History Funny / WhackYour

* This time your victim is a laptop. Also, the protagonist has a bazooka, a stick of dynamite, [[DropTheHammer a sledgehammer]] and ''[[ChainsawGood a chainsaw]]'' in his office.

!!''Whack Your Boss''

!!''Whack Your Computer''

!!''Whack Your Neighbor''
* God suddenly coming in, FlippingTheBird to your neighbor, and [[ShockAndAwe striking him with lightning]].

!!''Whack the Burglars''
* Patrick's gleeful murdering of the burglars is done while wearing ''bunny slippers''.

* In the bin death, after the boss gets hit once, he flatly says, [[BullyingADragon "You're fired."]] Then when he gets beaten twice; [[TemptingFate "I'm gonna have you]] [[KilledMidSentence arrested-]]" The third and final beatdown commences.

* In one death, after the boss gets hit once, he flatly says, "You're fired." Then when he gets hit twice; "[[KilledMidSentence I'm gonna have you arrested-]]"

-->'''The Boss''': No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's come to my attention that you're not measuring up. You need to stay late. Again. [[ThisIsGoingToSuck With no overtime.]] Your project has to be ''[[HereWeGoAgain completely]]'' redone. [[ButtMonkey You can't seem to do]] ''[[ButtMonkey anything]]'' [[ButtMonkey right.]] Oh - I'm gonna have to write you up again too. You're just not measuring up. That's ''three more demerits'' this week. Did you get the memo about the paycut? 10% across the board. We've got to cut back, it's the bottom line, you see. And your insurance copays? Yeah, they're going up. Better tighten your belt. We're merging with a bigger company. [[KickThemWhileTheyAreDown There's gonna be one flavor of ice cream, one brand of coffee, one car.]] There's twenty people waiting for your job. One third of Americans work for less than $8.50 an hour. [[LackOfEmpathy Get used to it.]] Be happy with what you got. You'll have to play catch up on the weekend, [[RunningGag with no overtime pay of course.]] You're not meeting your quota. What's that you say? [[HarderThanHard The quota's impossible to meet?]] ''Duh.'' Here's how it works. I sit in my office; my corner office, and I do some simple math. I look at other companies similar to ours. I get stats, I take a nap...''([[{{Gasshole}} burps]])'' I crunch some numbers, and if the figures show it's only humanly possible for one person to complete, say, 10 projects a week...[[KickTheDog I double it]]. and that becomes your new quota, 20 projects per week. Simple. ''Of course it's impossible.'' [[UnwinnableByDesign That's the whole point.]] Gotta keep you on edge. We'll give you some malarkey about setting the bar high, meeting goals, etc., but that's not the real reason. We've got to keep you in fear. Fearful people develop low self-esteem. Thus, they'll never ask for a raise. What? ...You want a raise?

* The boss's full TheReasonYouSuckSpeech in ''Whack Your Boss'', if you let him ramble on.

-->'''The Boss''': [[CallBack No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong.]] Didn't you get the memo? Here's a fun fact: memos are not created to inform the recipient. They're designed to protect the sender. So, how long have you been sitting there? [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Over ten years, and in that time, nothing has changed]] except you've gotten weaker, and I've gotten stronger. It's been heaven; corporate mergers, less government restrictions. Governments, that's a laugh. I now have the power to ''sue'' governments. They can't even protect their own intellectual property. [[UsefulNotes/{{Plagiarism}} Which means I create nothing new, and I'm proud of it]]. [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall I simply sit back, and wait for someone else to create something, then, I steal it]]. What's that? I'm a parasite? Of course I am. [[SocialDarwinist Parasites are survivors, and they will outlive most species in the impending mass extinction]]. Awww... is that depressing? Good. I ''want'' you in a depressed hell where you won't ask for anything. Even this cubicle was designed to break you down by separating you from your fellows. At the same time, it deprives you the privacy of a real office. Thus, your cubicle takes away your community ''and'' privacy, zero dignity. You feel trapped? Alone? Powerless? Have your doctor write you another prescription. You want to know how ''I'' tolerate this place? Here's a little secret: I don't like working here, I ''love'' it. I ''thrive'' here. I mask my low self-esteem with corporate buzzwords like "vibrant", "robust", "core competency", "optics", "sustainability"... that's a joke. Sustainable energy projects will cost the company way too much money. The environment can wait. Oh, polar bears are dying? Grizzly bears will handle it. As we speak, grizzlies are moving north and mating with the polar bears. A whole new species! Bees are dying? Switch to agave. Save the whales? Clone the whales. Debate that around your little water cooler. Oh, and enjoy that free cup of water. It could be your last. What you heard is true, water is the new oil. The water wars aren't coming. They're already here. Didn't you get the memo?

!!Whack Your Boss

!!Whack Your Computer

!!Whack the Burglars
* Patrick's gleeful murdering of the burglars is done while wearing ''bunny slippers''.

-->'''The Boss''': [[CallBack No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong.]] Didn't you get the memo? Here's a fun fact: memos are not created to inform the recipient. They're designed to protect the sender. So, how long have you been sitting there? [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Over ten years, and in that time, nothing has changed]] except you've gotten weaker, and I've gotten stronger. It's been heaven; corporate mergers, less government restrictions. Governments, that's a laugh. I now have the power to ''sue'' governments. They can't even protect their own intellectual property. [[UsefulNotes/{{Plagiarism}} Which means I create nothing new, and I'm proud of it]]. [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall I simply sit back, and wait for someone else to create something, then, I steal it]]. What's that? I'm a parasite? Of course I am. [[SocialDarwinist Parasites are survivors, and they will outlive most species in the impending mass extinction]]. Awww... is that depressing? Good. I ''want'' you in a depressed hell where you won't ask for anything. Even this cubicle was designed to break you down by separating you from your fellows. At the same time, it deprives you the privacy of a real office. Thus, your cubicle takes away your community ''and'' privacy, zero dignity. You feel trapped? Alone? Powerless? Have your doctor write you another prescription. You want to know how ''I'' tolerate this place? Here's a little secret: I don't like working here, I ''love'' it. I ''thrive'' here. I mask my low self-esteem with corporate buzzwords like "vibrant", "robust", "core competency", "optics", "sustainability"... that's a joke. Sustainable energy projects will cost the company way too much money. The environment can wait. Oh, polar bears are dying? Grizzly bears will handle it. As we speak, grizzlies are moving north and mating with the polar bears. A whole new species! Bees are dying? Switch to agabey. Save the whales? Clone the whales. Debate that around your little water cooler. Oh, and enjoy that free cup of water. It could be your last. What you heard is true, water is the new oil. The water wars aren't coming. They're already here. Didn't you get the memo?

-->'''The Boss''': [[CallBack No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong.]] Didn't you get the memo? Here's a fun fact: memos are not created to inform the recipient. They're designed to protect the sender. So, how long have you been sitting there? [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Over ten years, and in that time, nothing has changed]] except you've gotten weaker, and I've gotten stronger. It's been heaven; corporate mergers, less government restrictions. Governments, that's a laugh. I now have the power to ''sue'' governments. They can't even protect their own intellectual property. [[UsefulNotes/{{Plagiarism}} Which means I create nothing new, and I'm proud of it]]. [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall I simply sit back, and wait for someone else to create something, then, I steal it]]. What's that? I'm a parasite? Of course I am. Parasites are survivors, and they will outlive most species in the impending mass extinction. Awww... is that depressing? Good. I ''want'' you in a depressed hell where you won't ask for anything. Even this cubicle was designed to break you down by separating you from your fellows. At the same time, it deprives you the privacy of a real office. Thus, your cubicle takes away your community ''and'' privacy, zero dignity. You feel trapped? Alone? Powerless? Have your doctor write you another prescription. You want to know how ''I'' tolerate this place? Here's a little secret: I don't like working here, I ''love'' it. I ''thrive'' here. I mask my low self-esteem with corporate buzzwords like "vibrant", "robust", "core competency", "optics", "sustainability"... that's a joke. Sustainable energy projects will cost the company way too much money. The environment can wait. Oh, polar bears are dying? Grizzly bears will handle it. As we speak, grizzlies are moving north and mating with the polar bears. A whole new species! Bees are dying? Switch to agabey. Save the whales? Clone the whales. Debate that around your little water cooler. Oh, and enjoy that free cup of water. It could be your last. What you heard is true, water is the new oil. The water wars aren't coming. They're already here. Didn't you get the memo?

* Clicking on the phone causes the boss to ''[[NoKillLikeOverkill call an airstrike on his computer]]''! The fact that [[MadeOfIron both the boss and his asisstent survive it]] has to be the funniest part.

-->'''The Boss''': No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's come to my attention that you're not measuring up. You need to stay late. Again. [[ThisIsGoingToSuck With no overtime.]] Your project has to be ''[[HereWeGoAgain completely]]'' redone. [[ButtMonkey You can't seem to do]] ''[[ButtMonkey anything]]'' [[ButtMonkey right.]] Oh - I'm gonna have to write you up again too. You're just not measuring up. That's ''three more demerits'' this week. Did you get the memo about the paycut? 10% across the board. We've got to cut back, it's the bottom line, you see. And your insurance copays? Yeah, they're going up. Better tighten your belt. We're merging with a bigger company. [[KickThemWhileTheyAreDown There's gonna be one flavor of ice cream, one brand of coffee, one car.]] There's twenty people waiting for your job. One third of Americans work for less than $8.50 an hour. [[LackOfEmpathy Get used to it.]] Be happy with what you got. You'll have to play catch up on the weekend, [[RunningGag with no overtime pay of course.]] You're not meeting your quota. What's that you say? [[HarderThanHard The quotas are impossible to meet?]] ''Duh.'' Here's how it works. I sit in my office; my corner office, and I do some simple math. I look at other companies similar to ours. I get stats, I take a nap...''([[{{Gasshole}} burps]])'' I crunch some numbers, and if the figures show it's only humanly possible for one person to complete, say, 10 projects a week...[[KickTheDog I double it]]. and that becomes your new quota, 20 projects per week. Simple. ''Of course it's impossible.'' [[UnwinnableByDesign That's the whole point.]] Gotta keep you on edge. We'll give you some malarkey about setting the bar high, meeting goals, etc., but that's not the real reason. We've got to keep you in fear. Fearful people develop low self-esteem. Thus, they'll never ask for a raise. What? ...You want a raise?

-->'''The Boss''': No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's come to my attention that you're not measuring up. You need to stay late. Again. [[ThisIsGoingToSuck With no overtime.]] Your project has to be ''[[HereWeGoAgain completely]]'' redone. [[ButtMonkey You can't seem to do]] ''[[ButtMonkey anything]]'' [[ButtMonkey right.]] Oh - I'm gonna have to write you up again too. You're just not measuring up. That's ''three more demerits'' this week. Did you get the memo about the paycut? 10% across the board. We've got to cut back, it's the bottom line, you see. And your insurance copays? Yeah, they're going up. Better tighten your belt. We're merging with a bigger company. [[KickThemWhileTheyAreDown There's gonna be one flavor of ice cream, one brand of coffee, one car.]] There's twenty people waiting for your job. One third of Americans work for less than $8.50 an hour. [[LackOfEmpathy Get used to it.]] Be happy with what you got. You'll have to play catch up on the weekend, [[RunningGag with no overtime pay of course.]] What's that you say? [[HarderThanHard The quotas are impossible to meet?]] ''Duh.'' Here's how it works. I sit in my office; my corner office, and I do some simple math. I look at other companies similar to ours. I get stats, I take a nap...''([[{{Gasshole}} burps]])'' I crunch some numbers, and if the figures show it's only humanly possible for one person to complete, say, 10 projects a week...[[KickTheDog I double it]]. and that becomes your new quota, 20 projects per week. Simple. ''Of course it's impossible.'' [[UnwinnableByDesign That's the whole point.]] Gotta keep you on edge. We'll give you some malarkey about setting the bar high, meeting goals, etc., but that's not the real reason. We've got to keep you in fear. Fearful people develop low self-esteem. Thus, they'll never ask for a raise. What? ...You want a raise?

* In "''Whack the Burglars''", Patrick's gleeful, murdering of the burglars is done while wearing ''bunny slippers''.

* The briefcase death can be a good dose of BlackComedy, with blood ''gushing'' out of the bosses face and falling onto the inside of the case. A small {{Beat}}, then the employee proceeds to "close" it. As in stomp on it repeatedly. Another {{Beat}} as he just stares at what he did...then he decides to meditate.

* In one death, after the boss gets hit once, he flatly says, "You're fired."

-->'''The Boss''': No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's come to my attention that you're not measuring up. You need to stay late. Again. [[ThisIsGoingToSuck With no overtime.]] Your project has to be ''[[HereWeGoAgain completely]]'' redone. [[ButtMonkey You can't seem to do]] ''[[ButtMonkey anything]]'' [[ButtMonkey right.]] Oh - I'm gonna have to write you up again too. You're just not measuring up. That's ''three more demerits'' this week. Did you get the memo about the paycut? 10% across the board. We've got to cut back, it's the bottom line, you see. And your insurance copays? Yeah, they're going up. Better tighten your belt. We're merging with a bigger company. [[KickThemWhileTheyAreDown There's gonna be one flavor of ice cream, one brand of coffee, one car.]] There's twenty people waiting for your job. One third of Americans work for less than $8.50 an hour. [[LackOfEmpathy Get used to it.]] Be happy with what you got. You'll have to play catch up on the weekend, [[BrickJoke with no overtime pay of course.]] What's that you say? [[HarderThanHard The quotas are impossible to meet?]] ''Duh.'' Here's how it works. I sit in my office; my corner office, and I do some simple math. I look at other companies similar to ours. I get stats, I take a nap...''([[{{Gasshole}} burps]])'' I crunch some numbers, and if the figures show it's only humanly possible for one person to complete, say, 10 projects a week...[[KickTheDog I double it]]. and that becomes your new quota, 20 projects per week. Simple. ''Of course it's impossible.'' [[UnwinnableByDesign That's the whole point.]] Gotta keep you on edge. We'll give you some malarkey about setting the bar high, meeting goals, etc., but that's not the real reason. We've got to keep you in fear. Fearful people develop low self-esteem. Thus, they'll never ask for a raise. What? ...You want a raise?

-->'''The Boss''': No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Didn't you get the memo? Here's a fun fact: memos are not created to inform the recipient. They're designed to protect the sender. So, how long have you been sitting there? [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Over ten years, and in that time, nothing has changed]] except you've gotten weaker, and I've gotten stronger. It's been heaven; corporate mergers, less government restrictions. Governments, that's a laugh. I now have the power to ''sue'' governments. They can't even protect their own intellectual property. [[UsefulNotes/{{Plagiarism}} Which means I create nothing new, and I'm proud of it]]. [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall I simply sit back, and wait for someone else to create something, then, I steal it]]. What's that? I'm a parasite? Of course I am. Parasites are survivors, and they will outlive most species in the impending mass extinction. Awww... is that depressing? Good. I ''want'' you in a depressed hell where you won't ask for anything. Even this cubicle was designed to break you down by separating you from your fellows. At the same time, it deprives you the privacy of a real office. Thus, your cubicle takes away your community ''and'' privacy, zero dignity. You feel trapped? Alone? Powerless? Have your doctor write you another prescription. You want to know how ''I'' tolerate this place? Here's a little secret: I don't like working here, I ''love'' it. I ''thrive'' here. I mask my low self-esteem with corporate buzzwords like "vibrant", "robust", "core competency", "optics", "sustainability"... that's a joke. Sustainable energy projects will cost the company way too much money. The environment can wait. Oh, polar bears are dying? Grizzly bears will handle it. As we speak, grizzlies are moving north and mating with the polar bears. A whole new species! Bees are dying? Switch to agabey. Save the whales? Clone the whales. Debate that around your little water cooler. Oh, and enjoy that free cup of water. It could be your last. What you heard is true, water is the new oil. The water wars aren't coming. They're already here. Didn't you get the memo?

* The boss's full TheReasonYouSuckSpeech in ''Whack Your Boss 2: Fantasy Edition'', if you let him ramble on. While in the original he was simply a {{Jerkass}}, the new speech goes on an OverlyLongGag:

* In ''Whack the Burglars'', Patrick's gleeful, murdering of the burglars is done while wearing ''bunny slippers''.

-->'''The Boss''': No no no no no. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Didn't you get the memo? Here's a fun fact: memos are not created to inform the recipient. They're designed to protect the sender. So, how long have you been sitting there? [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Over ten years, and in that time, nothing has changed]] except you've gotten weaker, and I've gotten stronger. It's been heaven; corporate mergers, less government restrictions. Governments, that's a laugh. I now have the power to ''sue'' governments. They can't even protect their own intellectual property. [[UsefulNotes/{{Plagiarism}} Which means I create nothing new, and I'm proud of it]]. [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall I simply sit back, and wait for someone else to create something, then, I steal it]]. What's that? I'm a parasite? Of course I am. Parasites are survivors, and they will outlive most species in the impending mass extinction. Awww... is that depressing? Good. I ''want'' you in a depressed hell where you won't ask for anything. Even this cubicle was designed to break you down by separating you from your fellows. At the same time, it deprives you the privacy of a real office. Thus, your cubicle takes away your community ''and'' privacy, zero dignity. You feel trapped? Alone? Powerless? Have your doctor write you another prescription. You want to know how ''I'' tolerate this place? Here's a little secret: I don't like working here, I ''love'' it. I ''thrive'' here. I mask my low self-esteem with corporate buzzwords like "vibrant", "robust", "core competency", "optics", "sustainability"... that's a joke. Sustainable energy projects will cost the company way too much money. The environment can wait. Oh, polar bears are dying? Grizzly bears will handle it. As we speak, grizzlies are moving north and mating with the polar bears. A whole new species! Bees are dying? Switch to agabey. Save the whales? Clone the whales. Debate that around your little water cooler. Oh, and enjoy that free cup of water. It could be your last. What you heard is true, water is the new oil. The water wars aren't coming. They're already here. Didn't you get the memo?

* The boss's full TheReasonYouSuckSpeech in ''Whack Your Boss 2: Fantasy Edition'', if you let him ramble on. While in the original he was simply a {{Jerkass}, the new speech goes on an OverlyLongGag: