime/CowboyBebop'': In "Black Dog Serenade," Jet, on his way to a face off with an old foe, tells Ed to water his bonsais. Ed, being [[CloudCuckoolander Ed]], cheerfully agrees, and has thoroughly drenched the plants before bothering to let Spike and Faye know what's going on.
* ''Manga/FullmetalAlchemist'' - Roy Mustang is entering Central Command to confide in a high-ranking general about what he's learned regarding the plot. He tells his right-hand woman/bodyguard Riza Hawkeye to wait for him, but that if anything goes wrong, she should get herself out. (She refuses, of course.)
** Not only does she refuse to get herself out, but she refuses to even let him go until he promises that he ''will'' come back alive. [[spoiler:He does.]]

[[folder:Live Action TV]]

* ''Series/BabylonFive'': In the episode "[[Recap/BabylonFiveS03E08MessagesFromEarth Messages From Earth]]" Captain Sheridan and Delenn have to take the ''White Star'' to the Jovian moon Ganymede in order to destroy the Shadow vessel Preident Clark's forces found buried on the moon. Before leaving Sheridan informs the senior staff that he's leaving his uniform, link, and ID behind so if something goes wrong there will be nothing left to tie the ''White Star'' back to ''Babylon 5''. He further instructs the crew if he doesn't return to put some organic material in his Starfury, send it out, and have it self destruct so the crew has a plausible story as to what happened to Sheridan.

* ''Film/SantaClausConquersTheMartians'' on ''[[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MST3K]]'':

* ''Series/StargateSG1''
** Daniel does this in the premiere episode.
** Jack also does it in "The Other Guys", but stops himself before saying exactly what they should do.
-->If we're not back in five minutes... *shrugs*
* ''Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries''
** From the episode "[[EvilTwin The Enemy]] [[ShirtlessScene Within]]":
-->'''Kirk:''' Spock, if this doesn't work... [beat]\\
'''Spock:''' [''nods once, his eyes downcast''] Understood.
** In "The Tholian Web", Spock and [=McCoy=] view the [[VideoWill message]] Kirk left behind for this contingency when Kirk is lost and presumed dead.
* ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine''
** Garak has fun with this in the episode "Improbable Cause":
-->'''Garak''': If you go into my quarters, and examine the bulkhead next to the replicator, you'll notice there's a false panel. Behind that panel is a compartment containing an isolinear rod. If I'm not back in seventy-eight hours, I want you to take that rod... and ''eat it''.\\
'''Bashir''': Eat it? You're joking. \\
'''Garak''': Yes, Doctor. I am.
** Played straight in the episode "Visionary". When O'Brien undergoes a potentially fatal time-travel experiment, he tells Bashir that he recorded a message for his wife Keiko if anything should happen.
* ''Series/StarTrekVoyager''. While her crew sometimes take this trope [[LeaveNoManBehind with a grain of salt]], in "The Omega Directive", Captain Janeway has to go on a solo mission to destroy the Omega molecule which could create a NoWarpingZone if detonated. So when she orders Chakotay to do an immediate HyperspeedEscape if her plan doesn't work, she really means it because he'll only have ten seconds before Voyager is stranded in space for the rest of their lives.
* ''Series/{{Torchwood}}''. In one episode Gwen, thinking she's about to die, turns to Ianto and says "Tell Jack I l-" only to be cut off when rescue arrives. The only problem is that Ianto is Jack's boyfriend.
* ''Series/{{Monk}}''. The first part of the series finale, "Mr. Monk and The End", [[spoiler:shows Monk opening the final Christmas gift Trudy gave him; it's revealed that it's an "If I don't come back" tape that could have helped him solve her murder within days of her death.]]
* ''Series/DoctorWho''
** "The Green Death" has the Doctor begin explaining what to do if he doesn't return. TheBrigadier assumes that means to come in and rescue him, but the Doctor clarifies that no, he'll be dead by then--they are to go in and destroy the [[AIIsACrapshoot BOSS]] before it [[TakeOverTheWorld takes over the world]].
** In "The Satan Pit", the Doctor--while hanging from a wire in a possibly fathomless chasm and planning to cut himself loose--asks Ida to tell Rose... [[CanNotSpitItOut "...Oh, she knows."]]

* In ''Series/{{Blackadder}} the Third'' "Nob and Nobility", Edmund, supposedly on his way to [[UsefulNotes/TheFrenchRevolution Revolutionary France]], leaves Prince George with this touching message:
-->'''Blackadder''': "If I don't make it back, please write to my mother and tell her that I've been alive all the time, it's just that I couldn't be bothered to get in touch with the old bat."
* ''Series/MarriedWithChildren'' episode "T*R*A*S*H" had the following conversation:
-->'''Griff''': If I don't make it, would you look up my ex-wife and...\\
'''Al''': And tell her that you love her?\\
'''Griff''': No, tell her that she's a bitch!
* Zoe uses a serious version in ''{{Series/Firefly}}'': when Mal and Wash are kidnapped, she instructs the crew to get out of the quadrant should she not return from her rescue effort after a reasonable amount of time.
** ''Mal'', on the other hand... well, his subversion is in the Film folder.
* ''Series/GameOfThrones''. Tyrion asks CampFollower Shae to shed a few tears for him if he's killed in today's battle. Shae asks how would he know if she wept for him if he was dead.
* On the first Christmas episode of ''Series/{{MASH}}'', Hawkeye (dressed as Santa) has to take a chopper to where a wounded soldier waits to be treated in the middle of gunfire. His exchange with Trapper:
-->'''Hawkeye''': If I don't come back... Merry Christmas.
-->'''Trapper''': Tell me when you get back.
* ''Series/{{Supernatural}}''. Rejected by macho Dean when his little brother tries to get all soppy on him.
-->'''Sam:''' Dean, if this doesn't go the way we want, I want you to know that--
-->'''Dean:''' Oh no no no.
-->'''Sam:''' No what?
-->'''Dean:''' You're not going to bust out the misty-eyed goodbye speech, OK? I mean if this is going to be my last day on Earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward.

* ''Series/TheXFiles'', episode "The Pine Bluff Variant":

* ''Series/JessicaJones2015'' has a scene where [[Creator/DavidTennant Kilgrave]] tells two cooks under [[MindRape his control]], "Alva? Laurent? If I'm not back within two hours, [[TearOffYourFace please remove the skin from each others' faces]]."
* ''Series/{{Quark}}''. After all the crew bar one has escaped from a Gorgon warship, Captain Quark tells Fiscus to blast off in four minutes if he hasn't returned with the last crewmember. Being [[TheSpock an emotionless plant-person]], Fiscus asks if that's four minutes from "now" or [[LudicrousPrecision four minutes from the start of their conversation]].
* ''Series/BlakesSeven''

** In "Terminal", Avon insists on teleporting down to a planet alone (ironically in the [[FireForgedFriends hope of finding Blake]]). If Avon is not back in twelve hours, the MasterComputer is programmed to take the Liberator to another planet before handing over control.
** In "Moloch", President Servalan is searching for a missing legion only to find they've killed their officers and gone rogue. She tries the "if I don't return something bad will happen" routine but they're not impressed, pointing out that if her military strength was as powerful as she claimed, she wouldn't be gallivanting around the galaxy looking for a single legion to add to it.
** And from the [[AudioPlay/BlakesSeven audio play]] "Drones".
-->'''Vila:''' Cally, I owe Avon... at least 1000 credits. Tell him... ''(long pause)'' tough.

* ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic: In the series finale, Twilight confides in her older brother Shining Armor that the mission she and her friends are about to embark on is essentially a suicide mission and if they die, all their hopes will be pinned on Flurry Heart, his infant daughter. This also serves as a goodbye from Twilight to her BBBFF (Big Brother Best Friend Forever) and as Twilight leaves, Shining turns away to cry while Flurry innocently waves goodbye to her aunt.

*
''WesternAnimation/MyLittePonyFriendshipIsMagic: In the series finale, Twilight confides in her older brother Shinig Armor that the mission she and her friends are about to embark on is essentially a suicide mission and if they die, all their hopes will be pinned on Flurry Heart, his infant daughter. This also serves as a goodbye from Twilight to her BBBFF (Big Brother Best Friend Forever) and as Twilight leaves, Shining turns away to cry while Flurry innocently waves goodbye to her aunt.

[[folder: Web Original]]

-->'''[[AwesomeMcCoolname Rex Chance]]:''' "If I'm not out in five minutes, save yourself and leave the island. No! Wait, that's silly. If I'm not out in five minutes, come and make sure I haven't locked myself in or something."

** In "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS10E8HomerSimpsonKidneyTrouble Homer Simpson: Kidney Trouble]]", Homer's father needed a kidney and Homer agreed to donate one. Out of fear he wouldn't survive the operation, Homer asked Marge to destroy the hospital if he didn't survive.

* From ''WesternAnimation/IceAge4ContinentalDrift'':

[[/folder]]

* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''
** In the episode when Homer starts bootlegging beer during Prohibition he starts telling Marge, "If we're not back, avenge our deaths" when he and Bart go out to deliver their brew. Marge agrees to do so.
** In another episode, Homer's father needed a kidney and Homer agreed to donate one. Out of fear he wouldn't survive the operation, Homer asked Marge to destroy the hospital if he didn't survive.

** "The Green Death" has the Doctor begin explaining what to do if he doesn't return. TheBrigadier assumes that means to come in and rescue him, but the Doctor clarifies that no, he'll be dead by then--they are to go in and destroy the MasterComputer that's about to TakeOverTheWorld.

** An earlier episode,

* In the ''Series/DoctorWho'' episode "The Satan Pit", the Doctor - while hanging from a wire in a possibly fathomless chasm and planning to cut himself loose - asks Ida to tell Rose... "...Oh, she knows."
** An earlier episode, "The Green Death" has the Doctor begin explaining what to do if he doesn't return. TheBrigadier assumes that means to come in and help him, but the Doctor clarifies that no, he'll be dead by then; they are to go in and destroy the computer.

Contrast IfWeGetThroughThis.

** Parodied in the "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS27E5TreehouseOfHorrorXXVI Treehouse of Horror XXVI]]" segment "Wanted: Dead, then Alive": After Bart is ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice by Sideshow Bob's HarpoonGun and [[AndShowItToYou gets his heart yanked out of his chest]], he knows that he's dying and won't come back home, so he tells his ArchEnemy his FamousLastWords: "Tell my father... he's... fat..."

* ''FanFic/ExistenceIsTheMostExcitingThingOfAll'': just before [[spoiler: Henriette]] goes off to commit a HeroicSacrifice, she gives Carlos a hug, tells her to tell her student and son that she's sorry, and that he's the best project leader she's ever had. Carlos, who's pretty heavily drugged at the time, doesn't realize what's going on, and cheerfully tells her she can tell them herself.

----

** Not only does she refuse to get herself out - she refuses to even let him go until he promises that he ''will'' come back alive.
** When Buccaneer and a squad of Briggs soldiers are investigating the tunnel built by Sloth, they arrange for the tunnel to be sealed off after a set time, whether they come back or not (if they don't come back by then, they most likely got killed). They do manage to return to the tunnel entrance after an encounter with Pride, but after the agreed time, and are certain that [[IceQueen Olivier]] has sealed off the tunnel. To their surprise, the entrance is still open. When they question the guard at the entrance after exiting, he tells them that their time hasn't expired, and shows them the broken watch Olivier gave him to prove it.

-->'''9:''' If I don't come back...destroy [[AIIsACrapshoot it]].

-->'''Sid:''' If I don't make it...find me a wife and tell her I love her!

* ''Film/{{Beethoven}}'' has this kind of quote when George goes and checks inside the lab for the whereabouts of the epoymous dog, he tells his wife and kids to call the police if he doesn't come back in 15 minutes. Subverted later by his wife Alice when she does go to call the police; she starts to say it but then backtracks and tells the kids that she'll be back.

* ''Film/JurassicWorldFallenKingdom'' has Owen telling Claire at one point, "If I don't make it back...remember you're the one who made me come here."

** Daniel does this in the première episode.

-->'''Kirk:''' "Spock, if this doesn't work..." [beat]\\
'''Spock:''' [nods once, his eyes downcast] "Understood."

** An earlier episode, "The Green Death" has the Doctor begin explaining what to do if he doesn't return. TheBrigadier assumes that means to come in and help him, but the Doctor clarifies that,no, he'll be dead by then; they are to go in and destroy the computer.

-->'''Griff''': "If I don't make it, would you look up my ex-wife and..."\\
'''Al''': "And tell her that you love her?"\\
'''Griff''': "No, tell her that she's a bitch!"

** ''Mal'', on the other hand...
-->'''Mal''': Zoe, ship is yours. Remember. If anything happens to me, or if you don't hear from me within the hour, you take this ship... and ''you come and rescue me''.\\
'''Zoe''': What, and risk my ship?\\
'''Mal''': I mean it. It's cold out there. And I don't wanna get left.

-->'''Hawkeye''': If I don't come back...Merry Christmas.

-->'''Mulder:''' If you don't hear from me by midnight ... feed my fish.

* The last words of [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext a nameless, imaginary truck driver after his truck is destroyed by an nunchuck magnet]] in [[http://mountaincomics.com/2014/07/31/mountain-time-579/ this]] ''Webcomic/MountainTime'':
--> Tell... my wife... I didn't die
* In the ''Webcomic/{{xkcd}}'' comic/game [[https://xkcd.com/1608/ "Hoverboard,"]] a flagging mountaineer says "If I don't make it back ... tell my wife ... where I am ... and why you left me there..."

* Played for comedy in WebVideo/{{Manwhores}} when Randy is about to go on his mission to Dead Man's Cove he says to Greg "If I don't come back, there's a load gun under the pillow. Kill yourself." after [[GroinAttack kneeing Greg in the crotch]] during a FinalSpeech.

* ''WesternAnimation/{{Freakazoid}}:'' If I'm not back in five minutes...''keep waiting''.

** In the episode when Homer starts bootlegging beer during Prohibition he starts telling Marge "If we're not back, avenge our deaths" when he and Bart go out to deliver their brew. Marge agrees to do so.

** "I Had An Accident": "If I don't come back, Chip...take care of Gary." ("Chip" is a potato chip he befriended when a severe injury left him afraid to go outside. When he left, Gary ate Chip.)

-->'''Bessie:''' (about to use a taffy puller [ItMakesSenseInContext]) Happy, if anything happens to me, I bequeath to you the hive. (Beat; to her brother) You can have my shoes.

[[/folder]]
----

* From one episode of the original ''WesternAnimation/{{ThunderCats|1985}}'':
-->'''Lion-O:''' (''to Tygra'') If I do not come back, you are the new lord of the [=ThunderCats=].
* ''WesternAnimation/TopCat and the Beverly Hills Cats'' has this during the scene where they rescue Benny from the dog pound, but argue over gets to go:

* ''Beethoven'' has this kind of quote when the father goes and check inside the lab, he tells his wife and kids to call the police if he doesn't come back in 15 minutes. His wife later followed him and tells the kids almost the same thing.