History Main / IKEAErotica

* The PornWithoutPlot of certain fixations and fetishes can turn into matherotica, when the author decides that the best way to spark the reader's libido is by rattling off measurements. A blend of IKEA Erotica and a failure to ShowDontTell, it misunderstands the thrill of the impossible which fuels these fantasies as "her breasts had become even bigger and heavier, growing five pounds and a full two inches in diameter in the course of one day, making her a [=62FF=]."

The point of erotica is to make the reader feel something of what the characters do, which in most cases should be arousal rather than boredom. It's often a sign that the writer didn't want to have a sex scene here but [[ExecutiveMeddling got overruled]] or that the writer is sexually inexperienced and writing with the aid of a biology textbook. A lot of FanFiction written by [[MostFanficWritersAreGirls 14-year-old girls]] falls under the latter category—[[ArtisticLicenseBiology often minus the biology textbook]]—making it less of a case of [[AnatomicallyImpossibleSex You Fail Sex Ed]] and more a case of [[IgnorantOfTheirOwnIgnorance You Haven't Even Taken The Course Yet]]. Examples are too numerous to list, and too forgettable to remember in any case.

[[folder:Fanfiction]]

* ''FanFic/MyImmortal''. An actual quote from the story reads "He put his thingy in my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."

** Another ''South Park'' example, showing both the sheer terrifying wonder of Butter's twisted crazy upbringing, and perhaps a little TruthInTelevision:

* Another literal example: There is a certain IKEA bed called [[http://img01.lachschon.de/images/TBV-1045681140.jpg "Gutvik"]], and caused quite some amusement in Germany (where it's pronounced ''goot fick'' - identically to the German words "gut fick", which means "good fuck" or "good screw"). [[MemeticMutation This trope]] [[HilarityEnsues naturally followed]].

* [[Franchise/{{Nasuverse}} Kinoko Nasu]], writer of ''VisualNovel/FateStayNight'' and ''VisualNovel/{{Tsukihime}}'' among others, is infamous for his inability to write sex scenes, to the point that making fun of TYPE-MOON's sex scenes is a RunningGag amongst the fans. There's some evidence that the sex was [[ExecutiveMeddling forced into the story]] in order to make the games sell better, as later stories and remakes of the old games tend to lack any sex scenes at all (to the point that certain plot events had to be [[RetCon RetConned]] into happening a different way).

* Justified with film screenplays, as they are meant to declare the on-camera shots, not describe them. For instance, in [[http://cinemascopian.com/pics/2008oscars/Atonement_Script.pdf the script for]] ''{{Literature/Atonement}}'', the sex scene (on page 33) may sound rather BeigeProse-like. However, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izs4_0X7UlY the actual scene itself]] is generally recognized as one of the best filmed.

* "[[VisualNovel/FateStayNight Please put your...that!]] [[{{Rule34}} Y-your pOnOs!]] [[{{Doujinshi}} To my...my...Here!]] [[{{Narm}} ...My vagOOO!!!]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny And J-J-JAM IT IN!]]" MemeticMutation [[http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/jam-it-in-you-lost-me ahoy]].

[[caption-width-right:300:Some Assembly Required]]

[[quoteright:300:[[Website/CollegeHumor http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/ikeaerotica_8009.jpg]]]]

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]

Or [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezwhZC4R-eI&feature=related furniture porn]].

** And in the episode where Peter tries his hand at writing erotica, resulting in such timeless classics as ''The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish''. [[CrowningMomentOfFunny As read by]] Creator/BettyWhite.
*** This is a bit odd, as Peter managed to make it both this and {{Lemon}}.
** Here's few perfect example from the same episode: a science-fiction type story.
-->'''Peter:''' ''(reading aloud whist cuddling with Lois)'' "...and then Captain Leeroy Hot Dog Zanzibar and [[WriteWhoYouKnow Gina from my work]] got in the backseat of his really cool spaceship. Gina was finally wearing that tank top I got her and nothing else. Zanzibar knew he couldn't control his [[RecycledInSpace space horniness]] any longer, and then they totally did it. And if I'd have been there, I would've been like 'Aw, sweet.'"
*** "It was past midnight when the blonde smokin' hot lab assistant, who looked a little like Heather Locklear, only with bigger jugs, was thrown onto the lab table. He ripped off her lab coat and she grabbed his metallic extension. Oh. [[TheReveal Did I mention he was a robot?"]]
** Even weirder is that Lois was impressed and said that it really painted a picture for her. Also how he became a bestselling author through writing these. But when you look at the next example, it might be a statement about erotica in this show. It'd be unsurprising if Brian was actually good at writing descriptions, even if he isn't good with plot.
** "He rubbed her shoulder sensually." What the hell is that, that's not sexy! You can't do someone in the shoulder!

* ''Series/LastWeekTonightWithJohnOliver'' plays a clip of New Zealand Prime Minister Bill English narrating [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhD1yTIautg possibly the world's saddest exercise video]]. Oliver then jokes that he wants to see English make a sex tape, speculating that he would provide narration that would be a hilarious example of this trope.

The point of erotica is to make the reader feel something of what the characters do, which in most cases should be arousal rather than boredom. It's often a sign that the writer didn't want to have a sex scene here but [[ExecutiveMeddling got overruled]], or that the writer is sexually inexperienced and writing with the aid of a biology textbook (a lot of FanFiction [[MostFanficWritersAreGirls written by 14-year-old girls]] comes into this category, [[ArtisticLicenseBiology often minus the biology textbook]]), making it less of a case of [[AnatomicallyImpossibleSex You Fail Sex Ed]] and more You Haven't Even Taken The Course Yet. Examples are too numerous to list, and too forgettable to remember in any case.

* The ''SwordArtOnline'' novel had a [[https://docs.google.com/file/d/0BwyW7ZpWYsQBaThmR0Foa2ZfOG8/edit pretty infamous one]]. The phrase "glopping sound" is used, and semen can apparently be measured in years. It's widely believed this was an example of StylisticSuck.

* Practically all the sex scenes in ''[[VisualNovel/FateStayNight Fate/Stay night]]'' are extremely awkward and even a tad rapish at points, as [[Franchise/{{Nasuverse}} Nasu]] was basically forced to include [[DeusSexMachina mana-transfer-via-sex]] into the VN, so that it would sell better.

* Used in ''Literature/TheHandmaidsTale'', in order to emphasise the fact that sex, for Offred, is now nothing more than a duty.

-->-- '''Creator/AgathaChristie''', ''TheClocks''

-->'''Peter:''' (Reading aloud whist cuddling with Lois) "...and then Captain Leeroy Hot Dog Zanzibar and [[WriteWhoYouKnow Gina from my work]] got in the backseat of his really cool spaceship. Gina was finally wearing that tank top I got her and nothing else. Zanzibar knew he couldn't control his [[RecycledInSpace space horniness]] any longer, and then they totally did it. And if I'd have been there, I would've been like 'Aw, sweet.'"

** "He rubbed her shoulder sensually." That's not sexy! You can't do someone in the shoulder!
* This gem from WesternAnimation/SouthPark (which also sounds like it might be a schoolground rhyme):

** Another South Park example showing both the sheer terrifying wonder of Butter's twisted crazy upbringing, and perhaps a little TruthInTelevision:
-->You see, Jimmy, when a man's penis becomes hard, the man puts it into a lady, into her vagina. Then, the hard penis sneezes milk inside the lady's tunnel and after it's all done sneezing milk the penis stops being hard and the man loses interest in the lady

## Know exactly how silly the games for which they're writing are, so why bother making it good? TheyJustDidntCare anyway. In fact, why not make the sex even dumber than it already is. They may even garner some cheap laughs from [[SoBadItsGood how bad it is]].

* [[AnitaBlake Laurell K. Hamilton]], whose last few books have devolved into exactly this sort of porn.
** And when Ms. Hamilton isn't utilizing this trope, she typically just has some weird mystic happening affect all the characters so they wake up hours (or days) later having had insanely hot orgies that they don't even remember. This really saves her from having to find new words to describe obscenely large werewolf-genitalia (which then get inserted into slot B).

* [[TheOReillyFactor Bill O'Reilly]]'s book ''Those Who Trespass'' provides an (in)famous example involving an AuthorAvatar.
* PlayedForLaughs in ''DaveBarry In Cyberspace'', with a "cybersex" session including the ridiculous line: "I AM THRUSTING MY MASSIVE KNOCKWURST OF LOVE INTO YOUR PASSION PERSIMMON!"

* Also shows up in the ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' movie. "Get in there! Get in there and... (while reading from ''The Joy of Sex'') insert your ''pen-is'' into her ''vag-in-a!''"

* ''MobileSuitGundamTournament'': "Stella and Reccoa turned 180 degrees", indeed.
* ''OneNightOfTheDropOfRain'': "[[BlindIdiotTranslation It inserted its body into the other one.]]"