History Funny / SCPFoundationSCPEntries

-->'''Results:''' As expected the subject confinement in a room with several rodents. When asked if he was being bitten, the subject responded "No... wait, now they are." Further suggestions as to how the vision could be worse (larger rats, being restrained, being confined in a tiny box filled with rats, the rats specifically attacking subject's eyes and genitals) were all subsequently introduced into the subject's vision after a short delay.

** Lengthier experiments lead to an elderly SCP official getting into {{flame wars}} with people who played Carthage in an unspecified RTS while dedicating their time to playing one CurbStompBattle after another against it in another one, and vandalizing articles about Carthage in every wiki he could find.

'''SCP-2416-8:''' [[NoodleIncident [REDACTED]]] The badgers suffered only minor injuries.

** And the best part? He's/it's classed as Euclid.

'''SCP-2416-8:''' [[NoodleIncident [REDACTED]]] The badgers suffered only minor injuries.\\

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2337 SCP-2337]], AKA "Dr. Spanko", a talking bird with a bizarre speech pattern that takes having NoIndoorVoice to comically absurd levels.

** It is about a guy who spent $75,000 for a series of texts with extremely intricate and complicated explanations of rituals and incantations to call down the wrath of Nergal, Mesopotamian god of war and the Sun, upon an enemy, with the summoning itself requiring a blood sacrifice, and the price for the summoner being eternal enslavement to Nergal's furnace in the Sun upon death. The guy's target? [[DisproportionateRetribution His annoying neighbor.]]

** One log details a terminated attempt to test SCP-447-2 with a dead body. The next log? SCP-447-2 is tested on [[spoiler:Dr. Clef. Clef]] "threatened to kill staff members carrying out the experiment if it were not for the fact that doing so would violate experimental protocol". Or rather, he wants everyone involved in this dead and was fully willing to kill them right there and then... if that wouldn't put the SCP in contact with dead bodies. He has to wait until he's been fully cleaned of the stuff to retaliate.

** Also the very fact that this item is numbered 404. If you don't know why that is relevant [[spoiler: check what HTTP status code 404 means.]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-743 SCP-743]] is a Keter chocolate fountain that devours people. The Foundation plans to feed condemned D-class personnel to it. What do they call this plan? [[spoiler: ''Death By Chocolate''.]]

* Not straight-up funny like most of these, but [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1025 SCP-1025]] is a glorious bit of metafictional commentary by way of RealityEnsues. At first, it looks like your typical Keter-class object with a long experiment log killing a bunch of class-Ds, which eventually degenerates into an ApocalypticLog... [[spoiler:and then someone from O5 comes along and says that absolutely no unusual pathogens were detected and all the thing actually causes is "hypochondria by proxy." He/she then wonders who thought it was a good idea wasting all this money on the SCP, cuts the research funding, stuffs the book in a locker, and reclassifies it to "Safe."]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1171 SCP-1171]] is a monstrous eldritch abomination that hates humans. [[spoiler: Think less "Adolf Hitler in Cthulhu's body" and more "your white trash idiot friend who keeps complaining about black people".]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1492 SCP-1492]], an armored car which steals valuable things by teleporting them inside itself and leaves snarky messages in their place, tries to steal a SCP item. The message left behind? [[spoiler:"what the hell is that get it off oh shit oh shit take it back"]]

* SCP-076 winds up [[spoiler: leading a task force code-named Omega]]. Unfortunately...

* [[spoiler: [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1442 SCP-1442]]]] is a [[spoiler: sentient corporation]] that tries to flirt with one of the Foundation's fronts.
-->[[spoiler: i'm est. 1984/$324 per share/Boston HQ you?]]
** The humor is in the buildup, in this case. The article starts with an undercover infiltration, making sure no one is aware about the SCP itself being sentient. You read about how it seems to be subtly manipulating people in order to send its messages, as well as think properly, and how it constantly makes attempts to communicate. And then you read the messages, expecting a powerful, possibly malevolent entity, and [[spoiler:the messages are less "threats and ill omens" and more "chatroom flirting"]].
* The SCP-001 proposal "[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/roget-s-proposal Keter Duty]]" involves [[spoiler: Keter-class objects being made to contain each other.]] The last pair of items is none other than [[NothingIsScarier SCP-055 and SCP-579]]. The description? [[spoiler: "Can't fit round pegs into square holes."]]

** One researcher made the mistake of choosing "Surprise me." [[spoiler: The machine waited 20 minutes until the doctor got closer, then delivered a massive screamer-style shock of loud sounds and scary images that gave him a heart attack and killed the dog from shock. It then dispensed aspirin.]]

* The EasterEgg relating to [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2999 SCP-2999]]'s first image reveals that one of the formerly blacked-out icons on its toolbar is [[spoiler: ''VideoGame/YumeNikki'']].

* After the invasion iteration for [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2998 SCP-2998]] begins, the Foundation is doing their usual shtick of enacting all the global panic plans and preparing to combat the invaders. The hilarity comes with the juxtaposition of the next iteration, [[spoiler: where the Foundation has instantly failed to stop the invaders, Earth is an alien-dominated wasteland, and the only intact part of the Foundation has undergone a theocratic coup. These theocrats spend the entire entry condemning the Foundation for heresy, worshiping the Overseers, and spouting hatred for aliens. Then, in the iteration after ''that'', the theocrats have been wiped out and the aliens have their hands full trying to stop all the [=SCPs=] they inadvertently released. ("[[YouKillItYouBoughtIt I think they've accidentally adopted an entire planet full of anomalies that they'll have to take care of now.]] I can't help but think that's pretty damn funny.") How are things solved? Surviving agents [[GodzillaThreshold set off a dual breach of]] [=SCPs=] [[YouCannotGraspTheTrueForm 055]] and [[NothingIsScarier 579]], resulting in a ResetButton.]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2741 SCP-2741]] is a box that laughs manically when you stick your hands in it, and proclaims “YES… YES!! MY TASK IS COMPLETE. YOU HAVE BECOME… SINISTER!!”. [[spoiler:All it does is make you left-handed, i.e. [[StealthPun "Sinister"]]. And it broke when an ambidextrous person used it.]]
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2270 SCP-2270]] is about a guy who spent $75,000 for a series of texts with extremely intricate and complicated explanations of rituals and incantations to call down the wrath of Nergal, Mesopotamian god of war and the Sun, upon an enemy, with the summoning itself requiring a blood sacrifice, and the price for the summoner being eternal enslavement to Nergal's furnace in the Sun upon death. The guy's target? [[spoiler:[[DisproportionateRetribution His annoying neighbor.]]]]
** Even better, the ritual is described as being incredibly difficult to execute properly (such as reciting a 400-page incantation without ever misspeaking), and messing it up results in the summoner becoming the target of Nergal's rage instead. So what ends up happening to the summoner? [[spoiler: He successfully completes the ritual, celebrates by drinking a lot of beer, and dies when he subsequently crashes his car into a tree.]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2941 SCP-2941]] has some of the most [[KafkaKomedy hilariously mean]] containment procedures on the site. The Foundation has to make a bunch of adorable fruit people miserable or else they'll grow out of control, so they have to do things like call a melon a "hideous cube" and finger-flick a peach repeatedly while counting how many times they were able to do so. [[spoiler: A D-Class ruins things by saying the researcher in care of the SCP has [[GagBoobs "some nice round melons"]], which leads to the instantaneous death of him and several other people when the melon SCP-2941-3 suddenly grows ridiculously huge.]]

*** For added fun, note the initials and last name of the investigator that approves the experimentation tests, including the one with porn tapes.[[spoiler: It refers to famous Japanese porn actress Maria Ozawa. In the words of one forumgoer "Foundation personnel does have very interesting cover jobs"]]

** And the very best part? The most expensive part in the entire article, the one that costs ten thousand US dollars? [[spoiler:It's a single character.]]

-->Once supplied a source of black ink and poster sheets, SCP-1006 will communicate with humans by creating signs written in English. These communications are largely centered around demands for the dismantling of western imperialism, a scathing critique of the bourgeoisie, and a request for less mosquito spraying in the surrounding area of the park.

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1247 SCP-1247]], albeit in a very darkly humorous way. A man who, after watching the movie ''Holes'', perceives any animal as looking exactly like Shia [=LaBeouf=]. In the buff. The clincher, though, is the punchline.

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-152 SCP-152]] is a huge, constantly changing book that describes numerous different ways humanity could go extinct. Apparently half the entries in the last fifty or so pages are devoted to many ways the [[EpicFail Foundation screws up and accidentally destroys the universe]]. One Foundation staff member suggests making SCP-152 required reading material in order to keep newbies from inadvertently wiping out all life.

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1541 SCP-1541]], which can basically be summed up as a long-forgotten deity who harasses the descendents of his followers. Via text messages. While drunk. The message log between SCP-1541 and a woman he constantly pesters to worship him has to be seen to be believed.

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1459 SCP-1459]], especially the last four tests with the Maintenance Technician. Hope you don't like puppies!
** Even if you do like puppies, the myriad ways 1459 kills them are so utterly absurd, you can't help but laugh. Killed by "The Judicial System"? Numerous puppies, one of them dressed in the stereotypical judge's robe and wig, and another dressed in a police uniform (presumably the bailiff), the rest sitting on a bench. The initial dog is "sentenced" to death and hung. The others were killed the same way shortly after. Killed by "civil war"? A man dressed in a Confederate uniform from circa 1863 (so, the American Civil War) walks out and kills the puppy. Killed by "BATMAN!" A stone bust of him falls out of the ceiling and crushes the puppy. Plead for the puppy's life by crying ''"Please, no kill dog!"''? 1479 ''literally'' [[PetTheDog pets the dog]]... and then pulls out a kitten and kills ''that'' instead.

** Dr.King tries using the machine. [[BrickJoke The puppy gets crushed by an avalanche of apple seeds]].

** The request "Crushed by a triceratops ridden by Ayn Rand shouting quotes from Atlas Shrugged, Also Sprach Zarathustra and The Critique of Pure Reason." [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike had already been used]].
** Somehow, Dr. Callagher's "request" (which consisted of him screaming nonstop for the entire 15-seconds period where you're allowed to make your request) was accepted, and resulted into the puppy being bludgeoned to death by a miniaturized clone of Dr. Callagher who ''also'' screamed nonstop for the entire duration. The resulting cookie contained "toxic amounts of capsaicin," implying that the machine [[ItCanThink wasn't too happy with him]] for screaming into its mic.

-->'''D-0215''': Uh… no. [[SandInMyEyes That was the wind.]]

Singing along (badly) to Music/{{Bob Dylan}}'s "Like a Rolling Stone"\\

* While much of [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-993 SCP-993]], a kids' show that blanks out the minds of adult viewers while programming children into psychopaths, is pure nightmare fuel, including the episode logs, the final two episodes detailed are darkly humorous. The next to last is titled 'Bobble The Clown Hates You', and is just the titular clown staring angrily at the screen for half an hour, possibly in response to when the SCP Foundation began blocking the transmission of the episodes. The last is given the title '[EXPLETIVE] YOU [EXPLETIVE] YOU [EXPLETIVE] YOU', and it is directed right at the SCP Foundation. Apparently, 'Bobble The Clown' is not pleased by the fact that the SCP Foundation has succeeded in blocking his transmissions.

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2875 SCP-2875]] describes a small town in Wisconsin that becomes overrun by bears every three or so days. Some audio from a cell phone found by personnel details a possible origin for this phenomenon. The audio details the town mayor Tom Miller apparently calling up someone to send bears into the wildlife around town to get rid of the town's coyote problem, leaving his phone number for the exterminator at the end of each call. By the last call, the town has become overrun by bears. As a panicking Tom calls one last time, he is attacked by a bear himself. What makes the call funny is that while he is being mauled '''[[TooDumbToLive he still has the nerve to leave his phone number for the exterminator before the call ends]]'''.
** The name of the entry deserves special mention as well: [[BearsAreBadNews "The Town That Got Fucked By Bears".]]

** Even better is when one D-Class rattles off a string of completely accurate statements that indicate that the SCP in question is alive, sentient, and hungry. The next D-Class who is put in gives a statement that allows for just a tiny bit of potential falsehood or misunderstanding. He is burned in a particularly agonizing fashion. This is one SCP that doesn't appreciate being trolled.
* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2928 SCP-2928]] are [[GratuitousNinja ninjas]]. In the past, they were effectively invisible due to using a PerceptionFilter based on what people thought Ninjas were supposed to be like, but it's implied that the sudden popularity of {{Manga/Naruto}} caused people to expect HighlyVisibleNinja instead. Even more hilarious? The interview log implies that the Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles are real.

** "Sir, I wanted us to ''nuke'' Carthage".
** Lengthier experiments lead to an elderly SCP official getting into flamewars with people who played Carthage in an unspecified RTS while dedicating their time to playing one CurbStompBattle after another against it in another one. And vandalizing articles about Carthage in every wiki he could find.

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1781 SCP-1781]], a theater where every movie features Creator/HugoWeaving, even if as Professor X's chair in ''Film/XMen''. [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/hugo-hijinks The "making of" is equally amusing.]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2835 SCP-2835]] is a lost episode of The Adventures of Paddy the Pelican, an infamously bad cartoon series by Sam Singer. When the tape is put in a VCR, the titular character will interact with the viewer through the TV, prodding for feedback on his cartoon. He usually responds to criticism by [[BerserkButton going into incoherent and vulgar rants]] and then threatening them by telling them where their family lives. After all, [[MadnessMantra "reap what you sow."]]

-->'''SCP-2416-3:''' Overconsumption of pepper sauce. Witnesses report that SCP-2416-3 was attempting to become "the spiciest".
-->'''SCP-2416-8:''' [[NoodleIncident [REDACTED] ]] The badgers suffered only minor injuries.
-->'''SCP-2416-18:''' Climbed into Site-59 incinerator. Was looking for a bathroom.

* From the Spanish side, [[http://lafundacionscp.wikidot.com/scp-es-061 SCP-ES-061 the Alternative VHS Player]] is quite funny when it isn't made to reproduce alternate history:

** The name of the entry deserves special mention as well: [[EverythingsWorseWithBears "The Town That Got Fucked By Bears".]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2602 SCP-2602]], which used to be a library, makes people insist that a building is a former library, you know. It gets even more funny when it's insisting obivious former library things like a rack for patrons with overdue library books, Dewey radiation, and shrines housing skulls [[BlatantLies are normal for a former library to have.]]
** It's so insistent it's just a former library that even TYRFING, an SCP Infoallergnic hazard design to erase concepts from someone, ''will still insist it's just a former library,'' which it is, no doubt.

** Somehow, Dr. Callagher's "request" (which consisted of him screaming nonstop for the entire 15-seconds period where you're allowed to make your request) was accepted, and resulted into the puppy being bludgeoned to death by a miniaturized clone of Dr. Callagher who ''also'' screamed nonstop for the entire duration. The resulting cookie contained "toxic amounts of capsaicin".

* It's so insistent it's just a former library that even TYRFING, an SCP Infoallergnic hazard design to erase concepts from someone, ''will still insist it's just a former library,'' which it is, no doubt.

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2602 SCP-2602]], which used to be a library, makes people insist that a building is a former library, you know. It gets even more funny when it's insisting obivious former library things like a rack for patrons with overdue library books, Dewey radiation, and shrines housing skulls [[BlatentLies are normal for a former library to have.]]

-->The prisoner then pleaded with the subject to release him from his cell. Subject [SCP-507], jokingly, replied that he would free the prisoner if he promised not to stab the subject upon release. There was roughly a seven second pause before the prisoner asked what “stabbing” was. After a moment of deliberation, the subject defined stabbing as “The creation of a new orifice through the use of a pointed object.” Another pause followed. The prisoner eventually affirmed that he could not stab the subject, [[FalseReassurance because all of his objects were “very blunt.”]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-095 SCP-095]], a comic book depicting Ronald Reagan as a Buck Rogers-esque hero. And there are "other issues" telling about the future presidents (along with what appear to be references to Sarah Palin and ''Al Franken'' running for the job).

'''Result:''' [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverKill Supersonic blast detected; computer was completely vaporized by the tomato's kinetic energy. Sensor readings indicate an approximate speed of 3500 km/h (2174 mph).]]

'''Result:''' [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverKill Supersonic blast detected;]] [[FlatWhat computer was completely vaporized by the tomato's kinetic energy. Sensor readings indicate an approximate speed of 3500 km/h (2174 mph).]]

* [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2941 SCP-2941]] has some of the most [[KafkaKomedy hilariously mean]] containment procedures on the site. The Foundation has to make a bunch of adorable fruit people miserable or else they'll grow out of control, so they have to do things like call a melon a "hideous cube" and finger-flick a peach repeatedly while counting how many times they were able to do so. [[spoiler: A D-Class ruins things by calling SCP-2941-3 "some nice round melons", which leads to the instantaneous death of him and several other people when the melon suddenly grows ridiculously huge.]]

-->'''SCP-2416-8:''' [[NoodleIncident [REDACTED]]] The badgers suffered only minor injuries.