History Main / FunnyAnsweringMachine

* In ''FoxTrot'', Jason once left a message offering the number of the insane asylum to anyone calling for Paige. Later on, he brought the machine up to the shower to record Roger singing in the shower. In another strip, he recorded himself singing "A million bottles of beer on the wall..."

* "Hi, this is Suzy. I'm not at home, but please leave a message at the tone... Unless you're [[[{{Garfield}} Jon Arbuckle]], in which case the machine will automatically hung up."

* "This is Elle's answering machine. I'm not here now, but you can leave a message at the beep. Except if you are [[{{Garfield}} Jon Arbuckle]], in which case the machine will automatically disconnect."
** An episode of GarfieldAndFriends had a message where Jon was being assaulted by Garfield and Odie while recording.

* One episode of ''CriminalMinds'' has a guy (played by whoever it is that played [[MalcolmInTheMiddle Malcolm]]) compulsively calling his girlfriend's cellphone, and getting the message "Hello, I cannot answer right now because I'm busy living my life!". He keeps getting increasingly exasperated that she doesn't answer, and a {{flashback}} reveals that he suggested the message to her (as he's some succesful comic writter/artist). [[spoiler:Then it turns out she was murdered a while ago, he has the phone (in silence) and his insistance on calling is part of the denial/psicosis he's suffering. He didn't kill her, mind you; he's hunting down the gang that did.]]

* One episode of TheSimpsons has Homer and Marge buying a book about trying to invoke this trope, and end up trying to record a message together while reading out of it. It sort of goes without saying, but it ends up being SoUnfunnyItsFunny.

** A season 2 episode had Homer calling Barney for bail from jail. His answering machine message is sung to the tune of Beethoven's 5th Symphony.

When a character lives in a modern setting, how do you show the audience or reader how quirky he or she is? Make that character an entertaining answering machine message for callers to hear! They're also good for showing the audience a hint the character's personality.

->Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!
-> [[http://www.ahajokes.com/ans009.html Ahajokes.com]]

-> [[http://www.ahajokes.com/ans009.html]]

** Another episode's {{teaser}} plays Woody's outgoing message, which Sam says (in the message) is stupid. The caller is revealed to be Woody, who now agrees that the message is stupid.

* Hey, this is ''{{Drake and Josh!}}'' Leave your name and...blah, blah, blah, blah...

* In ''FoxTrot'', Jason once left a message offering the number of the insane asylum to anyone calling for Paige. Later on, he brought the machine up to the shower to record Roger singing in the shower.

* [[Rent SPEAAAAAAAAAK]]

* [[RENT SPEAAAAAAAAAK]]

* George's classic [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caoYdiq3kak message]] from ''{{Seinfeld}}'', sung to the tune of the theme from ''{{The Greatest American Hero}}''.
** This was copied for Sean Fausz's answering machine in {{Kickassia}}.
* ''{{Rent}}'' has Mark and Roger saying, "speeeeeaak" together in a bored tone.
* In ''{{Zits}}'', Jeremy Duncan makes a message where he simply farts into the phone: "Leave a message at the sound of the 'frap'." And in an early strip, "You have reached the number you called. Blah, blah, blah. If you actually need further instructions, well, that's just pathetic."
*In ''FoxTrot'', Jason once left a message offering the number of the insane asylum to anyone calling for Paige. Later on, he brought the machine up to the shower to record Roger singing in the shower.
* Carrie Bradshaw's message in ''[[{{Sex And The City}} Sex and the City]]'' has variations of "Hi. I'm shoe shopping".

* "This is Elle's answering machine. I'm not here now, but you can leave a message at the beep. Except if you are [[{{Garfield}} Jon Arbuckle]], in which case the machine will automatically disconnect."
** An episode of GarfieldAndFriends had a message where Jon was being assaulted by Garfield and Odie while recording.
* [[http://www.ahajokes.com/funny_answering_machine_messages.html This website.]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzgVAwNJuYM&feature=related Roses are red und violets are blue/Hitler want a message from you.]]
* [[http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/palisades.asp Almost]] {{Real Life}} example: [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwghabw4N80 This message for a school]] needs to be heard to believe.
* TheJoker has one in ''BatmanTheAnimatedSeries''. Naturally, it's also disturbing.
-->'''Joker''': [''laughs''] Boy, did ''you'' get a wrong number. Leave your message at the sound of the shriek.
-->'''Man's voice''': No! Please! Don't! [''shrieks'']
* In a sketch on the Tracey Ullman Show, Tracey played a single girl whose recorded calls all indicated that her answering machine message made her sound sick or depressed (one, a wrong number, referred her to a suicide hotline). In response Tracey hired a studio band and recorded an elaborate message to the tune of "Something's Coming" from ''WestSideStory''.
* Parodied in ''[[{{Calvin And Hobbes}} Calvin and Hobbes]]''. Calvin once picked up the phone and said, "Leave a message at the sound of the 'click'." and hung up.

* In his column [[http://files.meetup.com/28795/Hell%20and%20Back,%20by%20columnist%20Chris%20Rose.doc Hell and Back]] describing his slide into clinical depression after Hurricane Katrina, Chris Rose wrote:
-->I changed the message on my phone to say: "This is Chris Rose. I am emotionally unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message."
-->I thought this was hilarious. Most of my friends picked it up as a classic cry for help.
* [[HomestarRunner Marzipan's Answering Machine]] is mostly about the funny ''calls'' she gets, but some of her answering machine messages can be pretty unusual, too. Some examples:
--> '''Marzipan:''' Hi, this is Marzipan. I'm out doing some very important things, so please leave me a message, and if this is Strong Bad calling to prank call me, can you please do the one where I win the radio contest? 'Cause that one's my favorite. Okay. Bye.
--> '''Marzipan:''' Hi guys! Leave me a message, and I'll leave you with an [[MindScrew abstract thought]]. Is a [[EverythingsBetterWithPenguins penguin]] a bird or a duck?
* ''Swingers'' features a funny answering machine, even though the message is completely normal. It seems the main character has his machine to spout out encouragements to him, as after he checks it says, in its robotic voice, comments like "She's not worth it" and "There are other fish in the sea."
* In one episode of ''Mama's Family'', Mama gets an answering machine and each person's attempt to record an outgoing message reflects their personality: Iola does it in a drab monotone, Naomi does it in a sexy, seductive voice with a kiss at the end (Mama: "It's supposed to be a phone message, not foreplay!"), Bubba shows off by doing it Elvis-style, and Vint just describes the machine on his message. They finally settle on Mama's short but not-so-sweet "It's your dime, spill it!"
* An early ''{{Frazz}}'' Sunday strip has Frazz and the kids recording a song with some nonsense instructions for the caller.
* [[{{Candorville}} Lemont]]'s answering machine always identifies the caller, usually "Mom" or "creditor." To the latter, he tends to mention his lack of funds. To the former, he's painfully self-effacing and apologetic for not living up to her expectations.
* Lammy's answering machine message in ''[[ParappaTheRapper Um Jammer Lammy]]'' is so long that she has time to run down some flights of stairs, run back ''up'' to her apartment, turn off all of the appliances she had accidentally left on, give her stuffed panda a kiss, and race back out the door.

* The prize of [[WaitWaitDontTellMe Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me]] is Carl Kasell recording [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111036549 one of these]] for the lucky contestant.
*One episode of CriminalMinds has a guy (played by whoever it is that played [[MalcolmInTheMiddle Malcolm]]) compulsively calling his girlfriend's cellphone, and getting the message "Hello, I cannot answer right now because I'm busy living my life!". He keeps getting increasingly exasperated that she doesn't answer, and a {{flashback}} reveals that he suggested the message to her (as he's some succesful comic writter/artist). [[spoiler:Then it turns out she was murdered a while ago, he has the phone (in silence) and his insistance on calling is part of the denial/psicosis he's suffering. He didn't kill her, mind you; he's hunting down the gang that did.]]

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