History Funny / TabletopGames

* Flying Mice's ''Aces and Angels'', a game about WorldWarII fighter pilots, provides the following example of how ''not'' to use the game's Luck mechanic: "Luckily, I jump out of the cockpit, do one and a half somersaults in the air, and land on the enemy's fuselage, [[{{Kiai}} screaming]] like a [[HighlyVisibleNinja ninja]]!"

* Funny/NewWorldOfDarkness

* ''The Mythos Dossiers'' from [[TheLaundrySeries The Laundry RPG]] carry a lot of the typical Lovecraftian dread, but also carry elements of... well, the Laundry. Such as the bit in the BLUE HADES chapter where two Laundry officials who are ''obviously'' not qualified for this line of work keep faffing about during their attempts to debrief a Deep One informant. Then once the session's over, "payment" is offered up - the Deep One in question is gay, and since his fellow Deep Ones look down on sex with humans for reasons other than procreation, the Laundry had to provide a partner.

** Funny/PrincessTheHopeful

* Funny/PrincessTheHopeful

* Funny/HunterTheVigil

* The third-party ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' rulebook The Book of Erotic Fantasy contains the Voyeuristic Seer, a prestige class that ''specializes in using divination to watch other people have sex''. The spell section contains a lot of other silly things, like the anti-clothing shell and the Disrobe spell.

* In the World of Darkness, two hunters are discussing a new mission they have been given. One complains that it seems like a wild goose chase, to which the other replies "Yeah, well, you know what else they said was a wild goose chase? Finding Bigfoot. But where is he now? In federal prison because he never paid his taxes."
** From ''[[TabletopGame/NewWorldOfDarkness World Of Darkness]]: Skinchangers'', the intro to "Spirit-Skinner":
-->"There's a tree in my basement."\\
"So?"\\
"It gives me magic powers."\\
"Yer nuts. Gimme another beer."
** Then there's the section in ''[[TabletopGame/VampireTheRequiem Wicked Dead]]'' on how a [[{{Dhampyr}} Dampyr]] is created:
-->''Well, son, when a mommy and a daddy who are deeply in love decide they want a little baby, mommy murders a homeless man and drinks up all his yummy blood until her belly is big and full of it, and then daddy lays on top of her, and puts his wing-wang in her hoo-haa and moves up and down, and then his seed and her egg meet, and mommy uses some of the blood to make the little baby growing in her big and healthy, but because she's eating for two now, mommy gets very very hungry, and has to murder lots and lots of homeless men so in nine months a perfect little bouncing baby is born, with daddy's nose, and mommy's sickening occult affliction.''
** The whole [[AuthorAvatar Black]] [[TakeThatUs Dog]] section in the [[TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse Pentex: Subsidiaries]] book could count as this.
** And, in ''TabletopGame/GeniusTheTransgression'':
--> "[[LargeHam Behold my]] ''[[LargeHam CRYOPIG!!!]]''[[note]][[RolePlayingGame CRPG]][[/note]]\\
[...]\\
"It's a beautiful cryopig!"

* A lot in the various ''{{Planescape}}'' books, including most entries penned by [[ComedicSociopathy Xanxaost]] the [[ChaoticNeutral slaad]]:
** The whole idea of ''mephit vendetta code'', which ends with "Mephits are never given to friends, as anyone [[GoddamnedBats who has met one]] understands."
** '''Xanxaost:''' [[ImAHumanitarian Mmm... mephits]].
* ''ForgottenRealms'' books contain ''some'' hilarity more often than not:
** ''Elminster's Ecologies'':
--> "Two types of chimerae stalk Cormanthor: the mean ones, and the really mean ones. You can't tell one from the other, except for their lips."
--> "As if keeping an undead ferret in her tunic weren't enough to drive civilized company away, she spent her last social gathering explaining the disparate relative effects of falling damage on living and undead rat squirrels to two decidedly uncomfortable apprentice mages with good prospects."
** ''Volo's Guides'', with his and Elminster's footnotes:
---> [4] '''Elminster:''' Delusions this grand are the final frightening stages of the descent into babbling idiocy. Hmmm, perhaps the lad would've made a good mage after all...
--> Once the ''focal stones'' are safely hidden inside a hollow statuette out behind her privy,[20]
---> [20] '''Volo:''' As I was saying, wizards tend to be a mite suspicious of the world around -- [[ProperlyParanoid and not always without reason]].
* ''Portable Hole Full of Beer'', and its remakes ''Son of a Portable Hole'' and ''Bride of Portable Hole: The Book of Neurotic Fantasy''. Complete with Flumphonomicon, mockery of weirdly specialized prestige classes and dumbed-down flavour text of some late D&D products, stats for monsters like [[Film/{{Ghostbusters 1984}} Marshmallow Golem]], "[[PuritySue 12 Year Old Gamer Girl]]" template, a handful of spells and items--some of which are usable in a sane game, but have outstanding PowerPerversionPotential--and so on. It's downloadable for free.
** There are prestige classes for becoming a Pokemon master, becoming a chef who specializes in cooking the monsters the party defeats, and metagaming more and more until the character becomes fully aware they are in a roleplaying game, turns into a ''real'' person, and moves in with their player.
* ''[[http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.php?products_id=28881 Book of Oafish Might]]'' has much the same style as ''Portable Hole'' (only a bit more... oafish), presenting things like mock templates "[[{{Padding}} Redundant Creature]]" or "[[{{Troperrific}} Really, really Evil Creature]]" and enough slapstick material to make TheLoonie stand and hear... hear...
* A couple of guys (Frank Trollman and his buddy Keith) wrote some articles which had some houserules to iron some of the wrinkles out of Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 (Like Polymorph or Wish). One of these, the Dungeonomicon, has almost all of its section headings end in an --nomicon name and a pithy quote. Highlights include: '''The Constructanomicon:''' ''"How does that even stay up?"'' Other articles include such memorable quotes as: '''Character Backgrounds:''' ''"I… I'm a fighter. I stab people. In the face."'' Not even feats are safe, with the feat Giant Slayer having the flavor text ''Everyone has a specialty. Yours is miraculously finding ways to stab creatures in the face when it seems improbable that you would be able to reach that high.'' and Zen Archery reading ''You are very calm about shooting people in the face. That's a good place to be.''

* ''[[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Codex: Orks]]'':
-->''Deafened Grots must resort to a rudimentary form of sign language. This is rarely successful because a Gretchin cannot carry very many signs.''
** The Shokk Attack Gun's misfire table. Especially what happens on a '12'.
*** Would this the be legendary "shoots himself out of his own gun" incident? (No technology misfires like [[ShurFineGuns Ork technology]]!)
*** No, that's a 10. On a 12 the gun basically tears apart space-time in a small area and utterly removes its target from existence...

* A certainly involuntary one: take the [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer}} Wood Elves]] army book, and get to the part where they show you pictures of the models. There's one of two legendary twin elves, riding a Wood Dragon... And they're facing a lone Dwarf Trollslayer model. Whose face seems to indicate that [[OhCrap he's about to crap his pants.]]
* Many, ''many'' of the marginalia in ''TabletopGame/TheDresdenFiles'' RPG rulebooks. For the uninitiated: the RPG is presented as a project by one of the characters in-universe which he has sent to the main character of the books to review. Said main character is a [[PopCulturedBadass geeky]] [[FirstPersonSmartass wiseass]] who also enlists the help of a [[DirtyOldMan pervy]] knowledge spirit with an equally stupid sense of humor. Thus, the margins are full of notes containing random commentary, bad puns, {{Shout Out}}s, and bickering between the people involved in the project. It's a lot of fun to read.
** Said "pervy knowledge spirit" is named Bob. "Shut up, Bob!" is the ''largest'' index entry.

!! Collectible Card Games

* One would not expect the judge rulings on a card game to contain anything of note humorwise. Nonetheless, thanks to ''TabletopGame/MagicTheGathering'''s ''Unglued'' set and its card [[http://sales.starcitygames.com/carddisplay.php?product=14624 Hurloon Wrangler]], the action of removing one's pants officially takes place faster than a mana ability.

* Not a review per se, but on one Pathfinder forum, someone was criticising the look and attitude of the Anti-Paladin class (pictured [[http://www.google.ca/imgres?q=anti+paladin+pathfinder&um=1&hl=en&safe=off&sa=N&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&rlz=1I7SUNC_en&tbm=isch&tbnid=rBreVTcl3QSZbM:&imgrefurl=http://paizo.com/paizo/blog/tags/classes/antiPaladins&docid=GlvHMpOpGeJWIM&w=964&h=1000&ei=sAZrTo28JcG1tweOzOTkBQ&zoom=1&biw=1024&bih=515&iact=rc&dur=0&page=1&tbnh=116&tbnw=112&start=0&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=65&ty=53 here]]) and wondering what sort of clown would dress and act like that while keeping a straight face. The following was posted in response. I nearly killed myself laughing when I read it:
** "That guy ''doesn't'' have a straight face, though. Look at him! He's stifling either a laugh or a fart. He's dressed like High King of Douchebags, ''and he knows it''. But he doesn't care because he ''also'' knows that if you say anything about it to him, he's going to rearrange your face, and possibly your sphincter. That man bought his armor at Villains 'R' Us, and he absolutely ''does not give a damn'' about what you think. His name is Brad or Chaz, because all genuine douchebags are named Brad or Chaz, or maybe Brad Chazington III, heir to a long line of both Brads and Chazes. He stomps puppies, slaps orphans, and occasionally sets fire to nuns. If you asked him for the time of day, he'd beat you to death with an hourglass.\\
\\
That is the face of a man who just ate a kitten. Raw.\\
\\
Jeremy Puckett\\
\\
PS: This post is a parody and is not meant to make any judgment about people actually named Brad or Chaz or Brad Chazington. Good day."

* Funny/NewWorldOfDarkness
** Funny/HunterTheVigil
** Funny/PrincessTheHopeful

* Funny/HunterTheVigil
* Funny/PrincessTheHopeful

* In the ''FadingSuns'' rulebook, there is a chart on how to do miracles. Like, ''miracles''. You pray to God and if the GM lets you, you may roll if and how it worked. The lowest success (still very hard to achieve) gives you InMysteriousWays-style events. And what are the best possible results? Completely unexplainable and impossible events -- like a sun moving all over the sky, witnessed by millions of people... or [[HangingJudge the court of]] [[TheFundamentalist Temple Avesti]] [[OutOfCharacterMoment showing mercy]].

* ''{{Mekton}} Zeta Plus'': The section on nukes mentions that (barring GM intervention) anything in the blast radius of a nulear weapon is subject to the ChunkySalsaRule. After explaining what happens to things ''outside'' the blast radius, it goes onto describe the effects of Electromagnetic Pulse, and mentions that, aside from nukes, EMP can be gererated by supernovas...

* ''Portable Hole Full of Beer'', and its remakes ''Son of a Portable Hole'' and ''Bride of Portable Hole: The Book of Neurotic Fantasy''. Complete with Flumphonomicon, mockery of weirdly specialized prestige classes and dumbed-down flavour text of some late D&D products, stats for monsters like [[Film/{{Ghostbusters}} Marshmallow Golem]], "[[PuritySue 12 Year Old Gamer Girl]]" template, a handful of spells and items--some of which are usable in a sane game, but have outstanding PowerPerversionPotential--and so on. It's downloadable for free.

* Many, ''many'' of the marginalia in the ''DresdenFiles'' RPG rulebooks. For the uninitiated: the RPG is presented as a project by one of the characters in-universe which he has sent to the main character of the books to review. Said main character is a [[PopCulturedBadass geeky]] [[FirstPersonSmartass wiseass]] who also enlists the help of a [[DirtyOldMan pervy]] knowledge spirit with an equally stupid sense of humor. Thus, the margins are full of notes containing random commentary, bad puns, {{Shout Out}}s, and bickering between the people involved in the project. It's a lot of fun to read.

* ''Portable Hole Full of Beer'', and its remakes ''Son of a Portable Hole'' and ''Bride of Portable Hole: The Book of Neurotic Fantasy''. Complete with Flumphonomicon, mockery of weirdly specialized prestige classes and [[ViewersAreMorons dumbed-down flavour text]] of some late D&D products, stats for monsters like [[Film/{{Ghostbusters}} Marshmallow Golem]], "[[PuritySue 12 Year Old Gamer Girl]]" template, a handful of spells and items--some of which are usable in a sane game, but have outstanding PowerPerversionPotential--and so on. It's downloadable for free.